Ben Living With the Duggars - MERGE

[Coco]

Maybe that's what JB wants...SIL's who work for him and live on his compound so he is the one who stays in control and calls the shots. Hard to go against their teachings if you are living in their houses, on their land and they are paying your bills.

Also, I remember hearing Ben wants to be a preacher so maybe JB figures he can be a preacher in their church and he doesn't need any formal training.

I could see Ben being somewhat abusive once the infatuation wears off. He is very immature and opinionated and that's not a great combination. If he actually physically hurt her, though, I suspect she would go to her father and that Jim Bob would either talk to Ben to make sure it didn't happen again or declare Ben no longer Godly enough and therefore Jessa should move home. Although not sure they'd actually let her divorce. Has that ever happened in the Fundy world? The husband being abusive..I'm sure it must have. Does the woman's family shun her if she leaves due to physical abuse?

One fundie girl in our church had to wear long sleeves to hide bruises because her hubby would sucker punch her in the arm if she made him angry. And another friend told me her sister cried talking to her because her husband was cruel on purpose about her looks. And yes, they do get shunned because it's the wife's fault if the husband is not happy. Even if she marries a douchebag she's still considered lucky because she attained wifehood and should just suck it up or do manipulative "Fascinating Womanhood" type things to get him to be a nicer person. Another fundie friend of mine actually divorced her husband because of his porn addiction and disrespect toward her. And to this day her own mom blames her for being selfish by leaving him. And also blames her for causing the problems, or at least, faults her for standing up for herself and her kids instead of letting the guy walk all over her, submitting to his demands, and praying away the abuse Debi Pearl style. :roll: It happens a lot in fundieland. Giving one partner all the power and privilege just naturally leads to the other partner getting taken advantage of, even in smaller ways. Servant and master.

[Toothfairy]

How is it a wife's fault her husband hits her. What a good way to blame victims of domestic violence

[HarryPotterFan]

A lot of Duggar fans are questioning if Ben and Jessa should marry. If you can't support yourself, you shouldn't get married or have kids. Especially at 19. Ben is a dumb ass. Jessa has to play along to get what she wants. Ben is just making it harder for her. But once married I could see Ben going back home if Jim Bob doesn't give Ben what he wants.

It really says something if the leghumpers are questioning him.

[singsingsing]

The whole situation is just so weird. There's no reason why a healthy young man of average intelligence should not be able to find a decent job. Why bring him to live on the compound? If Jim Bob wanted to help him out why couldn't he just use his connections to get him a job somewhere else? With all their talk of purity, of boundaries, and especially of 'leaving and cleaving' and the man needing to have a strong work ethic and be able to support his wife, what the heck is going on here?

[Coconut Flan]

I fear Ben found a job - with TLC. That seems to be the only thing that fits. He's in every group photo these days. I guess it was too much trouble to import him from Hot Springs when needed. I guess filming Jill's wedding and then his and Jessa's engagement was too much to only be done on weekends.

[Dandruff]

Maybe Jim Bob wants Ben for political purposes. Ben is certainly very anti-abortion and isn't shy about sharing unpopular views. While Josh is in that arena, neither John nor Joseph seem to like the limelight and I suspect Josiah isn't interested either. I think a job will conveniently appear for Ben as the wedding approaches.

[pineapple450]

Maybe that's what JB wants...SIL's who work for him and live on his compound so he is the one who stays in control and calls the shots. Hard to go against their teachings if you are living in their houses, on their land and they are paying your bills.

Also, I remember hearing Ben wants to be a preacher so maybe JB figures he can be a preacher in their church and he doesn't need any formal training.

I could see Ben being somewhat abusive once the infatuation wears off. He is very immature and opinionated and that's not a great combination. If he actually physically hurt her, though, I suspect she would go to her father and that Jim Bob would either talk to Ben to make sure it didn't happen again or declare Ben no longer Godly enough and therefore Jessa should move home. Although not sure they'd actually let her divorce. Has that ever happened in the Fundy world? The husband being abusive..I'm sure it must have. Does the woman's family shun her if she leaves due to physical abuse?

First of all, Jessa would never run to her father because once she is married her husband is her headship and one headship cannot tell another what to do with his minion-slaves. Second, unfortunately fundies believe in a woman staying with her abusive husband because a) she must not be being submissive enough and the only way to make him less abusive is to submit more b) God has ordained the marriage, thus she is more Godly for suffering in silence and c) if she leaves him she is demonstrating self-will and defying God and her headship. I believe this was all written by the one and only Debbi Pearl (and the Duggars do follow the Pearls), but I actually got this info from the book "Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement" by Kathryn Joyce in case anyone was curious.

[antwan]

This is not really a thread I should have read before bed. I had a rather interesting dream about Jessa sneaking out and meeting Ben in his storage unit.

