Stanley family - Fundies have children removed

[KittenMitten]

google does random ads, usually based on browser history. i just now got an ad for bodycandy.com, as i order from there a good bit as they have a nice variety of plugs.

Thanks browncoatslytherin. That makes me feel better. It scared the hell out of me as some of these things are triggers. Freejinger has been very healing but I am cautious about what I read. I have checked out the Maxwell site to figure out Uriah, but not other Fundie blogs yet. Just the unexpected scared me. Thanks and I do look forward to checking out bodycandy. It sounds interesting. Thanks.

[Mama Mia]

It really is a complex interplay between all the home dysfunctions and the foster care system itself - and how that plays out for each child.

I worked with a 12 year old boy who had been in 42 different foster homes. At 12 he moved into the category of " severally emotionally disturbed" and placed in a group home with other kids with that label. In this kids case his issue was that he had ADHD. He was the sweetest little boy -- but super hyper bouncy and impulsive. So each home he was in would decide they couldn't deal with him. Or they had their own issues come up. Or they moved. Or he was acting out in school too much. Or being a bad influence on the other kids. Or the foster parent was abusive. Or his mom got him back for a bit. Or another relative took him in. Over and over. And so of course he had virtually no education or social skills -- how could he? His mother was unstable and took off and neglected him whenever some new guy showed up -- how could he bond with her? He was never anywhere else long enough to bond or form any kind of the most minimal stability.

Who do you blame when this kid drops out and is homeless at 18? The irresponsible mom? The social services agencies? The foster parents who thought they could handle him but couldn't? The lack of his extended family to step up? His own ADHD? It's impossible to pick one thing.

[KittenMitten]

It really is a complex interplay between all the home dysfunctions and the foster care system itself - and how that plays out for each child.

I worked with a 12 year old boy who had been in 42 different foster homes. At 12 he moved into the category of " severally emotionally disturbed" and placed in a group home with other kids with that label. In this kids case his issue was that he had ADHD. He was the sweetest little boy -- but super hyper bouncy and impulsive. So each home he was in would decide they couldn't deal with him. Or they had their own issues come up. Or they moved. Or he was acting out in school too much. Or being a bad influence on the other kids. Or the foster parent was abusive. Or his mom got him back for a bit. Or another relative took him in. Over and over. And so of course he had virtually no education or social skills -- how could he? His mother was unstable and took off and neglected him whenever some new guy showed up -- how could he bond with her? He was never anywhere else long enough to bond or form any kind of the most minimal stability.

Who do you blame when this kid drops out and is homeless at 18? The irresponsible mom? The social services agencies? The foster parents who thought they could handle him but couldn't? The lack of his extended family to step up? His own ADHD? It's impossible to pick one thing.

Oh, the poor dear. I hope things work out. Thank you Mama Mia for working with him. From reading some of your other posts I think he is lucky to have you. 42 foster homes. I've never heard that before, I've heard kids being in 10 or so, which isn't great. Hope the kid gets a break in life. Kudos to you for such difficult work.

[Reverend Ladypants]

I'm assuming that in the last 12 pages we haven't actually found out if the kids were given that mineral solution or not, eh? I mean it seems like we're still wanking about the speculation and DSS (which is fine, I just want to know if there's anything new)

[FJismyheadship]

The kids were tested and they didn't have it in their systems, but that doesn't mean the parents never gave it to them. At this point, it appears the parents may be in trouble for physical discipline, although the parents would have you believe they were just spanking rebellious teenagers who dared to want to go to public school and as a result, the teenagers lied.

I would be so upset if I were one of the teens and I came across strangers on the internet vilifying me.

[Mama Mia]

Thank you Kitten Mitten. It was so sad, he was so sweet and tiny for his age and in with some very rough and disturbed boys all the way up through 17. Who also of course all had their own sad stories. He would be an adult now. Some of these kids really stick with me, and I wonder how they are doing. Part of me would love to run into them and see how they are --- but just as big a part is really fearful of what I would find.

[KittenMitten]

Yes. I know. Kids do stay with you, which is why I'm often awake at 3:30 in the morning. I'm from a small community, so I run across previous clients. I am glad to report I do get to see some (reasonably) happy endings along with the not so happy outcomes. One thing I learned from a supervisor long, long ago is that you will not often see the seed you may have started. So you treated your sweet boy with respect and caring, I think it has to be somewhere in him. So he might be in a better place then if you did not know him. Be well, because your job is so hard.

