Miss Raquel is writing "another" novel.

[Whoosh]

15 minutes ago, onlyme said:

It was easy enough to find it out. 

I mean, if you really, truly believe that Raquel has been truly damaging to these boys, and you've been sitting here snarking about it for a year now, why are you not just as responsible as anyone else? 

Seriously??????  Nothing has ever been questionable looking to you (or even fine looking), but changed over time as you learned more information about the situation?  You just know all there is to know from moment one?  Did you know Josh had molested his sisters from the day you joined FJ yet DID NOTHING? Really?

Disagreement is one thing - implying someone is "just as responsible" as someone who preys upon and/or harms children based on what has been said in this thread is ASININE and it really wouldn't matter to me at all what you "intention" was.

[Chelio93]

I don't want to be tarred and feathered and spend the rest of my days restricted to GOMI but @onlyme is one of us.  She has a child involved in this whole mess.   I am nowhere near that invested.  Instead of placing blame on her, maybe we should look at Raquel's parents or the organizers of the trip.  Maybe we can be supportive of someone that may have to uproot their own family and system of values to speak out.  Maybe just maybe.. Someone might be here looking for words of encouragement not a hand slap.  

This is only my opinion is nothing do with @onlyme

[onlyme]

Well,  I'm done with this. I'm not going to get in a heated argument defending Raquel, she annoys the tar out of me half the time. I agree with a ton said, I just don't think she's a predator. 

I have no idea about what you're talking about with Josh.... I don't remember saying anything about Josh. 

And Whoosh, the past three years of my life has been to completely redefine my life based on more information. Which is why I'm not willing to jump to worst possible conclusion about somebody else. Even someone who has really hurt my daughter's feelings once or twice, and who is annoying and immature like Raquel, but who is also a sister of my son's friend, and who is loved by people around her. 

[Whoosh]

1 minute ago, onlyme said:

Well,  I'm done with this. I'm not going to get in a heated argument defending Raquel, she annoys the tar out of me half the time. I agree with a ton said, I just don't think she's a predator. 

I have no idea about what you're talking about with Josh.... I don't remember saying anything about Josh. 

The Josh part of my post was confusing.  I don't think it is appropriate to assume that everyone had the exact same thoughts, opinions, and information about this situation a year ago as they do today.  I don't see a need for any kind of heated argument, but I am not sure it is a great idea to tell people they are "just as responsible" for children being harmed and/or preyed upon simply because you don't agree with how they see the situation.  The tone of my post was meant to be incredulous - I just can't understand what was said.  

[onlyme]

I guess I don't understand either. I don't feel like my son or the other kids on the trip are responsible for Raquel. Of course the organizer of the trips are responsible. It's their job to be responsible. I am not really sure what you think I meant. 

[Whoosh]

5 minutes ago, onlyme said:

I guess I don't understand either. I don't feel like my son or the other kids on the trip are responsible for Raquel. Of course the organizer of the trips are responsible. It's their job to be responsible. I am not really sure what you think I meant. 

I sincerely apologize @onlyme.  I read "just as responsible" as meaning just as responsible as Raquel and the people in charge.  Thanks for clarifying that and again I am sorry I misinterpreted your statement.  Leaving the Raquel situation aside, Every person involved in a situation that involves predation on children only knows what they know at the time.  Further, some people may not have the power to intervene in some situations.

[onlyme]

It's all good. The internet is awkward sometimes. 

[Paperplate]

Wait, what? Her parents are kicking her out of the house at the end of the month and she needs money? Where are you guys reading this?

I only saw this on her twitter:

[clueliss]

that was a tweet.  it's on her twitter.  If you're willing to wade through another round of her retweeting astrology generalizations.  

We don't know anything (that i am aware of) on what her parents are doing/have done.  We know that she wants to move out.  We know that a month or so back via twitter that there was a whole "I will obey my parents while I'm living under their roof' thing and it appears they likely don't like the non-boyfriend.  I also remember that in November (or December) she babbled something on twitter about applying for a new job.  

I can conclude from there that she wants out of her parents house so mom and dad will butt out of her odd love life and she can pursue the non-boyfriend or anyone else that catches her fancy.  

I think.  

 

[LilMissMetaphor]

Hey Raquel.  Maybe God doesn't want you to get the job.  And it's only His opinion that matters, remember?

[Paperplate]

58 minutes ago, clueliss said:

that was a tweet.  it's on her twitter.  If you're willing to wade through another round of her retweeting astrology generalizations.  

We don't know anything (that i am aware of) on what her parents are doing/have done.  We know that she wants to move out.  We know that a month or so back via twitter that there was a whole "I will obey my parents while I'm living under their roof' thing and it appears they likely don't like the non-boyfriend.  I also remember that in November (or December) she babbled something on twitter about applying for a new job.  

I can conclude from there that she wants out of her parents house so mom and dad will butt out of her odd love life and she can pursue the non-boyfriend or anyone else that catches her fancy.  

I think.  

 

Through the magic of Twitter's advanced search, I found the tweets in question:

 

I wonder whether she's really going to move out ... How would she ever afford it?

