That Time My Husband Lost His Man Card

[Burpies]

My husband routinely does the dishes, straightens the living room, does laundry, makes meals, and cares for the children. In fact, he is much tidier than I am! The only thing he doesn't like doing is cleaning the bathroom which is ok by me, because that's the only thing I'm particular about.

I think all of the above makes him extra sexy!

[Peas n carrots]

Did Ken and/or Cabinetman list out what credentials one must have in order to have a man-card? I'm guessing "being an asshole to women and children" is on their list.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

Love this thread! (And of course this all means they are 1000x the men fundies are.)

My husband is the one who mans the sewing machine. I hate going into craft stores with him because he'll spend hours looking at fabric (it's almost as bad as shoe shopping with him)! One time our daughter wouldn't let Grandma make a repair to a stuffed animal because "Daddy will do it."

He also does 100% of the ironing. I'm all about tossing something in the dryer or using wrinkle release spray and calling it a day.

And he's the chief decorator. He loves to shop for furniture and he adds a homey touch that I'm not capable of. And he plants the flowers and maintains them because I look at them and they die. Right now he's on a mission to find the perfect shower curtain to inspire a bathroom makeover.

Oh, and he'd slit someone's throat for telling him he's "babysitting" his child. He gets annoyed when anyone acts like he's special or deserving of accolades for being an involved parent.

[nelliebelle1197]

My husband bathes the kids, cooks their HOT breakfast, takes them to school and gardens. He plays crazy games with the kids and does all sorts of "mommy" chores. He is a 6 ft tall former rugby player and rower from New Zealand with no body fat on his giant rowers' muscles even at 44 who once stared down a drunk guy with a gun in his face and about whom I was told by a policeman when getting him out of jail in England after a fight with some Aussies (it took 8 cops to hold him down and arrest him - and it was 6 Aussies vs. 2 Kiwis and the Kiwis won) that I was too nice a girl to be with such a dangerous fellow.

And before any Aussies get offended, I have an Aussie SIL and 3 gorgeous nieces in Brisbane!

My seven year old boy likes fingernail polish, just bought a purple and pink glow in the dark diary and has an old purple purse with daisies that he uses to carry his wallet when he goes shopping. He also punched a bully in the face with a perfect right hook and really wants a weapon (despite my ban on anything post 1600s in the toy weapon department). He mostly cares about construction trucks, science experiments, loud burps and the current color of his boogers and how many he can collect on his sleeves.

I know my husband could save us in the zombie apocalypse with a paper clip and ball of twine and I am pretty sure my son could take Ken AND L.Ron in a fight.

[church_of_dog]

I have recently started a long-distance correspondence with a fellow who appears to have very high potential as a sweetie/life partner for me. In our emails back and forth, I have mentioned a few times that I have just learned to knit, like to go to the weekly drop-by knitting at my local yarn store, am taking a sock knitting class, etc.

He responded by telling me not only about what great knitters his mom and sister are/were, but that he himself had learned how to knit, but much prefers crocheting! Knit/crochet debate aside, that qualifies for man-card losing in my book...

Oh, and he also cooks (and has even been to culinary school).

Stay tuned... :whistle:

[usmcmom]

Did Ken and/or Cabinetman list out what credentials one must have in order to have a man-card? I'm guessing "being an asshole to women and children" is on their list.

Cabinet Man wrote a post called "The Cards in My Wallet," in which he listed all the cards he carried but that there was no card to prove he was a real man. He then went on to list all the things a "real" man should be able to do, including stand up to a woman, fix things and fight. There was some other stuff too but every time I try to read it I find myself so I can't remember all of them.

[DGayle]

Every time my husband puts on a crystal crown, or lets our kids paint his nails or painted mine when I was pregnant, or cleans the kitchen so I can relax, or watches our girls and babysits a friends kids so we can have a moms' day out, or buys my personal products when I run out and realize it at the worst time, he doesn't lose his man card. He reaffirms it.

[Aurora rising]

My husband is the girl in the house (he says so himself): He is turkish (the have a HUGE man-card-business there...) but my MIL did a great job and raised a feminist. He cleans the dishes and the house, we both go grocery shopping, we both cook (well, I more than he but I really like it). He likes to decorate (but has a terrible kitschy taste so I have to intervene "No darling, NO GOLDEN ROSE on pillows!"). I paint, repair and carry heavy stuff.

He has more clothes, jackets and shoes and whenever we travel his luggage is much more than mine. And he drives like an old grandma... :lol:

[RosyDaisy]

My fiancee lost his "man card" a long time ago. Doing things for your SO doesn't take anyone less of man or woman and has shit to do with traditional gender roles. It's called being considerate and helpful.

