Jana's Future 3 - Baking and Real Estate

[Scrabblemaster]

50 minutes ago, MamaJunebug said:

"I only stand couples when they are shoes"

I cannot take the credit for that one. It is a "facebook-picture" that appears now and than because one of my friends posts it. I think there are some highheels in the background. 

[candygirl200413]

So does she like never see her married sisters if they are always with their spouses? Cause that will be so sad.

[Tangy Bee]

On 3/8/2017 at 5:49 PM, Million Children For Jesus said:

Is he still single? My internet detective skills are limited to finding a few pictures and his website. They would make one gorgeous couple.

Is he the young asian guy? I bet all the girls had crushes on the crew at some point. I remember Jessa clipping something on the shirt of one crew member who went out to get diapers for Michelle. She was "flirting" in a sneeky way.

[breakfree]

By Duggar standards Jana was 10/10 honest in that interview, WOW. Like others have already said I'm surprised she's willing to admit both that waiting can be hard and that she has bad days.

I really cringed at how she can't go out with her married siblings- it doesn't surprise me at all, but I feel like even by fundie standards I can't really quite grasp the logic behind why not. I get that she's still unmarried so she has the same status in the hierarchy as, well, Josie, but surely practically speaking they do all understand that she's older than them and has more in common with them than she does with Josie? Or do they truly not grasp this?

[Million Children For Jesus]

33 minutes ago, Tangy Bee said:

Is he the young asian guy? I bet all the girls had crushes on the crew at some point. I remember Jessa clipping something on the shirt of one crew member who went out to get diapers for Michelle. She was "flirting" in a sneeky way.

Yes, I believe he is the lanky Asian with great hair. Kind of in an afro. Skinny. Great smile. I like him too much to sacrifice him to the Duggars. If he were the next Bachelor, I'd start watching that show. 

[SassyPants]

She can't go out with the married couples because some adult woman needs to stay home with all the kids.

[Lurky]

What I don't understand is surely the married women could be her chaperone? 

I can't even begin to comprehend how, eg Kendra will be able to hang out with the married Duggar couples, but Jana, who's nearly 10 years older, can't - it's completely illogical, and just plain disrespectful, when she did so much work to bring up eg Joy herself

[seraaa]

The importance placed on "waiting" and "being content with the hand Jesus dealt" very easily can shade into an insidious discouragement from doing anything to change your situation.

We ask why nobody breaks out of the pattern, and that interview illustrates perfectly how their entire belief system is explicitly predicated upon making it incredibly difficult to do so.

I can't criticise or blame them entirely for it. After all,  we're all subject to social forces and make our 'free' decisions based on community values and conventional wisdom - it's just that, looking in from the outside, it's so easy to see how exactly it is happening in their case.

What a frustrating interview. 

[jqlgoblue]

7 hours ago, MamaJunebug said:

There's something cagey about Jana's smile, as I see her. As if she knows something we don't, and knows something that puts her in a very powerful position indeed -- at least, having way more power and self-determination than we could guess or hope. 

Might be. I do wonder if there isn't someone in the wings she is waiting for. Before Jill's wedding she was very teary when asked about being single but since then she has seemed genuinely happy/unemotional.  Of course, it is quite possible that she got in trouble for the teariness before and is keeping sweet or it could be that she is no longer worried. Who knows really, but I do *think* I see more assuredness from her.

I also think it is possible to be really sad that you yourself are single yet still happy for other people. As I get older, I find this to be more and more true for myself. That could be maturity... we know the Duggars lack this generally, but I do think Jana is capable of looking at her sister's husbands and realizing that none would have been the right match for her. She does seem to be looking for something specific based on her interview answers.

[singsingsing]

Maybe the powerful position she's in is knowing that it's a million times better to be single and the pitied spinster sister than to be marrying some douchebag 15 years older than you who was charged with anal rape.

[Jingeyk]

Of course, it is the Duggars so who knows what she actually meant, but I didn't take "I can't go with them because I'm not part of 'that group'" to mean she literally wasn't allowed to go with them. When I was the single one and all my girlfriends were starting to pair off, I always felt like the odd one out when I would go to gatherings with them and their significant others. It's not that I wasn't allowed or invited, but I never felt like I fit in when I was constantly the fifth/seventh wheel.

