Miss Raquel is writing "another" novel.

[Shoobydoo]

My goodness. Raquel is going to be in for a cold, hard dose of reality. I would look forward to when the explosions start, but I hate the idea of anyone not having somewhere to live. Even Raquel.

[sea_gale]

24 minutes ago, onlyme said:

The boys that went on the trip broke off from her for most of the trip. I asked my son about all the hugging and he said he didn't see it, but he didn't spend much time with her. He likes to do these mission trips because he feels like he gets to know local people, rather than always being stuck in tourist things. I can understand a lot of what is being said here. I might not take as hard a line about it. I think you can do it if you are aware of the pitfalls. Like how he paid attention to the food and gave the director compensation for his meals. There are pitfalls, but you could say that about any kind of travel, I suppose. I don't think it's all black and white. And certainly, if the director felt like the cost was more than what she is getting, she doesn't have to let people come. 

I don't think anyone else on the trip is responsible for Raquel but herself. Even this idea that her parents were into the umbrella idea-no, all the fundy stuff is Raquel's. 

onlyme, I really appreciate your posts. It's always interesting to get context on Raquel's antics. Particularly that she's first generation fundy.

[onlyme]

@formergotharditeYou have a right to your opinion. I just think you're taking it further than I would. I wouldn't feel comfortable with the boys that were on the trip confronting her. It just wouldn't be their place. I also think the trip was worth taking for them. One of the boys wouldn't be able to go anywhere if it wasn't church related. 

I feel like you put Raquel almost on par with a molester. That is, if there was a molester going on the trip, I would call for the level of reaction you are presenting. I might not approve of her behavior, but I don't put it at the level you are going with it. That's fine if you see it that way, I'm not saying this to judge your point of view. I just don't agree to that point, where the other kids should not have gone at all, or that it was somehow immoral for them to do so. 

Thank you @sea_gale  

[formergothardite]

I said she was a predator, and can you in all honesty say that she isn't? Her predatory antics are escalating. These are boys who are at risk for already being preyed on sexually and now they deal with Raquel.  I'm sorry, but no trip is worth allowing a predator access to at risk orphans. And that still doesn't explain why no one confronts her now. 

I would really like to know why you don't view her as a predator. If this was an adult man doing this to a teen girl, you don't think he would be acting like a predator and his team shouldn't have called him out? 

[onlyme]

The power dynamics would be different if it were an adult man. I think it's a bit much to call her a predator. A predator is one who plots access, tries to catch people at a time of vulnerability so they can take advantage, purposely deceives, watches for opportunities like a predatory animal watches an animal they want to feed on. I don't think Raquel is that. Opportunistic isn't the same thing as predatory. 

Like I said, you have a right to your opinion, I can't tell anyone what to think anyway. I just think it's a little far. 

[Whoosh]

9 minutes ago, onlyme said:

The power dynamics would be different if it were an adult man.

Of course everyone can have their own opinion on various things, but this seems odd to me.  How would the power dynamics be different, exactly?  Are you saying women are incapable of exerting power over men in this way?  How about, say, a junior high or high school teacher that has inappropriate contact with (or sexual relationships with) students - is there a different power dynamic if the teacher/student situation is m/m vs m/f vs f/m vs f/f?

[onlyme]

I do think men can and are more naturally inclined to exert strength under a guise of authority and they are naturally stronger. They also tend to be more aggressive. Of course a woman can also be a predator, but I don't see Raquel doing the things I've mentioned. 

And Raquel is not molesting anyone. She is an extremely huggy person, always, with everyone. I am not saying the way she acts is wonderful, I'm just talking about degrees. And just like she can't really accomplish all the meaningful, wonderful things she thinks she is accomplishing, she also isn't going to ruin these boys in a week either. 

[formergothardite]

It does not have to escalate to molesting for it to be predatory behavior. It doesn't matter if she is "huggy" apparently Gothard was "grandfatherly" and people used that as an excuse to explain away his actions as not being predatory. 

There is a power dynamic here. Raquel is a very pretty woman who comes into an orphanage of teen boys who are at risk for already being sexually abused. She brings gifts, she gushes over them, she takes them places. There is a hell of a big power dynamic here. And I really am not sure how you can say there isn't.

Last time she snuggled with them and showered them with hugs and tickle fights. She sat up into the night stroking their hair and whispering to them. This year she has escalated her behavior in treating them like one typically treats someone you are dating. She took the jacket of one boy so she could sleep with it because it smells like him and gave him her hoodie to keep. She writes about aching to be held in the arms of another boy.  It needs to be stopped NOW before she continues escalating this to doing something worse. She very well can ruin a boy in a week if she is allowed back and does something work. 

