Catholic mom on ensuring that your child has no friends

[ViolaSebastian]

Perhaps the children can enter cloistered contents or monasteries one day

Nah, even monks and nuns have friends.

[socalrules]

Perhaps the children can enter cloistered contents or monasteries one day

Most nuns are the first ones out there providing food, education and comfort. They tend to spend their time in the community. I am guessing that this would be unacceptable to that mother. I doubt she wants her daughters to go all Mother Teresa.

[Cleopatra7]

Most nuns are the first ones out there providing food, education and comfort. They tend to spend their time in the community. I am guessing that this would be unacceptable to that mother. I doubt she wants her daughters to go all Mother Teresa.

For Catholic homeschooling types, any type of active apostolate would be viewed with suspicion. For them, it's full cloister or go home, although I think some of the schismatic groups like the Society of St. Pius X and the Society of St. Pius V have their own teaching orders to staff their private schools.

[Deist woman]

That letter makes Jesus sound like a creepy older man who has been promised a young virgin for his intended bride, and wants to make sure she is not getting ideas about boys her own age, and that she knows that she BELONGS to him and has no right to deny him ANYTHING.

[carebaer]

Most nuns are the first ones out there providing food, education and comfort. They tend to spend their time in the community. I am guessing that this would be unacceptable to that mother. I doubt she wants her daughters to go all Mother Teresa.

Most Catholic orders (nuns or brothers) are not cloistered. Cloistered refers to those who are separated from the world. They don't leave the grounds of their religious house (some exceptions are made for absolute necessity such as medical needs). Visitors are usually limited. Some orders traditionally only allowed brief visits through a glass or window even but I think they all allow at least regular visiting in a special visitors room.

However, even cloistered nuns frequently have friends within their order, so there goes the plan of mom/creepy imaginary Jesus.

Jesus hung out with hookers, ate dinner at Zaccehus (sp) the tax collector's house, and touched lepers.

I kept thinking reading this that maybe someone should read the gospels to this mom, particularly the parts where Jesus is criticized for the friends he keeps and insists he will continue to make friends with those people.

[Bretta]

Don't worry. Haha I think this mom's kids will have friends. Like the Claire from "The Sisterhood: Becoming Nuns" :nenner:

I wonder what Father Ted would say to this? (Not broken because it's a meme from google search) http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/ori ... 93/2b0.jpg

[sparkles]

That creepy as hell letter from Jesus reads like something you'd present as evidence that you were being stalked and needed a restraining order. Yikes!

Try as I might, I just can't understand this isolationist mindset.

[nomoxian]

Perhaps the children can enter cloistered contents or monasteries one day

With that way that lunatic mother is raising her kid, I'd be surprised if they didn't end up atheist.

[salex]

Thank you God that I did not have a crazy mother with a religious fixation.

[Jana814]

Basically you want to ensure there's no way of them finding out you're a total nutjob.

Agree!!

[PopRox]

Jesus went unto the mount of Doritos.

And early in the morning he came again into the temple of Sagan, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them for he was very smart and was filled with Class and not SWAG.

And the swag-men and Bros brought unto him a m'lady taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,

They say unto him, Yo Nerd, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.

Now Broses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?

This they said, tempting him, that they might have to mock him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger tipped his fedora to m'lady, as though he heard them not.

And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and do not lie with swag-bros, but give of yourself only to Nice Guys for only they are deserving of you.

:lol: :clap: :clap: Bravo! That's hilarious!

[eri]

Catholicism is so interesting, from a historical point of view. For me at least.

Who doesn't love those medieval churches?

[NachosFlandersStyle]

[dir=rtl][/dir]

Catholicism is so interesting, from a historical point of view. For me at least.

Who doesn't love those medieval churches?

This is pretty much my current relationship to the church. I remember being taught church history in Catholic school and it was the single dullest thing I had ever been subjected to, because of course they left out all the political intrigue and bloodshed. When I got to State U, I grudgingly took a course on church history to fulfill a requirement-- and it was one of the most interesting classes I ever took! When you're not obligated to look at the church through the lens of Catholic piety you can see that it was a truly fascinating human institution. Which when I think about it is one reason I'm no longer religious. The world is a pretty interesting place when you can stand back and just learn, instead of being required to have a particular opinion about things.

[Howl]

That letter makes Jesus sound like a creepy older man who has been promised a young virgin for his intended bride, and wants to make sure she is not getting ideas about boys her own age, and that she knows that she BELONGS to him and has no right to deny him ANYTHING.

And this creepy older man has no friends, but does have a secret basement room. I found this letter to be utterly repellent.

I think the child in this instance is lonely because her mother has no clue how to authentically love her daughter. The daughter is lonely and wants a friend because she is desperately yearning for at least one warm, normal human connection in her life.

