Michael and Brandon Keilen- Part 2

[merg429]

4 hours ago, amendgitan said:

All of what? The poor folks have been married less than two years and we are already acting as if they've been "struggling" with infertility for a decade? 

Good point, sometimes I forget that they have been married less than two years.  I must be on here too much, if Michael immediatly popped into my head when listening to that bit on the radio!

I do also hope they are enjoying this time together and focusing on each other, I agree with you that they seem to be really in love.

[Eternalbluepearl]

14 hours ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

"Just adopt" makes me crazy. It's incredibly difficult to adopt. "Then you'll get pregnant" makes me even crazier.

I have had multiple miscarriages and I started hearing "just adopt" almost immediately. As though there is a store at the mall where infertile couples go and picks out a kid on a Saturday afternoon. Problem solved. The other one I started hearing immediately and completely unsolicited is..."well don't stress! It doesn't help!" Oh. Okay. I will  magically turn off all of my feelings because my aunt's best friend's cousin who has never been in this situation told me the stress will make it worse. Since I've had miscarriages and not a struggle to conceive, I've also heard "well I guess GETTING pregnant isn't your problem!" quite a bit. I never know what to say to that. My heart one hundred percent goes out to those struggling to conceive as well. Whether you've struggled for a year or a decade with any type of infertility, it ALL sucks! 

[VelociRapture]

48 minutes ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

Since I've had miscarriages and not a struggle to conceive, I've also heard "well I guess GETTING pregnant isn't your problem!" quite a bit. I never know what to say to that. My heart one hundred percent goes out to those struggling to conceive as well. Whether you've struggled for a year or a decade with any type of infertility, it ALL sucks! 

I got a comment like that from my very loving and well-meaning mom after I lost my first. She said something about how at least I know I can get pregnant and the next pregnancy will be different. I told her I didn't want another baby, I wanted the one I lost. She didn't say anything like that again - she got the message that it was the absolute wrong thing to say.

I got pregnant again within two months of our loss and we have a perfect five month old daughter now. I don't have to deal with comments about my miscarriage anymore, which is tough in its own way. It feels like everyone  (other than husband and I) have forgotten our little Meatball was real already. I know that's not the case, but still. It makes me sad to feel like I'm the only one who thinks about that pregnancy on a regular basis.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that things work out in a way you feel is best for you and your family. And that people stop being so stupid when the subject comes up.

[Dutchie]

5 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

I have had multiple miscarriages and I started hearing "just adopt" almost immediately. As though there is a store at the mall where infertile couples go and picks out a kid on a Saturday afternoon. Problem solved. The other one I started hearing immediately and completely unsolicited is..."well don't stress! It doesn't help!" Oh. Okay. I will  magically turn off all of my feelings because my aunt's best friend's cousin who has never been in this situation told me the stress will make it worse. Since I've had miscarriages and not a struggle to conceive, I've also heard "well I guess GETTING pregnant isn't your problem!" quite a bit. I never know what to say to that. My heart one hundred percent goes out to those struggling to conceive as well. Whether you've struggled for a year or a decade with any type of infertility, it ALL sucks! 

Worst thing that ever happened, my mom while being in hospital for miscarriage number six got told: do you really mind you already have 5 kids (nurse looked at the wrong box, the amount of pregnancies not amount of life children) 

[VineHeart137]

2 hours ago, Dutchie said:

Worst thing that ever happened, my mom while being in hospital for miscarriage number six got told: do you really mind you already have 5 kids (nurse looked at the wrong box, the amount of pregnancies not amount of life children) 

I hope your mom gave that nurse a piece of her mind, or at least reported her. What an awful thing to say even if your mom DID already have 5 kids.

[Mela99]

2 hours ago, Dutchie said:

Worst thing that ever happened, my mom while being in hospital for miscarriage number six got told: do you really mind you already have 5 kids (nurse looked at the wrong box, the amount of pregnancies not amount of life children) 

. . . . 

