Jazz Hands, Sparkle Crotch: Erika Schupe Pt. 9

[princessmahina]

1 hour ago, Coy Koi said:

Yeah, I don't think Erika is being wronged by this woman or anything, just that the woman sounds pretty unhinged. And I think Erika does owe her readers some kind of explanation. Not necessarily an explanation of what specific circumstances changed in her life, but at least an acknowledgment that something in her thinking DID change. Because right now she still said (also in the comments on that post) that their beliefs and values have not changed, and that just isn't true. Even just something like "I realize I have a tendency to be too rigid in life and on my blog, and that's something I've been working on" would go a long way, IMO. That's not sharing ANY personal details, but it's not insulting your readers by treating them like they're so stupid they can't see something right in front of their faces. Until Erika shows some sign of not being completely full of shit, I'm not giving her any credit for this. But I am glad the kids are in school.

Agreed. You can't build a platform on one thing, actively judge everyone who does things different, then make a 180 and pretend you haven't changed your views. She's built up a following based on her ultra-conservative, homeschooling, skirt-only lifestyle. If she expects her readers to stay, she's got some explaining to do. 

[Koala]

Is anyone having trouble with her site?  I can get it to load, but it won't let me scroll down.

N/m  it's working now.

[usmcmom]

35 minutes ago, princessmahina said:

Agreed. You can't build a platform on one thing, actively judge everyone who does things different, then make a 180 and pretend you haven't changed your views. She's built up a following based on her ultra-conservative, homeschooling, skirt-only lifestyle. If she expects her readers to stay, she's got some explaining to do. 

I agree. This is a woman who wrote in great detail about her D and C after her miscarriage. It's not like she is afraid to share personal information. She is, apparently, afraid to share information that would allow people to brand her a hypocrite. I think anybody who speaks out as venomously as she has about certain issues should give an explanation when she suddenly begins embracing those issues. As mentioned above, an apology would be a good start. 

[Koala]

Wow...how can she still be so sanctimonious??

A very reader wrote this (very polite) comment:

Quote

I have to admit that I was quite surprised to see you had stopped homeschooling – although it sounds like it is the right move for your family at this time and I’m sure you made the decision with a lot of prayer and consideration!

Someday down the line, however, I would (like many of your readers I presume) be interested in hearing why you made the change and how the transition went. As a parent on the brink of making the decision whether to homeschool or not I welcome hearing of personal experiences from families who have made the change and the pros and cons of each experience.

As a blog reader, I would also hope that at some point you would be willing to share how and why your convictions changed in areas where you seemed so firmly convicted in the past (i.e. homeschooling, being a skirts only family). I don’t ask in the sense that I think your readers are “entitled” to an explanation, but more so in the hope that so many of us share similar questions about home life, education, and modesty, and if your eyes have been opened to some new wisdom, I would hope you would share your thoughts and journey!

Erika:

Quote

We are all learning and growing as we go along, and going through what the Lord asks us to as we travel our paths; which sometimes means we don’t get what we want or what we dream for ourselves. We cannot see our futures, but only one step, one day at a time. Having discretion about what to say or not say on the internet has nothing to do with my authenticity. =)

Her authenticity?  Is she kidding me right now?  She actively shamed women who put their kids in public school as part of "traveling their path" <---whatever the hell that means.

Now they're just supposed to accept that she's no longer a homeschool/eye-trap guru, but instead she's an expert on being a "public school mom".  Umm, no.  

Authentic would be saying, "I am not comfortable sharing the "whys", but let me start by apologizing to all of the families I criticized.  I really made an ass of myself."

Here's the crazy thing- she's copying and pasting that exact same response to other readers.

Did she really think that no one would notice?

I LOVE the reader that said:

Quote

Perhaps you should listen to us veteran public-school moms if this is a new experience for you. It seems premature to be giving advice.

 

[Koala]

Okay, sorry to post again, but these comments are just...wow.

