Lori Alexander's tax fraud statements make sense now

[nokidsmom]

I never read that honeymoon story until now and now I know why.

That's one sick, disturbed story written by one sick disturbed individual.

[usmcmom]

I never read that honeymoon story until now and now I know why.

That's one sick, disturbed story written by one sick disturbed individual.

There was absolutely no hint of love or tenderness in that story - no emotional connection at all. I guess I'm used to these men not caring about their wives' pleasure but he didn't even care about her COMFORT. She was in pain. What kind of monster treats his virgin bride like that?!?

The story made me think of Ken's ramblings on FJ about his two friends who each had a "sexless marriage" because the wives "claimed" sex hurt them. Ken talked about those young women with absolutely no compassion or concern for their comfort or sense of well being.

[nokidsmom]

There was absolutely no hint of love or tenderness in that story - no emotional connection at all. I guess I'm used to these men not caring about their wives' pleasure but he didn't even care about her COMFORT. She was in pain. What kind of monster treats his virgin bride like that?!?

The story made me think of Ken's ramblings on FJ about his two friends who each had a "sexless marriage" because the wives "claimed" sex hurt them. Ken talked about those young women with absolutely no compassion or concern for their comfort or sense of well being.

To the bolded: this. Totally this. It was like "I am going to get mine, after all these years, and to hell with how my wife feels about it emotionally or physically". It reeks so of entitlement and not flat out not caring about how she feels or what she wants, emotionally or physically. She's just an accessory and that's it.

[jerkit]

Debi's book has a part where it says something to the effect of "don't tell me it hurts. You're not special. The god of the universe created you."

[usmcmom]

To the bolded: this. Totally this. It was like "I am going to get mine, after all these years, and to hell with how my wife feels about it emotionally or physically". It reeks so of entitlement and not flat out not caring about how she feels or what she wants, emotionally or physically. She's just an accessory and that's it.

Cabinet Man did tell us that Christian men only marry so they can have sex. I don't believe that of all Christian men but apparently it's true of these animals. Seriously, I'm sickened by them.

[Tiger Lily]

There was absolutely no hint of love or tenderness in that story - no emotional connection at all. I guess I'm used to these men not caring about their wives' pleasure but he didn't even care about her COMFORT. She was in pain. What kind of monster treats his virgin bride like that?!?

The story made me think of Ken's ramblings on FJ about his two friends who each had a "sexless marriage" because the wives "claimed" sex hurt them. Ken talked about those young women with absolutely no compassion or concern for their comfort or sense of well being.

A good friend of mine and her husband were both virgins on their wedding night. To be blunt, she was basically raped because of his inconsiderateness. (I don't care how inexperienced you are, there's no need to be a clod about it.) It was well over a year before she knew that sex could actually feel good. I was outraged when she first told me this and haven't liked her husband much, I'll admit. I think there are some men who are truly clueless when it comes to sex and my friend's husband was one of them. In addition, she never mentioned any of her feelings to her husband for a long time so she was clueless as well! The difference between this man and Michael Pearl is that this man actually loves his wife and can admit when he's wrong. He's teachable and is capable of growth. They've been married for over 20 years and are very happy. With Michael Pearl, all I see is arrogance and the need to be right. My husband and I watched a video or two of him and his wife on Youtube and he came away with the same impression: arrogant, boasting and not much love. Even though I definitely do not like Debi much, I do pity her for being married to Michael Pearl.

[Tiger Lily]

Cabinet Man did tell us that Christian men only marry so they can have sex. I don't believe that of all Christian men but apparently it's true of these animals. Seriously, I'm sickened by them.

I would always cringe when CM would talk like that or make remarks that his love of sex with his wife was most important to him (more than his love of his wife). And when he'd make those remarks about her looks or say that women would come on to him (which I don't believe for a minute after seeing a blurry picture of him), I felt so, so bad for her. No wonder she can't believe he's attracted to her!

I'm just thankful my husband married me because he loved me and wanted to spend his life with his best friend AND because he wanted to have sex with me! Anything less would have left me feeling used and like an object which he owned.

