Lori Alexander posted a doozie today

[EmiGirl]

This. I think it's going to happen soon. She's letting fewer and fewer comments through, almost all by the same three or four readers. You just know she's getting a lot of flack from some of her latest posts. :lol:

My thought that is that's she's using the delete button very liberally.

[RosyDaisy]

One of the last conversations I had with my grandmother, was the myth that poor women had no choice to work. And whoever said children of working mothers aren't able to love have no fucking clue what they are talking about.

[thoughtful]

This is a gross misunderstanding of attachment theory on her part.

Yes, in Lori's mind:

1990s Romanian orphanage kids, babies of dysfunctional parents who are left alone in their cribs for so long the backs of their heads are flat, etc. = any child whose mother works*, has a nanny* or is cared for more by a father than a mother. :roll:

*except for her, in the past, of course!

[lilwriter85]

Shouldn't she private her/Ken's blog already? It seems like the comments are overrun with FJers and she's just too brain damaged for me to snark on. There is no way her illness hasn't affected her mental capacity. She's unable to think beyond absolutes, like a 3 year old.

I don't see her ever going private, despite the comments from FJers. She seems to like her fangirls and if she goes private, she knows it might be harder for other fundies to find her blog.

[jerkit]

Today in Lori-land she writes about a woman with an alcoholic husband (which probably means he drinks 3-5 drinks per week). And the woman was "manipulated" by an abortion clinic to have an abortion. Riiiiight, Lori.

[usmcmom]

Today in Lori-land she writes about a woman with an alcoholic husband (which probably means he drinks 3-5 drinks per week). And the woman was "manipulated" by an abortion clinic to have an abortion. Riiiiight, Lori.

When I saw the title of today's post I thought she must have watched Tori Spelling's show last night and I thought "Wait, Lori watches trashy TV?!?" And I know all about it because *I* had watched that very same trashy TV.

[usmcmom]

I don't know how those of you who do can stand to read her blog. I have long made it a point to read various views of things, but I usually try to find educated people using some kind of valid source in their discussion, not just some unsatisfied housewife who uses the bible as a club to dump guilt on others while trying to polish her turd of a marriage.

I can't / don't consistently read the blogs of people I'd never be friends with in real life. And being a stupid bitch is one sure way not to be on my friend list. So-- there goes Lori, SSM, and a few others we can name.

Eh...it's a quick read - like proof reading a third grader's book report: "I bought furniture. My furniture is brown. It cost $1500. That is cheap." Except a third grader takes constructive criticism much better.

Now, Lori's comment section? That makes my eye twitch, especially when Ken steps up to the pulpit.

[cindyluvs24]

So now lori is borrowing from Generation Cedar? I read Megans post on Generation Cedar and am wondering:

1. Who was her "sponsor"? She said she had to wait for the payment by her sponsor to be verified. Is that how women pay for abortions? Is it a crowd funding opportunity? Are abortion clinics adopting the country club business model and you need a sponsor to be admitted?

2. How exactly was she manipulated into going ahead with the procedure? (Maybe by having an alcoholic, cheating husband?) She claims to have had an ultrasound but says they never showed her a picture of her "baby". Now see, right here is where I call bullshit. Soooo, had they shown you the ultrasound you would have magically changed your mind, Megan? Kinda convenient then that the hottest piece of legislation going around is to make women have an ultrasound and see it. Fits nicely into the plot, doesn't it?

3. Wonder if "Megan's" first reaction when she woke up wasn't abject relief. Isn't regretting an abortion better than regretting a child? Debate that one Kelly.

4. Isn't it nice that she was able to get a clean, legal job done WITH ANESTHESIA. I guess her state didn't pass laws demanding that abortions only be done in hospitals b/c of concerns about anesthesia or 2 doctors sign a certificate to get it done at all.

5. Extra Credit Question in the spirit of Kelly's "iron sharpening iron": How the hell can you expect Lourdes to say no to Doug and leave when this Megan couldn't even say no thank you and leave the clinic?