Does anyone really think she would be switching hoodies with a teen girl, having teen girls kiss her, sleeping with the hoodie of a teen girl or write about how she longs to be in the arms of a teen girl? No she wouldn't. This is about teen boys and using them for her romantic fantasies. 

 

[onlyme]

Well, then, I guess if you see it that way I have to wonder why you didn't call the missions agency? I mean, what ever is needed to prove your point is right there on the internet, and you clearly feel passionate and alarmed, why haven't you called them? 

[Firiel]

48 minutes ago, onlyme said:

The power dynamics would be different if it were an adult man. I think it's a bit much to call her a predator. A predator is one who plots access, tries to catch people at a time of vulnerability so they can take advantage, purposely deceives, watches for opportunities like a predatory animal watches an animal they want to feed on. I don't think Raquel is that. Opportunistic isn't the same thing as predatory. 

Like I said, you have a right to your opinion, I can't tell anyone what to think anyway. I just think it's a little far. 

TBH, this sounds exactly like what Raquel is doing to me.  Flying to another continent is hardly an opportunity that just happens.  She definitely planned this, and she planned it in large part to see "her boys" again.  Raquel may not be a sexual predator (as I doubt anything overtly sexual happened), but she is an emotional predator.

[formergothardite]

1 minute ago, onlyme said:

Well, then, I guess if you see it that way I have to wonder why you didn't call the missions agency? I mean, what ever is needed to prove your point is right there on the internet, and you clearly feel passionate and alarmed, why haven't you called them? 

I feel extremely guilty right now because last time I decided to stay out of it. This time I am contacting them. They may let her come back(if they are decent they won't), but at least I will have tried. 

[onlyme]

I'm more inclined to agree with the posters that think they will have forgotten her in a few months time. But, I could be wrong. I'm not the authority on these things.

[formergothardite]

4 minutes ago, onlyme said:

I'm more inclined to agree with the posters that think they will have forgotten her in a few months time. But, I could be wrong. I'm not the authority on these things.

I was one of those posters. LOL. But, the thing is, we can't know how they are going to react to an pretty American woman coming and treating them like they are her boyfriend. So it would be best to err on the side of caution. When you are dealing with at risk kids who might have been sexually abused, it is not worth letting someone who is going to behave in an inappropriate way into their lives. 

[snarkykitty]

2 hours ago, onlyme said:

The boys that went on the trip broke off from her for most of the trip. I asked my son about all the hugging and he said he didn't see it, but he didn't spend much time with her. He likes to do these mission trips because he feels like he gets to know local people, rather than always being stuck in tourist things. I can understand a lot of what is being said here. I might not take as hard a line about it. I think you can do it if you are aware of the pitfalls. Like how he paid attention to the food and gave the director compensation for his meals. There are pitfalls, but you could say that about any kind of travel, I suppose. I don't think it's all black and white. And certainly, if the director felt like the cost was more than what she is getting, she doesn't have to let people come. 

I don't think anyone else on the trip is responsible for Raquel but herself. Even this idea that her parents were into the umbrella idea-no, all the fundy stuff is Raquel's. 

(Italics mine)

Nope. 

Those running the program, who selected/approved her to participate, are just as responsible for letting this happen. If they don't know it's happening, then they aren't paying attention, because she's posting photos everywhere of things she did while representing their organization, on their property.

Imagine if Raquel was a male, and encouraged pre-teen and teen girls to act the same way? Imagine seeing pics of a 19-year-old male "missionary" with a 13-year old female orphan doing "piggyback", or two pre-teens girls kissing him for a photo op? Or switching hoodies with a 14 year old girl and "sleeping" with it and "smelling" it as he falls asleep at night...

Does that change your opinion on the responsibility of the organization to monitor/control behavior of those acting in their name?

If I knew Raquel personally, I would sure as hell make sure that the information I'd come across of this behavior was made very public to the organization.

[Whoosh]

Maybe it is worth mentioning that sexual predators frequently don't use physical strength to overpower their victims?  I mean, some do - many don't.  

[clueliss]

Okay, so I've been gone all day, and am catching up.  And I poked around FJ and posted about my fundie encounter and am also catching up on social media which involves pulling up Instagram and seeing - GADS - that picture.  Which rather made me gag.  Now some of her huggy pictures I can almost shrug off.  But the kissing one and THIS???  NO!  Just No.  