[utter solitude]

A good friend of mine and her husband were both virgins on their wedding night. To be blunt, she was basically raped because of his inconsiderateness. (I don't care how inexperienced you are, there's no need to be a clod about it.) It was well over a year before she knew that sex could actually feel good. I was outraged when she first told me this and haven't liked her husband much, I'll admit. I think there are some men who are truly clueless when it comes to sex and my friend's husband was one of them. In addition, she never mentioned any of her feelings to her husband for a long time so she was clueless as well! The difference between this man and Michael Pearl is that this man actually loves his wife and can admit when he's wrong. He's teachable and is capable of growth. They've been married for over 20 years and are very happy. With Michael Pearl, all I see is arrogance and the need to be right. My husband and I watched a video or two of him and his wife on Youtube and he came away with the same impression: arrogant, boasting and not much love. Even though I definitely do not like Debi much, I do pity her for being married to Michael Pearl.

I'm confused by your use of the word "raped".... was she not willing, and he forced her? That's not something loving husbands do. Or, was it painful for her and she never told him? Because that's not rape... rape is about consent, not pain. If you consent but don't tell anyone you're in pain, doesn't mean you're being raped.

I had a friend who married right after high school, both virgins, and, when they were first doing the deed, he ended up rushing her to the ER because she was in pain and bleeding. Seriously. An ER nurse had to explain what was going on to them.

This is what I don't get about the extreme side of no sex before marriage. They don't tell even the about to be married couples what to expect! My friend's experience could have been much, much more pleasant and pain free if they'd just known what was in store.

[Tiger Lily]

I'm confused by your use of the word "raped".... was she not willing, and he forced her? That's not something loving husbands do. Or, was it painful for her and she never told him? Because that's not rape... rape is about consent, not pain. If you consent but don't tell anyone you're in pain, doesn't mean you're being raped.

I had a friend who married right after high school, both virgins, and, when they were first doing the deed, he ended up rushing her to the ER because she was in pain and bleeding. Seriously. An ER nurse had to explain what was going on to them.

This is what I don't get about the extreme side of no sex before marriage. They don't tell even the about to be married couples what to expect! My friend's experience could have been much, much more pleasant and pain free if they'd just known what was in store.

Sorry, I wasn't clear. With my friend and her husband, he carried her across the threshold of their hotel room, threw her on the bed and roughly and clumsily had his way with her. He wouldn't stop when it was clear she was crying out in pain. I'd call that rape. This man is far from stupid. He was just being a selfish jerk. As I said earlier, he has matured a lot over the years.

BTW, how awful for your friend! Wow!

[louisa05]

I'm confused by your use of the word "raped".... was she not willing, and he forced her? That's not something loving husbands do. Or, was it painful for her and she never told him? Because that's not rape... rape is about consent, not pain. If you consent but don't tell anyone you're in pain, doesn't mean you're being raped.

I had a friend who married right after high school, both virgins, and, when they were first doing the deed, he ended up rushing her to the ER because she was in pain and bleeding. Seriously. An ER nurse had to explain what was going on to them.

This is what I don't get about the extreme side of no sex before marriage. They don't tell even the about to be married couples what to expect! My friend's experience could have been much, much more pleasant and pain free if they'd just known what was in store.

I certainly understand your point. But I know as many women who did not know what to expect the first time who had sex before marriage as I do women who did not know and had sex the first time on their wedding night. Having sex before marriage is certainly not any guarantee that you have been well informed or that there will be no pain or confusion. There is so much black and white thinking around this. As much as the purity culture insists that all will be well with sexuality if only everyone waited until marriage, those on the opposite side seem to believe all will be well as long as you don't wait.

[usmcmom]

This is what I don't get about the extreme side of no sex before marriage. They don't tell even the about to be married couples what to expect! My friend's experience could have been much, much more pleasant and pain free if they'd just known what was in store.

I've wondered about this too. Do fundie brides get NO instruction? And are their young grooms told to just take what's theirs?

I went to a very conservative Christian college and the whole "waiting for marriage" thing was definitely taught, but engaged couples were encouraged to have pre-marital counseling where sex was discussed quite frankly. Men were encouraged to be patient with their wives and learn about what brought her pleasure. It was not unusual for diagrams to be brought out. Sounds, crazy, I guess, but at least young couples were being encouraged to explore a healthy mutually pleasant sex life.

Our church also encourages marriage seminars and one we've gone to has a session devoted to sexual intimacy. The leaders, both male, are very frank and put most of the responsibility on the husbands to make sex pleasing for both spouses. They basically say "Wives, be available. Husbands, make your wife WANT to be available."