 

  I think for Jana, having been perpetually single and their culture seeing marriage/children as the epitome of what a woman can accomplish, it feels like a club she isn't a member of, so even if she is actually welcome to join, she may not feel it or like she 'deserves it'.

 

then again, someone has to stay home and watch the littles, so maybe I'm way off base. 

[Kangaroo]

7 hours ago, jqlgoblue said:

I also think it is possible to be really sad that you yourself are single yet still happy for other people.

I know this feeling all too well.

About a month ago my friends got married. These were the first of my friends to do so (They're 23/24, and I'm 23). I couldn't be more happy for them.

They're a wonderful couple and a happy, healthy and loving relationship. And that was devistating for me for several days after.

I've got wonderful family and friends, a job I love, an education and have so far lived a very happy and fulfilling life. But I've never had a boyfriend or even come close to having an emotional or physical relationship like that. Im not religious or living a life controlled by anyone, it just hasnt happened.

It's crushing. I haven't told anyone this before because it's humiliating to admit that you envy people in that way. I've never felt so alone, I've never felt like I'm so far behind my friends who have "grown up" and are "adults" now.

I can completely empathise with Jana feeling this way, especially living in the repressive and controlled fudie bubble. I've accepted the fact I may never find someone to share my life with, so if that means travelling the world, having a career, and even adopting a child (fur baby or human, or both?) one day, that's not a problem.

I'm a bit teary now thinking about this again, I guess I'll have to find something else to keep me busy so I don't dwell on it again!

 

[Icea]

15 hours ago, AnnaRuk09 said:

For those speculating about Jana, the girl is still waiting for Prince Charming. An intrerview was done on the Duggar girls. This is Jana's part:

"You don't have to go on a mission trip to do "ministry"." Clearly, Derick didn't get the memo...

[Million Children For Jesus]

8 hours ago, jqlgoblue said:

I do think Jana is capable of looking at her sister's husbands and realizing that none would have been the right match for her. 

So true! Jill and Jessa courting may have been romantic and fun in the beginning, and that may have given Jana little jealousy pangs, but after watching those relationships turn into giant shit shows, she probably started to appreciate them more as cautionary tales. Add Josh to that mix and Duggar marriage isn't looking so good, not even to Jana.

Even though I can't stand Derick and Ben as people, I think they make appropriate matches for Jill and Jessa. They're shitty people individually, with the grifting and the hate speech, etc., but they're not odd couples. It makes sense that they ended up together. Same with Jinger and Jeremy, Joy and Austin, and Joe and Kendra. They match up personality wise.

[Snarkangel Gabriel]

3 hours ago, Kangaroo said:

I know this feeling all too well.

About a month ago my friends got married. These were the first of my friends to do so (They're 23/24, and I'm 23). I couldn't be more happy for them.

They're a wonderful couple and a happy, healthy and loving relationship. And that was devistating for me for several days after.

I've got wonderful family and friends, a job I love, an education and have so far lived a very happy and fulfilling life. But I've never had a boyfriend or even come close to having an emotional or physical relationship like that. Im not religious or living a life controlled by anyone, it just hasnt happened.

It's crushing. I haven't told anyone this before because it's humiliating to admit that you envy people in that way. I've never felt so alone, I've never felt like I'm so far behind my friends who have "grown up" and are "adults" now.

I can completely empathise with Jana feeling this way, especially living in the repressive and controlled fudie bubble. I've accepted the fact I may never find someone to share my life with, so if that means travelling the world, having a career, and even adopting a child (fur baby or human, or both?) one day, that's not a problem.

I'm a bit teary now thinking about this again, I guess I'll have to find something else to keep me busy so I don't dwell on it again!

 

 

 

I couldn't not reply to this Kangaroo. I am 20 years older than you and I don't want to sound patronising but you have years ahead of you for relationships, travel and whatever else. Sometimes things come early to some and later to others. I got my career going later, had my boy later and am still waiting for that special someone. But you have so much going for you - job, education, family - things will happen in their own good time. I am not saying it isn't hard when you don't fit the timetable - I still find it hard that everyone else my age is coupled up and I am alone. But there is no need to feel inferior or to think it is humiliating and you never know if such people are actually happier or just more conventional. Maybe your time is later and that can be a good thing. I remember reading a magazine article about two women, one of whom had been the queen of cool at school and the other of whom had been the geek. They were both now about 30 and the geek was starting to soar. The queen of cool was saying her life had peaked at 16. That I found profoundly sad.