(I didn't find anything about obeying her parents only while she's under their roof though. Maybe she took it down.)

[AlwaysExcited]

This starts to get interesting. And no orphans are involved, so...

[Terrie]

7 hours ago, onlyme said:

I guess I don't understand either. I don't feel like my son or the other kids on the trip are responsible for Raquel. Of course the organizer of the trips are responsible. It's their job to be responsible. I am not really sure what you think I meant. 

@onlyme I don't think you or your son are responsible for Raquel's behavior. But I do think that all people are responsible for building a society that does not tolerate her type of ... let's use the word exploitative behavior, since that has less criminal implications than predatory. Even if it causes no long term harm, it points to a basic lack of respect for other people. Just because Raquel is "very huggy" that doesn't mean other people have an obligation to indulge her. I'm also very huggy, but I respect that not everyone is, and I don't drape myself over people in violation of their personal space like a committed couple when I'm visiting for a week.

You don't have to confront her. Lord knows, I suck at that sort of thing. But you also don't have to make excuses for her behavior. That doesn't help Raquel or the people around her.

[formergothardite]

One of the things that might be an issue here is that Raquel and some of the other people on the trip are not "kids" they are adults. I would not hold a child responsible for not realizing that what Raquel is doing is wrong and speaking up about it. When I was Raquel's age I went on trips with teens to help supervise and the church would have held me liable if I saw things like Raquel is doing going on and I didn't say anything to anyone. I would be held responsible because I was an adult and my main job was to look out for the best interest of the teens, not think about myself. The main goal of this trip should be looking out for the best interest of the orphan boys, not thinking about the best interest of the people going. Can anyone, in all honesty, truly say that Raquel's behavior is in the best interest of the teen boys at that orphanage? 

[Palimpsest]

I don't keep up with Raquel, she pisses me off, but I just read the last few pages.

So Raquel is snuggling orphans again and spewing sentimental crap about them all over her blog and twitter.  She's a self-dramatizing twit.  And she is going on mission trips with Scripture Union.  Scripture Union is a really old inter-denominational evangelical international organization.  However, it is loosely organized under the international banner and each national tub stands on its own.   Scripture Union Peru is the organization responsible here, not SU International.

On to the real issues, though:

1. Are these short-term mission trips really useful to the locals?

I don't think the orphanage would allow these trips unless there was some benefit to them.  They may put up with a lot of nonsense from people like Raquel, but some volunteers may actually work and not eat them out of house and home.  I think that the volunteers have to pay a fee, over and above their travel, that may help to cover their expenses in the field.   Some organizations and missions seem to encourage tourcations from entitled first world kids.  It raises awareness generally and some of them do fundraise when they are back home.  I'm not against people traveling internationally and learning from volunteering.  I am against them calling these vacations "missions." 

2. Is what she is doing harmful to the orphans?

The cuddling and snuggling seems highly inappropriate to me, especially if these boys are survivors of abuse.  I'm surprised that volunteers aren't given training and guidelines about appropriate touch.  There is a friendly-type hug - and snuggling, flirting and canoodling.   A couple of those pictures make me extremely uncomfortable, as does the hoodie swap with her "best friend."  I have no idea whether the orphans are being harmed by Raquel, but I do think her behavior is over-the-top - and I wonder whether the Director of the orphanage has any idea what she gets up to.

3. Whose responsibility is it to reign her in?

People like onlyme's son could tell her to quit, but only if they wanted to and had witnessed the behavior themselves.  They could also blow the whistle to the Director of the orphanage, but that would be their own ethical dilemma. 

I'd say the responsibility lies with the orphanage director and SU-Peru.  Raquel's behavior doesn't reflect well on either.  Whether they would do anything about it, even if they were alerted to Raquel's twitter and blog, I don't know.  I think they should simply refuse to have her back and institute better training for these volunteer "mission" kids.  But that is me.

I'm having flashbacks to the Scripture Union Daily Bible Readings that were a big part of my childhood.

 

 

[formergothardite]

I am not saying that onlyme's son could stop Raquel from behaving that way, I'm actually pretty damn sure she would throw a hysterical fit and refuse to accept that she is doing anything wrong.  He could contact SU-Peru to alert them of her behavior so that they can make the decision about if they want her back.

I'm wondering if they actually did do training, but in a typical Raquel fashion, she doesn't think it applies to her. I am  also wondering if the director of the orphanage is not aware that these things are going on. I remember when I was helping with a church youth group and we took teens on volunteer activities, the staff of these locations didn't always heavily monitor us because they thought the adults going along would be aware enough to alert them if someone was doing something inappropriate. 

[ari_belle]

@Paperplate thanks so much for digging that up (and for screen grabbing it, I wish more people would do that on here, since just copy and pasting doesn't hold up long-term). I looked for it a bunch and I was convinced she had deleted it, but there's the proof.

[Palimpsest]

1 hour ago, formergothardite said:

I am not saying that onlyme's son could stop Raquel from behaving that way, I'm actually pretty damn sure she would throw a hysterical fit and refuse to accept that she is doing anything wrong.  He could contact SU-Peru to alert them of her behavior so that they can make the decision about if they want her back.