[FJismyheadship]

Yesterday, The lawyer told Hal how much the bill for the legal expenses will be for the first hearing. Hal was surprised at the $7,000 figure. However I was not, based on information many of you have shared with me. We are so very thankful for all of you who have felt led and gave, the money is a blessing.

Now before I get tons of post and messages about HSLD and other groups that can help. At this time they have been contacted but until the case goes past the stage it is at right now they will not step in. We are praying it will not go that far, that the children will be home after the next hearing on Feb 12th.

Hal and Michelle saw the children yesterday. Hal shared with me that the two little boys, Joseph (Jojo) and Benjamin (Benji) loved being curled up in his lap and little Benji asked Hal if he would spend the night with them. Little guys are confused, they miss their mom and dad.

Yes we agree something needs to be done to make changes in the laws and system, so this will not happen to other families. To many families across this nation are going through this pain. You can help by speaking and writing letters to your local and state officials. Let them know how you feel.

We are thankful for the prayers and support of you all.

Kristy

Need to make a clarification, bill coming from the lawyer is not for his services. It is for the court fees, filing fees and those types of expenses that come with a case. As many of you have shared with me who have been through court, these fees were to be expected. The attorney has been working very hard for the Stanley family, he and his office have put in many hours of work and time. I did not mean to sound complaining but want to be thankful that this need has been provided for. God is able to provide all our needs. Kristy

[arky]

Something about this whole ordeal stinks, bad. I am involved in CASA and a few other similar organizations, and there are some outright lies being spread on that page. For one, if the statements about the family owing the attorney $7K for "fees" are true, they're being scammed. Two, there are some absolute looney bins on that page. I commented a few times but stopped posting because I was receiving so many threats via my messages on Facebook. I even had a woman comment and use my full name and say that my statements were not trustworthy because I'm "interested in the occult and sodomy".

I have been lurking this board for several years, but have never felt so compelled to post until now. I'm recovering from growing up in a fundie home (not Quiverfull, as my parents were divorced), and this gives me horrible flashbacks to some of the things I experienced. The poor children must be in shock and devastated from such a drastic lifestyle change.

[FJismyheadship]

Something about this whole ordeal stinks, bad. I am involved in CASA and a few other similar organizations, and there are some outright lies being spread on that page. For one, if the statements about the family owing the attorney $7K for "fees" are true, they're being scammed. Two, there are some absolute looney bins on that page. I commented a few times but stopped posting because I was receiving so many threats via my messages on Facebook. I even had a woman comment and use my full name and say that my statements were not trustworthy because I'm "interested in the occult and sodomy".

I have been lurking this board for several years, but have never felt so compelled to post until now. I'm recovering from growing up in a fundie home (not Quiverfull, as my parents were divorced), and this gives me horrible flashbacks to some of the things I experienced. The poor children must be in shock and devastated from such a drastic lifestyle change.

I saw that! I remember wondering how they knew you were into all that. That was creepy.

I'm appalled. She won't allow dissenters but it's totally okay for the crazy people who are threatening people and giving out phone numbers to DcfS workers and others who want to harass the government officials.

[arky]

I saw that! I remember wondering how they knew you were into all that. That was creepy.

I'm appalled. She won't allow dissenters but it's totally okay for the crazy people who are threatening people and giving out phone numbers to DcfS workers and others who want to harass the government officials.

That's the thing, though. I'm NOT into that stuff. The only thing on my page that is even remotely linked to anything related to either of those things is a book trading group I joined a year ago to get rid of some occult books I unknowingly bought in a book lot auction! There's a list of 100 things these people could hate about me, so why fabricate something like that?!

I wasn't even being hostile or rude in the slightest, and I had some really, really nasty messages. It honestly frightens me that these people are out there in the world, saying these things under their names without blinking an eye. I'm originally from that area of Arkansas, and things like that remind why I left to begin with. What some nut bags!

[Howl]

Dang, arky, that is so scary! Quite vicious. These types of things do tend to pull the nutcases out of the woodwork.

[Toothfairy]

It really is a complex interplay between all the home dysfunctions and the foster care system itself - and how that plays out for each child.

