Lori Alexander, 11: No Junk in Her Trunk Because She's Godly

[Koala]

Stars above....

Quote

Several women accused me of being a no-fun mother on a post last week because I didn’t toot, burp, or take pictures with my tongue hanging out. 

Lori, I am pretty sure flatulence and burping are not things that living humans can just decide not to do. There *are* people who accept that it's just part of living and make light of it.  There are also people who pretend that they don't do it (looking at you, dear).

That said, I think it's time for another refresher on how the internet works.  The post on tooting and burping (can't believe I just typed that) has exactly 19 replies.  The vast majority agreed with you, and absolutely NO ONE accused you of being a "no-fun mother".  No one even said anything that could be misconstrued as that.

I can only assume that you've brought this up once again, because you've developed some kind of odd obsession with talking about tooting and burping.  You've worked it into more than a couple of posts now, and quite frankly, it's just getting weird.  Now maybe I'm wrong.  Perhaps you were just trying to find a way to convey to your readers what a Godly mother you really were, but let me assure you, bringing up tooting and burping again was NOT the way to do it.

Sincerely, 
The Internet                                                    

[polecat]

Lori, let me tell you now: You were NOT a fun mother, but it had absolutely nothing to do with how you managed your body's natural functions (good Lord, woman, what is wrong with you, anyway, that you need to keep bringing this up?) and EVERYTHING to do with how cold and cruel you were towards your kids.

You can ask your kids or not. I don't really care. I know how they'll answer: "Of course you were a fun mother! You loved us and taught us and blah blah blah" because they know that to answer anything else would earn them hours of obnoxious lectures and passive-aggressive rants. But you weren't just a "not-fun mother." You were an awful mother. I don't say that lightly because I am one of those people who believes it doesn't take much more than love and a desire to do your best to be a good mom. Sadly, you didn't even have that.

[molecule]

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Did they consider me a fun mom at all? I’m not sure because I was so sick most of their growing up. 

In other words, Lori wasn't able to be a fun mother because she was sick. Therefore, no one else is allowed to be a fun mother because she doesn't want anyone to be happier than she pretends to be.

[smittykins]

10 hours ago, feministxtian said:

Does the dumb bitch realize that the majority of the comments were derogatory? 

Persecution for Jesus, amirite?

[Loveday]

10 hours ago, feministxtian said:

Does the dumb bitch realize that the majority of the comments were derogatory? 

But...but...but she got 21,500 likes!!eleventy! 

Of course, this is the person who thinks that 'liking' a post always means you really, really LIKE it.   No one's ever explained to her that liking a post very often just means you want to get notifications so you won't miss the epic comments!

[usmcmom]

1 hour ago, Koala said:

Stars above....

Lori, I am pretty sure flatulence and burping are not things that living humans can just decide not to do. There *are* people who accept that it's just part of living and make light of it.  There are also people who pretend that they don't do it (looking at you, dear).

That said, I think it's time for another refresher on how the internet works.  The post on tooting and burping (can't believe I just typed that) has exactly 19 replies.  The vast majority agreed with you, and absolutely NO ONE accused you of being a "no-fun mother".  No one even said anything that could be misconstrued as that.

I can only assume that you've brought this up once again, because you've developed some kind of odd obsession with talking about tooting and burping.  You've worked it into more than a couple of posts now, and quite frankly, it's just getting weird.  Now maybe I'm wrong.  Perhaps you were just trying to find a way to convey to your readers what a Godly mother you really were, but let me assure you, bringing up tooting and burping again was NOT the way to do it.

Sincerely, 
The Internet                                                    

I think she is referring to the ONE comment on Facebook that read something like "you must have been a really fun mom."  That ONE comment was deleted. Clearly, Lori the teacher does not realize that "several" and "one" are not the same thing. 

God help me!  I volunteered to read her book. Do the rescue ferrets make house calls?

[raised in rebellion]

Do her grandbabies live close? I feel like she's been really mellow lately regarding beating the crap out of kids and how great it is...I hope it isn't because she's getting her fix. The story she posted about force feeding/starving a baby made me cry.

It seems odd to me that the Godly Mentor isn't blabbing on and on about grandchild training...

I hope her brain tumor turns her sweeter with age. Her complaining about fart jokes and ice cream is petty and boring, but better than promoting child abuse.

I can't wait for the book review! Talk about taking one for the team!

[Koala]

Right now she's all tied up arguing with her readers about fun (she has joy...totally different)   So much for letting others have the last word.

I won't quote the responses she got (too long), but suffice to say they were sweet, and advised a balanced approach.  Lori, of course, was having none of it.

