Florida stories

[LadyCrow1313]

12 hours ago, 47of74 said:

Someone towing a Flaming Boat in the Miami-Dade area was caught on tape.

http://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/heres-video-of-someone-towing-a-flaming-boat-down-a-miami-highway-9402579?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark

 

Thought it was some a Viking tribute of some kind; sadly, I was mistaken

[47of74]

The power of Christ compels you?

thesmokinggun.com/buster/cross/glass-cross-beating-763094

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A woman swinging a cross repeatedly struck her husband in the head with the religious item, according to cops who arrested the alleged assailant on a felony domestic battery charge.

Cops say Tina Abrams, 49, attacked her spouse early Friday morning after he returned to the couple’s St. Petersburg, Florida residence.

As her husband was washing up in the bathroom, Abrams announced that she was “through with this shit!” and "grabbed a glass cross from the living room." Abrams then began to “repeatedly strike” the victim, who suffered abrasions to his right temple and the upper left side of his head.

Wouldn't holy water work better and be less painful?

[Jucifer]

Florida man moves north, dabbles in apartment management:

http://www.wsbtv.com/news/local/dekalb-county/2nd-floor-residents-trapped-after-apartment-removes-stairs/530037876

People living on the second floor were rescued by the fire department after their apartment building removes the stairs.

 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

1 hour ago, Jucifer said:

People living on the second floor were rescued by the fire department after their apartment building removes the stairs.

Sounds like something our property management company would do. 

[47of74]

56 minutes ago, Jucifer said:

Florida man moves north, dabbles in apartment management:

http://www.wsbtv.com/news/local/dekalb-county/2nd-floor-residents-trapped-after-apartment-removes-stairs/530037876

People were rescued by the fire department after apartment building removes stairs.

The residents got flyers on their doors just before the demolition started.  

 

I'll say.  This sounds exactly like the kind of thing Florida Man would do if  he was a landlord.  Florida man would be stupid enough to do that without making provisions for replacement of the stairs, such as renting temporary portable stairs and using those.

[47of74]

Florida men and mousetraps don't mix....

http://thesmokinggun.com/documents/florida/mousetrap-in-mailbox-749283

 

Dibble, a 63-year-old Floridian, suspected that his mail was swiped as retaliation by neighbors upset that he had called police about criminal activity in his Bradenton neighborhood. In an interview, Dibble referred to “the drug dealer across the street” and a woman who runs a “house of prostitution next door.”

In what must have seemed a brilliant idea at the time, Dibble placed a mousetrap inside his mailbox (seen above) and raised the red flag. The goal, a police report notes, was “to catch someone stealing his mail.”

Dibble, investigators noted, “had planned to make the mail carrier aware of the trap.” However, since this is Florida (and TSG), Dibble’s plan, of course, backfired.

Cynthia Humphreys-Smith, a 37-year-old postal worker, “came a different route and time” last Friday, police reported. When she reached into the mailbox to retrieve outgoing mail, “her hand slammed in the trap.” Humphreys-Smith, who suffered “pain and throbbing in the hand,” told police that her hand “had just recently healed from being broken.”

[MarblesMom]

This doesn't deserve its own thread, but I had to share - fresh off the wire: "E 8th St for a weapons violation. A female has a shower rod and is threatening others."

 

[pamplemousse]

I've found a treasure trove of Florida stories at the Sun Sentinel's FloriDUH Blog. This one is about, as the blog puts it, a flaming idiot, and links to the original story.

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/strange/floriduh-blog/sfl-flduh-firefighter-bar-fight-cigarette-20170626-story.html

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Too bad this firefighter apparently doesn't realize the most dangerous fire is between your lips.

A Florida Keys firefighter, Dustin Hunt, evidently got into a heated dustup at a tiki bar with another man after the other guy refused to give him a cigarette, according to his arrest affidavit, reports the Florida Keys News.

Officers weren't buying Hunt's story after witnesses backed up the other guy's version of events, records show.

Will his career go up in smoke?

 

 

[SnazzyNazzy]

After spending two weeks in Florida, I totally understand why all the kooky shit happens. I had a mental break of some sort, about every 3 or for days.

Between the incessant heat, the overly-aggressive mosiquitos, and being able to buy alcohol damn near everywhere, the "why" of Florida news, makes total sense to me.

You are sweating all the common sense, the good lord gave you, out of every pore of your body. You are either high as a kite, or slightly toxic, from all the damn mosquito spray you have to put on allll dayyy long. Throw all the easy drinking one can do, into the mix...KABAM...crazy Florida news.

