Florida stories

[Swamptribe]

I hate to burst everyone's bubble but Florida isn't any crazier than any other state. It is the third largest state population wise and receives millions upon millions of visitors every year.  To add to the illusion Florida has some of the loosest crime reporting laws in the US.  Meaning anyone can report on any crime, ongoing investigation or trial anyway they want.   

[nssherlock]

21 hours ago, Swamptribe said:

I hate to burst everyone's bubble but Florida isn't any crazier than any other state. It is the third largest state population wise and receives millions upon millions of visitors every year.  To add to the illusion Florida has some of the loosest crime reporting laws in the US.  Meaning anyone can report on any crime, ongoing investigation or trial anyway they want.   

Right.   Add to that the fact that a very large percentage of the population of Florida has come here from another state - they're just as crazy as they were in the state they came from, but it's warmer to live under our bridges than the ones up north.

 

 

[LadyCrow1313]

On ‎3‎/‎25‎/‎2017 at 0:51 PM, 47of74 said:

Here's a Florida Man who found a different place to eat pancakes

local10.com/news/weird-news/florida-man-charged-for-eating-pancakes-in-middle-of-the-road

 

This was surprisingly amusing; I'm just glad that no one was hurt.

On ‎3‎/‎25‎/‎2017 at 4:58 PM, 47of74 said:

Florida Man decided to do some good ol' fashioned book burning.

orlandoweekly.com/Blogs/archives/2017/03/23/florida-man-accidentally-destroys-10-homes-after-burning-books-in-his-yard

 

Sorry, buddy, this isn't Fahrenheit 451. :: rolls eyes ::

(ps: the Pope picture is funny.)   

[47of74]

Someone went to the Wikipedia Law Firm for legal advise;

http://thesmokinggun.com/buster/port-st-lucie/wikipedia-legal-fail-382097

Quote

While en route to jail following his arrest for driving with a suspended license and no insurance, a Florida man declared, “That’s the last time I listen to Wikipedia about driving. It said I would just get a ticket.”

Justin Miret, 22, was nabbed Friday evening after a cop spotted him running a stop sign in Port St. Lucie. Subsequent checks revealed that Miret’s driver’s license was suspended last year and his auto insurance had been cancelled.

 

[LadyCrow1313]

10 hours ago, 47of74 said:

Someone went to the Wikipedia Law Firm for legal advise;

http://thesmokinggun.com/buster/port-st-lucie/wikipedia-legal-fail-382097

 

Make it stupid, Number One.

[onekidanddone]

Never been to Florida. Too damn hot and muggy. It is bad enough where I live now, I can't imagine how it would be further south. I'm like a compass. I always look north. 

[47of74]

Temporary Florida Woman gets stupid...

kcrg.com/content/news/Authorities-Woman-chokes-teen-for-blocking-view-at-Disney-418609633.html

Quote

Authorities in Florida say a woman is accused of child abuse after choking a teenager who refused to sit down during a fireworks display at Disney's Magic Kingdom.

An Orange County Sheriff's arrest report says 41-year-old Tabbatha Kay Mature of Baltimore, Michigan, was sitting with her family Wednesday night, waiting for the nightly fireworks display. The teen, who was visiting the park with friends, stood up when the show started, blocking the Mature family's view.

That's when deputies say Mature wrapped her hands around the girl's neck and squeezed. She wasn't injured.

Yeah, real Mature.  (Pun most certainly intended)

[Cartmann99]

On 4/6/2017 at 7:29 PM, onekidanddone said:

Never been to Florida. Too damn hot and muggy. It is bad enough where I live now, I can't imagine how it would be further south. I'm like a compass. I always look north. 

Florida is such a beautiful state, but it's the category of places I can only be comfortable in during the winter. We lived in Georgia for several years, and my body did not ever completely adapt to the high humidity. I told my husband that I would bet money that the locals were calling us "those sweaty desert people" when we weren't around. 