[DGayle]

[Artemis]

For several years, while I went out at 7am to get to school to teach, my husband tenderly de-tangled and beautifully plaited the curly hip-length hair of our two daughters. Then he packed their lunches, checked their bags, dealt with any letters, collected the homework and took them to school where, during one particularly bad year, he peeled my sobbing older daughter off the railings two days a week, calmed her down and persuaded her into school with the part time teacher who didn't like her. (She loved the other teacher, which was why we didn't move her.) Then he went to work, where he stayed late to make up for not arriving until 9.45. At the end of the school day, I picked up the girls, took them home, supervised homework, and cooked. We shared the housework and the gardening.

He's actually a better 'mother' than I am - and I'm a better 'father'. But that's what a partnership is, isn't it - playing to both your skills?

[VodouDoll]

My husband does all the ironing (mine and his) and has done for over 20 years. He's picky about it and apparently "I don't do it right." I'm good with that. :lol:

Mine too. Once after we were first married I offered to iron his shirt. He watched me for about ten seconds before jumping to his feet, gently taking the iron out of my hands, and saying, "You know, sweetie, it's okay. I'll just do this...for both of us...forever." And he has! Apparently I am not a great ironer.

[salex]

What?!?! There are people in the US who think men shouldn't (shouldn't have to? or can't?) put their own food on their plates?!?!? :wtf:

(Also I think this is in the wrong sub-forum.)

I come from a midwestern farm background, and as a kid went to a lot of potluck dinners-- family, church, various clubs my parents were involved with-- a lot of these. I can say that in the 60s and 70s none of the women I knew made a plate for any man or any kid old enough to carry their own plate without spilling. They might direct the younger kids a little. I suppose the exception would be if someone had a broken bone or was not ambulatory.

Even after I was married, I don't remember my mother in law ever doing this for my father in law, nor any of the fundie inlaws doing this.

Is this more of a southern thing? I've heard of similar things in the south, but have never seen it.

[Loveday]

I come from a midwestern farm background, and as a kid went to a lot of potluck dinners-- family, church, various clubs my parents were involved with-- a lot of these. I can say that in the 60s and 70s none of the women I knew made a plate for any man or any kid old enough to carry their own plate without spilling. They might direct the younger kids a little. I suppose the exception would be if someone had a broken bone or was not ambulatory.

Even after I was married, I don't remember my mother in law ever doing this for my father in law, nor any of the fundie inlaws doing this.

Is this more of a southern thing? I've heard of similar things in the south, but have never seen it.

Not in the little bit of the South I'm familiar with. I never once saw any of my middle Tennessee female relatives fix a plate for the men in their lives at any of our family get-togethers when I was growing up. And they were all old-school, Baptist, submissive housewives. Of course, they were also strong, hard-working farm women as well. :lol:

[Firiel]

Mine too. Once after we were first married I offered to iron his shirt. He watched me for about ten seconds before jumping to his feet, gently taking the iron out of my hands, and saying, "You know, sweetie, it's okay. I'll just do this...for both of us...forever." And he has! Apparently I am not a great ironer.

The boyfriend has seen me throw my whites and colors haphazardly into the washing machine together and has already informed me that if we ever live together, laundry is his chore. :D

[micatite]

I come from a midwestern farm background, and as a kid went to a lot of potluck dinners-- family, church, various clubs my parents were involved with-- a lot of these. I can say that in the 60s and 70s none of the women I knew made a plate for any man or any kid old enough to carry their own plate without spilling. They might direct the younger kids a little. I suppose the exception would be if someone had a broken bone or was not ambulatory.

Even after I was married, I don't remember my mother in law ever doing this for my father in law, nor any of the fundie inlaws doing this.

Is this more of a southern thing? I've heard of similar things in the south, but have never seen it.

I don't know about putting food actually on the plates, but my mother tells me that my North Dakotan (paternal) grandmother once had a major league freak-out because she and my mom weren't going to be home from something soon enough for grandma to prepare dinner for grandpa and my dad. Evidently this lapse bothered her greatly. My mom gently reminded her that they were grown men and capable of finding food (honestly, if grandpa can grow food - he was a farmer- he could probably find it in the cabinet or in the fridge.) But I think that was a generational thing there.

[moodygirl86]

My ex Gerry was a definite cat man (that's how we bonded). But he was also a typical lager-swilling, football-watching, fun-loving Brummie bloke with Irish roots. Before we split and stopped speaking, he was a real laugh. Definitely never lost a man card.