But let's talk about the verbiage she had under that photo:  

Quote

itsjustraquelSometimes, when you miss someone, you can’t really put into words how exactly you miss them. 
It’s more of just an ache. 
A dull pain. 
A gnawing soreness to be with them. 
It’s a desire to be held in their arms. 
A want to see their smile, hear their voice, smell their scent. 
You think back on the memories you’ve created with them. Maybe some are filled with regrets on moments you didn’t take full advantage of, or something you wish you could’ve done differently. But nevertheless, they themselves fill your mind constantly. 
You miss them. 
And to miss someone is just the way your heart reminds you that you love them. And how much you love them. 
It’s honestly one of the worst feelings in the world. And there’s no remedy for it. All you can do is pray to God you get to be with that person again. 
Soon. “I don’t miss you and you alone. I miss you and me together.”
- Pankaj

 

[Georgiana]

I think Raquel is a predator, but she is not an INTENTIONAL predator.  I don't think she honestly means to hurt other people, but she does.

Raquel's behavior is inappropriate, but I don't think she is aware that it is.  I think that this circles back to the biggest problem in Raquel's life: that the adults in her life do not call her out on her behavior.

Raquel has been failed in a major way by her parents especially but also all the other adults/people in authority that she is around.  Someone should be telling her to get a job.  Someone should be telling her to grow up.  Someone should take her to task for her emotional immaturity and at times borderline abuse.  Someone should be talking to her about her behavior on this trip.  BUT NO ONE IS.  How is Raquel supposed to figure out that her behavior is wrong if no one is indicating it?  

We all have our aspects that we need feedback on.  When young, I tended to monopolize conversations when engaged and be very standoffish when not.  It's honestly so natural to me that I didn't realize I was doing it, and when interacting with other assertive people, it wasn't an issue.  I didn't realize it could be negative until someone SAID SOMETHING TO ME.  Now that I know, I can watch it.  I didn't actually WANT to bowl over or "bully" others, it's just that I'm used to such aggressive and self possessed people that I honestly didn't realize that some people may not be as comfortable speaking up or standing their ground.  Just one of those learning experiences growing up that Raquel seems never to have had.

I don't think it is the responsibility of the other young people to call Raquel out.  I think it's the responsibility of the people in charge.  The other students shouldn't be held accountable for discipline or knowing where a behavioral line is...that's what the leaders are there for.  Even now, I don't call my co workers out on everything personally.  For more sensitive workplace issues, I bring it up to my Sup and let them handle it.  It is literally their job to know how to do so effectively and successfully, whereas I might make it a lot worse than it needed to be.  

[Terrie]

I doubt her behavior is malicious, but that doesn't make it any less damaging. She's using younger, vulnerable kids to get her needs met. She's not a physical predator, but I would call her an emotional one.

[AmazonGrace]

24 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

I think Raquel is a predator, but she is not an INTENTIONAL predator.  I don't think she honestly means to hurt other people, but she does.

Raquel's behavior is inappropriate, but I don't think she is aware that it is.  I think that this circles back to the biggest problem in Raquel's life: that the adults in her life do not call her out on her behavior.

 

I think sometimes they maybe do, and then this happens: 

 

Raquel Z. Duarte ‏@itsjustraquel  Jan 15

When ppl get all worked up about the 'bad decisions' you're making... Good thing it's not YOUR LIFE THEN, RIGHT?!️ #onlyGodsopinionmatters

[formergothardite]

Raquel is an adult and it seems like some of the people who went with her are also adults. Yes, the adults in Raquel's life have failed her and are continuing to fail her by coming up with excuses not to talk with her about her behavior. This includes the adults who went along with this trip. If they aren't comfortable confronting her, they need to contact the organization and just refuse to support Raquel's trips to Peru until she has a realization that it isn't okay to act in such a way. The problems seems to be that what she did isn't seen as a big deal to many of the people in her life. It really is a big deal and it is such a big deal that no one needs to support any of her efforts to get back to "her boys".  

[formergothardite]

20 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

I think sometimes they maybe do, and then this happens: 

 

Raquel Z. Duarte ‏@itsjustraquel  Jan 15

When ppl get all worked up about the 'bad decisions' you're making... Good thing it's not YOUR LIFE THEN, RIGHT?!️ #onlyGodsopinionmatters

I don't think Raquel is really open to changing her behavior, people should still tell her, but the adults in her life need to stop enabling her. 

[ari_belle]

I wonder why Raquel's parents don't like her non-bf.

 

I second formergothardite and others, her behavior seems like a textbook predator to me. She's a wolf in sheep's clothing...it's easy to say she isn't a predator because she's a young woman, and society is trained to believe that only men are capable of grooming and being predators. It's simply not true.

Also, to second a comment above, sexual predators are not the only types of predators. Emotional predators are just as legitimate and can be just as damaging...I would know! I feel for these kids.