[Maggie Mae]

On 4/6/2017 at 4:29 PM, onekidanddone said:

Never been to Florida. Too damn hot and muggy. It is bad enough where I live now, I can't imagine how it would be further south. I'm like a compass. I always look north. 

I've lived in Florida as a child and visited as an adult. I hyped the humdity so much last trip that I was surprised when it wasn't half as bad as I expected. 

I can't stand how stupidly flat it is though. It's weird. And there's not a lot of outdoor things to do. I can only eat so many sandwiches, the ocean on the east side was too turbulant for long distance swimming, and theme parks are a special form of torture. Never been to everglades national park though, maybe I should check that out. 

[onekidanddone]

Born in Rhode Island. Raised in the Mid-Atlantic,  wishing I could live in Alaska.

13 hours ago, 47of74 said:

Temporary Florida Woman gets stupid...

kcrg.com/content/news/Authorities-Woman-chokes-teen-for-blocking-view-at-Disney-418609633.html

Yeah, real Mature.  (Pun most certainly intended)

Yet another example of why I don't like people.

[47of74]

29 minutes ago, onekidanddone said:

Born in Rhode Island. Raised in the Mid-Atlantic,  wishing I could live in Alaska.

Yet another example of why I don't like people.

That is why I always say "CATS.  Because people suck."

[LadyCrow1313]

On ‎4‎/‎8‎/‎2017 at 10:57 PM, 47of74 said:

That is why I always say "CATS.  Because people suck."

Cats, dogs, snakes, horses; animals in general, really.   

[47of74]

Ok, Florida Man just got gross.

thesmokinggun.com/buster/florida/soapys-coin-laundromat-defiled-194032

Quote

A Florida man was arrested Saturday morning for a vile incident inside Soapy’s Coin Laundromat, cops report.

According to an arrest affidavit, Michael Shannon, 57, entered the laundromat around 7:40 AM and proceeded to defecate on the floor of the St. Petersburg business.

Not content with that disgusting bit of criminality, Shannon then scooped up his own waste, an eyewitness told cops, and approached a Dexter commercial washing machine. Shannon was then seen “taking his own human waste” and “pressing it into the soap loading compartment” of the front loader.

 

[GreyhoundFan]

On 4/8/2017 at 10:27 PM, onekidanddone said:

Born in Rhode Island. Raised in the Mid-Atlantic,  wishing I could live in Alaska.

Yet another example of why I don't like people.

Right there with ya. I was born in PA and have spent more than 30 years in the Mid-Atlantic. After a couple of increasingly nasty hot and humid summers and the tangerine toddler occupying the White House, I looked into moving to Iceland. The weather there sounds wonderful and it's a good place to be a woman. Alas, not to be, since my passport is from the US, not the EU.

[clueliss]

When the headline on Facebook begins with 'Florida Lawmaker'  you know I have to come to this thread.

 

http://www.kansascity.com/news/politics-government/article145426854.html#fmp

Quote

Lawmaker apologizes after dropping the n-word, an f-bomb, sexist insults and more

BY PATRICIA MAZZEI

pmazzei@miamiherald.com

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA 

Miami Republican Sen. Frank Artiles dropped the n-word to a pair of African-American colleagues in private conversation Monday night — after calling one of them a “f------ a--hole,” a “bitch” and a “girl,” the two senators said.

Over drinks after 10 p.m. at the members-only Governors Club just steps from the state Capitol, Artiles told Sens. Audrey Gibson of Jacksonville and Perry Thurston of Fort Lauderdale that Senate President Joe Negron of Stuart had risen to his powerful GOP leadership role because “six n----rs” in the Republican caucus had elected him.

Artiles later told Gibson and Thurston that he’d used the word “n---as,” suggesting the slang term was not meant to be insulting, Gibson and Thurston said. It’s unclear whom Artiles was referring to, since the only black senators in the state Senate are all Democrats — and none of them backed Negron’s bid to lead the chamber.

