Why Ken Alexander is really on FJ

[2xx1xy1JD]

I do wonder about the role of the tumor.

It also disturbs me that when this came up on one of the Ken threads as a genuine question, Ken seemed to take it as some sort of attack. Look, we all know about the brain tumor. Having a brain tumor is not a sin, and it's not a source of snark. To the contrary - it's something that may partially explain some odd stuff, and many of us wouldn't be snarking on a genuine neurological problem.

I know that Ken got a degree in divinity, so he seems to have more formal training and may know more about Greek terms (although he's never been able to respond rationally to an argument about Hebrew terms). Lori's approach to the bible in general seems more personal - she reads it in English, and reads the words according to their plain meaning to her. It may be a long-standing habit that when sees words in another language, she panics and calls for Ken.

Coconut Flan - that's long been a beef of mine. Keep in mind that I come from a religious tradition where kids are taught Obscure Foreign Language and Even More Obscure Foreign Language (Hebrew and Aramaic) to read the basic texts, and every single word gets analyzed to death, so the idea of simply reading a translation and taking it at face value is really weird to me. That said, Cabinetman also does the same thing, and even Ken does as well.

[bal maiden]

Coconut Flan - that's long been a beef of mine. Keep in mind that I come from a religious tradition where kids are taught Obscure Foreign Language and Even More Obscure Foreign Language (Hebrew and Aramaic) to read the basic texts, and every single word gets analyzed to death, so the idea of simply reading a translation and taking it at face value is really weird to me. That said, Cabinetman also does the same thing, and even Ken does as well.

off topic, but may I ask what religious tradition that is? Syriac church?

[dawbs]

So Lori's opt out of someone giving her good advice and some actual Biblical understanding is to say she can't read plain English? That's been one of my issues with both of them since day one. They are trying to take Biblical phrases of a translation literally and simple mindedly as direction and use that as the foundation of a destructive belief system.

This pretending not to get it/being intentionally obtuse/"accidentally" missing the point is rampant on her blogs and in his comments here.

It's like pretending that the words don't have meanings.

And it's why there's no rational discussion happening.

[Mela99]

Does he understand what defamation of character is? Cause I don't think he does...

[2xx1xy1JD]

off topic, but may I ask what religious tradition that is? Syriac church?

Traditional Judaism. Even denominations that use more English during services have a crystal clear understanding that the language of the Hebrew Bible is not English, and that English translations are just a tool and that you need to look to the original language to fully appreciate what is written.

[bal maiden]

Traditional Judaism. Even denominations that use more English during services have a crystal clear understanding that the language of the Hebrew Bible is not English, and that English translations are just a tool and that you need to look to the original language to fully appreciate what is written.

Cool, thanks for answering! I didn't realise Jews learned Aramaic as well as Ivrit :)

[OkToBeTakei]

I have to wonder if it has and they just don't want to admit it.

I would like to think I am a wise woman and that is all that matters to me.

I would like to think that I am an expert cross stitcher. I really would. Sadly anyone who has seen my attempts at cross stitching would know that no matter how much I would like to think that I am good at it, I'm not. All that might matter to her is that she thinks she is wise, but since she has set herself up as a wise teacher dispensing God's advice what actually matters is if she is wise in these matters.

I'm really sorry FG, now don't be going all internet hurt on me and report me to google but that really made me laugh :lol:

Santa :lol:

[Closed Womb]

Ken is the embodiment of the old saying: "Deny everything, admit nothing, make counter accusations."

-----

Did their complaints (demands) to Google start after his FJ visits? I'm guessing that "we've reported this x number of times" could be a lie, or several reports in the same day.

I think it is clear that Ken is used to women (or at least a woman) bending to his demands. I mean, IICR, Lori advocated for having sex in the same hotel room as your children if Ken your husband wants it. From what I gather from Ken's rambling walls of text, she was not so submissive for the first half of their marriage, so she's not talking about being in the room with sleeping babies or toddlers that will buy some "mommy and daddy were wrestling" type excuse. Obviously, many other examples exist (within the text of her blog) that show Ken is used to getting as he pleases.