[xRoo]

7 hours ago, formergothardite said:

The thing is, if people wouldn't have agreed to go with Raquel, she wouldn't have been able to go and prey on orphan boys. No team, no Raquel in Peru. It isn't like she doesn't have a history of behaving in an inappropriate way with orphan teen boys. They should have refused to go with her because of her past behavior, not enabled her to go again.  She is a predator, and if you don't think that, just switch it around and imagine if an adult man went to spend time with orphaned teen girls and came back with an article of clothing that he sleeps with to remind him of a girl and he wrote blog posts about longing to be with her and how he couldn't wait to get back to see her. No one would hesitate to call him a predator. 

The people who agreed to let her lead the team and agreed to go with her as a team leader are partially responsible for letting her get there and act like that. Raquel is responsible for her own actions, the orphanage is responsible for not doing a better job of vetting volunteers,  but her team was responsible for not calling her out when she preyed on teen boys. After last year's trip they should have been on high alert and watched Raquel like a hawk.  If they aren't calling her out now for what she is doing, then yes, I put some blame on them, because she needs to hear from her team. They need to stand up for what is right and tell Raquel that what she is  doing is wrong and that because of that they will never go to Peru with her again. They need to contact the organization and make it clear that Raquel behaved in a predatory way and that she doesn't need to be allowed back.  

The main priority should be protecting these children from people who will prey on them even if that make Raquel mad. And I"m sure she will lose it if anyone dares to tell her that what she did was wrong.  

 

 

all of this...

6 hours ago, onlyme said:

Well, then, I guess if you see it that way I have to wonder why you didn't call the missions agency? I mean, what ever is needed to prove your point is right there on the internet, and you clearly feel passionate and alarmed, why haven't you called them? 

She also wasn't sure until recently who the agency to contact would be, lol.. we just worked it out a few forum pages ago....

[onlyme]

It was easy enough to find it out. 

I mean, if you really, truly believe that Raquel has been truly damaging to these boys, and you've been sitting here snarking about it for a year now, why are you not just as responsible as anyone else? 

[snarkykitty]

8 hours ago, onlyme said:

@formergotharditeYou have a right to your opinion. I just think you're taking it further than I would. I wouldn't feel comfortable with the boys that were on the trip confronting her. It just wouldn't be their place. I also think the trip was worth taking for them. One of the boys wouldn't be able to go anywhere if it wasn't church related. 

I feel like you put Raquel almost on par with a molester. That is, if there was a molester going on the trip, I would call for the level of reaction you are presenting. I might not approve of her behavior, but I don't put it at the level you are going with it. That's fine if you see it that way, I'm not saying this to judge your point of view. I just don't agree to that point, where the other kids should not have gone at all, or that it was somehow immoral for them to do so. 

 

I was the original poster who suggested that Raquel's behavior was borderline predatory, and I stand by and support FG's assessment.

FG - I hope that it is okay for me to "speak for you" in this post, as you and I seem to agree on this correct  use of term "predator" in these situations.

Onlyme -  You understanding of term seems to be flawed. Predatory behavior does not equal "molester". In the most understood definition, a predator is an animal which preys upon others. The second most common use - to which FG and I referred - describes a predator as one who seeks out and exploits (those with less power) for their own personal gain. 

Based on the examples provided, what does not fall under the definition of predatory behavior? 

Pretend that Raquel is an Owl, living in the wild.

1. The owl seeks out opportunities in finding prey - Hunting - searching for, flying. and identifying 
2. The owl can fly longer distances than, say, a mouse can run; has the "birds-eye" view of the land; it is much bigger and stronger than a mouse
3. The owl sees its prey, swoops down, pics up the mouse in its claws or beak (I am guessing claws?), taking full advantage of its skills, power, strength, agility, etc. to get what it wants

1. Raquel seeks out opportunities to find others who will give her attention - such as visiting an orphanage under the guise of ministry to boys who are not well-monitored/chaperoned, are likely naive pre-teens and teenaged boys with no real family, living in poor conditions without enough food to eat, and flaunting herself physically and emotionally (and sexually, one can argue) 
2. Raquel has a more world-knowledge, comes from a life of first-world privilege and freedom, understands what it takes to get young boys to pay attention to her, and shows everything that she plans to use it
3. Raquel encouraged young pre-teen or teen orphan boys to physically touch/kiss her (by posing and allowing the photos to be taken), for her personal amusement, and/or to show others just how much she cares about "her" poor orphans

Raquel seeks out opportunities - check
Raquel is in a position of (actual or perceived) authority, power or strength - check
Raquel exploits those with less power - check

Please, Onlyme, tell me how this is not predatory behavior.