God doesn't care if you're happy...Lori Alexander

[jerkit]

Sweet Jesus, Lori is SO negative. To the poster *ahem* who said she's super happy with her husband she responds:

So what would you say if a young woman told you she was so unhappy and sorry she married her husband? To leave him and find a husband who would make her happy, her "soulmate"?

[Sola]

That was me. I've just replied to her. Oh and she edited her post to sound slightly less bitchy. Careful Lori, your halo is slipping.

[jerkit]

LOL she added "that's wonderful, I'm happy for you"

No you aren't, Lori. Ken just told you how wenchy your first try sounded.

[Sola]

My reply, just in case she edits it.

It would depend on the reasons for her unhappiness. If she was unhappy due to abuse then yes, I would tell her to leave him. I wouldn't tell her to find another husband as that would be her choice, when and if she was ever ready.

There are many reasons for an unhappy marriage. Sometimes it's simply incompatibility; communication is the key - preferably before you marry too! Sadly many men are immature and don't realise or don't want to acknowledge that marriage changes things. They don't want to give up their single lifestyle and this causes resentment- this goes for women too of course. Over time this builds up and you end up with a bitter spouse. Add in financial stressors, exhaustion from home responsibilities and work, Ill health etc and you have a recipe for bitterness and resentment.

I do not believe for one second that the God I have learned about since being a child and the scripture I have studied for five decades wants anyone to live a life of misery Lori. Sometimes it is healthier to live apart when the marriage is that destructive and each spouse cannot communicate their misery.

[jerkit]

Looks like she posted it but hasn't responded yet.

[jerkit]

I retract my previous statement.

You need to read your Bible more carefully, Sola. Have you read about the great apostle Paul and how much he suffered? Study I Peter 2 and is explains how Christ suffered for us and then I Peter 3 begins with "Likewise..." which goes on to explain wives may suffer under disobedient husbands but may win them without a word by their godly behavior. How do you explain these verses?

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. I Peter 4:12-19

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:18

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 2 Cor. 4:8-10

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.†John 16:33

And MANY, many more!

C/P'd because I have a feeling this string is going to eventually get deleted.

[Tiger Lily]

Sweet Jesus, Lori is SO negative. To the poster *ahem* who said she's super happy with her husband she responds:

Dang! Lori can't picture seeing anyone happy if she can't be happy. Or, maybe it's that she actually can't believe anyone can find happiness in marriage since she and Ken have been and continue to be so miserable. I wonder if he'd be a different person today had he not married Lori. Can you imagine what it must have been like to realize that the one he loved and thought loved him only married him for what he could provide for her? I imagine Ken was in denial for awhile and then he emotionally checked out of that marriage by traveling and playing basketball to excess. I'm sure he had to stay in the marriage for the children. And I do believe he loves them enough not to foist Lori upon them and their spouses so he's stuck with her until DEATH. There's also the possibility that her condition is worse than what they're letting on and he's hanging in there until then. Don't get me wrong. I do not wish to see anyone unhappy or deathly ill -- even Lori who I find to be such a despicable person. They truly are the poster children for what NOT to do in a marriage and the idea of them giving marital advice is beyond ludicrous!

[salex]

Sweet Jesus, Lori is SO negative. To the poster *ahem* who said she's super happy with her husband she responds:

My answer to Lori is "maybe... or maybe I'd tell her to divorce him so he could find someone to be happy with."

[moodygirl86]

Looks like she posted it but hasn't responded yet.

Bloody hell, you could knock me down with a feather! Sola's comment was common sense and logic itself, and I didn't think that was allowed in Lori-Land?

[jerkit]

Some creepy dude named Rob just told you to water your own grass "if you know what he means."

Ick.

[Sola]

I replied with a bucket load of bible verses to match hers. Should have c&p them here because they won't see the light of day on that blog. I see dearest Ken has now responded to back up that he is an awesome husband...

[jerkit]

I cannot believe she published it.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

A marriage of misery is not love Lori. It is an absolute fact that whilst it may be an ideal for a wife to win her husband over with her demeanour, it isn't always possible. You can have the most godly wife ever to have existed and she can still have a miserable loveless marriage.

1 Corinthians 15:33

Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.

1 Corinthians 6:18

Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.

Proverbs 14:7

Leave the presence of a fool, Or you will not discern words of knowledge.

To someone in that situation I would say rather than listen to others;

James 1:5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

Finally, a spouse who is not living up to the biblical example, and who shows no effort to change, is not godly and is not behaving as a believer.

1 Corinthians 7:15

But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God has called us to peace.