I worked with a 12 year old boy who had been in 42 different foster homes. At 12 he moved into the category of " severally emotionally disturbed" and placed in a group home with other kids with that label. In this kids case his issue was that he had ADHD. He was the sweetest little boy -- but super hyper bouncy and impulsive. So each home he was in would decide they couldn't deal with him. Or they had their own issues come up. Or they moved. Or he was acting out in school too much. Or being a bad influence on the other kids. Or the foster parent was abusive. Or his mom got him back for a bit. Or another relative took him in. Over and over. And so of course he had virtually no education or social skills -- how could he? His mother was unstable and took off and neglected him whenever some new guy showed up -- how could he bond with her? He was never anywhere else long enough to bond or form any kind of the most minimal stability.

Who do you blame when this kid drops out and is homeless at 18? The irresponsible mom? The social services agencies? The foster parents who thought they could handle him but couldn't? The lack of his extended family to step up? His own ADHD? It's impossible to pick one thing.

That's so sad. When I encounter kids like this, I usually don't believe what the case workers think. Looking through the eyes of a child, I don't blame them for acting the way they do.

[Toothfairy]

NOBODY said that. Or anything remotely close to that.

People were talking specifically about mild cases, not when children are being raped, or starving. That's ridiculously inflammatory.

And while it's wonderful you are caring for foster children you are obviously aware that there is generally a lack of even enough foster homes, let alone great foster homes with dedicated foster parents who are in it for the long haul.

I understand that, but even mild case can turn into something else. I'm all for keeping kids at home with their bio family. Which is why in my state there are a ton of services available to prevent children from being put in the system. Parents and children can get support and only in severe cases a child can be removed.

[Terrie]

Most recent update on the FB group notes that they had a group of volunteers come clean their backyard, which the parents did not have the means to do themselves.... Makes me wonder if there weren't some hoarding or cleanliness issues going on there.

[browncoatslytherin]

Most recent update on the FB group notes that they had a group of volunteers come clean their backyard, which the parents did not have the means to do themselves.... Makes me wonder if there weren't some hoarding or cleanliness issues going on there.

i wonder what all was back there that they couldn't take care of themselves. would children really be removed for something like that, though? plus, with them being preppers and all, i would have thought they'd be somewhat organized in case, ya know, they needed to skedaddle out of town.

[Mama Mia]

i wonder what all was back there that they couldn't take care of themselves. would children really be removed for something like that, though? plus, with them being preppers and all, i would have thought they'd be somewhat organized in case, ya know, they needed to skedaddle out of town.

I think that's a really common reaction of almost anyone who is worried about the impression they are making on authorities -- whether it's part of the identified issues or not. A frantic, thorough cleaning and organizing , often with help from friends /family , is more common than not, in my experience. Same with stocking the shelves and refrigerator - even if that wasn't an issue either. Most parents are going to do whatever they can to look good.

When I used to do regular home visits with families I would have to reassure them that really, I didn't expect their home to be spotless, and they didn't need to clean up before I came over. Frankly, it was more of a red flag in my mind if a family with a large number of children had a sparkling home with nothing out of place!

Of course with some families hoarding, dangerous conditions, filth etc.. can be an actual issue. Maybe they had tools, rusted objects etc. left out where the little kids could get hurt?

[Trynn]

My cousin's mom was a hoarder. CPS got called a couple of times, but were never let into the house.

My mom never let me into the house either. I thought it was because she was pissed we were playing a Harry potter video game.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I'm involved with one organization that provides a therapeutic "second home" program for kids at risk. The kids still live at home, but go to this program each day after school for a hot meal, shower, homework help, therapy and activities. They run camps for these kids during the summer months.

It wouldn't work for the worst cases of abuse or for a family that completely refused to cooperate, but it would certainly help in cases of marginal parenting, from parents who are overwhelmed, dealing with illness or disability, have marginal skills or are otherwise somewhat neglectful. There is no need to remove the kids from their family, but they still get the services and care that they need, plus there are professionals who can notice if things go downhill. Ideally, I'd like to see more programs like this used as an alternative to foster care except for high-risk cases.

[Grimalkin]

I'm involved with one organization that provides a therapeutic "second home" program for kids at risk. The kids still live at home, but go to this program each day after school for a hot meal, shower, homework help, therapy and activities. They run camps for these kids during the summer months.

It wouldn't work for the worst cases of abuse or for a family that completely refused to cooperate, but it would certainly help in cases of marginal parenting, from parents who are overwhelmed, dealing with illness or disability, have marginal skills or are otherwise somewhat neglectful. There is no need to remove the kids from their family, but they still get the services and care that they need, plus there are professionals who can notice if things go downhill. Ideally, I'd like to see more programs like this used as an alternative to foster care except for high-risk cases.