My mostly sane self, ended up doing some questionable things while in Florida. I had a few screaming matches with my family, wherever we happened to be, when they pissed me off. We went on a private fishing charter out in the gulf, and I had to pee. The most logical response to me, was to precariously hang my ass of the boat, and piss into the ocean. I figured the captain of our boat, has seen a bunch of ass in his time, so mine wouldn't even register (sure hanging it off the side of his boat, might have made it a wee bit memorable...pun intended). 

I bought the Florida Keys version, of this masterpiece of art.....for my 13yo son. 

Spoiler

 

I also bought the same 13yo son, the totally inappropriate, yet scarily accurate "Florida Version" of this shirt....

Spoiler

There are a lot of different factors, that contribute to one making very questionable decisions. After every questionable decision I made, I found myself saying "We're in Florida, so why the fuck not".

[pamplemousse]

Florida Man messes with his manhood and might get in big trouble for it.

http://www.14news.com/story/35791949/florida-man-shoots-self-in-penis?clienttype=generic&utm_content=buffer00bee&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

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(RNN) - A Florida man accidentally shot himself in the penis while he was sitting in the driver’s seat of his Nissan Altima.

Shaneika Roberts, 25, told Jacksonville, FL, police that Cedrick Jelks, 38, ran into their home in a total panic and ran straight to the bathroom. She followed him and saw that he was shot in the penis.

She took him to the hospital, where he had surgery, police said.

He told Roberts that he sat on the gun and it went off. Police arrived at the hospital a little after 3 in the morning because of the gunshot wound, according to WJXT.

Jelks had a 2004 cocaine arrest, the police said. Because he is a convicted felon, he could face weapons charges for possessing a firearm.

Copyright 2017 Raycom News Network. All rights reserved.

 

 

[47of74]

2 hours ago, pamplemousse said:

Florida Man messes with his manhood and might get in big trouble for it.

http://www.14news.com/story/35791949/florida-man-shoots-self-in-penis?clienttype=generic&utm_content=buffer00bee&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

 

Yeah I was just coming here myself to remark on this latest episode of the Incredible Adventures of Florida Man.  That is full on classic Florida right there.  Sounds like he performed a dick move on himself.  And, to quote David Spade in Tommy Boy, "oooh, that will ruin his weekend." 

[LadyCrow1313]

On ‎6‎/‎30‎/‎2017 at 10:37 AM, SnazzyNazzy said:

 

 

  Hide contents

 

The shirt reminds me of a place in East Haven, CT called "Master Bait And Tackle". And I've seen it, too, so I know it's a legitimate place. The name makes me giggle.   

[47of74]

23 minutes ago, LadyCrow1313 said:

The shirt reminds me of a place in East Haven, CT called "Master Bait And Tackle". And I've seen it, too, so I know it's a legitimate place. The name makes me giggle.   

Is he any relation to Jack Mehoffer?

 

[LadyCrow1313]

And Phil McCraken, Eileen Dover & her brother Ben Dover.   

[47of74]

Even the priests in Corvettes are becoming temporary Florida Men when they visit.

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William Rian Adams, 35, of Fletcher, North Carolina, faces two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after authorities alleged he pointed the weapon at two people late Wednesday at mile marker 125 near Palm City in Martin County.

According to a Florida Highway Patrol report, Adams was driving a red Chevrolet Corvette when he attempted to brake-check a Chevrolet Silverado pickup that was closely following his vehicle.

The driver of the pickup attempted to go around Adams’ vehicle, prompting Adams to point the weapon, authorities alleged.

Online records show that Adams is the rector of Calvary Episcopal Church in Fletcher, which is just south of Asheville. Troopers pulled over Adams’ vehicle in St. Lucie County shortly after his accusers called police.

 

Here's a Florida Man who was tired of walking, twice.

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Police in Florida said a man caught driving a stolen forklift told officers he was tired of walking -- and it wasn't the first time.

Port Orange Police said an officer approached Bradley Barefoot, 43, who was appropriately barefoot at the time, after spotting him with the stolen forklift.

Barefoot initially told the officer he took the forklift because he thought it was the same one that has been stolen from his boss in Alabama, but he later said he took the $38,000 vehicle because he was tired of walking and he noticed the keys had been left in the ignition.

Police said the incident wasn't Barefoot's first offense -- he was arrested in April 2016 when he took a forklift from behind a Best Buy store in Daytona Beach and used it to move some boxes before driving the piece of equipment to a Bob Evans restaurant.

 

[47of74]

Just so happens the week I have surgery both Florida Man and Florida Woman got really busy....

First: Cookie Monster Was Stuffed With Cocaine

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A Florida Keys man is facing a pair of felony narcotics charges after cops discovered two packages of cocaine hidden in a Cookie Monster doll that was inside the accused trafficker's backpack.