[2xx1xy1JD]

My husband is better at breaking things than fixing them. I'm not the most handy person around, but I do any light "some assembly required" stuff around the house. I also take out the garbage and unclog toilets.

Once upon a time, this cause a bit of tension and embarrassment, until we came to our senses and realized that this "man card" stuff was bullshit, and that there is no shame in lacking visual-spatial skills. It's a very specific disability, and he has plenty of other skills that more than make up for it. So, while he doesn't fix broken appliances, he does fix broken people. Since we aren't survivalists, we realize that we live in a community and there is nothing wrong with using some of his income to pay other people, who do have fix-it skills, to do our assembly and repair work.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

I'm in the Midwest and I have most definitely seen women get their husbands' plates ready at potlucks and whatnot. It's not super common, but it happens. One of my closest friends -a card carrying liberal feminist in her 30's- preps almost all of her husband's plates, even at home. I once watched her cut up his meat and everything before taking him his plate in the living room. :pink-shock:

[micatite]

I'm in the Midwest and I have most definitely seen women get their husbands' plates ready at potlucks and whatnot. It's not super common, but it happens. One of my closest friends -a card carrying liberal feminist in her 30's- preps almost all of her husband's plates, even at home. I once watched her cut up his meat and everything before taking him his plate in the living room. :pink-shock:

Weird. I don't get the cutting up meat thing for any human old enough to figure out how to use a knife. Even very young kids can learn that pretty fast. They may be awkward, but they learn by doing.

That said, I've prepped plates for my dad at certain events like receptions. But that's because he uses a cane and can't use it AND juggle a beverage and a plate of food. He just doesn't have enough hands. And he has a slight tremor in his hands, so at events it's safer if someone else does the dishing out. (although after my spectacular klutz attack yesterday at McDonalds -my giant ice tea cup turned over, catapulted my ketchup off my tray, and drenched everything from hell to breakfast- maybe it's not safer if the someone else is me.) At home...food's on the table. Dish it and eat it yourself or starve.

[feministxtian]

My husband lost his "man" card a long time ago. He does 90% of the housework...I do the repairs. It all started when I vacuumed and he didn't like the way I did it...so I handed it to him and told him to do it. He also is a talented artist and cross-stitcher.

He's got nothing to prove though...24 years in the Navy takes care of that.

Oh...serving the menfolk...I do serve my husband's plate at dinner but that's mostly because I have to measure what he eats so he knows how much insulin to give himself.

[bluehydrangea]

My dad shined his shoes a lot and I loved watching him do that particular job when I was a little girl. I think he picked up the habit in the army and always made sure his shoes were shined for work. It's not so much the shoe shining that I thought fundie men would disparage, but the fact that my husband was kneeling in front of me and shining MY shoes while I wore them. I just can't imagine most of the men we talk about on FJ taking on that "servant" attitude for a mere woman.

That's also why I thought it would be okay to put it here - cause it flew in the face of Fundie-dom. I hope the mods will move this thread if they think it belongs elsewhere. I don't know how to (or if I can) move it.

Oh no, I hope I didn't come across as implying that your post wasn't okay or valid -- if I did, I'm sorry! Just noting the irony in differences of viewpoints. Not that I'm disagreeing with your point, but I was just adding my different view of the same thing. I agree that it sounds like an unlikely thing for a fundie to do!

[usmcmom]

Oh no, I hope I didn't come across as implying that your post wasn't okay or valid -- if I did, I'm sorry! Just noting the irony in differences of viewpoints. Not that I'm disagreeing with your point, but I was just adding my different view of the same thing. I agree that it sounds like an unlikely thing for a fundie to do!

Nah...*I'M* sorry. My post wasn't clear. Another poster (previous page maybe?) mentioned that maybe this thread was in the wrong sub-forum. I should have clarified my comment, when I tucked that in at the end. I kind of thought it wasn't clear but was too lazy to go back and edit. After all, those peanut M&Ms weren't going to eat themselves. :D

[Aurora rising]

My ex-roomate ironed all our clothes during a lovely evening routine: Some bullshit-television (Die harder or something similar) and 1 liter wodka. I never saw him drunk but the ironing with more wodka was much better.

So I guess he get´s this man card back because of this...??? :doh: ;)

[salex]

My ex-roomate ironed all our clothes during a lovely evening routine: Some bullshit-television (Die harder or something similar) and 1 liter wodka. I never saw him drunk but the ironing with more wodka was much better.

So I guess he get´s this man card back because of this...??? :doh: ;)

What a fabulous household tip! I am going to give this a try very soon....