It's not his storage unit. It's his TOOL SHED! :lol:

[16strong]

I really think that Boob's roof is going to come crashing straight down on his head, and it will all be because of Ben. I've said it here before, but Ben is a young zealot and a fundie social climber. Once he figures out that he is simply a pawn and will never be able to have the place of prominence and respect in the fundie world he so desires, he will do something very, very interesting. Boob fucked up majorly; he just has no idea how much. Unfortunately for him, he is choosing to solve the problem by having Ben marry Jessa and try to take him under his wing. Wrong move. He doesn't realize that in the long run, it is better for the brand to break off the courtship/engagement than to have to ride through the shitstorm his delusions tell him he can prevent.

Also, what happens when Jana is 38 and still at home, unmarried? Exactly how good do they think that will look to the general public?

[isarhenne]

There are so many red flags I see with Jessa and Ben:

1. Jessa specifically said she wants someone with a MILD personality to match her more dominant character. Ben does not have a MILD, laid back personality from what we see on his instagram. And I don't get that vibe from him, either. RED FLAG!

2. Jessa already needs to change her personality to fit Ben's. I guess her dominant traits need to be crushed so she can get along with her not so laid back future husband. RED FLAG!

3. Ben's parents don't seem to like the way the courtship happened (Ben's dad's instagram posts). I think they have a bad feeling about this, too. RED FLAG!

I'm secretly hoping that Ben's parents will call off the engagement or talk to Ben, or do something about it. I don't see any of the Duggars doing that, JB doesn't want to loose his reputation , Jessa would be too scared to call it off. Ben's parents are my only hope. They do seem to have more common sense.

[Cassia]

There are so many red flags I see with Jessa and Ben:

1. Jessa specifically said she wants someone with a MILD personality to match her more dominant character. Ben does not have a MILD, laid back personality from what we see on his instagram. And I don't get that vibe from him, either. RED FLAG!

2. Jessa already needs to change her personality to fit Ben's. I guess her dominant traits need to be crushed so she can get along with her not so laid back future husband. RED FLAG!

3. Ben's parents don't seem to like the way the courtship happened (Ben's dad's instagram posts). I think they have a bad feeling about this, too. RED FLAG!

I'm secretly hoping that Ben's parents will call off the engagement or talk to Ben, or do something about it. I don't see any of the Duggars doing that, JB doesn't want to loose his reputation , Jessa would be too scared to call it off. Ben's parents are my only hope. They do seem to have more common sense.

You think Ben's parents have common sense?? :pink-shock:

This is a quote off of Michael Seewalds blog (seewalds.com)

"That is, without the existence of a holy, transcendent God who created all things, people have no basis at all for making moral judgments."

Ben was raised by a man who believes that morality exists only within the confines of Christianity. Common sense is not strong with this one...

[nausicaa]

The whole situation is just so weird. There's no reason why a healthy young man of average intelligence should not be able to find a decent job. Why bring him to live on the compound? If Jim Bob wanted to help him out why couldn't he just use his connections to get him a job somewhere else? With all their talk of purity, of boundaries, and especially of 'leaving and cleaving' and the man needing to have a strong work ethic and be able to support his wife, what the heck is going on here?

Agreed. This is making Ben look more like a helpless little boy, which is weird even in mainstream society but especially noticeable in a culture that emphasizes manly men, their leadership, and their divine responsiblity to provide for their families. I understand that most people in this culture don't make six figure salaries, so a nineteen year old working full-time at an entry level job with access to his own modest home/apartment is considered ready to marry, but Ben doesn't even have that.

He's coming off more like Jim Bob's adopted son than an intrepid suitor.

[Rescinded and Mended]

There's a variation of the original article on abc.com. I'm over here cracking up because there's a poster in the comments section who keeps insisting that Jessa can't be Jim Bob's daughter because she looks nothing like him. :lol:

abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/ben-seewald-moved-jessa-duggar-family/story?id=25164702

[OodOnTheLoo]

I fear Ben found a job - with TLC. That seems to be the only thing that fits. He's in every group photo these days. I guess it was too much trouble to import him from Hot Springs when needed. I guess filming Jill's wedding and then his and Jessa's engagement was too much to only be done on weekends.

DimBulb is just doing his usual spin on reality. Ben is there to help promote the Duggars show and media. I'm sure he is making money via interviews and participating in the show. JB can't exactly come out and say that or the fans will realize that is how JB makes his money, not by buying used or rental properties.

Also, it doesn't hurt to have Ben so close so he can be mentored/monitored on how not to piss off the fans with his idiotic rants on twitter and FB. They have got to protect their brand.

I just hope Jessa is strong enough to say no to babies for awhile. She has never enjoyed taking care of the littles. She needs a break.

[shedemei]

Jessa and Ben might actually be in love and not willing to wait by courting until he gets more established. Having him stay close may be a way of easing him into more responsibility and adulthood. If Jessa and Ben live close by after marriage having that support would be crucial during what would be otherwise difficult years.

I disagree with many things Duggar, but I think they're also capable of kindness.

Then again, reality shows consist of planned stories and/or putting people into situations to see how they act. It's also possible that Ben living with the Duggars is part of a TLC story or situation.

[gustava]

Jessa and Ben might actually be in love and not willing to wait by courting until he gets more established. Having him stay close may be a way of easing him into more responsibility and adulthood. If Jessa and Ben live close by after marriage having that support would be crucial during what would be otherwise difficult years.