[artdecades]

This is the same woman who let her newborn babies cry all night so she could get a full night sleep.

How the fuck does that gel with having a "sustained contact"

[Tangy Bee]

Even quoting this, shows how utterly stupid and simple minded Lori is.

You just can't make this stuff up! Lori looks mainstream, but her thoughts are out there with Steve Maxwell. Then again...would Steve even believe that? Of course not...because it's not in the Bible

.

[polecat]

This is the same woman who let her newborn babies cry all night so she could get a full night sleep.

How the fuck does that gel with having a "sustained contact"

It doesn't count if it's nighttime. Because babies are born with internal clocks or something and know better than to disturb their mother's sleep.

(Not really. I think my babies were born with little more than a giant, unending stomach and a heck of a pair of lungs. Cosleeping ftw.)

[neuroticcat]

It seems so mind-boggling that anyone would read that and conclude: FACT. Even putting aside all rational arguments, you can't ignore history. The fundie ideal of stay-at-home-motherhood is some unique brand of weirdness that cropped up relatively recently. And the same with the slightly more normal hyper-evangelical version of it, too. How can they possibly consider family relationships in different cultures and in past centuries, and then conclude: our way of revisionist "homesteading" and homeschooling in America = God's Way. I can only think that they grasp on to these ideas because deep down they know how soul-killing the life they've chosen is. But holding on to the ideals (i.e. because I stayed home, my children can LOVE :? ) allows them to wear the Motherhood is the Highest Calling badge.

[Hisey]

Lori stayed at home with her kids all right. Here are the things I suspect she did (actually, items 3-5 are straight from her blog)

1. Lay in bed with frozen-pea icepak on head

2. Had the nanny manage the kids' day to day life

3. Cook "healthy" and made the kids stay at the table for hours if they didn't eat

4. Homeschooled by making them read books and do math worksheets (and that's it)

5. Made them go up to their room every day for two hours so she could relax. What healthy 10-year old wants to sit in his room for two hours every afternoon?

When Lori talks about what a good mom she was, she keeps mentioning the same old things: took kids to AWANA, took daughter to ballet (15 min each way!), cooked "healthy", disciplined them (no good mother is without her leather strap).

Did she ever play a board game with them? Watch a movie together? Bake cookies? Go shopping? Play a pickup game of basketball? Never mentions any of these things. It never sounds to me like she enjoyed motherhood at all. Honestly, ZZ takes more pride and pleasure out of motherhood than Lori seems to, and ZZ has far fewer resources.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I've read lots of research on attachment disorder in children, and her quote does sound as though it's based on those studies, none of which assert that children need the same consistent figure all day, every day, or that the person needs to be the child's mother. The gist of the study is that young children need to experience attachment to a responsive caregiver. After that, even if that relationship is severed, a child can learn to attach to someone new. Lori is extrapolating willfully and wildly and ignoring the reality of millions of happy, securely attached, well-adjusted children of working parents.

This is not to say that broken attachments aren't traumatic. But the child isn't doomed. In our family that meant that my daughter, adopted at 21 months after two (she was lucky it was only two) foster placements, was impulsive and aggressive and angry as a child. She had loved her foster mom and there is no way to explain to a toddler why she needs a new family. But still, even though I continued working part-time, and even though a couple of her daycare placements were less than fabulous, she eventually was able to claim me as her mom. That's the imperfect, messy, real world where we still manage to raise good kids. Are Lori's daughters self-supporting college graduates (real college) who volunteer as guardians ad litem for foster children, think for themselves but still voluntarily hang out with their mom? Just asking.

I'm thrilled to go after Lori on my first post after being introduced to her here. I got to Free Jinger through an appalled fascination with extreme fundy parenting, fueled by the Hana Williams case.

EXACTLY!