“He called Joe Negron a p----y,” Thurston said.

Artiles apologized to Gibson late Tuesday afternoon, after he’d been reported to Republican leaders and news reporters started asking questions.

Miami lawmaker apologizes on Senate floor for using racial slur

“In an exchange with a colleague of mine in the Senate, I unfortunately let my temper get the best of me,” Artiles said in a statement. “There is no excuse for the exchange that occurred and I have apologized to my Senate colleagues and regret the incident profusely.”

By Tuesday night, the Florida Democratic Party had called on Artiles to resign. Negron, after initially saying little on the incident, said in a statement late Tuesday he was “appalled” by Artiles’ comments — and that Artiles will publicly apologize to Gibson on the Senate floor Wednesday.

“Racial slurs and profane, sexist insults have no place in conversation between Senators and will not be tolerated while I am serving as Senate President,” Negron said.

The Black Caucus has scheduled an emergency Wednesday meeting.

To Gibson and Thurston, it was clear Artiles wasn’t referring to them or to any other Democrats as “n---as” but apparently to six Republicans who favored Negron for the job over Sen. Jack Latvala of Clearwater.

The discussion began Monday night after Artiles approached Gibson at the Governors Club to suggest that a series of questions he’d asked of one of her bills earlier in the day were payback for questions she’d asked before of one of Artiles’ bills.

At one point, Artiles referred to Gibson as “this f------ a--hole” and “this bitch,” Gibson said.

Gibson complained to Thurston, who had been talking to other people at Gibson’s table during the exchange. Thurston asked Artiles if he had in fact referred to Gibson in those terms. Artiles denied it, Thurston said — but urged by Thurston, apologized.

Then, someone else at the table — not an elected official — asked Artiles about another word he’d used in reference to Gibson: “girl.” Artiles said he meant no disrespect.

But when the conversation turned to Senate GOP leadership, Artiles used the n-word.

“He said, ‘If it wasn’t for these six n----rs,’” Gibson said. By way of explanation, he added, “‘I’m from Hialeah,’” she said.

“I said, ‘OK, Perry, I’m done,’” Gibson said.

Gibson left the conversation to go to the restroom.

“I said, ‘Dude, did you say ‘n----rs?’” Thurston recounted. “‘No, I said ‘n---as,’” which is different in his mind.” But not in Gibson’s and Thurston’s, they said.

Thurston urged Artiles to apologize to Gibson upon her return.

“Let’s kind of nip this in the bud,” Thurston said.

But Gibson was so upset she didn’t come back.

“I’m very respectful to this process. I’m very respectful to everyone,” Gibson said. “And the way he was characterizing the vote — it wasn’t nice.”

Thurston offered to meet Artiles at Thurston’s office at 9 a.m. Tuesday so Thurston could accompany him to Gibson’s office to say sorry.

Artiles never showed up, said Thurston, who by then had notified Senate Minority Leader Oscar Braynon of Miami Gardens about the incident. Though Artiles and Gibson coincided Tuesday on the Senate floor and at a transportation budget committee, Artiles didn’t apologize on either occasion, Gibson said.

“I’m at a loss for words,” Braynon said. “You just don’t speak to someone like that.”

By Tuesday afternoon, Negron’s office had been notified of the incident. Artiles, escorted by incoming Republican Senate President Bill Galvano of Bradenton, showed up after 6 p.m. to apologize to Gibson, Thurston and Braynon.

“It is my understanding that this matter has been resolved by the Senators involved,” Negron said in his initial statement.

Before Artiles apologized, Gibson had told the Herald saying sorry would be “meaningless.”

“You’re just talking — loud — to a table of people about leadership. It made me sad,” she said. “I can’t remember a time in my life when anybody called me either one of those things,” she added, referring to the two insults directed at her. “It’s just the most disrespect I’ve ever encountered.”

Florida Democratic Party spokeswoman Johanna Cervone said in a statement that Artiles should “resign now.”

