Florida stories

[47of74]

1 hour ago, LadyCrow1313 said:

Were you watching Terence & Philip's "Not Without My Anus"?  

Sorry, my mind immediately went to a naughty place, and that (usually) includes South Park quotes/references. 

Naughty places?!  That's the favorite area for my brain to hang out at!

 

[47of74]

Florida Man and Florida Woman got into a bit of a tiff.

thesmokinggun.com/documents/florida/peak-florida-again-347918

Quote

A Florida man punched his girlfriend and struck her with a “plastic dildo” when she criticized his performance as they were having sex, police allege.

According to an arrest affidavit, Eric Pritsch, 42, and Carol Favuzza, 58, tangled earlier this month at their trailer home in Stuart.

While the couple was having sex, Favuzza told cops, she told Pritsch, “You’re not a man, you’re a mouse.” This comment, investigators noted, was “in reference to his apparent inability to perform.” 

After that withering appraisal, Pritsch (seen above) allegedly punched Favuzza in the face and “struck her in the back several times with a plastic dildo and some type of cord.” Pritsch and Favuzza both appeared drunk, police reported.

I got this...

 

[LadyCrow1313]

16 hours ago, 47of74 said:

Florida Man and Florida Woman got into a bit of a tiff.

thesmokinggun.com/documents/florida/peak-florida-again-347918

I got this...

 

I remember watching this particular cartoon as a wee lass, too. I always got a  kick out of it.  

[47of74]

Florida cops are looking for someone who made a deposit at an ATM there.  A very special kind of deposit too...

thesmokinggun.com/documents/florida/atm-coke-deposit-740932

Quote

-Investigators are seeking to identify the Florida bank customer who included a bag of cocaine along with cash deposited at an ATM machine, records show.

According to a police report, a technician was directed to examine an ATM that had gone out of service earlier this month at a Suncoast Credit Union branch in Bradenton (seen below). The ATM’s “deposit mechanism was jammed,” cops noted.

Upon studying the ATM, the technician discovered what caused the jam: “a small clear baggie containing a white powdery substance.” Cops reported that the technician concluded that “the substance was possibly with the cash of the last person who made the deposit causing the malfunction."

Police “obtained the name on the bank account of the last deposit made just before the ATM was placed out of service,” the report states. “At this time it is unknown if the substance came from the last cash deposit or prior deposits.”

 

[clueliss]

Well that's a new way to launder money.

[47of74]

Speaking of Florida deposits....

thesmokinggun.com/buster/contraband/pill-stash-found-541728

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The 34-year-old Floridian was arrested early yesterday on a warrant charging him with violating terms of a probation sentence imposed following his guilty plea to a misdemeanor domestic violence charge.

As Fletcher was being booked into the Duval County lockup in Jacksonville, jailers discovered that he had a large stash of the antidepressant Alprazolam. Specifically, Fletcher was found with 54 pills, which, an officer reported, “appeared to come from the suspect's anus.”

Seen above, Fletcher was charged with smuggling contraband into a correctional facility, a felony for which he is jailed in lieu of $10,000 bond. Fletcher, scheduled for a March 21 arraignment, has previously been convicted of burglary, cocaine possession, trespass, credit card fraud, and marijuana possession.

 

[47of74]

And Mr. Toot also got busted for possession;

http://thesmokinggun.com/buster/bradenton/mr-toot-in-cocaine-bust-719345

Quote

After spotting Neil Toot bicycling through a stop sign, a sheriff’s deputy sought to pull over the 51-year-old suspect. Toot, however, kept peddling away and, at one point, “threw something behind him to the right.”

After Toot eventually dismounted his ride on a Bradenton street, a patrolman retrieved the tossed item, which turned out to be a plastic baggie containing crack cocaine rocks. Toot, seen above, was arrested on a felony narcotics possession charge.

A convicted felon, Toot has previously served state prison time for cocaine possession and aggravated child abuse. His rap sheet also includes collars for drunk driving, battery, probation violation, domestic battery, failure to pay child support, and violating a domestic violence protection order.

Jail records do not list an alias or nickname for Toot. Like he needs one.

 

[pamplemousse]

It turns out that the "cash me ousside" girl is from Florida. Why am I not surprised? She proves it again:

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/features/fl-reg-cash-ousside-girl-caught-bar-fight-20170228-story.html

Quote

 

A Florida teen who went viral after appearing on the Dr. Phil show is making headlines again.

A video from TMZ shows 13-year-old Danielle Bregoli involved in a brawl outside of a downtown Lake Worth bar early Sunday morning.

The teen rose to fame on the talk show where she encouraged the audience to a fight by saying “cash me ousside.”