There is real research on attachment disorders, and it does show the importance of developing a secure bond to a primary caregiver in the early years.

The research does NOT say:

1. The primary caregiver must be the mother, and only the mother.

2. Nobody else can possibly care for the child other than the primary caregiver.

3. Children cannot be attached to more than one parent.

4. Attachment is something that only happens during daylight hours.

5. Attachment occurs only through the mother being physically present somewhere in the house, and has nothing to do with the type of interaction with the child.

Much of what Lori and Ken say actually goes against attachment research. Secure attachment results when babies get their needs met. Lori teaches that babies should be left to cry it out at night at 3-6 weeks of age - far younger than even Dr. Ferber recommends. Lori praises the idea of ignoring a child's feeding cues, and Ken says that it's perfectly normal to shove food into the mouth of a crying child. Neither of them seem to attach ANY importance to the role of the father as anything other than a source of funds during infancy. They promote a book which encourages striking infants with plumbing line as a form of "training". They feel that parenting without inflicting pain on children is just too much work.

Lori encourages women to stay in unhappy marriages with men who are addicts, who aren't interested in caring for their own children and who treat their families poorly. Even if they are not subject to physical abuse, children do not do well when exposed to constant emotional abuse between parents, or when they feel that they have to constantly tiptoe around an addicted parent, or when their primary caregiver is constantly distraught.

Babies care less about location than they do about having the important adults in their lives read their cues and responding to them in a loving, consistent fashion.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Reading Lori gives me more of an appreciation of what fuels some strange and counter-productive practices in families.

For example, posts like this help explain how That Wife ended up with Bathroom Baby. It took her years to finally open her eyes and say, "Wait, I can actually leave the house! Maybe the house doesn't need to be perfect, and maybe my son needs some actual human interaction and maybe I should start by looking at his needs first and not from the idea that everything should be picture perfect and strictly home-based." I was relieved to read this recent post from her: thatwifeblog.com/2014/02/27/appreciating-and-understanding-my-child-as-an-individual/

Compare and contrast to the post 3 years ago that sparked the Bathroom Baby label: thatwifeblog.com/2011/06/14/that-apartment-3/

[ILoveJellybeans]

Reading Lori gives me more of an appreciation of what fuels some strange and counter-productive practices in families.

For example, posts like this help explain how That Wife ended up with Bathroom Baby. It took her years to finally open her eyes and say, "Wait, I can actually leave the house! Maybe the house doesn't need to be perfect, and maybe my son needs some actual human interaction and maybe I should start by looking at his needs first and not from the idea that everything should be picture perfect and strictly home-based." I was relieved to read this recent post from her: thatwifeblog.com/2014/02/27/appreciating-and-understanding-my-child-as-an-individual/

Compare and contrast to the post 3 years ago that sparked the Bathroom Baby label: thatwifeblog.com/2011/06/14/that-apartment-3/

Wow, that's good, I am happy to see that T1 is now being treated right instead of being neglected. I hope that now, without the pressure of fundie perfection and being forced into being a SAHM and spending every second with the kids, she is able to parent the two she has and give them a good childhood. I am glad her second child will never end up sleeping in the bathroom, with a bottle propped up and multiple diapers on at once.

[polecat]

Reading Lori gives me more of an appreciation of what fuels some strange and counter-productive practices in families.

For example, posts like this help explain how That Wife ended up with Bathroom Baby. It took her years to finally open her eyes and say, "Wait, I can actually leave the house! Maybe the house doesn't need to be perfect, and maybe my son needs some actual human interaction and maybe I should start by looking at his needs first and not from the idea that everything should be picture perfect and strictly home-based." I was relieved to read this recent post from her: thatwifeblog.com/2014/02/27/appreciating-and-understanding-my-child-as-an-individual/

Compare and contrast to the post 3 years ago that sparked the Bathroom Baby label: thatwifeblog.com/2011/06/14/that-apartment-3/

I'm completely baffled. If they didn't have a second bedroom, why didn't they just put his crib in their room? It looked plenty big enough ...

