Single dads?

[JesusFightClub]

Fundies seem to assume every single parent is a mum. But what if it plays out like this?

A good friend of mine's partner was killed tragically. She left behind 3 little girls, all below school age. My friend received compensation for her death which gave him a small financial breathing space. But he faced two choices.

Go to work like a Manly Man and put the kids in evil socialist daycare. Or stay at home and take evil socialist benefits.

There is no third option. So what would fundies have him do?

[ophelia]

They would probably tell him to marry again or look for an available SAHD from the church community to take care of the children.

Sorry for your friends loss!!!

[lilwriter85]

I agree with ophelia, fundies would probably encourage remarriage as soon as possible. I knew a single dad in a similar situation. He was 25 when his wife died and their daughter was only 2. His mom lived with him for awhile to take care of the little girl. Eventually he had to put the little girl in daycare. He only got remarried recently.

[fundiefan]

There is a fundie blog I used to read. The wife died in September, leaving dad with three kids. By Christmas, he was in love again. A couple of months later, he moved to the state of the new woman. They married in May.

So, yeah, I think fundie 'logic' totally encourages remarriage as soon as possible.

I personally know one single dad. He works to support his children and utilizes the services of daycare providers and public school to care for and educate his children so that he can go to work and support them. Dad or mom, a parent's first responsibility is to take care of their children. That includes the financial means to keep a roof over their head and food in their bellies. God did not intend children to starve so that a parent can be with them 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Whether they are in a one parent home or two.

[lilwriter85]

There is a fundie blog I used to read. The wife died in September, leaving dad with three kids. By Christmas, he was in love again. A couple of months later, he moved to the state of the new woman. They married in May.

So, yeah, I think fundie 'logic' totally encourages remarriage as soon as possible.

I personally know one single dad. He works to support his children and utilizes the services of daycare providers and public school to care for and educate his children so that he can go to work and support them. Dad or mom, a parent's first responsibility is to take care of their children. That includes the financial means to keep a roof over their head and food in their bellies. God did not intend children to starve so that a parent can be with them 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Whether they are in a one parent home or two.

I agree with this a lot. Financial means should be the first concern with single parents, but fundies will always tell a widow or widower that daycare or public school is ebil. I do wonder if a single fundie father was having financial problems, I wonder if churches or other organizations would give him donations.

[Cordial]

We had a terrible thing happen in my county a few years ago. Two QF moms were out Christmas shopping and a tree fell on their van as they drove home, killing them both. They both left behind at least 8 children. One of the dads, a physician, had an older couple (not sure the connection, if they are family or just friends) move in to take over the childcare and schooling.

The other dad is someone I'm friendly with. He's a farmer. The oldest daughter is 14 and I get the impression she's handling most of the care of the younger kids, down to the 2 year old (who was just a tiny babe when his mama died). She's a great kid. Beyond her years, you know? But I wish she didn't have to be. And I don't have a lot of facts about the situation but I deeply, deeply fear that there is almost no education happening. Farmer Dad is a very, very nice guy and you can tell he was very deeply in love with his wife. I can't imagine his life. I am sure he feels he has no options, because he goes to a church that explicitly forbids "government schooling." And that church is his whole support system.

[bananacat]

Most fundies would encourage the father to remarry or get the oldest daughters to do continue doing everything, if they are already teenagers.

But most fundies wouldn't think this scenario out. Part of their belief system is that if you do all the correct rituals, say all the right things, think all the right thoughts, and follow this very long list of legalistic rules, then God will favor you and he won't let anything bad happen to you and you'll be happy forever with a perfect life and a perfect family. And planning for things like this would be a sign of lack of faith, which would make God angry. So even thinking about such a scenario could bring the wrath of God. I doubt many fundies would have life insurance for moms, even those that can afford it.

[onlyorganic]

They would probably tell him to marry again or look for an available SAHD from the church community to take care of the children.

Sorry for your friends loss!!!

In my experience, this man becomes the project of the church "ladies" to find a suitable wife. He's presented as a "great catch" because you know he can give you babies and he's already proved to be a great dad and husband. Also, the woman would be seen as answering God's calling by being a mother to the children. Also, I am sorry for your friend :(

[Feberin]

My dad raised my brother and I as a single father. He wasn't fundie or opposed to daycare but both of our grandmothers helped out a lot. My paternal grandmohther moved in with us during the winter she was from somewhere with a lot of snow and couldn't manage to get around well during the winters anyways. My maternal grandmother watched us a few days a week. I was eight so I just took care of myself before and after school but he did put my three year old brother in daycare. My dad ended up remarrying a little over a year later but that ended in divorce less then a year later. He was single for awhile after that and remarried again when I was in college.

[dawbs]

Most fundies would encourage the father to remarry or get the oldest daughters to do continue doing everything, if they are already teenagers.

But most fundies wouldn't think this scenario out. Part of their belief system is that if you do all the correct rituals, say all the right things, think all the right thoughts, and follow this very long list of legalistic rules, then God will favor you and he won't let anything bad happen to you and you'll be happy forever with a perfect life and a perfect family. And planning for things like this would be a sign of lack of faith, which would make God angry. So even thinking about such a scenario could bring the wrath of God. I doubt many fundies would have life insurance for moms, even those that can afford it.

I cringe HORRIBLY to know that my parents barely had life-insurance on my dad when we were kids--and none on my mom. :oops:

There were 'only' 3 of us but the worked under the assumption that nothing would happen and if it did, my grandma would step in.

Nothing happened, it was 'fine', but...sheesh, it could have been more than grandma could have handled

[JesusFightClub]

Thank you ophelia and onlyorganic for your condolences to my friend! It's been a year now and none of the little girls are ready yet for school. (Yes, it will be the Evil State School, not SOTDRT).

He chose to place the kids in daycare and work. The grandma taking care of them idea would have been impossible, but I see why fundies would like it. One grandma is the main breadwinner for her family since her husband lost his job (fundies would disapprove ;) ) the other is in hospital a lot for an ongoing mental condition (not sure fundies' views on this?).

It was sad to read about the QF mums who died :( But also very sad to read about the 14 yo girl who had to take over being mum. The oldest girl in my friend's family is the same, she will try to dress her baby sisters, feed them etc and says "Mummy has gone so now I have to be mummy". My friend discourages this but in a QF family I expect it would be encouraged.