Lori Alexander posted a doozie today

[jerkit]

If you don't stay at home with your kid, they won't be able to love. No really. She quoted a book that says this. I...just can't.

It has been determined that children who don't have the benefit of a single, sustained contact with a loving mother-figure for at least the first 3 years of their lives, will manifest a diminished capacity to love others, impaired intellectual powers, and an inability to control their impulses, particularly in the area of aggression.

Oh and also, even part time work is ebil.

:angry-banghead:

[latraviata]

If you don't stay at home with your kid, they won't be able to love. No really. She quoted a book that says this. I...just can't.

Oh and also, even part time work is ebil.

:angry-banghead:

Even quoting this, shows how utterly stupid and simple minded Lori is.

[polecat]

Then maybe Lori and her ilk need to consider backing more family friendly programs that allow mothers and fathers to take more than 12 weeks (unpaid!!!) leave from work after the birth of a baby.

[salex]

If you don't stay at home with your kid, they won't be able to love. No really. She quoted a book that says this. I...just can't.

Oh and also, even part time work is ebil.

:angry-banghead:

What? They might grow up to be patriarchal fundies? :nenner:

If there isn't a diminished capacity to love others among Patriarchal Fundies, why all the exhortation to love their spouses-- over and over that particular sermon is preached.

The impaired intellectual powers -- well, you've seen the logic, the ability to manage complex problems and the basic language and grammar fails.

Inability to control their impulses-- As in not able to look at a woman in short sleeves, pants, a swimsuit, a blouse with buttons, jeans, etc etc etc, without lusting in one's heart? Like pushing someone against a wall during an argument? LIke beating your kid because you don't have the patience to discipline them in other way... yeah, like that?

Well, some of the aggression is passive in the fundies we see-- but not all of it.

[Hisey]

I guess the Proverbs 31 woman had screwed up kids. Because she was sure working, whether it was part-time or full-time (I'm not sure how long it takes to plant a vineyard).

What strikes me about this post is how unkind it is. Lori knows there are women who have to work (the ones who work because they want to are too evil to worry about). There are single mothers, moms married to disabled men, widows, etc.

How are those women going to feel if they read her blog and believe the crap she writes? Great, my husband abandoned the family, I'm busting my butt to support them, and yet now I learn my kids are growing up with a diminished capacity to love.

Not to mention the fact that she has a separate set of rules just for herself. Are her kids suffering from a diminished capacity to love because she had a full-time nanny?

[Hisey]

I'm a SAHM, I'm with my kids a lot, yet I'd be the first to admit that there are plenty of times they don't need (or want) me around. There were plenty of times when a babysitter or preschool was an exciting and preferable alternative to mom (who needed a little space herself).

[ViolaSebastian]

Didn't Lori herself work until her second child was born? Then, by definition, her first child should be unable to love. I wonder if she'd admit to that, or is it another case of do as I say, not as I do?

[salex]

I guess the Proverbs 31 woman had screwed up kids. Because she was sure working, whether it was part-time or full-time (I'm not sure how long it takes to plant a vineyard).

What strikes me about this post is how unkind it is. Lori knows there are women who have to work (the ones who work because they want to are too evil to worry about). There are single mothers, moms married to disabled men, widows, etc.

How are those women going to feel if they read her blog and believe the crap she writes? Great, my husband abandoned the family, I'm busting my butt to support them, and yet now I learn my kids are growing up with a diminished capacity to love.

Not to mention the fact that she has a separate set of rules just for herself. Are her kids suffering from a diminished capacity to love because she had a full-time nanny?

Notice it said loving mother figure. So-- a full time nanny for the first 3 years, or a great day care provider/baby sitter would fill the bill.

I suspect, without clicking on her site, that her report is based on issues that might impact children who are pulled out of abusive or neglectful homes and moved mulitple times to different fostering situations and back and forth to their parents before the age of 3. (and likely after as well) That kind of stuff can mess with a peson's head, but it does not automatically mean that a loving mom who is at the office or working retail 8 hours a day when the child is little but is loving at home, and makes sure the child is in a safe and caring environment will have the same potential issues--and no one would think that would be the case, except for Lori....

[jerkit]

I guess the Proverbs 31 woman had screwed up kids. Because she was sure working, whether it was part-time or full-time (I'm not sure how long it takes to plant a vineyard).

What strikes me about this post is how unkind it is. Lori knows there are women who have to work (the ones who work because they want to are too evil to worry about). There are single mothers, moms married to disabled men, widows, etc.

How are those women going to feel if they read her blog and believe the crap she writes? Great, my husband abandoned the family, I'm busting my butt to support them, and yet now I learn my kids are growing up with a diminished capacity to love.

Not to mention the fact that she has a separate set of rules just for herself. Are her kids suffering from a diminished capacity to love because she had a full-time nanny?

Lori (or probably Lori *via* Ken) will say that her blog is not meant for those women so you shouldn't worry your pretty little head about their feelings.

[HoneyBunny]

Let's see...her grandson cries every time her daughter in law leaves his sight? First, that is a phase that every toddler goes through, whether mom works or not. To me it means he needs a bit more practice learning to cope with brief separations, and nothing more. The kind of practice that only takes place when mom actually leaves for brief periods, and then returns. The kind of practice that doesn't occur when mom is always at his side. As a preschool teacher, I see how proud toddlers are when they develop the confidence that they can manage on their own (with another caregiver), for a few hours. Of course, self confidence is a no-no in those circles, isn't it?

