Lori on mothers/teachers

[lilwriter85]

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/10/is-teaching-good-career-for-mothers.html

 

I call bullshit on some stuff, anyway here it is.

 

 

 

Quote

Society tells us that being a teacher is a good career for a mother. She is only working when the children are in school and home when the children are at home. Did anyone ever think of asking the children what they thought about this?

 

On my post She Was Always There, several women commented that their mothers were teachers, very good teachers but they felt robbed because of it. Some said their mothers gave all they had to the children they taught and had nothing left for them when their mothers got home. Another one said that her mother never taught her the fine arts of keeping a home.

 

I substituted for awhile when my youngest was in junior high. I noticed that all the female teachers were dragging by the end of the day. I was exhausted when I came home and could hardly move. I would lay on the couch and stay there a long time. My poor daughter, who I was suppose to be home schooling, was not getting much of my time or attention. I also taught full-time the first two years of my oldest daughter's life. I felt like I wasn't a good wife, mother or teacher because I was so overwhelmed.

 

Teaching is exhausting. It takes a ton of energy to teach a bunch of children. One of my friends who had children and was a teacher said it was like running a marathon. I have never wanted to run a marathon so it sure did not appeal to me.

 

One of the teachers at this fine Christian school told me that she could always tell the students who had SAHMs verses moms who worked outside of the home. She told me the students who had full-time mothers at home were more secure and happy.

 

Saying all this, I love teachers and am very thankful for them but I will always encourage mothers who have children at home to be home full-time with their children, if at all possible. Single women, women with no children or children who are all grown up have a lot more time and energy needed to invest in teaching and they don't have children at home that need them.

 

Something always suffers when we extend ourselves beyond what we should. It is usually the marriage that suffers, unfortunately. We fail to realize that the best thing we can do for our children is to stay married to their father until death do us part. Our marriage should always be a top priority in our lives.

[Firiel]

You know, teaching can be a really draining profession. Lori has historically struggled with poor health. I understand how she personally would feel unable to be both a teacher and a homemaker, especially since we can assume Ken doesn't help out around the house.

But then Lori assumes that since it was too much for her, it is clearly too much for anyone. :angry-banghead:

[lilwriter85]

You know, teaching can be a really draining profession. Lori has historically struggled with poor health. I understand how she personally would feel unable to be both a teacher and a homemaker, especially since we can assume Ken doesn't help out around the house.

But then Lori assumes that since it was too much for her, it is clearly too much for anyone. :angry-banghead:

That was the problem I had with that blog entry. I have relatives and friends who are teachers and they say it can be draining. I agree, Lori it is too much for everyone else in the profession. I rolled my eyes at the "I noticed that all the female teachers were dragging by the end of the day" part. I think she was slamming women there. Male teachers probably have moments/days of dragging too.

[Firiel]

That was the problem I had with that blog entry. I have relatives and friends who are teachers and they say it can be draining. I agree, Lori it is too much for everyone else in the profession. I rolled my eyes at the "I noticed that all the female teachers were dragging by the end of the day" part. I think she was slamming women there. Male teachers probably have moments/days of dragging too.

I know that when my sister's husband (male teacher) gets home, he plays with the kids for a bit and then she sends him upstairs to watch his show (I don't know what show it is) so he can unwind from his day. Does that mean he's a woman because he's dragging by the end of the day?

[Terrie]

Another one said that her mother never taught her the fine arts of keeping a home.

:roll: "Fine" arts?

[GeoBQn]

My dad taught public school for over three decades, and coached several sports. I have fond memories of him taking me with him to school on the summer day when he would arrange his classroom, letting me write his "classroom rules" in crayon on construction paper. He'd share with me particularly fun assignments that his students completed, like a "flying strawberry" creature one kid created for a lesson on adapting to climates, or a comic starring a manga-style George Washington. He even got the idea from me to have a colonial-themed party for his class. He was also the parent that taught me how to do laundry and clean the house.

I never felt like I was lacking in attention from my dad, or that his students were getting "everything he had." I don't see how the situation would be any different if he woman.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Well, teaching is more stressful if you don't particularly like children or have the skills to engage them in a positive way. Just sayin'...

She's right that it's not a cushy, "not real work" job. It can be demanding, and it does require extra time for marking, preparation, report cards, meetings, etc.

It's also possible that female teacher might feel the crunch more, if they felt that they had to be responsible for all childcare, cooking and housekeeping too. Guess what? Many feminists say the same thing.

Most women, of course, don't have brain tumors, don't have worms, don't have fused necks from a car crash and don't have whatever other ailments plague Lori. Many are also not stuck in a world of stark black-and-white, all or nothing, thinking.

Here's something that Lori doesn't mention: Teacher compensation varies wildly, but where I live, regular (not substitute) teachers get pretty good benefits and pensions. I know lots of teachers who are married to men who are self-employed. Their teaching income won't make the family rich, but it does provide some security during economic downtowns, it means that they can pay for medications and dental work and braces, and it provides some extra security for retirement. All of those things help to support the husband and the family - stuff that is far more in line with the true meaning of being a "keeper at home" than Lori's house-arrest interpretation.