[moodygirl86]

It's considered and is a form of abuse to isolate your spouse from outside friendships, so why does this selfish excuse for a mother think it's acceptable to do to your children?

[IReallyAmHopewell]

The whole concept of Catholic homeschooling seems off to me. I went to parochial schools and it seemed to me that the point of it wasn't to keep your kid away from evil public school influences-- it was about raising your child as part of the Catholic community. Or at least that's how my parents and others I grew up around thought about it. Catholicism is a very community-oriented religion. Even those silent monks are living in groups.

Have friends who went round the bend in Evangelical Catholic Homeschooling [if that name is even possible] They have a huge family, though some are adopted. Kids grew up knowing only their like-minded relatives and went only to Catholic Colleges. Same sort of outcomes as another poster mentioned. It really is FEAR OF EVERYTHING coupled with being as "Catholic" as possible--i.e. the Liturgical Year, veneration of every Saint etc. Like an idealized version of life in the Von Trapp family [the likes of which no Von Trapp lived].

Like so many isolationist parents the kids were kept way, way immature before leaving for college. the Arndt's birthday parties, that sort of thing was the "most fun" the "coolest" etc. Even the ultra Conservative colleges were a shock. They found out few Catholics approached the faith the way they had been brought up to do. At least one child is openly gay, no divorces, but lots of hard knocks adjusting.

[Taters]

I am surprised she if she even goes to a Catholic Church with all the love everyone homilies that are always given. It would be maddening for her to sit through a mass. My church even has a thriving LBGT community. As a Catholic, who went to Catholic school, I can say some of the best friends I ever had were met there. I loved it. She is probably mad no hate and damnation is taught there so she has to instill fear in her kids herself. I think it would bother her that just because you are on Catholic school, you don't discuss religion the majority of the time. Kids are free to just be kids. Like any other kids you learn about the world through your friends and I think that's what really scares her.

As someone posted, Jesus had lots of friends. I mean, he really did have the best of friends. Aren't we supposed to be like Jesus, including having friends?

I am guessing she goes to traditional mass. Within the Church there are many different currents, as you know.

[DGayle]

This is an example of when abuse is being hidden behind religion. She's mentally beating her child for wanting friends. The cage that child is has invisible bars, but the bars are still there.

[Coco]

If you replace "Me" with "Mommy and Daddy" in that Jesus letter it pretty well explains her position.

Amen, that's the exact same thing i thought. Poor kid.

Especially all the 'you were created for me, to be there for me" vibe.

no, just no. Parents are supposed to give their kids roots and wings, not prison bars. i'm an introvert, but i'll force myself to do crap for my kids so they can have friends. Our kids aren't carbon copies or little pets, they're individuals that are going to have their own path.

[Peas n carrots]

Thank you God that I did not have a crazy mother with a religious fixation.

My exact same thoughts reading the letter. GO TO THE PRAYER CLOSET

[feministxtian]

Amen, that's the exact same thing i thought. Poor kid.

Especially all the 'you were created for me, to be there for me" vibe.

no, just no. Parents are supposed to give their kids roots and wings, not prison bars. i'm an introvert, but i'll force myself to do crap for my kids so they can have friends. Our kids aren't carbon copies or little pets, they're individuals that are going to have their own path.

I had this same discussion on another parenting board. I got flamed beyond belief for saying that parenting was essentially a time limited job...that I had about 18 years to produce an adult who was reasonably prepared for dealing with the world. Some of the posters were fundie and were like the Duggars in that they wouldn't let their children be alone anywhere (except possibly the bathroom). My question to them was if they'd been 'raised right' what was the worry that they would go nuts the minute they were out somewhere alone.

My kids were and are no angels. However, they're all functioning adults. My youngest showed some remarkedly bad judgment in certain things but has chosen to get it together for himself and his family. Because of that, we're letting them live with us until they can get on their feet the RIGHT way. He's cleaned up his act (no drinking no drugs), is in school and working and his wife is currently a SAHM to their little boy. They've also intelligently chosen to assure that there will be no more babies until they're on their feet. I took her to the appointment to get the IUD.

The thing is, by letting them fall, they learned a lesson! It sucked knowing they were homeless but I wasn't going to just offer them a place to live, etc. until THEY decided they needed to get it together.

Keeping kidults at home and not letting them try their wings makes me think that these kids have no roots either. They're a bunch of little hot house flowers who will wilt and die the first trial that hits them. I hope none of them ever run into some REAL shit...

[FundieFarmer]

Thank you God that I did not have a crazy mother with a religious fixation.

Lucky, lucky you.