Lori:

Quote

 I never said it was wrong to have fun but it certainly shouldn't be our priority since there's nothing about pursuing fun in the Word but a lot about pursuing the Lord.

There's nothing in the word about pursuing a blog either, but that sure doesn't stop The Godly Mentor.

Lori:

Quote

Joy is different than fun. When I was suffering from brain tumors, recoverying from surgeries, etc. I could still have joy in the midst of my pain but it sure was no fun. Yes, we should be the most joyful people around even in our trials and sufferings but our culture pursues fun as the be all and end all and this is not biblical. We are commanded to not be lovers of pleasure but lovers of God. Paul is speaking about the end times and what NOT to do, "treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God," (2 Tim. 3:4)

Again, these readers were clearly followers of Christ, and were only advocating balance.  She just can't help herself, though.  She HAS to be nasty.

It goes on and on.  Her poor readers would be better off if they just left her to her misery and mean spirited ways.  I think it's safe to say, that there's not a shred of kindness in the woman.

[nokidsmom]

Lori is just a nasty, out of touch, wildly unhappy woman who spreads her misery in the form of "mentoring".

I want to think that perhaps her illness has made her this way and while it probably didn't help, it's clear that she's always been this way.

How her kids can stand her, I don't know.  This is a woman who sabotaged her birth control so she could get pregnant and stay home, then can't even be bothered to care for those kids, she disciplined them even as infants.   And IIRC had nannies to help her.  I can't imagine that there can be any sort of real bond between them. 

How her husband can stand her, as awful as he is, I don't know.   Yeah, he's a jerk of the first order but some of the awful things she has posted about their relationship, it still takes a lot of nerve and venom to do it.  I oscillate between feeling something like a shred of sympathy for him but catch myself and ask if maybe it's karmic.  

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Lori confirms how Not-fun she was with this lovely exchange (bolding mine):

[Ms ABC]:   You're right Lori. Fun shouldn't be a priority, but it definitely should be woven into every day life. Put on some music and sing and dance while doing those chores. Talk and laugh while making a meal. Build a fort with couch cushions, blankets and pillows, and when you're done, put them away. The sock matching game was a favorite when the kids were little. Fun is about balance.

Always Learning:   I was too sick to do any of those things but my children still look back as having a happy childhood thankfully. With the little strength I did have, I used to discipline and train them in the Lord, keep my home as best as I could, and take care of their needs.

She forgot to mention that taking care of their needs meant hiring a nanny and housekeeper.  And how does she know if the children had a happy childhood?  She said she's never asked them.  

And now I have a vision of Lori as Joan Crawford in "Mommy Dearest" disciplining her children.  "NO. MORE. RAISINS. EVER."

[Koala]

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With the little strength I did have, I used to discipline and train them

What a shame.  Sick parents can sing to their kids.  They can talk and laugh.  They can watch them build pillow forts.  If she had the energy to swing her god-awful leather strap, then she had the energy to lay it down and pursue kindness instead.  

I think Lori had the energy to do what she wanted to do.  

[freealljs]

Good grief. Even Ken Alexander, who thinks child molestation and incest are normal, tried to chime in and tell Lori, who has a perpetual stick up her ass, that their kids had fun with her. Lori wasn't having any of that, and instead supposedly has Cassi tell her that she was a great mother, but not fun. I don't know what Lori has against fun.  

I too almost feel sorry for Ken, being married to that weight-obsessed, no-fun allowed, child-beating, jealous of other women who are happy, shrew.

[Loveday]

Am I the only one who cringes when he uses the word 'babes?' Normally I don't pay any attention to what couples call each other, but 'babes' coming from Ken is creepy to me. 

[mango_fandango]

Urgh. The Maxwellian/Lorian brand of Christianity- eschew fun and constantly focus on the Lord- just sounds so. fucking. dull. It'd drive me crazy. If they're trying to convince people to be like them, well, it ain't worked on this heathen. 

"Do you know where you go when you'll die?"

"If it's to Heaven with the likes of you, then fuck that shit."

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Lori is the living embodiment of my 18th c Lit professor's definition of Puritan:  Someone who suspects that somewhere, somehow someone else is having fun.  And they don't like it.

I think Lori found joy & fun, but not in anything Fj-ers find fun.

I think she found joy & fun in beating her children with a leather strap.  I think she found joy & fun in fat shaming her daughters for gaining 5 pounds.  I think she found joy & fun in letting her children cry all njght,
.... in being awful to Ken
,... in creating a marriage without any intimacy or affection
.... in being a cold unaffectionate mother to her children,
,,,, in putting her needs/wants above her family's
.... in always saying No to anything anyone in the family wanted

Lori didn't learn to be a submissive wife. She learned to be a passive-aggressive wife.  She's the same hateful shrew she always was; she just doesn't nag anymore

And Ken, poor sap. thinks she changed and that he has the headship now.  Idiot doesn't realize she runs everything the way she wants -- she's just more craftily manipulative about it.