Reader:

Quote

I’m confused… You’ve said many times that God wants our kids to be home schooled. Have your beliefs changed?

Fair question.  

Erika:

Quote

It has nothing to do with our values or beliefs, it’s purely circumstantial and related to real-world issues we have to deal with. We still think homeschooling is awesome, but it’s not always possible in our broken world, and that’s not a sin.

Well as nice as it is that Erika is giving herself a pass, here is a reminder of the grief she used to give moms who were in the exact same position she is in now.  

Erika Shupe:

Quote

May I speak openly to you and offer you a warning? It may seem right now for a time that you have no real difficulties in life because it seems that you and your husband have plenty of money. But with both of you working, and leaving your children to be raised by someone else for the majority of every day of every week...your children are the ones who will likely pay the price, and therefore you as well in several years. Your children do not have "you" teaching them, training them up with good character and discipline. They have the influence of 25 or so other peers (fools as scripture calls them) their own age, who have no more knowledge, no wisdom, no good direction or self control or anything. Rather than learning from all ages of people and older people than themselves who can give them knowledge and wisdom and character for their life, they are given over to the "real authority" (government education and awful peer influence) you've shown them and whom they should listen to.

You ask why homeschoolers and single income families would choose this difficult lifestyle? Well first of all because it's God's direction, and that is for the sake of the children. Stay at home, homeschooling moms are doing the harder job for the sake of the children. To train them and educate them, develop them, shelter them from danger and evil influences until they are strong enough to take it on for themselves, and to be the loving presence they need. It's self-sacrifice for the sake of others. It's a lot easier to go to a job every day and get paid and have plenty of money. But that's not why God created us and put us here on earth.

The children will most likely suffer later. And I believe you know this already, but people's eternal life is also at stake when they don't love the Lord and obey His Word. There will be a judgement some day, and an eternal destiny for every person - whether you believe it or not. Will you be prepared? Will your children?

I say these things to you strait forwardly, KL, out of love. Because I would not be a good friend if I did not at some point warn you of what is coming your way, no matter how comfortable life feels right now. *hugs*

Someone needs to copy and paste those exact words (her own) and let her reflect on how she made other mothers feel.  

[formergothardite]

22 minutes ago, Koala said:

Someone needs to copy and paste those exact words (her own) and let her reflect on how she made other mothers feel.  

Exactly, until she is willing to apologize for her years of bad teaching, she  needs to have her own words thrown back at her. I have no sympathy for Erika. 

[Anonymousguest]

Whatever happened must be big and bad, and she's not really come to terms with it. She keeps talking about being in a"broken" world. Usually an euphemism fit "sin" in the church. She didn't choose to put her kids in school. Sounds like her philosophy hasn't changed, but shes been forced to act against it and not willing to say publicly what it was. 

I think if it was something simple like a change of mind Erika would say it, and she'd present it like it was all God leading her to make this better new decision. But she's not, she's using the God can make good out of a broken situation approach. 

[Hisey]

If she is calling herself a SAHM, then she isn't working at a job like teaching. So I wonder if she is working for Bob in some capacity, like receptionist or bookkeeper. 

She is making it pretty clear she didn't want this change, so perhaps it doesn't have anythign to do with a poor GED performance or child with special needs. If that were the case, Erika would just double-down on homeschooling. Bob always seems right on board with Erika's "logic" so I don't think he decided that the kids would be happier in PS.

I think it must be about the money. That would explain the whole "re-branding" thing, too. Seems odd to re-brand with a fancy new website just as your kids enter PS, if you didn't plan on trying to monetize in some way.

[MamaJunebug]

And might I add, cosmetology school is usually an 11- or 12-month commitment. So the older daughters have some options, since there are financial assists for all training (just gotta find it).

Problem with personal-care careers is that they're notoriously uneven at the beginning. Until the stylist has a good following, it's far from "living on your own" money, at least TTBOMK.  