[formergothardite]

Saint Ken

I would hope that my wife is finding some happiness in and with me :)

Judging by Lori's blog, Ken, the only happiness Lori finds with you is in your bank accounts.

Saint Ken

and that for the large part I live up to her expectations, now that she has become realistic with them

Because expecting a husband to choose quality time with the wife after traveling for an extended amount of time instead of going out to play basketball is unrealistic. :roll: Realistically Lori can only expect that you won't put your penis inside of anyone else. That is the only expectation you will live up to.

Saint Ken

It is not that most husbands cannot live up to a wife's expectations, but rather a wife's expectations are at times unrealistic.

If the men in your life Ken are such shitty humans that they can't live up to the expectation that they will choose their family over basketball then you need some new guy friends.

[lilwriter85]

I suspect there are a few reasons he stays. His fundy beliefs might play a role, but her illness may well, too. My theory: She's sick and unable to support herself, and he knows it. What happens when he leaves? Well, one or the other of their kids is going to get stuck with her. He may not love her, but I'm sure he loves his kids and wouldn't dump her on them. He's developed his own coping mechanisms, so he's just gritting his teeth and bearing it until she kicks the bucket. Crude, callous and sad, but I'd bet my eye teeth on it.

He did a guest post on the blog, a couple of years that seemed to hint at that.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2012/07/perfected-through-suffering.html

Suffering is all around us and it is a strong reminder that we are not of this world, but instead destined to walk eternally in the glory of our Lord Jesus. Heaven is coming soon, and for some, not soon enough!

These past three weeks have been very difficult for Lori as she has had severe neck pain and burning return with a vengeance. She has been experiencing pain on a scale of 3 to 9 and one night even a 10. Much of her days are spent with hollowed out eyes and peas on her neck every 30 minutes. She moves around, but cannot do much, and especially cannot write. Fortunately, she has been prolific in her writing and most of her recent posts were previously written.

I am married to the perfect wife! Yes, Lori is everything she teaches and more. She is the perfect picture of one who wants only to please Jesus and in so doing, wants to joyfully please her husband. I am one blessed man, and no, I did not force any of this on her, as some of her detractors might say.

We had a rough, yet probably average marriage until she read Created to Be His Help Meet. That is by far the best book I have never read. When Lori started to want to please me and seek my leadership in her life, our marriage was unlocked and deep intimacy filled with respect was the result. Who would have guessed that doing things God’s way in even the things that are hard to understand could lead to abundant and unimaginable blessings?

When just one spouse is willing to give up self and selfishness to seek the best interest of the one they said they “will love til death do you part,” then a marriage has a fighting chance at success. And when God takes two who both seek to please the other, that is when a marriage develops the deep and abiding intimacy that God designed and makes growing old together a dream, instead of a nightmare.

So Lori is perfect for me, and perfected by Jesus in so many ways, even in suffering. I ask that you all pray with me that God would miraculously heal her after 25 years of on and off pain, and that we might be able to go on vacation this year together. I believe in the power of prayer, even though I do not pray as I should, and I know that some of you friends out there have a special gift and calling of the Lord to minister through prayer, and I beg your intercession on Lori’s behalf.

I love my wife dearly and hate seeing her in pain. If I could take some or all of it from her I would, but I could never hold up under its strain like Lori does… with such deep joy and the struggle to make her family’s life pleasant and enjoyable, even when she is in pain. When I ask her how she does it she will say, “My life is so hard, why should I make everyone around me miserable?”

Lori really does practice what she teaches and believes every word of her Bible. She knows that her joy comes not from circumstances, but from the One who lives inside of her. When Jesus lives in us, he never gives us more than we can handle and uses our suffering for his glory. Is that not his promise?

May God continue to use Lori to minister in many ways and may I not get in too much trouble for posting this while she sleeps tonight. Your thoughts and prayers for Lori are all greatly appreciated.

I have also suspected that he stays for fundie and financial reasons. When Ken posted here on FJ, he sort of hinted at some financial strain due to Lori's health. I don't think they are struggling financially. But like you said he knows she wouldn't be support herself. I think he would want to be fair to the kids and their spouses. I have seen situations in which adult children financially support their parents, but most of them are unmarried people. I wouldn't be surprised if Lori's sons-in laws and daughter in-laws have issues with her, even though Lori has mentioned that they come from similar backgrounds. If Ken passes before Lori, I think she will end up in a nursing home or maybe the oldest daughter or oldest son will have her move in with them.