I would have hit that nurse so hard she would have needed the hospital more than me. What a monster.

[Carm_88]

On 5/23/2017 at 3:11 PM, Dutchie said:

Worst thing that ever happened, my mom while being in hospital for miscarriage number six got told: do you really mind you already have 5 kids (nurse looked at the wrong box, the amount of pregnancies not amount of life children) 

Holy crap! That nurse needed some sensitivity training STAT! 

[Mela99]

55 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

Holy crap! That nurse needed some sensitivity training STAT! 

Only if sensitivity training means a punch in the kidney. 

[LillyP]

As someone who has experienced pregnancy loss, and struggled to conceive....I wish people who have never been in that situation didn't feel the need to give their input. It is truly one of those situations where you have no idea what you're talking about or what if feels like until you've been in that situation. Implying that a the feelings of a couple who struggles to get pregnant after "only" two years is less valid than those who have been trying for 5 or 10 years....it's just ignorant.

We have actively tried to get pregnant for a year, and spent 2.5 years prior to that not preventing. Our first (and only so far) pregnancy ended as an Ectopic. If I had a dollar for every person who said "well at least you know you can get pregnant"...yes...because that makes me feel SO much better about losing my pregnancy. Not. I have never experienced something so emotionally draining as trying to have a baby.

[PracticeMakesProgress]

On 5/23/2017 at 6:34 AM, Eternalbluepearl said:

I have had multiple miscarriages and I started hearing "just adopt" almost immediately. As though there is a store at the mall where infertile couples go and picks out a kid on a Saturday afternoon. Problem solved. The other one I started hearing immediately and completely unsolicited is..."well don't stress! It doesn't help!" Oh. Okay. I will  magically turn off all of my feelings because my aunt's best friend's cousin who has never been in this situation told me the stress will make it worse. Since I've had miscarriages and not a struggle to conceive, I've also heard "well I guess GETTING pregnant isn't your problem!" quite a bit. I never know what to say to that. My heart one hundred percent goes out to those struggling to conceive as well. Whether you've struggled for a year or a decade with any type of infertility, it ALL sucks! 

Well said! My husband and I are very lucky in the fact that our infertility struggle didn't last the duration that many women have to face...but having PCOS, you're just told all the time how DIFFICULT everything is going to be, how high the miscarriage rate is, how you're going to have GD and preeclampsia if you even look at a carb during a pregnancy, or if you do prior, you'll NEVER get pregnant and probably have full blown diabetes, just by existing! Oh, and bonus, facial hair!!

And yes, the endless ultrasounds and blood draws, shots, and vag supplements- and God bless the women that brave the IVF route! You are a freaking hero for the time, money, testing, meds, hair-pulling, highs and lows (shout out also to women that adopt - a different, but equal rollercoaster of emotion). And kudos to the men who save their best romance for specimen cups! 

Suffice it say, there's a big difference of conversational ease in my friend pool between those women who've had "the talk" with a doctor, or pursued fertility help, and those that were lucky enough not to. It may make me a bad friend, but I don't want to hear a single piece of "wisdom" from my fertile-normative cohort. And I'm sure with the added pressures of fertility equating to holiness and blessings, 2 years probably feels like a fucking century to Michaela. 

[QuiverFullofBooks]

On 5/23/2017 at 1:41 PM, Dutchie said:

Worst thing that ever happened, my mom while being in hospital for miscarriage number six got told: do you really mind you already have 5 kids (nurse looked at the wrong box, the amount of pregnancies not amount of life children) 

Wow, that is horrible. I recently went to the gynecologist and a new doctor cheerfully made conversation during my Pap smear by asking "How old is your little one now?" I told her I don't have kids. It turned out that my previous pregnancy was in my file, but not the outcome, even though the same practice had done my D&C. We had just been talking infertility, so it was especially awkward.

By the way, I couldn't believe that fundie heartthrob Chad Paine posted a photo of Erin before her D&C. I would have smacked that camera right out of my husband's hand.

