Vetting Duggar suitors

[lavender]

I wonder if Duggar suitors are expected to have refrained from looking at women, touching, kissing, hugging and having sex, (and probably masturbation as well). Are they disqualified if they've had a girlfriend in the past?

That really makes me wonder if Jana will ever have the joy of a relationship because at 25, her eligible suitors would probably be from maybe 22-32 and they are likely experienced with intimacy in some form. Or perhaps she'll be forced to consider marriage to a teenager, like Jessa, since men her age are having sex.

 

Do you think Jimbob asks these young men for the details of their sex lives?

Do you think he would allow an 'impure', experienced man to court one of his daughters?

[CorruptionInc.]

I don't think he would care if they have kissed another person; but if they'd had sex? NO WAY in hell would Jim Bob allow that.

[browncoatslytherin]

definitely wouldn't accept a suitor who'd already had sex. kissing/touching? maybe, but he'd have to promise to abide by boob's...err, i mean, the girl's :roll: standards of no kissing and only side-hugging and holding hands after engagement.

[calimojo]

It wouldn't be too hard to lie about that. I think that as long as it isn't obvious that the potential suitor hasn't had a string of love affairs, or a reputation for hook-ups, I think that JB would be fine, especially if the suitor had some financial means, had something about them that would build up more publicity, and if they were repentent and willing to follow JB as headship.

Personally, I think it would be truly awesome if some very nice, independent, well-intentioned man would pull the wool over JB's eyes, and find a way in for Jana, Jinger, Joy, etc. I would love to see them go through the motions, so as to not raise suspicion, but then after the wedding, they nicely give JB and M the old "heave ho". I would like to see that play out in such a way, that it is public enough, that it JB and M can't really denounce or shun their child without a huge backlash, but with enough privacy that the couple don't feel like they are forced to live in the public eye at all times. I would like to see this child be allowed continuing contact with siblings and eventually become a conduit for other less extreme suitors, male or female to enter the family and dilute the crazy.

All it would take would be one spouse who supports their Duggar kid with breaking free of the cultish aspects of the family, and you would eventually open it up to many more of them. But the key would be that the couple would have to force JB and M to allow them to continue as part of the family.

JB and M have both said on record that they won't force their kids to follow their lifestyle, so if this would happen while they are still famous, they would have to back up their words. And once one kid finds some freedom, has the malignant beliefs about gender equality, gay marriage, the horrors of public schooling, the uselessness of higher education, etc., challenged, they will start to have some influence on the other kids.

I think JB himself, would even soften up on things, as long as he still had control over his money. Doctrinally, I think Michelle is more intense than he is. I suspect that there is a part of JB somewhere that realizes a lot of this is bullsh**, but he has a pretty good life so no need to explore it further.

[DGayle]

I don't think he would care if they have kissed another person; but if they'd had sex? NO WAY in hell would Jim Bob allow that.

[MoonFace]

I don't know. There are probably lots of guys who have been drinking the koolaid at their own homes too.

And keep in mind, how long it takes to soap up their private body parts is an individual decision so what happens in the shower stays in the shower = all good clean fun. :shock:

[lavender]

Oh I truly hope they at least get a little alone time in the shower! :) However I remember an old episode in which the kids were cleaning their bathroom and noticed that it had two side by side toilets. So I think they don't really get to be alone in the shower or even when taking a poo!

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

Oh I truly hope they at least get a little alone time in the shower! :) However I remember an old episode in which the kids were cleaning their bathroom and noticed that it had two side by side toilets. So I think they don't really get to be alone in the shower or even when taking a poo!

[doggie]

They really need to make a webpage to take applications and conduct testing so they don't have to bother personally. you put in the name of the dugger kid you want to marry and fill in the app that is only 30 pages long and the page will send you on or reject you if you don't lie well enough.

[hockeymoo]

I have wondered if Derick ever dated in college. He was the Pistol Pete mascot for OSU, so I imagine he was fairly popular and at least had the opportunity to interact with some Christian women in group-dating scenarios at the very least.

[lavender]

I remember reading on a blog or a forum (I honestly cant remember where exactly) that a girl grew up in an ATI family and her family had bathroom buddies to make sure that the showers weren't too long and that you weren't doing anything inappropriate during the shower. She had talked about it when she recounted the time she disobeyed the rules by shaving her legs. She got one of her youngest sisters to be her bathroom buddy and then distracted her somehow. Ultimately, her plan backfired in some way and she was punished.

I don't know how true the story is, but it's what I read.

[Georgiana]

I can't speak for ATI as they seem to be a little more purity obsessed than most, but a lot of fundies are fairly accepting of people who are "born again virgins". If you truly admit your past sins, are repentant for them, and purpose to live better going forward (and actually do so), many do not hold your past lifestyle too much against you. Sure, you bear a bit of a Scarlet Letter, but you're generally accepted into the fold.

Bonus points if your sinful lifestyle happened before you truly found Jesus. If you repent and are baptized/convert, not too much is held against you from what I've seen. Because you didn't know better/Jesus then.

I'm not sure how the Duggars are. But I'm sure if it were my kids courting, I'd be a little more suspicious of anyone with a "past" than someone without. But that's natural, as past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.

However, I do sincerely doubt that either Whit Bates or Derrick Dillard lived 100% ATI approved lifestyles before they met their respective spouses (we know that Whit wore pants at least). So there is at least some leeway in what both the Duggars and Bates are willing to accept. I'm sure pure, wholesome, ATI kids are the preferred courting material, but I'm not sure a past would be a complete deal breaker as long as the person had repented.