The idea of sleeping in a bathroom doesn't sit well with me even if the bathroom isn't actually used.

[jerkit]

Her post today should be titled "You think you're fundie-ing? You're not fundie-ing HARD ENOUGH."

Because now I'm not allowed to leave my home.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I'm completely baffled. If they didn't have a second bedroom, why didn't they just put his crib in their room? It looked plenty big enough ...

The idea of sleeping in a bathroom doesn't sit well with me even if the bathroom isn't actually used.

We had many long discussions in the past about Bathroom Baby. The short summary is that as a new Mormon mom, she thought it was her job to literally stay home with the baby - even though she was clearly not cut out to be a SAHM and even though her baby would have clearly benefited from some outside stimulation. Instead, he got to sleep in the bathroom, the second bedroom was used as a home office with a small area enclosed by a play yard for the tot, and the whole house look a little too neat and perfect for a toddler to be living there. She was clearly spending hours online with her photography business and blog, and basically resenting the fact that her son sometimes wanted attention. There were lots of cute photos of her son, but not a lot of real interaction and play.

[Burris]

It has been determined...

Passive voice.

Weasel words.

“Argument†fails.

[Curious]

Eh...it's a quick read - like proof reading a third grader's book report: "I bought furniture. My furniture is brown. It cost $1500. That is cheap." Except a third grader takes constructive criticism much better.

Now, Lori's comment section? That makes my eye twitch, especially when Ken steps up to the pulpit.

I don't read her blog because all center text gives me a headache. I've nicely suggested to Ken that he ask her to change it and given him links to show what it's a big no-no, but so far, no joy :(

[MrsFoxx]

The term "full time mother" always amuses me, as if working moms aren't moms while they're at work. Do they become "part time mothers"? What of at-home moms whose kids are all in school? Do they become part-time moms?

As if mothers ever really stop being mothers ...

This thought-process is really destructive to daughters. As a working mom, I have had to work very hard to overcome my ingrained views from childhood that daycare is "allowing someone else to raise your child" and that it's selfish to decide to not have another child (or any child) just because you don't feel like you can afford it.

Surprise! Having kids you can afford is responsible, and you don't stop raising your child just because they're at daycare. (What do you think chose that daycare situation? Hint: it wasn't a game of roulette.)

[polecat]

This thought-process is really destructive to daughters. As a working mom, I have had to work very hard to overcome my ingrained views from childhood that daycare is "allowing someone else to raise your child" and that it's selfish to decide to not have another child (or any child) just because you don't feel like you can afford it.

Surprise! Having kids you can afford is responsible, and you don't stop raising your child just because they're at daycare. (What do you think chose that daycare situation? Hint: it wasn't a game of roulette.)

I am a working mom, so believe me when I say, these are not things that *I* believe -- I was thinking out loud. Which is why I added the last line. I think it's ludicrous to say that some moms are "more" mom than others simply because they work/don't work outside the home/whatever (barring abuse and neglect).

[MrsFoxx]

I am a working mom, so believe me when I say, these are not things that *I* believe -- I was thinking out loud. Which is why I added the last line. I think it's ludicrous to say that some moms are "more" mom than others simply because they work/don't work outside the home/whatever (barring abuse experiencet).

Sorry, I should have clarified. I wasn't assuming you actually thought that, I was just adding my agreement and personal experience. This has been one of the biggest unforeseen adjustments for me, moving to a more moderate life.

Like a smooth guilt icing on the already guilt-filled cake of motherhood. :)

[polecat]

Sorry, I should have clarified. I wasn't assuming you actually thought that, I was just adding my agreement and personal experience. This has been one of the biggest unforeseen adjustments for me, moving to a more moderate life.

Like a smooth guilt icing on the already guilt-filled cake of motherhood. :)

Great word picture!

And yes. That.