ETA: late to the party and not a constant Erika follower, but why rebrand the blog at all?  "Things change; the Lord throws us life curve balls but has promised He will always be with us. This is how a large family on purpose walks courageously with the Lord while trusting in His plans for us."

Unless she's one of those wackos who claims that God owes her prosperity for her award-winning righteousness. 

[Koala]

Reader:

Quote

Have you considered apologizing to the many women you strongly criticized for taking this same step?

Of course she hasn't!  She's deleted those posts, so it really never happened.  Besides, she's too busy doling out advice on being a public school mom.  She's been doing it for like 4 whole months!

[formergothardite]

If she gets too many comments about her past remarks, I bet she will become very strict on what comments are allowed. She doesn't want people to remind her of how she treated others in the past. 

[Anonymousguest]

I'd be surprised if this is about money. They've been through lean times before and she's made it clear homeschooling is worth the sacrifice. And if they really needed the money one of them could take a job in the evening. 

I think the issue has something to do with schooling specifically. Something/someone is forcing her to have to put the kids in school.

[Hisey]

1 hour ago, Koala said:

Reader:

Of course she hasn't!  She's deleted those posts, so it really never happened.  Besides, she's too busy doling out advice on being a public school mom.  She's been doing it for like 4 whole months!

I know. What gall. I've been a "public school mom" for 12 years now (with a couple of years of private thrown in as well). I have learned A LOT since my oldest started kindergarten. I've learned how the system works, about school funding, about teachers, teaching styles, etc. I've made some bad mistakes, and a few good calls. All of this hard-earned data (it's always hard-earned when it involves your child) informs my decision-making today. Erika should be asking ME for advice, and other moms with older kids.

Almost from the beginning, many of my ideas were turned on their head. For example, my oldest had a very strict kindergarten teacher, very old school. Since this was my first kid, my baby, I was not happy about it, and kept a careful eye on things. Much to my surprised, my daughter thrived in this environment, and so did the other kids. Strict does not necessarily mean bad, even for five year olds. My youngest, in contrast, had a very new age preschool teacher, with many tattoos and piercings and just out of school. Again, my alarm bells went off (I'd have preferred a teacher out of a Beverly Clearly novel), but this young woman proved so loving and kind that we visited her for years after my daughter finished in her class.  If we hadn't moved away, we'd still be visiting her.

There's a lot to learn, Erika, Four months is not enough time to become an expert.

34 minutes ago, Anonymousguest said:

I'd be surprised if this is about money. They've been through lean times before and she's made it clear homeschooling is worth the sacrifice. And if they really needed the money one of them could take a job in the evening. 

I think the issue has something to do with schooling specifically. Something/someone is forcing her to have to put the kids in school.

SHE made it clear, but how did Bob feel? Maybe he's always been unsure how he can finance what is really two incredible luxuries--to have nine kids AND to have a SAHM mom.

On some level, it's a numbers issue. If his business can't afford a receptionist, then Erika might just have to stop rotating kids from station to station and step in to fill the bill. If they can't afford their mortgage and are in danger of foreclosure, then there's no way that homeschooling is "worth the sacrifice." Even if Erika said she'd be willing to move the family into her parents place to keep being a SAHM homeschooling mom, Bob might've refused. 

[usmcmom]

2 minutes ago, Hisey said:

I know. What gall. I've been a "public school mom" for 12 years now (with a couple of years of private thrown in as well). I have learned A LOT since my oldest started kindergarten. I've learned how the system works, about school funding, about teachers, teaching styles, etc. I've made some bad mistakes, and a few good calls. All of this hard-earned data (it's always hard-earned when it involves your child) informs my decision-making today. Erika should be asking ME for advice, and other moms with older kids.