On its Instagram account, the Kava Sutra Kava Bar alleges Bregoli and her friends attacked people at the restaurant.

People who saw the fight say Bregoli was charging people for selfies, according to the celebrity news website. 

The video also shows the teens running away before police arrive.

The Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office issued a news release on Monday, saying deputies are investigating a fight between two females in downtown Lake Worth. The Sheriff's Office said one female stayed at the scene and the other fled.

Copyright © 2017, Sun Sentinel

 

 

[47of74]

Jesus, we've got full on Florida this week....

thesmokinggun.com/documents/stupid/nickelback-fraud-scheme-628903

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In a deeply embarrassing fraud scheme, a Florida man actually posed as the drummer for Nickelback in a bid to swindle a company out of $25,000 worth of high-end microphones, according to police.

Investigators allege that Lee Koenig, 45, masqueraded as Nickelback drummer Daniel Adair when recently placing an e-mail order with Lewitt Audio, a Vienna, Austria firm.

The order was subsequently flagged by a Nickelback business representative as “out of the ordinary,” a police report notes. When the rep contacted Adair, the drummer “stated that he did not make the order and began to look into who had.”

 

[pamplemousse]

The guy actually masqueraded as the drummer for Nickelback?! Amateur. You'd think he'd pick a better band to pass himself off as being a member of. Then again, he IS Florida Man...

Sorry, couldn't resist.

[LadyCrow1313]

12 hours ago, pamplemousse said:

The guy actually masqueraded as the drummer for Nickelback?! Amateur. You'd think he'd pick a better band to pass himself off as being a member of. Then again, he IS Florida Man...

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Never apologize for snarking on Nicklecrack. It's always appropriate to do to. 

[clueliss]

I figured it was a good move.  How many people would actually know who the drummer of nickelback was?  

[TheWayTheWorldWorks]

Florida man texts the cops looking for a buyer.  Doh!

Quote

SPRINGFIELD, Fla. (WJHG/WECP)-- We've all accidentally called or texted the wrong person, but an errant text landed a Florida man in jail on drug charges.

In a news release, those with the Springfield Police Department in Florida said Corey Michael Hunt, 20, texted who he thought was a friend to "announce the availability of controlled substances for sale." SPD said the text instead went to a narcotics officer who relayed the information to Springfield police.

Springfield police then responded to the text, offering to buy the drugs. Hunt allegedly sold an officer five 10 mg Diazepam pills.

Because the sale happened next to a church, Hunt is being charged with sale of a controlled substance within 1000 feet of a church as well as two counts of possession of a controlled substance with intent to distribute. Officers reportedly found 67 acetaminophen/codeine tablets and nine more Diazepam 10 mg tablets.

Hunt was taken to the Bay County Jail.

http://www.wjhg.com/content/news/Police-Man-uses-social-media-to-sell-drugs-gets-arrested-415328343.html

 

[LadyCrow1313]

On ‎3‎/‎4‎/‎2017 at 8:32 PM, TheWayTheWorldWorks said:

Florida man texts the cops looking for a buyer.  Doh!

 

Nice middle & last names.

This reminds me of a 911 call I heard a clip of; this dude called 911 to get a ride to the liquor store. I think he'd gotten arrested for that one. (Sadly, I'm not sure where he was from.)

[LadyCrow1313]

On ‎3‎/‎1‎/‎2017 at 11:07 PM, 47of74 said:

Jesus, we've got full on Florida this week....

thesmokinggun.com/documents/stupid/nickelback-fraud-scheme-628903

 

A friend posted this same story to his Facebook feed a few days ago. When I saw it, I immediately giggled & thought of this thread.   

[clueliss]

I suspect whoever posts stories to Facebook for the KC Star loves Florida stories as much as we do.

 

http://www.kansascity.com/news/nation-world/national/article137923163.html

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He couldn’t find his car keys, so a drunk tourist stole a forklift from the marina

 

MARATHON, FLA. 

A drunk Rhode Island man who couldn’t find his car keys and “needed something to drive” stole a forklift from Marina Junction in Marathon Thursday night, police say.

Monroe County Sheriff’s Office spokeswoman Becky Herrin said 44-year-old Edward Quinton of Greenwich, R.I., was arrested after breaking down the marina fence at 4681 Overseas Highway near mile marker 49 oceanside.

Deputy George Zakariadze received a call around 9 p.m. from a witness who saw a white male with blue shorts, a tank top and flip flops breaking out of the marina property on a forklift and heading toward the Sandal Factory on Ocean Terrance.

Sgt. Juan Martin-Reyes called over the radio that he had the person on the forklift detained near 51st Street.

