Michael and Brandon Keilen- Part 2

[seraaa]

17 hours ago, MorningMist said:

Michael just posted a blog entry about their problems. It's quite a sad read (as one would expect) and is very honest.

 

http://brandonandmichaela.com/2017/06/25/learning-to-trust/

I don't know what this particular pain feels like, but my heart goes out to them and I wish them all the best as they work through it. It's a heavy weight for anyone to bear.

[VelociRapture]

I read through the post yesterday and my heart just broke for them both. It's clear that they both love children and they desperately want a family of their own. I still don't like seeing any innocent child raised in this cult... but I also feel for them deeply and I feel like the worst kind of asshole for being unable to hope they have a child (I do not wish them ill in anyway though - I just hope whatever happens happens.)

I sincerely hope that they're able to find peace and fulfillment - whether that includes children or not. And, as @Mela99said, I seriously hope the network and her family don't try to capitalize on their very real and legitimate pain. Michael and Brandon should share only what they feel comfortable sharing and I hope they don't feel pressured into sharing more than that.

[meee]

Honestly, I don't think Michael would be a terrible mother.  After waiting what's going to be a minimum of three years even if she gets pregnant soon, she is going to love and enjoy any baby she has - not blanket train it and ignore it to try for the next one.

[colors_outside15]

That post made my heart break and ache for Michael in so many ways. She already raised siblings who are more her children than her siblings, and she left home to have children of her own who she would never have to leave. It's the cruelest twist of fate that she'll never get to hold her OWN Callie in her arms or feel tiny kicks in her stomach. It's my worst nightmare, and I've mostly lost my way with religion. I cannot imagine the pain she's enduring

[BullyJBG]

Yes, reading that post was heartbreaking. But, as it's been discussed before, it may be an answer to prayer for those who pray. I remember it being said that hopefully this struggle with infertility would cause them to question, maybe not God(though she's worked through emotions similar to King David in the Psalms, though different situation) but the Gothardism formulas that they've grown up with. Maybe they will decide to abandon it, even if it means Brandon changes jobs, they move, etc. Maybe they'd get a miracle, maybe they'd be able to adopt or foster(putting it all together, if adoption is so wrong according to Gothard and she has 2 adopted aunts that she loves dearly, it's gotta be a mixed message), and likely they won't go public with THAT questioning, but a bigger crack in that glass ceiling, right?

[QuiverFullofBooks]

Oh, God, poor Michael. At least I can get up in the morning and go to work. She has to sit around her apartment and wonder why she's lost God's favor.

[Teaistheway]

I feel very sorry for them both.  I think her blog post must be the most honest thing I've ever read by a fundie - actually admitting that everything in the garden isn't rosy and doubts regarding faith etc. really surprised me.  I dislike their belief system but fair play to her for having the courage to write this.

[RosyDaisy]

It's not God, but that fucked up cult and this twisted idea that children are to be brought into this world and exist to make us happy.

[Mela99]

Prediction: when Bobby/Tori marry, Jrod will be at the wedding and post a picture of herself and Michaela with a horrific caption about how SEVERELY sweet Michaela is even though her WOMB IS BARREN, and how JRod understands her pain because of her SEVERE miscarriages.... 

[VelociRapture]

4 hours ago, meee said:

Honestly, I don't think Michael would be a terrible mother.  After waiting what's going to be a minimum of three years even if she gets pregnant soon, she is going to love and enjoy any baby she has - not blanket train it and ignore it to try for the next one.

They'll be married two years this August (I got married three months after them.) They have until November to get pregnant before hitting the "married three years before welcoming a blessing" - so just about 5 months from now (an August 15th due date means conception occurred right around November 22nd.)

That said, at this point, it won't surprise me if they hit that point. It really makes me sad that she and Brandon are having such a horrible time. I don't have much hope that they'll end up leaving the cult or changing their beliefs, but I honestly hope they prove me wrong on that and I hope they continue to look for happiness as their lives are right now.

[Mela99]

It just occurred to me, but she mentioned "financing" so maybe they HAVE tried some sort of invasive treatment. Though she's in a great state for IVF - Illinois has mandated coverage.

Whatever the case may be, I hope Michaela has options available to her and that no religious guilt or family influence will make her turn away from treatment if she and Brandon want to try.

[RosyDaisy]

Michael and the other Bates ladies are addicted to the koolaid. Anybody who thinks they are or will be good mothers is delusional. Also, I get the vibe that Brandon probably doesn't want a big family.

[bashfulpixie]

55 minutes ago, Mela99 said:

It just occurred to me, but she mentioned "financing" so maybe they HAVE tried some sort of invasive treatment. Though she's in a great state for IVF - Illinois has mandated coverage.

I wonder if that's part of the reason they haven't made the move to Big Sandy like so many other IBLP employees - they're staying in a state that makes it easier for them to get infertility treatment.