Almost from the beginning, many of my ideas were turned on their head. For example, my oldest had a very strict kindergarten teacher, very old school. Since this was my first kid, my baby, I was not happy about it, and kept a careful eye on things. Much to my surprised, my daughter thrived in this environment, and so did the other kids. Strict does not necessarily mean bad, even for five year olds. My youngest, in contrast, had a very new age preschool teacher, with many tattoos and piercings and just out of school. Again, my alarm bells went off (I'd have preferred a teacher out of a Beverly Clearly novel), but this young woman proved so loving and kind that we visited her for years after my daughter finished in her class.  If we hadn't moved away, we'd still be visiting her.

There's a lot to learn, Erika, Four months is not enough time to become an expert.

Oh yes, to all of this. Wouldn't it be great if Erika said "This is all new to me. I'd love some tips from you veteran public school moms."  But no. Erika is the expert on EVERYTHING. 

When our first child started kindergarten we had people suggest we get him placed into another class because his assigned teacher was "really tough."  I was concerned but we decided to see how it played out. She was strict but one of the best teachers ever. Both of our children had her and loved her. They are 22 and 25 now and she still asks about them by name when we run into her. My daughter's second and third grade teachers were both near retirement and very strict. Again, she loved them and has such fond memories of all her elementary teachers. 

Did Erika enroll her oldest daughters in public school when they were little?  If not, how did she know the school was evil?  That's what upsets me so much about these judgmental homeschoolers - when they have never stepped foot in a public school and label them "of the devil."  My sister did that and was so critical of our kids' school when she had no idea what it was like. If someone had their child in school and then said "well, it wasn't for us," they would not be offending so many people. 

 

[imokit]

If Bob needs a receptionist - Karen is old enough and has finished school.  It would save money for the family and keep her close (working for Daddy is a godly occupation for a stay at home daughter), it would also enable Erica to stay home and she'd have Melanie to help.

I think either something else happened or the kids are getting to big to control.  There was a father's day letter where either Karen/Melanie spoke of Bob staying when times are rough and interceding with mum.  Karen + Melanie (who are too big for Erica to hit) would be capable of wearing Bob down to occasionally side with them if he felt their noise (and rallying of the littles) would be more disruptive than Erica's upset.  While I think is incredibly conservative, I don't think he's as legalistic as others or bothered by what the girls wear, and would quite like a peaceful life and his kids to be able to support themselves financially.

[princessmahina]

It wouldn't surprise me at all if Bob were behind the big changes. Everyone, including Bob, looks way happier in recent pictures than in the ones from a year or two ago.

[Evangeline]

I think Bob is probably forcing the issue. The only way she'd change her tune is if another belief, such as submission to her husband, was in conflict with her belief in homeschooling. I don't know the homeschooling laws in her state, but in the ones I'm familiar with, there is almost no way the state can force a family to use public schools, unless the kids are in state custody. I doubt that's the case, which makes me think it must be because her husband insisted. Maybe they have worsening financial problems for the usual reasons or one of them is sick. This would explain the broken world comment. She probably hasn't changed her opinions much. She still thinks she should homeschool, but she can't.

[church_of_dog]

3 minutes ago, Evangeline said:

I think Bob is probably forcing the issue. The only way she'd change her tune is if another belief, such as submission to her husband, was in conflict with her belief in homeschooling. I don't know the homeschooling laws in her state, but in the ones I'm familiar with, there is almost no way the state can force a family to use public schools, unless the kids are in state custody. I doubt that's the case, which makes me think it must be because her husband insisted. Maybe they have worsening financial problems for the usual reasons or one of them is sick. This would explain the broken world comment. She probably hasn't changed her opinions much. She still thinks she should homeschool, but she can't.

Hmm, could be, but I dunno -- it seems to me that if he was forcing the issue, that her grousing about being "forced" or the world being "broken" would be seen as really disloyal to her husband.  I'm more inclined to thing there is a legal reason -- two wild ideas that come to mind are CPS or divorce (which would indeed be him forcing the issue, but in a different way than I think you meant).  Not suggesting either of those specifically, but those are the thoughts that come to my mind when I try to think of compelling legal situations that have the potential to cause a person to make this sort of change, grudgingly.