[Tiger Lily]

I've wondered about this too. Do fundie brides get NO instruction? And are their young grooms told to just take what's theirs?

I went to a very conservative Christian college and the whole "waiting for marriage" thing was definitely taught, but engaged couples were encouraged to have pre-marital counseling where sex was discussed quite frankly. Men were encouraged to be patient with their wives and learn about what brought her pleasure. It was not unusual for diagrams to be brought out. Sounds, crazy, I guess, but at least young couples were being encouraged to explore a healthy mutually pleasant sex life.

Our church also encourages marriage seminars and one we've gone to has a session devoted to sexual intimacy. The leaders, both male, are very frank and put most of the responsibility on the husbands to make sex pleasing for both spouses. They basically say "Wives, be available. Husbands, make your wife WANT to be available."

Exactly! When you hear a husband complain about the wife not wanting to have sex, I always wonder if there's a reason WHY the wife doesn't want to have sex. Simply put: If it's good, then a wife will want it.

BTW, my church had similar, detailed teachings on sex. They felt the more info, the better.

[usmcmom]

Exactly! When you hear a husband complain about the wife not wanting to have sex, I always wonder if there's a reason WHY the wife doesn't want to have sex. Simply put: If it's good, then a wife will want it.

BTW, my church had similar, detailed teachings on sex. They felt the more info, the better.

I'll never forget sitting in one of those sessions on sexual intimacy (and I was already married) and the speaker says "Men, I'm going to be blunt....learn what the clitoris is." :lol: :lol: :lol:

[utter solitude]

Sorry, I wasn't clear. With my friend and her husband, he carried her across the threshold of their hotel room, threw her on the bed and roughly and clumsily had his way with her. He wouldn't stop when it was clear she was crying out in pain. I'd call that rape. This man is far from stupid. He was just being a selfish jerk. As I said earlier, he has matured a lot over the years.

BTW, how awful for your friend! Wow!

That's what I thought you meant. That's so awful for your friend.

The culture itself can be pretty awful. It's a system of straight denial, denial, denial. They consider the men to be some kind of animals who just need sex and can't control themselves, and it is the women's duty to give it to him on demand. They're denied any sexual release until the magic day they're married, then, as they've been taught, they can do whatever they want. If the woman refuses or seems uncomfortable, she is somehow wrong. Worse yet, some of the poor women are never taught what to expect. Neither are the men. They're left with a very Cartman-esque view of sex: "Just stick it in her and pee". You would think, in a culture that glories martial sex, they would talk about it at some point so it can be enjoyable for both parties.

As for my friends, he just didn't know what he was supposed to be doing, he just ran on raw instinct. It bothered him for a long, long time.

[usmcmom]

Okay, Utter Solitude...I just want to say "sorry." I tried to edit my post to give you credit for that quote and my screen started doing all sorts of crazy stuff. So I tried to edit it again and...still the crazy screen.

So...everybody...that quote I put up there ^^^^ it's from Utter Solitude. :?

Now, what were we talking about? :?

[utter solitude]

Okay, Utter Solitude...I just want to say "sorry." I tried to edit my post to give you credit for that quote and my screen started doing all sorts of crazy stuff. So I tried to edit it again and...still the crazy screen.

So...everybody...that quote I put up there ^^^^ it's from Utter Solitude. :?

Now, what were we talking about? :?

No worries, I'll just be the mysterious sage who offers wisdom and yet, no one knows my name. :pray:

So yeah.... tax fraud = bad? :D

[dairyfreelife]

Let me just say sex may not be pain free even if you do know what you are doing. Some conditions cause painful sex.

That said the Pearl story is fucked up beyond belief.

[Hane]

Let me just say sex may not be pain free even if you do know what you are doing. Some conditions cause painful sex.

That said the Pearl story is fucked up beyond belief.

All the yes. I was a virgin when I had my first gyno appointment, and learned I had an almost completely impersonate hymen, so I had surgery to correct the situation.

In my mid-forties, I started having discomfort in certain sexual positions, so I went to the gyno. Turned out my left ovary was covered with endometrial tissue and stuck to the outside of my cervix. Surgery fixed that up, too.

God gave us doctors for a reason.