[moreorlessnu]

I remember reading on a blog or a forum (I honestly cant remember where exactly) that a girl grew up in an ATI family and her family had bathroom buddies to make sure that the showers weren't too long and that you weren't doing anything inappropriate during the shower. She had talked about it when she recounted the time she disobeyed the rules by shaving her legs. She got one of her youngest sisters to be her bathroom buddy and then distracted her somehow. Ultimately, her plan backfired in some way and she was punished.

I don't know how true the story is, but it's what I read.

[BlackSheep]

I remember reading on a blog or a forum (I honestly cant remember where exactly) that a girl grew up in an ATI family and her family had bathroom buddies to make sure that the showers weren't too long and that you weren't doing anything inappropriate during the shower. She had talked about it when she recounted the time she disobeyed the rules by shaving her legs. She got one of her youngest sisters to be her bathroom buddy and then distracted her somehow. Ultimately, her plan backfired in some way and she was punished.

I don't know how true the story is, but it's what I read.

[straygoldfish]

This is horrifying. And disgusting. They can't let even the bathroom be a place of solitude?

Related question: Is it common for fundie girls ("single young women", like Jill always said) to not shave their legs?

[Ursula]

No, I'm pretty sure moreorlessnu is correct and that is a fabricated Razing Ruth story. That's not to say there aren't families out there that are THAT insane, but I don't think the Duggars are quite there. I'm pretty sure the lower toilets were for toilet training toddlers and smaller kids in the home. Josie may still use one, maybe a few of the younger kids still use them if the height feels better, but I doubt they have actual bathroom buddies. Hell, wasn't FOUR YEAR OLD at the time Jackson lost briefly in an airport because he was sent to the men's room BY HIMSELF?

And the Duggar woman most definitely shave their legs and arm pits (maybe Jill just did for her wedding :P ). That or they were blessed with incredibly fine, blonde leg hair.

[bionicmlle]

Didn't that "Bathroom Buddy" story come from Razing Ruth?

[BlackSheep]

I know a few fundie couples and there are a bunch that don't shave legs or pits even after marriage.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

Didn't that "Bathroom Buddy" story come from Razing Ruth?

I never read any of Razing Ruth's stuff, but it's possible that someone on here talked about it and that's where I got it from.

[Toothfairy]

I hope JB knows it's so easy to lie about being "pure" And I hope that he doesn't marry off his daughters to a window whose wife died in childbirth. Unless the widower realizes that health should come over having more blessings then the Duggar daughters shouldn't marry a person like that.

I don't think a widow is good enough for JB. I hope he considers it but a person who lost their spouse especially a fundie will always be in their heart. That spouse was their first everything literally. I think a widow would be good for Jana. Less pressure to reproduce. But JimChelle would probably pressure her anyway. Because you know their step grandkids will never be their real grandkids. Especially if they're older.

And wtf??? Who comes in a bathroom to make sure they aren't sinning? What if they wake up in the middle of the night? Wake up a buddy too

[JillyO]

Yeah, I highly doubt they have bathroom buddies. I remember on one of the first seasons Michelle was talking about modesty (as usual) and this time, it was about bathroom modesty. Apparently, they teach even the little kids to lock the bathroom door after themselves because it would be immodest if someone walked in on them. :ew: I know as a small child, locking doors terrified me b/c I always thought I'd get stuck in there.

[BrownieMomma]

They really need to make a webpage to take applications and conduct testing so they don't have to bother personally. you put in the name of the dugger kid you want to marry and fill in the app that is only 30 pages long and the page will send you on or reject you if you don't lie well enough.

I have read this post three times now and each time I am struggling to not really and truly laugh out loud. Not cool at work but this is the funniest post I've read on FJ.

Are there end of year awards on FJ? I hereby nominate this for Funniest Post, or Post Most Likely to Make You Laugh Out Loud While at Work.

It's just hilarious but I could totally see Jim Bob devising some system for vetting suitors for his children. The wimmenz too! If you want JD or Jospeh, submit your app! Got rejected? Maybe Josiah is the one for you!

[FloraKitty35]

:wtf:

To have to submit to a bathroom buddy is abusive in my opinion!! And all this tattling on one's siblings in fundie families is appalling. Siblings are their only opportunity for friendship. Help a sister out for goodness sake!

I will never be annoyed when my cats watch me take a bath again.

[hockeymoo]

I will never be annoyed when my cats watch me take a bath again.

Off topic: I had this little kitten who was too tiny to see over the edge of the tub, so she'd hop up on her back feet and cling to the edge of the porcelain for as long as she could, and all I'd see were these twitchy little ears and green eyes peeking over at me. I love that little booger! What a sweet time of fellowship we had.

[doggie]

I have read this post three times now and each time I am struggling to not really and truly laugh out loud. Not cool at work but this is the funniest post I've read on FJ.

Are there end of year awards on FJ? I hereby nominate this for Funniest Post, or Post Most Likely to Make You Laugh Out Loud While at Work.

It's just hilarious but I could totally see Jim Bob devising some system for vetting suitors for his children. The wimmenz too! If you want JD or Jospeh, submit your app! Got rejected? Maybe Josiah is the one for you!

glad someone liked it it just made me think of an employer but far stricter. plus with the number of applicants they could employ someone full time.