Artiles, a Cuban-American ex-Marine who represents Southwest Miami-Dade County, has gotten into notorious trouble in Tallahassee before. Two years ago, a college student in town for spring break said Artiles punched him in the face at Clyde’s & Costello’s, a downtown bar a couple of doors away from the Governor’s Club, just hours before the start of the 2015 legislative session. Artiles denied it.

Voters elected Artiles, a former state House member, to Senate District 40 in November. He defeated former Democratic state Sen. Dwight Bullard, who is African-American.

Artiles’ slur came the night before a racially diverse group of lawmakers from both parties gathered in the Capitol Rotunda on Tuesday to offer an emotional apology to the Groveland Four, the four African-American men who were wrongfully convicted in Lake County in 1949.

Gibson said Tuesday she couldn’t look at Artiles after he started railing against her Monday night because she had “never, ever, ever” been treated that way.

“Maybe I should’ve asked him to leave the table,” she said.

Tuesday afternoon, Artiles, Gibson and Thurston coincided at a Senate transportation budget meeting. When Artiles sat next to the place where Gibson had set down her things, Gibson picked them up and moved over, leaving an empty chair between them.

HERALD/TIMES STAFF WRITER STEVE BOUSQUET CONTRIBUTED TO THIS REPORT.

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/news/politics-government/article145426854.html#fmp#storylink=cpy

 

 

[47of74]

Florida Man decided to impersonate a cop, and then pulled over a real cop.

miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article144644439.html

Quote

Marcos Pacheco-Bustamante’s impersonations need some work. His observation skills, they could use a little polishing up, too.

On Friday morning, in what police described as a poor attempt to imitate a police officer, Pacheco-Bustamante set a blue siren atop his cop-like Ford Crown Victoria and turned it on. He was signaling for the SUV in front of him to pull over.

It did — and Pacheco-Bustamante got busted.

His mistake, other than not looking much like a cop: The man he pulled over in the unmarked SUV turned out to be Miami-Dade Detective Alton Martin, dressed in full uniform.

And when he's not impersonating cops, he's helping himself to some chicken.

fox35orlando.com/news/local-news/248672198-story

Quote

You could say he was cooking up trouble.  Deputies said an alleged burglar made himself right at home, inside Samantha O'Neal's kitchen.

O'Neal said when she arrived home with her sister and a friend, she saw 34-year-old Ronald Wesly, standing over her stove.

"I walked in to him standing here with this pot of oil, where he was frying chicken. The strainer right here, this chicken in freezer that got cut open, frying chicken," O'Neal explained.

She said the alleged burglar had taken some chicken and sausage from her refrigerator and appeared to be drunk off of her sister's liquor.

 

[Bethella]

On 4/20/2017 at 2:24 PM, clueliss said:

When the headline on Facebook begins with 'Florida Lawmaker'  you know I have to come to this thread.

He's resigned. 

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/04/21/frank-artiles-florida-state-senator-resigns/100744404/

[Grimalkin]

Florida woman uses boyfriend's ball sack as a beauty blender.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/krishrach/a-girl-used-her-boyfriends-balls-as-a-beauty-blender-and?utm_term=.qxOjrR2A2&bffbvid=undefined#.ntXAlK6V6

He's always messing with me so he started putting his balls on my head," Hines told BuzzFeed News. "I made a joke about using them as a beauty blender and we literally just looked at each other and started laughing and made the video from there."

[47of74]

Meanwhile Florida woman took exception to someone playing a xylophone

thesmokinggun.com/documents/florida/xylophone-rage-case-493216

Quote

According to investigators, Floridian April Encarnacion, 43, was collared earlier this month on a domestic battery charge after police responded to a residence in Fort Walton Beach.

Encarnacion, cops say, was in the kitchen with the male victim, who “was playing a xylophone” around 9:20 PM. Encarnacion--apparently not enjoying the Friday evening musical performance--“asked him to stop,” according to a court filing.