[jerkit]

Ken's response

Sola,

We understand your point of view, and you and others with this view will need to search the scriptures for God's will on this important issue of staying with a spouse who is difficult, or no longer pleasing to the other spouse. We know God's universal will on the subject with His clear statements concerning marriage:

"And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery†(5:32; 19:3).

"But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife. 12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy" (I Cor. 7:12-16)

"In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives" (1 Peter 3:1).

We don't know how it can be much clearer than this, and taking other Bible verses not related to marriage and use them to create a view that goes contrary to verses clearly taught about marriage seems not valid to this Bible teacher.

Beyond this I would point out just a few of perhaps 50 verses on the issue of suffering for the sake of Christ:

"For to you it has been granted for Christ’s sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake" (Phil. 1:29), and "More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ" (Phil 3:8).

Don't get me wrong, in that I believe that suffering for suffering sake is not what God calls us to as Believers. That God does intend to take our willingness to patiently wait upon Him to change our spouse, but that we must always hold out hope that salvation is coming.

I cannot say that I truly suffered with my spouse, in terms of any true suffering, but I can say that I was quite unhappy within our marriage for some 18-20 years, and had I not lived up to my values and vows I would never have the truly godly marriage and wife that I have today. I would be remarried, probably happily remarried, but outside of God's will and best for my life. I would not have been able to raise the four godly kids that we have nor seen the countless blessings of God through it all, if I had selfishly, seen my own happiness in marriage as ultimate. No, Christ is ultimate, so I loved my wife, and she in turn came to discover by the Spirit how to love me.

When we start putting our own happiness above living out our values as Christians, it is here that we may find happiness on this earth, but we will miss out on God's best, and the rewards He has in store for us throughout eternity, when we choose to follow Him even into our most difficult parts of life.

Each Believer must search the Word for the answers God is telling us, but we cannot jump around to verses that do not speak about marriage, and then try to negate the passages that do speak about marriage with them. I certainly do agree with you that a wife who is living in misery must not suffer without having a close knit group of friends and counselors who can understand and support her in difficult times. Only she can decide if she is to go against God's universal will on the subject of staying with a spouse, or separate for a time until their spouse gets their act together. But if she separates she is to remain unmarried, according to the Word, at least until her spouse remarries and breaks the vows of the marriage.

to Sola cont.

We are not condemning spouses who walk away from a miserable marriage. That is between them and the Lord. But we judge the church for the rampant divorce that is in it because one or both spouses are not "happy." The destruction to God's children is enormous when divorce takes place, and many second divorces lead to a third, proving the grass is not always greener, just different issues to struggle against. The biggest issue is not one's spouse, but our own expectations and desires.

What does it mean to "die for Christ" if we are not willing to patiently wait upon the Lord to work in the life of our spouse? The one we say we love the most in the whole world is now the enemy? Who chose him/her? Was it not us? Who vowed "til death do us part?" Last I read God is pretty strict on our keeping our vows. Let's not forget that part:

"If a man makes a vow to the Lord, or takes an oath to bind himself with a binding obligation, he shall not violate his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth" (Num. 30:2).

"‘You shall not make false vows, but shall fulfill your vows to the Lord" Matt. 5:33).

Quoted, because Lord knows Lori is going to label this a "distraction" any second and delete the whole exchange.

[Firiel]

So... Lori was upset that people were paying attention to Cabinetman and not her. She noticed we snarked on her smile post yesterday. Thus, today she goes above and beyond that into ridiculousness so that we will talk about her.

Now she has attention again!

[jerkit]

So... Lori was upset that people were paying attention to Cabinetman and not her. She noticed we snarked on her smile post yesterday. Thus, today she goes above and beyond that into ridiculousness so that we will talk about her.

Now she has attention again!

CM wins the ridiculousness today with his public and completely false shaming of Sheila.

[usmcmom]

Sweet Jesus, Lori is SO negative. To the poster *ahem* who said she's super happy with her husband she responds:

I can't believe she automatically assumes that a happily married woman would advise somebody to leave their spouse. Why jump to that conclusion?

I. JUST. DON'T GET IT. :angry-banghead: :angry-banghead:

[happy atheist]

Dear Lori,

I have been married to my soulmate for more than two decades. We are blissfully happy. If there were ever two people made for each other it's us. And guess what? We are equals, I do not submit, I can refuse sex if I wish - as can he, oh and we're atheists. So please do not project your miserable marriage on other people.

Are you me?