Personally, I think that someone or several someones who can negatively impact his life/livelihood found out about the horror Lori advocates on her blog by reading about it here and he felt he needed to do something about it. And goodness knows that stopping the abuse-your-children-and-control-your-wife advice was NOT the way to go about fixing their reputation. :?

Mind you, the type of person who says this on his SECOND FJ post, is really beyond the pale: "Do you really think that a young man looking for a spouse is looking at you as his ideal mate! He is not looking for 10 lbs overweight and out of shape." To read that knowing his daughter had/has an eating disorder, well, I'll let you decide on your on adjective to save it from coming up in a Google search and having Ken's fee-fees hurt again.

[Koala]

Ken is the embodiment of the old saying: "Deny everything, admit nothing, make counter accusations."

-----

Did their complaints (demands) to Google start after his FJ visits? I'm guessing that "we've reported this x number of times" could be a lie, or several reports in the same day.

I think it is clear that Ken is used to women (or at least a woman) bending to his demands. I mean, IICR, Lori advocated for having sex in the same hotel room as your children if Ken your husband wants it. From what I gather from Ken's rambling walls of text, she was not so submissive for the first half of their marriage, so she's not talking about being in the room with sleeping babies or toddlers that will buy some "mommy and daddy were wrestling" type excuse. Obviously, many other examples exist (within the text of her blog) that show Ken is used to getting as he pleases.

Personally, I think that someone or several someones who can negatively impact his life/livelihood found out about the horror Lori advocates on her blog by reading about it here and he felt he needed to do something about it. And goodness knows that stopping the abuse-your-children-and-control-your-wife advice was NOT the way to go about fixing their reputation. :?

Mind you, the type of person who says this on his SECOND FJ post, is really beyond the pale: "Do you really think that a young man looking for a spouse is looking at you as his ideal mate! He is not looking for 10 lbs overweight and out of shape." To read that knowing his daughter had/has an eating disorder, well, I'll let you decide on your on adjective to save it from coming up in a Google search and having Ken's fee-fees hurt again.

This is a portion of Ken's comment on that post:

Ken Alexander:

Lastly, for some who are so opposed to sex when kids are sleeping in the room, much of this depends on the kids ages, and no one is saying they are making noises or not under the covers. Under the covers quiet sex with kids up to 8 years old in the room is probably a non issue, but teenagers in the room it is probably not wise.

Remember, throughout most of history the whole family was in a tent or one or two bedroom homes with thin walls. Sex is not a bad thing, so teach your kids early that it is to be enjoyed in a marriage. No child is being defiled by hearing Mom and Dad having sex, but it can feel like being defiled if the child is not educated to know the difference between marriage sex and sex outside of marriage. For goodness sakes,.. this is how the child was made when Mom and Dad make love... a beautiful thing,

I could gag...truly I could.

[Koala]

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/08/are-most-men-pigs-when-it-comes-to-sex.html

[salex]

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/08/are-most-men-pigs-when-it-comes-to-sex.html

I wonder who she bases her "most men" ideas on?

[Dysfundamental]

I just can't... :evil-eye:

In other news, I am beginning to seriously doubt that Lori was ever a teacher. I also think she has someone heavily editing the grammar on her blog posts, because the Lori Alexander who just threatened to sue Google can barely string a coherent sentence together.

She has had two major brain surgeries, don't forget. We have a (brilliant, Ph. D computer researcher) friend who has had two brain surgeries and still has residual aphasia from that.

The problem with Lori Alexander isn't her words, it's her ideas. Which are misogynist and hateful and cruel.

On edit: I see that other people, including Koala, discussed this further after the post to which I responded. Pretty sure everyone here has compassion for Lori's medical challenges (though it's appalling how she continues to advise others to self-treat and bashes mainstream medicine).

[OkToBeTakei]

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/08/are-most-men-pigs-when-it-comes-to-sex.html

Ken's first response to this post?

It looks like an exciting topic for the day, so I will add my two sense.

Most folks have five senses I'm beginning to think though as my dear Nana used to say this bloke does not have the sense he was born with. No I idea what she meant just seems apt. :lol:

[lipstickgoalie]

Is it a possibility that Lori's brain has been severely effected by her brain tumor? I know that Ken has asserted that it hasn't, but something just isn't right here. I know I have asked before, but how could she have possibly been a teacher? She seems to barely understand what's going on around her.