[freejingerbeth]

All the yes. I was a virgin when I had my first gyno appointment, and learned I had an almost completely impersonate hymen, so I had surgery to correct the situation.

In my mid-forties, I started having discomfort in certain sexual positions, so I went to the gyno. Turned out my left ovary was covered with endometrial tissue and stuck to the outside of my cervix. Surgery fixed that up, too.

God gave us doctors for a reason.

What is an impersonate hymen? Just curious....hope I'm not asking a question that is too personal.

[CrazyCatLady]

I think she meant imperforate...

[DGayle]

Real question.

Please don't call the IRS on me!

But is it normal to report ALL additional income? I'm babysitting tomorrow, and I certainly don't plan on reporting that on my taxes. I just never have, and I'm not sure I've heard of anyone who does. I babysit maybe a couple times a year. Is that illegal? Is it abnormal? Do y'all report small earnings like that?

To be legal, you're supposed to report every last penny. In reality, who the hell keeps track of that $5 someone paid for a small favor, or kept track of the pennies a garage sale brought in and how much would be seen as profit?

The way I see it is whatever you don't pay is a hell of a lot less than what you'll lose in social security payments. One of my best friends and her husband are both self-employed, and they never pay taxes. When they are old and want to retire, they're going to be more fucked than those of us who pay taxes. The $3,000 or so they aren't paying a year is a lot less than what they would get later.

The law doesn't agree, but the IRS would have a hell of a time finding out that someone got $20 for babysitting, and really, sometimes it's the little bits of money that keep a family off food stamps. My absolute best friend babysits and doesn't report it, but if she did, the taxes she'd pay would mean her family would have to go on food stamps. I think it's better for her to skip the taxes (which would be less than the food stamps) and feed her family.

[DGayle]

There was absolutely no hint of love or tenderness in that story - no emotional connection at all. I guess I'm used to these men not caring about their wives' pleasure but he didn't even care about her COMFORT. She was in pain. What kind of monster treats his virgin bride like that?!?

What kind? One who's in a pissing-match with his buddy over who can get it up and off more times in a night.

Not only didn't he care for her comfort, but her health and safety by making her run barefoot among crabs, and who cares that she was tired after being up without sleep. He wanted sex, goddammit!!

[DGayle]

Sorry, I wasn't clear. With my friend and her husband, he carried her across the threshold of their hotel room, threw her on the bed and roughly and clumsily had his way with her. He wouldn't stop when it was clear she was crying out in pain. I'd call that rape. This man is far from stupid. He was just being a selfish jerk. As I said earlier, he has matured a lot over the years.

BTW, how awful for your friend! Wow!

Crying out in pain doesn't mean rape though. Did she tell him to stop, or try to push him away? Or did she cry and not revoke her consent? This doesn't make him less inconsiderate, but it doesn't make it rape.

[lilah]

The way Michael spoke about Debi in the honeymoon story was like someone describing a corpse. Very chilling. This guy HAS to be a psychopath. The way he views other people is like a kid poking a dead animal with a stick, wondering what it's all about. No concept of others as people, at all. He wasn't confused because she was a woman. He was confused because she had feelings and was expressing them, and he doesn't know what feelings are. If I ever met him, I would run in the other direction and not stop until I was at least 500 miles away. Bar none one of the creepiest people I have ever seen.

And was obsessed with sex not because was horny or in love but because he wanted to one up some other dude's record and proove he was more virile. Seriously wtf. Bet Debi did not have a single orgasam on that trip.

[Tiger Lily]

Crying out in pain doesn't mean rape though. Did she tell him to stop, or try to push him away? Or did she cry and not revoke her consent? This doesn't make him less inconsiderate, but it doesn't make it rape.

Obviously, I wasn't there, however, from the way my friend described this, it was very traumatic. While I don't know if she ever said the word "No," I do know she protested and resisted when she became frightened and protested, resisted and cried out in pain when it began to hurt (although to what degree, I don't know). Her husband was beyond inconsiderate. From the time that hotel room door closed, this guy had one goal only and he wasn't to be deterred. There weren't even any words spoken by him. He was simply in a zone and didn't let anything like a protest deter him. Jerk. She forgave him. I wouldn't have.

I will say that this wasn't a fundy couple although they were both virgins. To this day, the husband isn't a believer of any faith as far as I know.