[quiversR4hunting]

I taught full time and I have done substitute teaching (no kids at the time). There is NO comparison. Being a sub is a special kind of hell. You are put into an age or subject that you may know little to nothing about and kids (all ages) will try to get away with everything on a sub. I was more drained subbing than full-time teaching. That is also when I figured out I made the correct choice in teaching HS. A room full of Elementary aged kids is horrible for me. Now I work full-time (normal business hours) and I would love to get back to teaching (if only it paid what I currently make) because of the hours. I know many nights I would be correcting papers after kids went to bed but I could be there for afterschool stuff. But oh well-it's the life I picked.

Both my parents were teachers. I never felt "unsecure" because my parents (mom) taught. If anything, I felt more secure- I knew my teachers before my friends did, I could go down to mom's room if I didn't have feminine products (she taught HS) and my friends could too. Plus I always had a room to go to if I was waiting for my siblings to finish their after school activities.

As for this quote: "Did anyone ever think of asking the children what they thought about this?" UMMM no. NEVER! I don't ask the kids what they want for dinner, why would I ask them about a big life decision like what I do to bring money into the family?! I know my kids (and I) would like me to be home right now, but it isn't possible so no use whining or crying over things that won't happen.

Why do I keep reading posts about Lori?! I must really like banging my head against the wall. :angry-banghead:

[feministxtian]

After reading Lori's posts and her commenters...there's either something wrong with them or with me. I work full time. I dealt with my mother's final illness while working. I dealt with my husband's illness while working. I still find time to cook, clean (a bit), have hobbies and down time.

I couldn't quit working...I'd go completely bonkers inside a week. I was a SAHM and didn't enjoy it at all.

So...either they've got serious issues with energy levels or I'm the freaking energizer bunny...and most of the time I feel like I'm being lazy...

[louisa05]

I have taught full time and I am currently a sub. Subbing is way more exhausting. Whatever you do for a living, imagine that you get called at 7 a.m to be there by 7:45 and you go to a different workplace every day where you do not know what you will be doing until you get there and read it from a (sometimes very briefly) written sheet of instructions. You will have approximately 15 minutes to read those instructions and figure out where the materials you need to carry them out are at. Those are the good days. On the bad days, there are no instructions at all and someone is crying.

In your own classroom, you know how to roll with the punches, the students are more patient with you, and there is a routine. So it is better in that regard. The upside of subbing is that you go home and are done with it all.

As for children of teachers being or feeling neglected by that parent, it truly can happen. At the last school I taught at, a fellow English teacher quit after his third child was born. He was teaching English (which has the most demanding grading load due to writing assignments), was the activities director (which requires being at all evening athletic contests and events--ties up five nights a week easily in a 6-12 school), and was the varsity baseball coach. His oldest children were starting to be involved in their own activities and he was missing all of their stuff to be at school with other people's kids. I could give you a million more examples. In small high schools, most teachers coach or sponsor more than one sport or activity and school can become their entire lives. Elementary is very different in that respect.

I don't have children of my own and was single until my last year of full time teaching. But because I coached competitive one-act, competitive speech and directed the spring drama production, school took all of my time. My husband and I had an entire month between our first and second dates because I was tied up with school activities all the time. He is the only guy I met while teaching that was patient enough to believe me when I explained that I had to be at school for stuff and wait until I had time.

[Hane]

Well, I come from a family in which somebody DID ask the children. When I was ten or so, my mother was offered a secretarial job in which she'd be working only while my sister and I were in school. My dad, in a rare show of machismo, asked us, "Do you think your mother should go out and work?" Not being an idiot, I replied, "I think Mom should do whatever makes her happy." To this day, my sisters and I believe that Mom would have been MUCH happier working outside the home at least parttime.

Important note: I have been a teacher, and I have done office work--and, believe me, office work is a walk in the park compared with teaching!

[usmcmom]

Can somebody please explain to me why a working mother is considered neglectful if she's a little tired at the end of the day; but a SAHM mom who hires a nanny and puts her kids in their rooms for two hours at a time is considered Godly?

[usmcmom]

On my post She Was Always There, several women commented that their mothers were teachers, very good teachers but they felt robbed because of it. Some said their mothers gave all they had to the children they taught and had nothing left for them when their mothers got home. Another one said that her mother never taught her the fine arts of keeping a home

Can somebody please explain to me why a working mother is considered neglectful if she's a little tired at the end of the day; but a SAHM mom who hires a nanny and puts her kids in their rooms for two hours at a time is considered Godly?

Edited to fix the quote.

[Firiel]

Can somebody please explain to me why a working mother is considered neglectful if she's a little tired at the end of the day; but a SAHM mom who hires a nanny and puts her kids in their rooms for two hours at a time is considered Godly?

Because Lori didn't do the first one, but she did do the second one.

[Curious]

I'm no brain scientist (to quote one of my favorite movies), but if you are supposed to be home schooling your child (and you are against women working outside the home) WHY would you take a job substitute teaching?

At that point, your job would be homeschooling your kids at home wouldn't it? What did the kid that was supposed to be homeschooled do all day when Lori was off substitute teaching? Sit around watching TV and eating bon bons?