I disagree with many things Duggar, but I think they're also capable of kindness.

Then again, reality shows consist of planned stories and/or putting people into situations to see how they act. It's also possible that Ben living with the Duggars is part of a TLC story or situation.

I think they're IN LUST

[chillywilly]

There are so many red flags I see with Jessa and Ben:

1. Jessa specifically said she wants someone with a MILD personality to match her more dominant character. Ben does not have a MILD, laid back personality from what we see on his instagram. And I don't get that vibe from him, either. RED FLAG!

2. Jessa already needs to change her personality to fit Ben's. I guess her dominant traits need to be crushed so she can get along with her not so laid back future husband. RED FLAG!

3. Ben's parents don't seem to like the way the courtship happened (Ben's dad's instagram posts). I think they have a bad feeling about this, too. RED FLAG!

I'm secretly hoping that Ben's parents will call off the engagement or talk to Ben, or do something about it. I don't see any of the Duggars doing that, JB doesn't want to loose his reputation , Jessa would be too scared to call it off. Ben's parents are my only hope. They do seem to have more common sense.

Yes! I just read Ben's dad's blog post and he seems less than thrilled about all of this. I hope you're right and Ben's parents step up and call this off. It would be best for everyone honestly.

[keen23]

If they were allowed to date like normal people, I suspect that the attraction would wear off very quickly. However, since all normal dating activities are forbidden, this whole relationship takes on a mystique that it should not. Poor Jessa, when she legally gets bound to this man-child, and has to live with him for the rest of her life. She can do so much better, but will be trapped with him FOREVER. Jessa, honey, secretly get on the Pill so you don't get a honeymoon baby too.

[Toothfairy]

I think if the Duggar girls did try to go on birth control pills people would find out. They're celebs in their town, so it would be hard for some not to recognize them unless they have a personal assistant. I think the best option for birth control without anyone finding out is to get the iud or the shot. It would be between them and their doctor.

[Cassia]

I think if the Duggar girls did try to go on birth control pills people would find out. They're celebs in their town, so it would be hard for some not to recognize them unless they have a personal assistant. I think the best option for birth control without anyone finding out is to get the iud or the shot. It would be between them and their doctor.

I would be shocked if these girls knew anything about birth control beyond "the pill kills baybeeez" and "condoms are bad". I doubt they have even heard of the depo shot or an iud. (Jill may be an exception here but I'm still skeptical on that - she worked with right wing Fundie mothers, not exactly the type of crowd to talk about how their birth control failed).

[BeaSnarky]

Dear JimBoob - there is a huge difference between a couple of weeks (from the People article) and MAY - as evidenced in the show, Ben moved in to the "guest house" in May.

And, Majessa was wearing her pearls.. IN MAY

And Jill was still living at home...IN MAY.

Sigh.

[TXGirlInAMaterialWorld]

This is just so strange to me. What is wrong with a long distance relationship? How do you think that JB and Michelle would have reacted if Anna's parents had suggested he live in a storage shed out front of their house? They would have blown their top.

I think so far we have really only watched Michelle's weird ways but JB is just getting started at letting his freak flag fly in the crazymaking department. Especially when it comes to letting his daughters out of his vice grip of control and obedience.

I do wonder if part of it is that JB realizes that the train is going off the tracks once all the older girls get married. Maybe he thinks that by keeping them close he can still guilt them into coming over and slaving at TTH.

[BeaSnarky]

I think Ben's folks may have put up a front, but his dad sure is enjoying the traffic on his blog, and they are quite happy to ride the Duggar coat tails. Sigh.

[Ralar]

This is just so strange to me. What is wrong with a long distance relationship? How do you think that JB and Michelle would have reacted if Anna's parents had suggested he live in a storage shed out front of their house? They would have blown their top.

I think so far we have really only watched Michelle's weird ways but JB is just getting started at letting his freak flag fly in the crazymaking department. Especially when it comes to letting his daughters out of his vice grip of control and obedience.

I do wonder if part of it is that JB realizes that the train is going off the tracks once all the older girls get married. Maybe he thinks that by keeping them close he can still guilt them into coming over and slaving at TTH.

Didn't we snark when Josh was forced to sleep in a camper beside the Kellers' trailer when he was in Florida visiting Anna? I bet Bin would love to have that camper.

[freejoyannatoo]

Benessa are the worst possible advert for courtship imaginable.

In the real world they would have dated, had a few months of crazy sex, come to their senses, seen they were completely incompatible and gone their separate ways. No harm done, lessons learned.

In fundie world they are so blinded by their lust, and so constrained by ridiculous notions of purity that put virginity before happiness or anything else, that they are doomed to a lifetime of misery together once the initial physical thrill has worn off.

So in a way this is a great message to get across to the general public. Courtship is a lousy system for choosing a mate. There is no fairytale just because you stay "pure". I'm sure it's obvious to most viewers that Benessa are NOT a match made in heaven, and that the courtship sytsem is dong them no favours at all.

Poor kids.