I'm wondering if they actually did do training, but in a typical Raquel fashion, she doesn't think it applies to her. I am  also wondering if the director of the orphanage is not aware that these things are going on. I remember when I was helping with a church youth group and we took teens on volunteer activities, the staff of these locations didn't always heavily monitor us because they thought the adults going along would be aware enough to alert them if someone was doing something inappropriate. 

We don't disagree.  However, people like onlyme's son would have to know how dangerous this inappropriate behavior potentially can be - it's possible that he and the rest of his group thought it harmless flirting by a complete flake and are not disturbed by it. 

Everyone should have had orientation and education on all of this, including teens and adults.  They should be made aware that this sort of behavior should be taken to the director.  However, some people are extremely naïve and trusting. See Onlyme's responses above about Raquel above.  She's just "huggy."  Being huggy is fine, but there are situations where huggy people need to know not to hug.

I suppose SU-Peru could be sent links to Raquel's blogs by concerned Raquel readers because allowing this behavior reflects very badly on their mission.  The problem is that they are far more likely to take a complaint seriously from an eye-witness, a concerned parent of a minor team member, or an outraged donor. 

[formergothardite]

I do think a big part of the problem is that Raquel is considered by many a "girl" and so her actions aren't taken as seriously as if she was considered an adult. While there might have been some kids on the trip, Raquel and others were adults, and they need to be treated like adults.  There needs to be training for everyone to let them know that this sort of stuff isn't okay and that they need to report it. It might be the case that the organization doesn't even realize that they need to tell people "Hey don't treat orphan boys like they are your boyfriend." because they are assuming that the adults going know that this sort of stuff is wrong and would automatically report it or put a stop to it. This is not happening with Raquel. No one seems to be confronting her or telling the people in charge what she is doing.  

I do think that it would be taken more seriously if someone who personally knows her or who went on the trip reported it as opposed to me reporting it. I'm not even sure I contacted them correctly. They need to be made aware, though, becuase I doubt they read her social media or blog and know that she is doing this sort of stuff. 

 

[Terrie]

Child or adult, I would not be comfortable sending my kid on a trip there or going myself after seeing Raquel's pictures. If she's a child, she needs better supervision. If she's adult, there's a lack of accountability for her own actions. If those are her pictures, what didn't she put out there for the whole world to see?

[desertvixen]

1 hour ago, formergothardite said:

I do think a big part of the problem is that Raquel is considered by many a "girl" and so her actions aren't taken as seriously as if she was considered an adult. While there might have been some kids on the trip, Raquel and others were adults, and they need to be treated like adults.  There needs to be training for everyone to let them know that this sort of stuff isn't okay and that they need to report it.

I would totally agree with this, although I'd also go with @Palimpsest's theory that Raquel either ignored the training or figured it didn't apply to her.

I'd also be willing to bet *Raquel* doesn't think she's an adult.

[ari_belle]

1 hour ago, formergothardite said:

I do think that it would be taken more seriously if someone who personally knows her or who went on the trip reported it as opposed to me reporting it. I'm not even sure I contacted them correctly. They need to be made aware, though, becuase I doubt they read her social media or blog and know that she is doing this sort of stuff. 

 

This is why I never bothered trying to contact anyone about this. What are my credentials? "I'm someone from the internet and I saw Raquel do some sketchy things and I'm concerned" ???  I guess an anonymous tip might work, but only if you can get through to them. It might be hard to find the right people to show this to.

[Palimpsest]

40 minutes ago, desertvixen said:

I would totally agree with this, although I'd also go with @Palimpsest's theory that Raquel either ignored the training or figured it didn't apply to her.

I'd also be willing to bet *Raquel* doesn't think she's an adult.

I think @formergothardite said that Raquel was the type to ignore the training, but I agree with her. Raquel is a very special snowflake.  There is another young woman in those photos behaving inappropriately with the boys too.  Perhaps they egg each other on. 

I also agree that if Raquel were an adult male draping himself all over teen orphan girls, and posing for all the kissing pictures, people would be a whole lot more upset.

What bothers me is that she is potentially leading them on by all this flirting and kissing.  This "my best friend" and hoodie sniffing stuff is repulsive.  It could lead him to think that she is serious about a relationship with him.  Instead, she seems to think he is a cuddly toy not a person, and is using him to advance some image of herself as a really caring and loving person.  There are a lot of mixed messages here, and one of these teens could think that she wants and agrees to sex.   I can just see Raquel suddenly squealing assault if one of these affection-starved boys misunderstands her cuddles and tries to go beyond posed kisses for photographs.   

I don't think Raquel is necessarily a predator.  I do think she is a self-centered little self-dramatizing brat without any commonsense who needs to be reigned in hard.

[Terrie]

Non-sexually, I can see her making all kinds of promises in the moment, like claiming the boys can come live with her, never mind that she still lives with her parents and I don't see them agreeing to that. Differently, but equally, inappropriate.

[ari_belle]

I wonder how old her new "best friend" is. If he's still living in the orphanage, he could be underage, but I don't know how things work there.