When the man refused, Encarnacion, seen above, “dumped a pot of cold cooking grease on him.”

An officer who responded to a 911 call noted that the victim had wet spots on his shirt and shorts, and that “there was a puddle of liquid on the ground where the victim was sitting near the xylophone.”

 

[LadyCrow1313]

9 hours ago, 47of74 said:

Meanwhile Florida woman took exception to someone playing a xylophone

thesmokinggun.com/documents/florida/xylophone-rage-case-493216

 

I shudder to think what she'd pour on him if he started playing the recorder or kazoo.   

[Cartmann99]

5 hours ago, LadyCrow1313 said:

I shudder to think what she'd pour on him if he started playing the recorder or kazoo.   

It's a good thing that chamber pots are no longer a common household item. 

[Cartmann99]

On 4/24/2017 at 7:29 PM, Grimalkin said:

Florida woman uses boyfriend's ball sack as a beauty blender.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/krishrach/a-girl-used-her-boyfriends-balls-as-a-beauty-blender-and?utm_term=.qxOjrR2A2&bffbvid=undefined#.ntXAlK6V6

He's always messing with me so he started putting his balls on my head," Hines told BuzzFeed News. "I made a joke about using them as a beauty blender and we literally just looked at each other and started laughing and made the video from there."

Depending on the career tracks these two choose to pursue, job hunting in the future could be interesting. 

[47of74]

And now we have Florida stepmom Trudy Kay Richardson using her area as nature's hot pocket when she and her daughter were pulled over....

thesmokinggun.com/buster/marijuana/stepmom-stashes-pot-pipe-284935

Quote

The 55-year-old Richardson, the patrolman noted, was observed holding a “blue glass marijuana pipe in her right hand.” Richardson, seen at right, would later tell the cop that the pipe was actually the property of her stepdaughter, who was apparently behind the wheel.

When Richardson spotted Officer Caricia Martinez standing next to the Pontiac, she “placed her hand with pipe into the front of her pants and proceeded to place the item inside of her vagina.” Richardson, Martinez added, “was repeatedly instructed to stop and yet continued.”

With regard to the pot pipe, Richardson subsequently said that she "put it in my pussy" at the request of her stepdaughter.

A remorseful Richardson "spontaneously stated" that she was “so sorry for not listening and putting the pipe in my pussy.” The pipe, Officer Martinez reported, smelled of marijuana and contained “burnt residue.”

Burnt residue?  Ok.  Yikes.

[LadyCrow1313]

20 hours ago, 47of74 said:

And now we have Florida stepmom Trudy Kay Richardson using her area as nature's hot pocket when she and her daughter were pulled over....

thesmokinggun.com/buster/marijuana/stepmom-stashes-pot-pipe-284935

Burnt residue?  Ok.  Yikes.

I hope the officer used a hazmat suit to handle said pipe, and then soaked his/her/? hands in bleach for six hours.

[47of74]

Some sausage talk got out of hand down in Florida;

thesmokinggun.com/documents/stupid/sausage-beef-bust-679302

Quote

Esteban Parra, Nancy Miranda, and Eddie Maldonado, Miranda’s boyfriend, work together at a Carrabba’s Italian Grill in Saint Augustine, Florida. Like Olive Garden, Carrabba’s (seen below) serves what passes for Italian food in places like Saint Augustine, Florida.

Parra, 26, and Miranda, 28, told cops that they were in the restaurant early Wednesday evening “talking about sausage” when Maldonado “walked in on the conversation.”

Maldonado, a 28-year-old prep cook, did not think the duo was talking about sausage.

Parra told police that Maldonado accused him of having a “sexual conversation with his girlfriend and started yelling at him.” Maldonado, Parra added, had a “jealousy issue with him in the past.”

Maldonado got into a fight then with Parra after they all stepped outside.

You're thinking about it too much if the first thing you think of when you hear of sausages is the one down there.