[Coconut Flan]

Michael actually said finances not financing.  It's a slight difference, but leans more toward paying the bills than borrowing. 

[Mela99]

Aah. My bad. That changes things a little.

[neurogirl]

What a sad but not unexpected post. I'm surprised but truthfully a bit encouraged that struggling with infertility has caused Michaela to question the Gothard God (though I don't want to be cold-hearted and dealing with crises of faith is probably devastating to her). Even if Michaela adopts, that can still be a long and expensive process. She does seem to want to be a mother above everything else (and would probably be that way, even if less extreme, outside the cult) so I can seem them adopting in a few years and hopefully loving the few children they have as more than just arrows for Christ. But I do hope she has a small family and children of her own to love.

[ColeJo]

1 hour ago, neurogirl said:

What a sad but not unexpected post. I'm surprised but truthfully a bit encouraged that struggling with infertility has caused Michaela to question the Gothard God (though I don't want to be cold-hearted and dealing with crises of faith is probably devastating to her). Even if Michaela adopts, that can still be a long and expensive process. She does seem to want to be a mother above everything else (and would probably be that way, even if less extreme, outside the cult) so I can seem them adopting in a few years and hopefully loving the few children they have as more than just arrows for Christ. But I do hope she has a small family and children of her own to love.

My second cousin has been waiting to adopt for three years, including the desire to adopt from foster care. They have everything squared away regarding home studies and stuff.

[AlternativeVoice]

How incredibly sad. I have faith that she will have kids of her own. Just maybe not as many as she thought. But just enough to love & adore. 

[KelseyAnn]

I hope they don't blame Michael for this and assume she sinned and is being punished. 

[Carm_88]

For a normal woman who dreams of being a mother struggling with infertility is beyond hard. I cannot imagine being a woman who is infertile (or part of a couple who is infertile) in a cult that says popping out babies is all that a woman can do. I don't like the idea of this cult having new members but, my heart breaks for Michael. I wouldn't wish that kind of heartache on my worst enemy.  

[Mela99]

Next thought: how long before JRod starts schilling Plexus for infertility to her ?

[backyard sylph]

That was pretty well written, other than some adverb exploitation and one obvious typo. I wonder if she writes that well regularly? Because I'd keep reading and following along, and I bet she could put together a book for other women in her particular situation; raised to be a mother and not getting there right away.

Even from an outsider's areligious point of view, there's something to be said for finding strength and peace in the bigger picture of life, instead of remaining focused only on one very important aspect of it. It would certainly be better for the marriage.

Between the lines, there's a suggestion it's something in her inner workings, rather than a somewhat more simple lack of sperm motility. But she expressed it with a dignified privacy that I found endearing.

My youngest daughter, who is 25, told me she asked some questions of her gyn the other day, about potential problems she might have conceiving due to some fairly common irregularities, and he was surprised she wanted so much information so young. But she's comfortable thinking about motherhood now, and her fiancé is ten or eleven years older than her, so she wants to plan for a sooner rather than later window if possible, and she's the super preparatory type, anyway.

That had me wondering; if some of these girls found out ahead of time they might have trouble conceiving or carrying a pregnancy, would that highly diminish their desirability to potential mates? It's a sad thought.

[VelociRapture]

13 hours ago, Mela99 said:

Next thought: how long before JRod starts schilling Plexus for infertility to her ?

Pfft. Do you really think she'd hesitate for even a second? Ten bucks says she was sending Michael crap a day after their first anniversary.

1 hour ago, backyard sylph said:

That had me wondering; if some of these girls found out ahead of time they might have trouble conceiving or carrying a pregnancy, would that highly diminish their desirability to potential mates? It's a sad thought.

I honestly don't know. I like to think if they found a decent guy that he wouldn't care... but who really knows. 

That said, Brandon married Michael despite them knowing there were some reproductive issues at play in her family that could be genetic. Erin's condition was clearly treatable though (and treatable in a way that was ok by their beliefs) since she gave birth to a healthy baby about a month after the Keilens got engaged. So maybe not the best example.

[Tater_Toddler]

3 hours ago, backyard sylph said:

That had me wondering; if some of these girls found out ahead of time they might have trouble conceiving or carrying a pregnancy, would that highly diminish their desirability to potential mates? It's a sad thought.

Didn't Kelly Jo say that they were going to have some of the other girls get tested? I feel like I read this somewhere, maybe here on FJ. 

 

But it who knows if they ever actually got around to it. 

[backyard sylph]

45 minutes ago, Tater_Toddler said:

Didn't Kelly Jo say that they were going to have some of the other girls get tested? I feel like I read this somewhere, maybe here on FJ. 

But it who knows if they ever actually got around to it. 

I hope so. You'd have peace of mind, at least some, knowing if there was some extra level of challenge to tackle or accept, plus it just seems safer.