I'm trying to figure out what this would look like.

Kid comes downstairs in the morning: Hey mom! What subject(s) are we going to be working on today?

Lori: You don't have school today because I'm substituting at the Ebil public school

Kid: I thought public school was bad and working outside the home is bad. That's why you homeschool me.

Lori: Well public school is horrible. They indoctrinate children and of course all women should never work outside the home!

Kid: But, mom. You are going to teach at a public school today. What am I going to do for school since you won't be home to teach me?

Lori: Why are you arguing with me? Go to your room and stay there until I say you can come out. I'm going to be late!

Kid: ..........

[EmiGirl]

Lori didn't homeschool. She sent her kids to a crazy expensive Christian school.

[Koala]

Lori didn't homeschool. She sent her kids to a crazy expensive Christian school.

She tried her hand at homeschooling, but has been very clear that "homeschooling" involved doing a little math and telling them to read for several hours a day. In other words, "Go read a book and leave me the fuck alone"

[Jana814]

She's just plan nuts!! She feels like what she's says everyone should agree w/ her.

[lilwriter85]

I think it has been awhile since Lori talked her homeschooling days. Like Koala said, she taught them a little bit of math and then made them read for several years. She said a few times that she homeschooled her sons during their middle school years. I'm not sure if it was the same for the oldest daughter. Like Curious, I wonder why Lori took a substitute teaching job, while homeschooling her youngest daughter. Did the Alexanders need extra money?

[RosyDaisy]

I can't get passed fact that she was a teacher but homeschooled her own. If public school is so evil, why take a job in a public school at all. Bitch, please! You are a lying hypocritical POS.

Side note: I question Lori's numerous medical issues. She comes across as more of an attention seeker than someone who has numerous health problems.

[GeoBQn]

My dad has readily admitted that even has a teacher with credentials, he did not feel qualified to homeschool me or my brother. History? His area of expertise. Literature? Sure. Math and science? Absolutely no way that was going to happen.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Today she's got a guest post from TheJoyFilledWife, who goes into detail about her daily schedule.

Here's what we learn:

1. Work only counts if it takes place from 9-5, outside the house.

2. Working from home doesn't count as working. The important thing is that you are physically present in the house with the kids, even if you aren't actually doing anything with them because you are busy working.

3. Running work errands with your kids somehow counts as an educational experience in SOTDRT land.

4. Working in the evenings doesn't count as working, even though it means that you are away from the kids.

5. It's totally reasonable to expect that your female employees will be available in the evenings for interviews and training. It's not like they might have family responsibilities, right?

6. Homeschooling is what takes places while your child are on their own and you are doing housework.

[louisa05]

My dad has readily admitted that even has a teacher with credentials, he did not feel qualified to homeschool me or my brother. History? His area of expertise. Literature? Sure. Math and science? Absolutely no way that was going to happen.

Totally agree with this. I taught history and literature and could definitely adequately homeschool a student in those areas. The rest of a normal high school curriculum, not so much.

Merely being an adult does not make someone qualified to adequately educate a child. Just because you understand a topic does not mean you have the skills necessary to teach it to someone else. I've seen relatives try to homeschool on the grounds of "I know how to read, don't I?" Yes, you do. But teaching a child to read is another matter. Particularly if the child does not learn in conventional ways as was the case with one young relative whose mother attempted homeschooling. He was three grade levels behind in reading when they returned him to school.

Americans don't believe that teaching is a skill, though. Thus our general disregard of the talents of teachers.

[usmcmom]

Totally agree with this. I taught history and literature and could definitely adequately homeschool a student in those areas. The rest of a normal high school curriculum, not so much.

Merely being an adult does not make someone qualified to adequately educate a child. Just because you understand a topic does not mean you have the skills necessary to teach it to someone else. I've seen relatives try to homeschool on the grounds of "I know how to read, don't I?" Yes, you do. But teaching a child to read is another matter. Particularly if the child does not learn in conventional ways as was the case with one young relative whose mother attempted homeschooling. He was three grade levels behind in reading when they returned him to school.

In some cases, there is such an arrogance to homeschooling. In these cases, it's clear the parents aren't qualified to be teaching yet they have a chip on their shoulder about public (or private) schools for various reasons. These parents would rather be "right," by being the sole influence on their children, than allow more qualified people to teach them.

I readily admit that I didn't have the patience to homeschool. Lori has made it clear she didn't even enjoy her children; yet, she thought she should teach them. "Teach" is used very loosely. We've all seen her writing, spelling and reasoning skills. I cringe to think that she was ever a teacher, in a school building or at home.

Americans don't believe that teaching is a skill, though. Thus our general disregard of the talents of teachers.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

I loved having a teacher mom! She always had plenty of time for us, and she had all the same breaks from school. She is well respected, loves what she does, and is seriously the best mom and grandma ever. She was a SAHM mom for a little while, but my parents just couldn't afford living on one income. And she doesn't have to defend or explain that anyway.

Lori, you only wish you could be half the woman my mom is. Plus I have a dad who shared in the cooking and housework and still spent plenty of quality time with us kids, on top of playing basketball when he got the chance. ;)