When McNair rolled down his window, the deputy smelled marijuana, prompting a search of the vehicle. When Deputy Orey Swilley opened the backpack, he noticed that the doll seemed a bit heavy.

Next: Half-Bearded Man Back Behind Bars Following Miami Beach Drug Bust

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By any measure, Kevin Gibson is a public nuisance, a convicted felon with dozens of arrests and multiple state prison terms.

But look at that half-beard!

Finally: Killjoy Cop Ruins Randy Florida Couple's X-Rated 3 AM Public Tryst

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Meet Tabatha Lehman and Craig Schultheis.

Lehman, 45, and Schultheis, 46, were not pleased to be interrupted by Officer Logan Ward, who reported spotting both defendants “naked from the waist down performing sexual activities on each other."

Schultheis, Logan noted, repeatedly explained that he was "just trying to get a piece of ass."

For her part, Lehman repeatedly declared that she was "getting her pussy eaten out," according to a criminal complaint.

 

[MarblesMom]

One more for SD stories:  "Flying J for a foot pursuit. AC is in pursuit of a pig that has gotten loose. The pig is heading towards the interstate."

Those Duggars can chase cows, where are they when there is a pig on the loose?!

[47of74]

Drug Dealer Reports Theft Of His Cocaine

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A Florida man who “identified himself as a drug dealer” called police early Sunday to report the theft of cash and a small bag of cocaine from his vehicle, according to an arrest report.

Cops say that David Blackmon, 35, complained that an auto burglar swiped $50 and “about one-quarter of an ounce of cocaine” from his car, which was parked near Blackmon’s Fort Walton Beach residence.

While Blackmon was showing an Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office deputy where his cash and coke had been, the cop noticed a second “plastic baggie containing suspected cocaine on the center console.”  

A further examination of Blackmon’s ride, cops say, turned up a crack pipe on the vehicle’s floorboard and a crack rock on the center console. The contents of the plastic baggie, the crack rock, and the pipe all tested positive for cocaine.

 

[47of74]

“Million Dollar Ho” Arrested In Prostitution Sweep, Police Report

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Cops charge that Debra Thomes, 49, approached an undercover cop who was behind the wheel of an auto parked in a Fort Pierce. After asking the officer if he wanted a date, Thomes entered the vehicle around 8:45 PM..

Once inside, Thomes “introduced herself as the ‘Million Dollar Ho,’” according to an arrest affidavit. She then allegedly offered to provide sexual services for decidedly less than seven figures--$40 to be exact. Thomes assured the prospective john, “You’re the first one today.”

I guess she was giving a $999,960 discount.

[ADoyle90815]

I'm surprised this wasn't posted.

http://www.cnn.com/videos/us/2017/07/20/florida-man-shoots-att-truck-orig-trnd-lab.cnn

[47of74]

Florida man 'splains why he was out in his birthday suit

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A man who stripped off his clothes outside a Florida motel told police that, “I get naked when I get really happy or really sad,” according to an arrest report.

John Walter Lee Gill, 47, was arrested Wednesday morning after disrobing on the sidewalk outside the Kenwood Village Inn in St. Petersburg. The unemployed Gill is residing at the motel, which is across the street from Dunkin’ Donuts and Fray’s Donut House.

 

[Snowless]

On 6/30/2017 at 7:37 AM, SnazzyNazzy said:

After spending two weeks in Florida, I totally understand why all the kooky shit happens. I had a mental break of some sort, about every 3 or for days.

Between the incessant heat, the overly-aggressive mosiquitos, and being able to buy alcohol damn near everywhere, the "why" of Florida news, makes total sense to me.

Heck, with all the heat, mosquitoes, and craziness you kinda have to drink here.  An air conditioner is a must here if you want to survive the hot and humid summers here.  This time of year, even a 78 degree room feels incredibly cool compared to the 90°-plus high temperatures outside.  We keep our thermostat set around 78° during the day this time of year to save money on the electrical bill, but in the winter time, when we frequently have morning temperatures in the low 60s, we leave our heater off at night (again, to save money on the electric bill), and it gets freezing cold inside.  I guess even then, a little whiskey will warm ya.

Honestly, though, I've lived in Florida so long now that nothing surprises me anymore.

[MarblesMom]

SD man wants to one up FL stories:

"200 block of xxxxx Dr for a disorderly subject, RP is advising a naked male is at their door knocking on it."

THAT, my friends, is what locks and a security system are for.  

...... And for the amusement.

Editing to add the Midwest Nice in all of this.  He IS knocking, after all.

[MarblesMom]

But wait, SD man again:

"report of a "Shoplifting" a male subject stole a roll of toilet paper, by shoving it down his pants"

Well, no one is going to want that stolen item returned...

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

@MarblesMom--I think I like SD man better than Florida man. So much more wholesome!