 

Take care.

[Kangaroo]

24 minutes ago, Snarkangel Gabriel said:

I couldn't not reply to this Kangaroo. I am 20 years older than you and I don't want to sound patronising but you have years ahead of you for relationships, travel and whatever else. Sometimes things come early to some and later to others. I got my career going later, had my boy later and am still waiting for that special someone. But you have so much going for you - job, education, family - things will happen in their own good time. I am not saying it isn't hard when you don't fit the timetable - I still find it hard that everyone else my age is coupled up and I am alone. But there is no need to feel inferior or to think it is humiliating and you never know if such people are actually happier or just more conventional. Maybe your time is later and that can be a good thing. I remember reading a magazine article about two women, one of whom had been the queen of cool at school and the other of whom had been the geek. They were both now about 30 and the geek was starting to soar. The queen of cool was saying her life had peaked at 16. That I found profoundly sad.

 

Take care.

I really do appreciate your words, Snarkangel Gabriel.

I've met many people who's life is not defined by their relationship status. You're right! I have my whole life ahead of me still to experience, and no matter how that turns out, I will make the most of it.

After those days were I felt the sadness and envy, I did realise I am only one that can define how well I live my life. Romantic relationship aren't the be all and end all to life. 

I don't think I've ever been on the conventional timeline or scale for anything, so why start now! Somewhere in an alternative universe, I can live a conventional life instead.

You've managed to cheer me up, so I appreciate that.

 

 

 

 

 

[Lurky]

I get the thing about Jana maybe not wanting to go out with her married siblings as she feels odd-one-out... BUT these are her only opportunities to socialise, unless she's chaperoned by a brother.  Yes she has JD, but once Joe's married, her brothers are significantly younger, and she grew up as their disciplinarian/sister-mother.   I really hope she's able to go out for coffee etc with just, eg the next Tabitha Paine, or Jenny Hartono, or has locally-approved friends she can do things with, so her life isn't all "ministry". 

I completely get that singledom isn't a terrible curse - in a normal situation!  In Duggar-land, it means she's completely infantilised, and while there are some perks, like finally getting a wardrobe to herself (until Hannie and the Lost Girls gets as tall as her), but it's not like she can go on a Missions trip alone (huge shame, she seems to love them) or do voluntary work, or anything without an accountability partner, as she is.

[Jaedzia]

4 hours ago, Kangaroo said:

It's crushing. I haven't told anyone this before because it's humiliating to admit that you envy people in that way. I've never felt so alone, I've never felt like I'm so far behind my friends who have "grown up" and are "adults" now.

There are two sides to every coin. My husband and I were the first among our friends to get married. Suddenly, some of them left us and we never saw them again. Some accused me or him of dragging the person away from their friends. I was yelled at once by two of my husband's friends because they accused me of not allowing him to have friends of his own. It wasn't true. My best friend yelled at him. Things because worse when I became pregnant on the pill 11 months into the marriage. When some of them started to get married, we thought things would get better. In some cases it did and in some cases they cut us off. lol. 

I'm sorry you had a rough time and I feel you shouldn't be humiliated by your true feelings. You cant help the way you feel. Just know its not always roses on the other side of the coin. 

[singsingsing]

@Kangaroo you are so, so young, and you have so much time ahead of you to do all of these things - or anything! I know how hard it is, because I've more or less been there myself. But the older I get the less I seem to care about doing things on anyone else's timeline or in anyone else's way but my own. 

I know sometimes it feels like you're the only one who's so 'behind' but trust me, you're in very good company. Google the things you're worried about - it sounds funny, but you'll see countless others expressing the same worries and fears as you have. And remember, you're not 'behind' anything. This is going to sound totally hokey, but you're on your own path and if you keep craning your neck to look at what other people are doing on their paths, how far down their paths they are, etc. you'll miss all the beauty of your own path.