[Anonymousguest]

@church_of_dog I had the same ideas poo in my head. Also it's something she said she's using discretion not to share. This is the person who shared details of a miscarriage and posted pictures of her children sitting on the toilet. "Financial problems" which she's also shared about extensively in the past just didn't seen to fit here.

Edit: pop, not poo, but it made me laugh so I'm leaving it.

[Koala]

I don't know if anyone remembers, but Erika had started having little get-aways to stay with her parents.  To me, that was the first indication that something was off.

The other thing- in the video, it almost seemed like she'd been crying.  

[mango_fandango]

Hmm. Maybe something has happened between her and Bob. IDK.

[Hisey]

2 hours ago, imokit said:

If Bob needs a receptionist - Karen is old enough and has finished school.  It would save money for the family and keep her close (working for Daddy is a godly occupation for a stay at home daughter), it would also enable Erica to stay home and she'd have Melanie to help.

I think either something else happened or the kids are getting to big to control.  There was a father's day letter where either Karen/Melanie spoke of Bob staying when times are rough and interceding with mum.  Karen + Melanie (who are too big for Erica to hit) would be capable of wearing Bob down to occasionally side with them if he felt their noise (and rallying of the littles) would be more disruptive than Erica's upset.  While I think is incredibly conservative, I don't think he's as legalistic as others or bothered by what the girls wear, and would quite like a peaceful life and his kids to be able to support themselves financially.

Karen needs to earn money for cosmetology school. He would need to PAY Karen. He wouldn't need to pay Erika.

[16strong]

1 hour ago, Hisey said:

Karen needs to earn money for cosmetology school. He would need to PAY Karen. He wouldn't need to pay Erika.

Well, technically speaking, he would, but the money would go right to the family. Doubt Karen would be interested in giving up her cosmetology school/car/jeans money to her parents. I think the infamous halloween post/FJ backlash initiated a huge fight resulting in some wins for Bob and the kids. But maybe I'm thinking too highly of us. In all likelihood, Bob was provoking Erika, and there were some deep rifts between them already. I'm guessing that after a huge fight, he sat her down and told her point blank that having so many kids in such a cramped house with only one income and no personal identities was affecting both of their sanities and it needed to stop.

[Hisey]

18 minutes ago, 16strong said:

Well, technically speaking, he would, but the money would go right to the family. Doubt Karen would be interested in giving up her cosmetology school/car/jeans money to her parents. I think the infamous halloween post/FJ backlash initiated a huge fight resulting in some wins for Bob and the kids. But maybe I'm thinking too highly of us. In all likelihood, Bob was provoking Erika, and there were some deep rifts between them already. I'm guessing that after a huge fight, he sat her down and told her point blank that having so many kids in such a cramped house with only one income and no personal identities was affecting both of their sanities and it needed to stop.

I think lack of money, in some form, drove the kids to public school.

I also think that Erika is not alone. This could happen to almost any of the fundies with minor kids. ZZ Anderson could find her husband in jail any time now. Steve's followers might support the family for a short time, but eventually they'd find another leader and ZZ  would need to put her kids in school to go to work. Kelly Crawford's husband is losing his vision, works construction and recently was out of work bc of a back injury. Is it really long before she needs to get a job? The whole fundie system is set up to depend entirely on the earnings of one husband supporting many people. This can fail for so many reasons, and seems to have failed for Erika.

(I guess Meredith Hammer might be an exception to this rule, and any other fundies that are married to Rhode Scholars going to Harvard Law)

[BlessingsVonFundiePants]

 That schedule is insane why is "mother Kathy" attending to digital scrapbooking  and bible study while the kids are going to school full time AND doing all the housework?  .