[Koala]

@freealljs- Did you catch this part of Lori's reply to Ken?

Quote

I am sure your influence played a huge role in their lives too!

Seriously?  He was their father!  She acts like he was an uncle they only saw occasionally.  I mean, my lord....

[Granwych]

7 hours ago, Koala said:

Several women accused me of being a no-fun mother on a post last week because I didn’t toot, burp, or take pictures with my tongue hanging out. 

Nah, you just take pictures with your cleavage exposed.  For all we know, you could have been farting and/or burping then, too. 

2 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

And now I have a vision of Lori as Joan Crawford in "Mommy Dearest" disciplining her children.  "NO. MORE. RAISINS. EVER."

Lori must know that eating raisins can cause quite odoriferous farts.

[lilwriter85]

3 hours ago, nokidsmom said:

Lori is just a nasty, out of touch, wildly unhappy woman who spreads her misery in the form of "mentoring".

I want to think that perhaps her illness has made her this way and while it probably didn't help, it's clear that she's always been this way.

How her kids can stand her, I don't know.  This is a woman who sabotaged her birth control so she could get pregnant and stay home, then can't even be bothered to care for those kids, she disciplined them even as infants.   And IIRC had nannies to help her.  I can't imagine that there can be any sort of real bond between them. 

How her husband can stand her, as awful as he is, I don't know.   Yeah, he's a jerk of the first order but some of the awful things she has posted about their relationship, it still takes a lot of nerve and venom to do it.  I oscillate between feeling something like a shred of sympathy for him but catch myself and ask if maybe it's karmic.  

There were times in the past that I felt sorry for Ken because I got the vibe that Lori's upper mirddle class upbringing caused issues early on their marriage because Ken didn't come from that background and Lori had too high  expectations of Ken. But, he has some of the same shitty views and attitudes as Lori. Ken and Lori deserve each other.

[ViolaSebastian]

So, of note, Lori did not include Cabinetman's lame "In case of abuse..." spiel on the new blog. So I guess she's done giving lip service to that concept altogether.

[freealljs]

15 hours ago, Koala said:

@freealljs- Did you catch this part of Lori's reply to Ken?

Seriously?  He was their father!  She acts like he was an uncle they only saw occasionally.  I mean, my lord....

Yes @Koala, I caught that.  She couldn't write a simple "thank you" to Ken for thinking that her kids had fun with her growing up. I almost feel sorry for him for being married to her, almost because he has written some pretty horrible things. Maybe he wanted to leave, but stayed because of the kids. Maybe he just defends her to us, because he has to live with her. I can only imagine what would happen if he agreed with us and told her!  

[Koala]

Ken must have passed another thong clad hussie on the beach....today's post is on fighting women seducers.  

Of course there's this:

Quote

First of all, remember that you have no control over your husband or preventing this from ever happening but you sure can do all you can in your power to protect him and try to prevent it.

So the first thing to remember is that you can't prevent your husband from straying.  After you've accepted that you can't prevent it, you should immediately proceed to step 2, which is to do everything in your power to prevent it.

Awesome. Got it.  Great advice.

[Koala]

Lori:

Quote

I believe the men who have godly wives who respect them and deeply love them would not cheat on their wives

See how she slipped that in (it's in the comments).  The men won't cheat, *IF* their wives respect and love them.  

So is she officially pinning the fault for Josh's affairs on Anna Duggar?

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Still no review up at amazon. The price is lower now. I bet she is taking the suggestions from here.

[AmazonGrace]

19 hours ago, Koala said:

@freealljs- Did you catch this part of Lori's reply to Ken?

I am sure your influence played a huge role in their lives too!

Seriously?  He was their father!  She acts like he was an uncle they only saw occasionally.  I mean, my lord....

Funny how adding that "I am sure" makes it sound like she's not at all sure.

[jerkit]

Coming out of lurkdom to side eye Lori and her book.

Also, Emily has a picture on her FB were her "breasts are hanging out." Yet Lori doesn't chastise her. Hmm. (FTR, I think Emily looks totally gorgeous, it's just super hypocritical of Lori)

Part of me wants to read the book and part of me thinks it'll send me into another Lori emotional tailspin that I'll have to extract myself from. I'm hoping for a good recap here.

Some day I'll tell the story of how Lori got so under my skin a few months ago that it almost ruined my marriage.