I brought that up on one of the many Ken threads and he flat out denied it. No change in personality, no change in mental acuity, no changes at all. Now if you believe that I have a bridge to sell you. You can see the post here. I was actually nice about it. viewtopic.php?f=8&t=21069&p=700709&hilit=Tumor#p700709

My current theory is that Ken did not know how far Lori's mental status had slipped until he came here. When faced with black and white evidence of Lori's contradictions, exagerations, and outright lies he didn't know what to do, hence all the changing stories about why he is here. I think that Lori dispatched him to slay the mean bitches over at FJ and when he got here he realized that we might be a little bit right and now he is desperately trying to save face.

I think she is mentally compromised as a result of the tumors and treatment. I have yet to meet anyone who has gone through cancer treatment or who has had any sort of brain injury who doesn't have some sort of mental or emotional change. I think it is quite possible he is really in denial. As I pointed out in Valentines Day Part 2 it is really easy to do that. Operating under the standard of submission that they claim to operate under I think the only responsible thing to do is for Ken to pull the plug on the entire "teaching" endeavor.

[SunnyAndrsn]

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/08/are-most-men-pigs-when-it-comes-to-sex.html

Disturbing comments to this post:

So my question is, if I, as the wife feel uncomfortable having,g sex in a tent, with the kids there, or someone's house I should just "get over it" and do only what makes my husband happy every time? Personally, I think each needs to respect the other's feelings and needs, mutually. It shouldn't be his needs only that count. If this is such a BIG thing for the husband to have on vacation, get a hotel room of your own. If you have small children, have friends watch them for an evening or go on a trip with just the two of you for a few days! Most women look at sex differently than men and each needs to respect the other's need for privacy and companionship! Just my thoughts.

In reply to the above comment:

I will say, Ann, that I do think that sometimes we have to go out of our comfort zone and try something at least once. That shows our husbands we care enough to try. And, honestly, some of our best moments have been when I have left my comfort zone for a few moments. Just something to think about ;)

Probably the most disturbing reply:

Well, in a situation like this, someone HAS to make the final decision. Either the spouse who wants sex (by the way, it is NOT always the man who wants it when the wife doesn't) gets it or they don't. So, mutual respect is all fine and good, but who gets the final say? We still have to come to a decision.

God solved that dilemma by commanding us wives to obey our husbands - discussion over. But we can TOTALLY circumnavigate the entire crisis by DECIDING to want what he wants. Yes, you absolutely can decide to change what you want and what makes you happy.

We do it all the time for our children, our parents, our friends. For their sake's we go to events we don't really want to, we eat foods we don't like, we put up with interruptions gladly because we cherish them more than we do ourselves. Why not for the ONLY human being on earth that we have been made into ONE with?

I PROMISE you, if you truly do not want sex, but you want to bring joy and fulfillment to him more than anything else, you will be blessed. Forget about your cold, or headache, or lack of sleep (just like you would if your child needed you, or your Mom stopped by, or your best friend called and needed to talk). Invest 20-30 selfless minutes into your marriage and your husband, and know that you stand to gain as much or more out of the whole sex experience as he does (physically and emotionally) if you will just look at it the right way!

[polecat]

Disturbing comments to this post:

In reply to the above comment:

Probably the most disturbing reply:

Apart from the fact that this is promoting marital rape (although, wtf? She's promoting rape!) ...

Who wants to use their partner (someone they supposedly love) as little more than a masturbatory aid? Show of hands ... anyone? Anyone?! Isn't sex far more fun when *everyone* is enjoying it? When both partners are active and enthusiastic partners in the act?

[Coconut Flan]

It's straight from a wives' handbook from the first half of the last century that my grandmother pronounced a steaming pile of BS. It all goes back to the fundie mindset of trying to pretend the real world doesn't exist or that shows like Leave It to Beaver and Andy Griffith were real or a true representation of their times.