[bal maiden]

People really do say some stupid shit around infertility and pregnancy loss. I ended up having a mental health breakdown in hospital following treatment for one miscarriage of a much wanted, long awaited baby - the trauma of the miscarriage plus lots of anxiety around medical/hospital stuff put me in a really bad place. One of the nurses said to me, mid panic/grief attack, "don't you think you should wait until you're ready to have children?". Because judging people's fitness to get pregnant/be a parent by their mental state in some of the worst days of their life is totally helpful 

[mlsgregg]

New here, so forgive any missteps in. I'm learning.  Fertility discussions just piss me off. I'm a Christian and I think that kids are cool, but the insensitivity and the belief that women can't be fulfilled without them...ugh.  Hubs and I found out early in our marriage that the chance of me getting pregnant was slim. Then I got sick and was told to do everything to avoid pregnancy. Then last summer I had to have a partial hysterectomy. The questions and comments I've gotten along the way...makes me wanna punch people.  I feel so bad for these women. I know they make their own choices. I know they havce responsibility. But to be raised to believe that your uterus is your identity and then have fertility issues/not fall pregnant on your wedding night - that has to be a special kind of hell.

[Dutchie]

11 hours ago, mlsgregg said:

New here, so forgive any missteps in. I'm learning.  Fertility discussions just piss me off. I'm a Christian and I think that kids are cool, but the insensitivity and the belief that women can't be fulfilled without them...ugh.  Hubs and I found out early in our marriage that the chance of me getting pregnant was slim. Then I got sick and was told to do everything to avoid pregnancy. Then last summer I had to have a partial hysterectomy. The questions and comments I've gotten along the way...makes me wanna punch people.  I feel so bad for these women. I know they make their own choices. I know they havce responsibility. But to be raised to believe that your uterus is your identity and then have fertility issues/not fall pregnant on your wedding night - that has to be a special kind of hell.

You said it perfectly, 

[JesSky03]

I'm sorry @LillyP. Its unfortunate how inconsiderate people are and how unwilling they are to try and put themselves in our shoes. There are no "at leasts" in pregnancy loss. 

My dad is one who has clung to the "at least you can get pregnant" idea and I keep telling him that's not my concern. I don't care if I can get pregnant if 9 months later my arms are still empty. He's starting to get it now that I've lost my second but I still have to constantly tell him "that doesn't make me feel better" with some of his comments. 

[neurogirl]

@bal maiden what the actual f*ck. Most people in hospitals, with a few exceptions for healthy babies/organ transplants/etc, are having some of the WORST days of their lives. I am so sorry for your loss and that nurse was such an insensitive twat rag.

[bal maiden]

On 5/26/2017 at 7:19 PM, neurogirl said:

@bal maiden what the actual f*ck. Most people in hospitals, with a few exceptions for healthy babies/organ transplants/etc, are having some of the WORST days of their lives. I am so sorry for your loss and that nurse was such an insensitive twat rag.

Thanks! I should have lodged an official complaint, but I was too busy trying to not get even worse at that point. Happily, I now have a 2,5yr old and another due any day now... 

[JMO]

On 5/25/2017 at 7:01 PM, PracticeMakesProgress said:

Suffice it say, there's a big difference of conversational ease in my friend pool between those women who've had "the talk" with a doctor...

And I'm sure with the added pressures of fertility equating to holiness and blessings, 2 years probably feels like a fucking century to Michaela. 

This! All of this! I've had 4 pregnancies and 2 babies with the help of modern medicine.  Even a few months feels like an eternity when you are hoping and praying for a baby. And it's amazing how many hopes and dreams you can pour into an early pregnancy.  It's definitely one of those things that's hard to understand unless you've gone through it. My sister doesn't get it, which upsets me at times, but she had the complete opposite experience.  I feel for Michael. I don't want her to have a million cult kids but I still feel for her. 