[Koala]

Ken:

I cannot say that I truly suffered with my spouse, in terms of any true suffering, but I can say that I was quite unhappy within our marriage for some 18-20 years, and had I not lived up to my values and vows I would never have the truly godly marriage and wife that I have today. I would be remarried, probably happily remarried, but outside of God's will and best for my life. I would not have been able to raise the four godly kids that we have nor seen the countless blessings of God through it all, if I had selfishly, seen my own happiness in marriage as ultimate. No, Christ is ultimate, so I loved my wife, and she in turn came to discover by the Spirit how to love me.

Wow...sounds like Ken has really thought that whole remarriage thing out. Also, I thought when he was here he claimed that even in the early days he was happy with like 90-95% of their marriage. They even made a post on Lori's blog where Lori clarified that though she had claimed the first years of marriage had been "lousy", they weren't really unhappy after all:

Ken asked me yesterday if we had a really bad marriage in the past as I have written in many past posts. After thinking about it, I decided we really didn't. It was difficult, but not bad.

We both agreed we always loved each other, which in my mind means we were committed to each other. We never pondered divorce since we decided that would never be an option for us. Even then, neither of us ever wanted to get a divorce or even separate.

Which brings me back to the 90-95% Ken claims he was happy with. If God doesn't care if he is happy, then why on earth would he have complained about being 5% unhappy with his marriage/spouse? Seems like that's kind of a windfall coming from a God who could give a shit less if you're happy or not. Perhaps Ken should have used his 5% as a chance to be, wait for it....HOLY instead of HAPPY!

But that's all wrong, because it's the happiness of women God doesn't care about, right Ken? Men on the other hand had specific creatures (we'll call them women) designed for express purpose of keeping them. :roll:

[Koala]

Poor Lori. She hates happy people. You can tell she is wildly jealous of anyone whose marriage isn't just as shitty as hers:

I am so grateful to God that I can honestly say my precious Hubby brings me endless joy! I do believe that when you marry the person God has ordained for you to marry that your spouse can bring you joy beyond measure; a good Godly marriage is one of God's greatest gifts in my opinion.

I also believe our happiness is very important to God He is our Father and as any good parent He wants His best for us which to me means happiness, health and prosperity - in fact prosperity in the Bible means all our needs met with nothing missing. I know that there are many things I want for my children and happiness is most defiantly one of them.

Lori's (rather bitter sounding) reply:

I am very happy you are so happily married, Jilly, but this post was written for a young woman who wants out of her marriage because she is not "happy."

Dear Lori, if you are speaking directly to one of the women you are "mentoring" then perhaps you should consider a few things:

1) Discretion. Now I know that word probably has little meaning to you, but it's a thing. Particularly in a mentor/mentee relationship. The women you mentor should be reasonably certain that they can confide in you without waking up to find the private details of their lives used as fodder for your blog.

2) Email, letter, phone, face to face. These are the preferred methods for addressing questions that have been asked of you in private. *If* you chose to answer these questions on your blog, you should not be surprised when others respond and even contradict you. You should also not be surprised when the person who confided in you takes objection to the manner in which you have addressed their question.

3) Gossiping. The Lord has laid it on my Atheist heart to share some verses with you on gossip (which I feel that you partake in often). I'm sure you'll want to meditate on these verses being the Godly Older Woman that you are :roll:

1 Timothy 5:13 ESV

Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.

Proverbs 21:23 ESV

Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

Proverbs 20:19 ESV

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.

A simple babbler...wow...if the shoe fits....

And this one:

James 1:26 ESV

If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.

[browngrl]

Fundie logic:

God does not care if you're happy - Lori Alexander (AKA Ken Alexander)

BUT

Rodrigues Facebook/blog comment (and FJ thread) : God wants you to have butter.

But: What if butter makes you happy? Or is God only providing butter because it may or may not make you happy (you'd need divine knowledge to know which way it would go)? Or it is toast that is the real evil here? For as we all know: first - you eat the richly buttered freshly baked bread, second - you rip off all your clothes and run down the street yelling "Hilary for president".

*note: not a philosophy expert but I did eat buttered toast for breakfast today

[FloraKitty35]

Does anyone really expect Lori to be anything other than the censurer that she has always been? :shrug:

[Grimalkin]

I seriously question the legitimacy of anyone asking Lori for marriage advice. To any people hat think it's a good idea......you get what you deserve.

[polecat]

Poor Lori. She hates happy people. You can tell she is wildly jealous of anyone whose marriage isn't just as shitty as hers:

Lori's (rather bitter sounding) reply:

Jilly is one of her most faithful followers. And now Lori's working on alienating HER.

WTG, Klorien! You'll soon have no one to screech at but us wicked, atheistic, feminist, lib'rul godless heathen FJers. And where's the fun in that?