Or, the whole thing could simply mean that her grandson is smarter than the average bear, already knows his grandmother is a monster, and doesn't want to be alone with her for even one second.

[Full enough quiver]

Thats funny, because my daughters are the least agressive kids on the planet. I've never seen the order one raise her voice, or get mad in the 6 years I've known her, and she'll be 16 in a couple of months. The younger one refuses to play team sports because she doesn't want to lose, but doesn't want the other team to lose either. Both had working, but loving single parents.

The boys had a non working but neglectful single mother. The boys can be aggressive, but I think it has a lot to do with being boys close in age with little supervision. All four are very loving and affectionate with my husband and I, and each other.

[snuggles911]

I really wish Lori could meet my children, all of whom survived being in daycare for several years. They are kind and compassionate, earn GPAs above 4.0, and certainly are capable of loving me, my husband and others.

I think that having a SAHM mother like Lori would have been much more detrimental to their social and intellectual development.

[Jana814]

I really wish Lori could meet my children, all of whom survived being in daycare for several years. They are kind and compassionate, earn GPAs above 4.0, and certainly are capable of loving me, my husband and others.

I think that having a SAHM mother like Lori would have been much more detrimental to their social and intellectual development.

Sounds like u raised some wonderful children. & I agree with you when it comes to Lori.

[Curious]

You know what else research says causes those things in small children? HITTING THEM WITH IMPLEMENTS

[dairyfreelife]

So...children raised by a single father are going to fucked up for life?

[kpmom]

So all you working women, just poke a hole in your diaphragm, fool your hubby into impregnating you, and you too will get to stay home while your nanny raises your kids!

[itsnotmeitsu]

If my child didn't have the benefit of a working mom, she wouldn't be able to eat. Because she has a working mom, one day, we may be able to provide her a house with a yard in a safe neighborhood.

This is just a re-hashing of the mommy wars. We are supposed to allow them the right to determine how they raise their children, but God have mercy on schlubs like me. My husband owns his own business, it just covers the necessities, I use my God-given brain and talents to provide for my child, I'm still not worthy.

[SPHASH]

If Lori thinks all mothers should stay home with their newborn then she should move to Norway. They get nine months PAID maternity leave then three months at a reduced rate.

[older than allosaurs]

Notice it said loving mother figure. So-- a full time nanny for the first 3 years, or a great day care provider/baby sitter would fill the bill.

I suspect, without clicking on her site, that her report is based on issues that might impact children who are pulled out of abusive or neglectful homes and moved mulitple times to different fostering situations and back and forth to their parents before the age of 3. (and likely after as well) That kind of stuff can mess with a peson's head, but it does not automatically mean that a loving mom who is at the office or working retail 8 hours a day when the child is little but is loving at home, and makes sure the child is in a safe and caring environment will have the same potential issues--and no one would think that would be the case, except for Lori....

I've read lots of research on attachment disorder in children, and her quote does sound as though it's based on those studies, none of which assert that children need the same consistent figure all day, every day, or that the person needs to be the child's mother. The gist of the study is that young children need to experience attachment to a responsive caregiver. After that, even if that relationship is severed, a child can learn to attach to someone new. Lori is extrapolating willfully and wildly and ignoring the reality of millions of happy, securely attached, well-adjusted children of working parents.

This is not to say that broken attachments aren't traumatic. But the child isn't doomed. In our family that meant that my daughter, adopted at 21 months after two (she was lucky it was only two) foster placements, was impulsive and aggressive and angry as a child. She had loved her foster mom and there is no way to explain to a toddler why she needs a new family. But still, even though I continued working part-time, and even though a couple of her daycare placements were less than fabulous, she eventually was able to claim me as her mom. That's the imperfect, messy, real world where we still manage to raise good kids. Are Lori's daughters self-supporting college graduates (real college) who volunteer as guardians ad litem for foster children, think for themselves but still voluntarily hang out with their mom? Just asking.

I'm thrilled to go after Lori on my first post after being introduced to her here. I got to Free Jinger through an appalled fascination with extreme fundy parenting, fueled by the Hana Williams case.

[docmom]

If Lori thinks all mothers should stay home with their newborn then she should move to Norway. They get nine months PAID maternity leave then three months at a reduced rate.

I made this point to Ken when he came a-calling on FJ. Perhaps not surprisingly, he never addressed it.

[Maggie Mae]

Shouldn't she private her/Ken's blog already? It seems like the comments are overrun with FJers and she's just too brain damaged for me to snark on. There is no way her illness hasn't affected her mental capacity. She's unable to think beyond absolutes, like a 3 year old.

[Becket70]

"It has been determined..." What does that mean? By whom? What studies? I could say that it has been determined that all fundies are whacko but I don't have anything to back that statement up. Come back to me when you have scientific proof to back up your statement instead of fanciful thinking.

[Chowder Head]

My mom worked and I came out fine so did my siblings.

[Coconut Flan]

If I hadn't worked my kids would have been in poverty. How's that on how they turn out, Lori? Their father died and if we'd followed patriarchy they'd have been out of luck.

[latraviata]

If I hadn't worked my kids would have been in poverty. How's that on how they turn out, Lori? Their father died and if we'd followed patriarchy they'd have been out of luck.

Same here.