Quinton told officers he was in the Keys helping friends move, had lost the keys to his car and needed something to drive, Herrin said. He said he took the forklift from the marina because he “knows how to drive one.”

When the officers asked about the damage to the marina gates, Quinton said it was OK and he’d be able to fix the gates because he is “a genius.”

Quinton’s blood alcohol level tested at more than twice the legal limit, Herrin said. He faces two misdemeanor DUI counts, one including property damage and the other for driving under the influence with a blood alcohol level of .15 percent or more. He was also booked on felony criminal mischief, burglary and grand theft. He was booked into the jail on Stock Island without bond.

 

3

 

[Jucifer]

http://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article137317553.html

 

A Miami defense lawyer’s pants burst into flames Wednesday afternoon as he began his closing arguments in front of a jury — in an arson case.

Stephen Gutierrez, who was arguing that his client’s car spontaneously combusted and was not intentionally set on fire, had been fiddling in his pocket as he was about to address jurors when smoke began billowing out his right pocket, witnesses told the Miami Herald.

He rushed out of the Miami courtroom, leaving spectators stunned. After jurors were ushered out, Gutierrez returned unharmed, with a singed pocket, and insisted it wasn’t a staged defense demonstration gone wrong, observers said.

Instead, Gutierrez blamed a faulty battery in an e-cigarette, witnesses told the Miami Herald.

“It was surreal,” one observer told the Miami Herald.

Repeated calls to Gutierrez’s cellphone went unanswered. Miami-Dade police and prosecutors are now investigating the episode. Officers seized several frayed e-cigarette batteries as evidence.

“A lot of people could have been hurt,” another observer in court told the Miami Herald.

Gutierrez was representing Claudy Charles, 48, who is accused of intentionally setting his car on fire in South Miami-Dade. He had just started his closing arguments when the fire broke out. Jurors convicted Charles anyway of second-degree arson.

Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Michael Hanzman, in the coming days, could decide to hold Gutierrez in contempt of court.

The 28-year-old lawyer graduated from Florida International University’s law school in 2015.

 

 

[MarblesMom]

Makes the phrase "liar liar pants on fire" take on a new meaning.

[47of74]

Apparently the Florida rubs off on people.

thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/key-west-biting-arrest-452018

Quote

An Ohio woman vacationing with her husband in Florida was arrested after she bit him while they were having sex in a Key West hotel, police report.

Jennifer Rahe Hickman, a 42-year-old dental hygienist, was collared Sunday at the oceanfront Southernmost Beach Resort on a misdemeanor battery charge.

During police questioning, Hickman’s husband Eric, an orthodontist, said that the couple was “drinking alcoholic beverages” while sitting near the pool area when they “decided to go up to the room to have sex.”

While the couple was trysting, Eric said, his wife “placed her mouth on his left forearm and bit him using her teeth.” The biting, cops noted, had been preceded earlier by Jennifer yelling at her spouse and accusing him of “using her.”

 

[LadyCrow1313]

On ‎3‎/‎17‎/‎2017 at 2:54 PM, 47of74 said:

Apparently the Florida rubs off on people.

thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/key-west-biting-arrest-452018

 

I see what you did there.

 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

On Wed Mar 15 2017 at 9:59 PM, MarblesMom said:

Makes the phrase "liar liar pants on fire" take on a new meaning.

I always wanted an excuse to use this emoticon:

[47of74]

Here's a Florida Man who found a different place to eat pancakes

local10.com/news/weird-news/florida-man-charged-for-eating-pancakes-in-middle-of-the-road

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On Monday, Lakeland Police Department received a call that a man was sitting in the middle of a crosswalk eating pancakes on a small TV table. He was disrupting the flow of traffic by causing an obstruction.

Police came to the area, yet the man had left prior to their arrival. A video of the incident was posted on Facebook and the police were able to track down 21-year-old Kiaron Thomas as the flapjack-eating man.

 

[pamplemousse]

I'm disappointed. I went to Florida last week and I didn't see anything stranger than a guy riding a bike after dark and the TSA people at the airport telling everyone they could leave their shoes on through security. Hmph.

[47of74]

Florida Man decided to do some good ol' fashioned book burning.

orlandoweekly.com/Blogs/archives/2017/03/23/florida-man-accidentally-destroys-10-homes-after-burning-books-in-his-yard

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Rather than donating his unwanted books, 10 homes and nearly 400 acres in Nassau County are now destroyed because a Florida man decided to burn a pile of paperbacks in his backyard.

The man hasn't been identified, but so far his book fire, which officials are now calling the Garfield Road Fire, is only 65 percent contained and no longer spreading, reports CNN.

 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

Kitty agrees.