I think this is brilliant!

[Mama Mia]

I'm involved with one organization that provides a therapeutic "second home" program for kids at risk. The kids still live at home, but go to this program each day after school for a hot meal, shower, homework help, therapy and activities. They run camps for these kids during the summer months.

It wouldn't work for the worst cases of abuse or for a family that completely refused to cooperate, but it would certainly help in cases of marginal parenting, from parents who are overwhelmed, dealing with illness or disability, have marginal skills or are otherwise somewhat neglectful. There is no need to remove the kids from their family, but they still get the services and care that they need, plus there are professionals who can notice if things go downhill. Ideally, I'd like to see more programs like this used as an alternative to foster care except for high-risk cases.

What an amazingly wonderful idea!! Definitely something that should be expanded on. And would, I think be so much healthier for everyone involved. And I suspect much cheaper in the long run.

[CanadianMom]

What an amazingly wonderful idea!! Definitely something that should be expanded on. And would, I think be so much healthier for everyone involved. And I suspect much cheaper in the long run.

I agree! Amazing idea! Can you share more information about it?

[2xx1xy1JD]

It's a Jerusalem-based organization called Kfar Yeladim David. We visited during our last trip.

In Canada, I've seen daycare used as part of the plan for kids who are still in the home, with the idea that the daycare workers are an extra set of eyes on the children and that a parent may be able to cope better if they are only with the kids for a limited amount of time each day. I've also seen residential programs for young moms (the updated version of the old "homes for unwed mothers", now geared toward moms parenting their children) that are pretty comprehensive. Still, I'd like to see more comprehensive help available to support families having kids stay in the home unless there is active abuse or it is just too high-risk. So many cases I saw involved parents who weren't really evil - they were just not capable of caring for the kids as they should.

[notsocommon]

This quote by Paul Washer was sent to me today, thought I would share with you all since many of you already have expressed this in your own words.

"The church in America is going to suffer so terribly. And we laugh now but they will come after us, They will come after our children. They will close the net around us while we are playing soccer mom and soccer dad while we are arguing over so many little things and we are mesmerized by so many little trinkets. The net even now is closing around you and your children and your grandchildren. You will be isolated from society as is already happened. Anyone who tries to run for office who actually believes the Bible will be considered a lunatic until finally we are silenced. You'll go down as the greatest bigots haters of mankind in history. They've already come after your children and for most of you, they got them. They got them through the public schools and indoctrination in the universitys and then you wonder why they come out not serving the Lord. So little by little the net is closing around and then it's not so little by little. Look at how fast, in just a matter of weeks. But at the same time, know this, Persecution is always meant for evil. But God always means it for good. And is it not better to suffer in this life to have an extra weight of glory in Heaven. You must settle this in your mind, this is the one thing that I want to say over and over. Do not believe, down through history you have a wrong idea of martyrdom and persecution. You think that these men were persecuted and martyed for their sincere faith in Jesus Christ. That was the real reason. But no one heard that publicly. They were martyred and persecuted as enemys of the state. As child molesters, as bigots, as narrow minded stupid people who had fallen for a ruse and can contribute nothing to society. Your suffering will not be noble. So your mind must be filled with the Word of God when all people persecute you and turn on you. And if the Spirit of God and common Grace pulls back and you see even your children and your grandchildren tossing in the lot that you should die. This is no game. You want revival and awakening but know this, For the most part great awakenings have come only preceeding great national catastrophies of the persecution of the church. I believe God is bringing a great awakening but I believe He is raising up young men who are strong and trust in the Providence of God to be able to wade through the hell that is going to break lose on us. And it will be on us before we even recognize it. Unless, In Gods' providence He is not done. And NO, this is not silly talk. Apart from a great awakening, these things are going to come upon you. Be ready to lose your homes, your cars and everything."

Paul Washer

Paul Washer is a dick of epic proportions. How in the hell can this lunatic say that Christians are losing their rights? Delusional tool.

[arky]

Am I the only one who finds the dad super creepy? Mom isn't much better, but I'm sorry, the photos with the kids hanging around his neck aren't doing it for me. Children who have been abused more often than not want to go home, even if that's with the people who neglected or abused them in the first place. Their repeated statements of "the kids just want to come home" don't mean jack. But then again, I guess they're appealing to their "fans", who are all clueless!