[SunnyAndrsn]

I brought that up on one of the many Ken threads and he flat out denied it. No change in personality, no change in mental acuity, no changes at all. Now if you believe that I have a bridge to sell you. You can see the post here. I was actually nice about it. http://www.freejinger.org/forums/viewto ... or#p700709

My current theory is that Ken did not know how far Lori's mental status had slipped until he came here. When faced with black and white evidence of Lori's contradictions, exagerations, and outright lies he didn't know what to do, hence all the changing stories about why he is here. I think that Lori dispatched him to slay the mean bitches over at FJ and when he got here he realized that we might be a little bit right and now he is desperately trying to save face.

I think she is mentally compromised as a result of the tumors and treatment. I have yet to meet anyone who has gone through cancer treatment or who has had any sort of brain injury who doesn't have some sort of mental or emotional change. I think it is quite possible he is really in denial. As I pointed out in Valentines Day Part 2 it is really easy to do that. Operating under the standard of submission that they claim to operate under I think the only responsible thing to do is for Ken to pull the plug on the entire "teaching" endeavor.

I have yet to meet someone who hasn't had at least some personality changes with a brain tumor, and the subsequent treatment. Some are very minor changes, others have been devastating.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Yes, I was also disturbed by that.

Ken said something similar right on FJ - if a couple have an "impasse" on the issue of sex frequency, the husband should have the final say. I've asked him exactly how this works and how you reconcile it with any notion of real love and intimacy, and I'm still waiting for a response.

[SunnyAndrsn]

Yes, I was also disturbed by that.

Ken said something similar right on FJ - if a couple have an "impasse" on the issue of sex frequency, the husband should have the final say. I've asked him exactly how this works and how you reconcile it with any notion of real love and intimacy, and I'm still waiting for a response.

Of course you're still waiting for a response. You've asked him to think about intimacy instead of his wife being submissive. Must be a real head scratcher for him.

[Jezebel]

Is it a possibility that Lori's brain has been severely effected by her brain tumor? I know that Ken has asserted that it hasn't, but something just isn't right here. I know I have asked before, but how could she have possibly been a teacher? She seems to barely understand what's going on around her.

I've been pondering this, myself. But I'm not sure the brain tumor or the treatment for it are to blame.

One thing I've observed over the years is that chronic illness can really mess with your head. It's stressful, even for people who have great support systems, who are emotionally resilient, and who are still able to work (and thus have control over their economic circumstances, as well as a strong social identity separate from "sick person").

There's the pain and debilitating effects of the illness itself, as well as its treatments. If it's something that comes and goes, that person is always living under a cloud, waiting for the next recurrence. Making long-term plans may be very difficult--will you be well enough to see them through? The future may be a scary place, because things might get worse. And then there's wondering and worrying that the people you rely on will get sick of your sickness and leave.

So I've attributed a lot of Lori's overt nastiness to living under the long-term stress of chronic illness and a lousy marriage. People under stress tend to hunker down and try to protect themselves--and all too often that leads to some really unpleasant behaviors, and can magnify one's less-pleasant personality traits. They also tend to have impaired higher-level thinking, because they're so focused on lower-level survival (think Maslow's hierarchy, here).

Hell, I had a major leak in my basement last year, that was costly to fix and destroyed some of my belongings. I could afford to deal with it, the workmen did a great job and finished on time and under budget, and nothing that got ruined was all that valuable anyway--but until it was all put to rights I struggled to concentrate on my own work projects, (which require logic and abstract thinking) and was uncharacteristically cranky. And I was consciously aware of all this, and had a good grasp of stress-reduction techniques, and I tend to be an optimistic, adaptable person! I still fell into the same trap! And we all do, at one time or another.

And when I was very young and very broke, I wasn't the easiest person to be around, and I tended to act out from emotion when I was too stressed to think things through clearly. Once I got my feet back under me, I was much calmer and more tolerant, and stopped making such poor, irrational decisions. So I get it.