[Aurora rising]

I had to go to a kind of government doctor (long story) and he looked in my file and said "Oh, you are pregnant?" "No, I lost the baby a few weeks ago"

His answer? "Oh, good..."

[Carm_88]

2 hours ago, Aurora rising said:

I had to go to a kind of government doctor (long story) and he looked in my file and said "Oh, you are pregnant?" "No, I lost the baby a few weeks ago"

His answer? "Oh, good..."

What the hell? I hope he was just awkward because that's dumb! 

[JermajestyDuggar]

It looks like Michael and Alyssa were bridesmaids in a wedding on Saturday for friends Jacob and Andrea. I doubt they made it to Joy's wedding. The BM dresses look interesting. Pics on Michaels instagram. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

It looks like it was the wedding of Andrea Warren. Who was a BM in Alyssa's wedding. I wonder if Erin also went to this wedding instead of Joy's. 

[bashfulpixie]

The Duggar plane has been making a lot of back and forth trips to Tennessee.  Could be shuttling Bateseseses around.

[twinmama]

On 5/20/2017 at 0:32 AM, klabourdeth said:

Also kind of off topic but is a point in time to stop the kid from dragging around their baby blanket every where? I heard that there was a age point for a pacifier

I still have my baby blanket and it may sleep on my bed with me. I am thinking 40 might be a good age to ditch it? 

On 5/21/2017 at 4:16 PM, Dutchie said:

I have a 35 year old friend, not weird at all, respectable lawyer,  husband and 2 kids who still carries hers around.

38, husband, two kids, baby blanket on my bed at night lol I don't like take it to do errands or out during the day at all but yeah I love it and see no reason to give it up. There was just one eye rolling moment from my husband when I told him about it, he hasn't given a shit since.

On 5/22/2017 at 5:21 PM, QuiverFullofBooks said:

Though I should probably admit that I just got pregnant naturally after taking over a year off from the nightmare that is IVF.

That is awesome!!!! Congrats! 

On 5/25/2017 at 2:46 PM, LillyP said:

Implying that a the feelings of a couple who struggles to get pregnant after "only" two years is less valid than those who have been trying for 5 or 10 years....it's just ignorant.

Yes. We only tried for 8 months, but had to do IUI (4 failed ones) and finally IVF and it was still hard. No where near people who do multiple IVFs and fail, or go through 10 years of trying, but trying to get pregnant and failing sucks. Two years of trying would be horrible. Each cycle you fail at hurts.

Reminds me of prematurity and NICU. Any time in the NICU is awful, yes if you are there a week it's not as bad as 10 weeks or 100 days, etc., but it's not a "who has it worse" competition! Trying to get pregnant and failing sucks, trying for 5 months sucks, trying for a year or two sucks, trying for 10 years sucks. 

[LawsonBatesEgo]

3 hours ago, twinmama said:

 

Yes. We only tried for 8 months, but had to do IUI (4 failed ones) and finally IVF and it was still hard. No where near people who do multiple IVFs and fail, or go through 10 years of trying, but trying to get pregnant and failing sucks. Two years of trying would be horrible. Each cycle you fail at hurts.

Reminds me of prematurity and NICU. Any time in the NICU is awful, yes if you are there a week it's not as bad as 10 weeks or 100 days, etc., but it's not a "who has it worse" competition! Trying to get pregnant and failing sucks, trying for 5 months sucks, trying for a year or two sucks, trying for 10 years sucks. 

Thank you.

This is something that annoyed me when I had severe depression, people acting like I shouldn't be depressed because "other people have it worse than you". By that logic, I should never be happy, because someone will always have it better than me....

Life is not the suffering Olympics. People are entitled to their emotions. Yeah, she hasn't been trying for 10 years, but she's been like trying for almost 2 years (her and Brandon are Koolaid drunk, I can see them trying right away) and it hurts that she hasn't gotten pregnant/been able to keep a pregnancy yet/whatever. She's entitled to her sadness and to grieve a little when her period comes. She doesn't have to wait until X amount of years/months before being allowed to be sad.