If you can embrace who you are, all of who you are, chances are very good that you will find someone sooner or later who can't believe his/her luck and is so grateful that you stayed true to yourself because he/she thinks your true self is the most amazing thing. And if that small chance that you never meet the right person materializes, at least you'll be at peace with yourself, the importance of which cannot be overstated.

[elvirajane]

1 hour ago, Lurky said:

while there are some perks, like finally getting a wardrobe to herself

You mean being left with all the clothes her sisters didn't want to take when they married?

[jerkit]

Why on earth would they leave Jana out? That's horrible if true.

[Daisy0322]

@Kangaroo I have kind of an opposite perspective so I hope this helps.  I'm the first of my friends to be married, We are 24, we love each other and marriage is a great experience BUT it's lonely when your the only ones. I'm still friends with everyone but I feel like my relationships changed some, not positively or negatively, just like I'm stuck kinda out in this weird limbo. I won't babble on too much but my point here is, I think that your 20s are weird and hard. Weird because it's kinda like playing a video game you skipped the tutorial for (I totally stole that from a meme).  Like I for one never feel like I know what I'm doing lol I kinda fly threw life in the way the wind blows it feels like at times. Like I'm about to graduate and I didn't even pick my own major, my academic advisor put it in as a filler and I just did it. We are all still figuring out what it means to us to be adults and what are individual opinions and things are. Then I think it's hard because everyone has this picture in their head of how they want their life to go. We spent years as kids fantasizing about our 20s and our cool jobs and our awesome friends. Then we get here and it's all a lot different than we imagined because we feel a lot younger than we thought we would (or at least I do) and things are so much harder then I thought they'd be! And on top of that we look around and every me lives are developing at such different paces and different ways. That's never really happened before like we all were kinda on the same road and had the same milestones until high school graduation. Like I have a lot of friends with really cool adult jobs and I'm so jealous because I'm about to graduate in something I only think is okay plus we're having  baby early fall so  I can't really apply for any jobs and go directly on maturnity leave. So I kinda have these 50s house wife nightmares where no one wants to hire me and I just endlessly bake pies while bare foot in the kitchen. Not even kidding it's a reoccurring nightmare be i don't ven know how to make a pie. 

So any way sorry I'm babbling I just didn't want you to feel alone in the 20s limbo i think it's a weird age. I hope I helped and didn't come off like a dip shit lol my intention was that I think everyone kinda feels lost/ left behind sometimes when we are just getting started and establishing ourself as adults because especially with Facebook and Instagram and everything it's hard not to feel like everyone is doing something your not. Or at least I feel this way a lot.

 

 

[SilverBeach]

@Kangaroo, I didn't get my first real boyfriend/relationship until I was 25. Be encouraged.

[SassyPants]

3 hours ago, Lurky said:

I get the thing about Jana maybe not wanting to go out with her married siblings as she feels odd-one-out... BUT these are her only opportunities to socialise, unless she's chaperoned by a brother.  Yes she has JD, but once Joe's married, her brothers are significantly younger, and she grew up as their disciplinarian/sister-mother.   I really hope she's able to go out for coffee etc with just, eg the next Tabitha Paine, or Jenny Hartono, or has locally-approved friends she can do things with, so her life isn't all "ministry". 

I completely get that singledom isn't a terrible curse - in a normal situation!  In Duggar-land, it means she's completely infantilised, and while there are some perks, like finally getting a wardrobe to herself (until Hannie and the Lost Girls gets as tall as her), but it's not like she can go on a Missions trip alone (huge shame, she seems to love them) or do voluntary work, or anything without an accountability partner, as she is.

It's not that she does not want to go out with the couples, it appears that she is excluded because she is single and not in their"group." Maybe, I was reading it wrong.

[Icea]

Just now, SassyPants said:

It's not that she does not want to go out with the couples, it appears that she is excluded because she is single and not in their"group." Maybe, I was reading it wrong.

That's how I read it too. She was the only one of the older girls left out during the "escape room"-trip as well. It's pretty clear that if you're a woman and not married/in a courtship in this cult, you stay at home instead of joining social events with both sexes.