To the commenter who posted that if the daughter was brought up to believe that letter was demonstrative of a healthy relationship, she would wind up in some very unhealthy relationships as an adult...you da real MVP. :clap:

[Toothfairy]

I had this same discussion on another parenting board. I got flamed beyond belief for saying that parenting was essentially a time limited job...that I had about 18 years to produce an adult who was reasonably prepared for dealing with the world. Some of the posters were fundie and were like the Duggars in that they wouldn't let their children be alone anywhere (except possibly the bathroom). My question to them was if they'd been 'raised right' what was the worry that they would go nuts the minute they were out somewhere alone.

My kids were and are no angels. However, they're all functioning adults. My youngest showed some remarkedly bad judgment in certain things but has chosen to get it together for himself and his family. Because of that, we're letting them live with us until they can get on their feet the RIGHT way. He's cleaned up his act (no drinking no drugs), is in school and working and his wife is currently a SAHM to their little boy. They've also intelligently chosen to assure that there will be no more babies until they're on their feet. I took her to the appointment to get the IUD.

The thing is, by letting them fall, they learned a lesson! It sucked knowing they were homeless but I wasn't going to just offer them a place to live, etc. until THEY decided they needed to get it together.

Keeping kidults at home and not letting them try their wings makes me think that these kids have no roots either. They're a bunch of little hot house flowers who will wilt and die the first trial that hits them. I hope none of them ever run into some REAL shit...

I got flamed too. First a parent is for life for 18 years. My older kids are still learning from me. Second I want my kids to take their own path in life. I don't want clones of myself. I said on a christian homeschool forum, bad idea that children aren't both Christians they're both to christian parents. They decide if they follow your or his teachings. I'm more of a free parenting approach when it comes to religion. I want my kids to choose. I think if they all had the same ideas, religion, customs I would think I failed as a parent. They're individuals.

[feministxtian]

I got flamed too. First a parent is for life for 18 years. My older kids are still learning from me. Second I want my kids to take their own path in life. I don't want clones of myself. I said on a christian homeschool forum, bad idea that children aren't both Christians they're both to christian parents. They decide if they follow your or his teachings. I'm more of a free parenting approach when it comes to religion. I want my kids to choose. I think if they all had the same ideas, religion, customs I would think I failed as a parent. They're individuals.

I often joke that I would LOVE to retire from motherhood...but I'm not seeing that as an option anytime soon. My "baby" will be 25 in June and I told his story above. My older kids have been out of the nest for quite a while now...BUT...they have a problem and who do they call? Mom. Relationship problems, career problems, car problems...it's mom who's the fountain of advice.

Faith-wise...I have one pagan, one agnostic and one Christian (non-fundie at all). It's not a big deal to me that they chose their own paths in life...I always thought that was the idea. All three have a strong sense of right and wrong, they have morals and values. I don't necessarily agree with them on everything but I didn't plan to raise three carbon-copies of me (God knows one of me in the universe is more than enough). I want my children to know that mom has their back and that there's nothing they can do that would stop me from loving them.

These fundamentalists who are raising the hot house flowers don't want to raise individuals, they want little carbon-copy drones. Its why they don't educate their children, don't let them spread their wings...their love for their children is so small and so conditional...

[luv2run]

Ah, this was my life for eight years. I was not that mom, but we home schooled for eight years, and I knew many a home schooling family such as this one.

We have six kids, but my older three attend the local Catholic school, and two of my other children have autism.. so they attend the public schools. We have a very active two year old too. Which is always a great reminder why I'm glad I don't home school anymore. Never got anything done.

We used Seton too as our curriculum. I was very happy with it, especially the writing program, and feel that it really helped my older kids transition to the Catholic school. However, I'm disappointed that they ran that article (I used to get Seton Magazine as well...I think I still do...I just don't pay attention now).

But unfortunately there are many families that feel they way the author does. It's a very inclusive and fear based mentality. One thing that really irritated me was the author's reply to some of the comments. Especially the one to the lady who let her kids play with anyone, and the author makes some snark about wait until they are teenagers, and she will regret her decision. Um, my oldest is 14, and she does a pretty awesome job of making good friends and weeding out the bad ones on her own. I also happen to trust my daughter, and trust that she will make mistakes, and that this is all part of growing up. And that in her OWN prayer life and relationship with God, these are things in her life she will discern and work through on her own. I will not hover over her and scare the shit out of her that all non-Catholics are horrible people...because really, we Catholics are sinners and horrible people too. We are not immune to being crappy to others, and need to always remember that, as the ArchBishop said in my daughters Confirmation yesterday, that everyone is made in the image and likeness of God.

And (I'm sorry, but I'm mad now), what about when Jesus said, "Love your enemies. If you love only those who love you, where is the merit in that?"

I'm so glad we got out of that culture.

It was so inclusive, and fear based.