And thus I'm willing to attribute part of Lori's declining intellectual ability to long-term stress. The return of the brain tumor, and undergoing treatment for it, must have been terrifying--I don't like her, but I felt badly for her. And the tumor could come back again (and likely will). Living under that, alone, might keep anyone from doing their clearest thinking. Being dependent on a Narcissist like Ken for her material well-being can't be a whole lot of fun, either--I mean, look at the stupid, manipulative games he's tried playing with us. Lori gets to live with that! And has to let him stick his dick in her whenever he wants it! Such a joy, I'm sure. I'd be pretty hate-filled, too.

None of this absolves Lori Alexander, or makes her views any less repugnant, or makes her any less of a fucking monster. I suspect Lori already had a penchant for reductionist black-and-white thinking, a need to be right, a desire for control, and a need to be seen as superior. But having been betrayed by her own body, she's looking to protect herself in any way she can, and I think that's where her crazy extremism comes from.

For all her talk of faith in God, she's a deeply angry, frightened woman. I read her posts and see someone completely run by fear and suppressed rage--she lives in absolute terror, all the time, and can't admit it. In order to protect herself, she's adopted extremist views that absolve her of full responsibility for herself (wifely submission), and ensure that she won't be abandoned (no divorce). At the same time, she still wants to control, dominate, and be in authority, so she advocates beating and force-feeding kids, and positions herself as a wise teacher coming from Biblical authority on her blog.

I hadn't read any of her posts in a long while, and hadn't given her much thought, but thanks to Ken I've gone back and taken a closer look at her again. And yeah, she's still a fucking monster, and Ken's an even bigger jerk than I imagined.

[RachelB]

It's straight from a wives' handbook from the first half of the last century that my grandmother pronounced a steaming pile of BS. It all goes back to the fundie mindset of trying to pretend the real world doesn't exist or that shows like Leave It to Beaver and Andy Griffith were real or a true representation of their times.

I have the handbook my grandparents were given at their wedding, published by the National Council of Churches (in its seventh printing when my grandparents married in the late 1930s). It is considerably more progressive than the Alexanders. A few choice quotes:

Marriage is a partnership. The idea of womanly submission and masculine superiority is out-dated. LOVE should be the only boss.

Neither party has a right to demand what love is not freely ready to grant.

Sexual intercourse to be truly satisfying must always be an expression of mutual love, desired by both, never forced on one to please the other. ... Better forego a one-sided pleasure than risk leaving your sweetheart dissatisified, discouraged and unhappy.

Many women enjoy intercourse more in the early months of pregnancy than at any other time. This means that the Creator intended sex union among human beings for some other purpose than just for reproduction.

No real man wants to crush his wife with the physical burden of too many children. That is neither love nor common sense. Nature has provided for quantity production, and could her constitution stand it, a woman can bear sixteen to twenty children. How cruel it would be to make your wife do that!

Children should be conceived only when conditions are right and when they are wanted, so the quality of human life may be maintained and improved.

[SunnyAndrsn]

I've been pondering this, myself. But I'm not sure the brain tumor or the treatment for it are to blame.

One thing I've observed over the years is that chronic illness can really mess with your head. It's stressful, even for people who have great support systems, who are emotionally resilient, and who are still able to work (and thus have control over their economic circumstances, as well as a strong social identity separate from "sick person").

There's the pain and debilitating effects of the illness itself, as well as its treatments. If it's something that comes and goes, that person is always living under a cloud, waiting for the next recurrence. Making long-term plans may be very difficult--will you be well enough to see them through? The future may be a scary place, because things might get worse. And then there's wondering and worrying that the people you rely on will get sick of your sickness and leave.

So I've attributed a lot of Lori's overt nastiness to living under the long-term stress of chronic illness and a lousy marriage. People under stress tend to hunker down and try to protect themselves--and all too often that leads to some really unpleasant behaviors, and can magnify one's less-pleasant personality traits. They also tend to have impaired higher-level thinking, because they're so focused on lower-level survival (think Maslow's hierarchy, here).

Hell, I had a major leak in my basement last year, that was costly to fix and destroyed some of my belongings. I could afford to deal with it, the workmen did a great job and finished on time and under budget, and nothing that got ruined was all that valuable anyway--but until it was all put to rights I struggled to concentrate on my own work projects, (which require logic and abstract thinking) and was uncharacteristically cranky. And I was consciously aware of all this, and had a good grasp of stress-reduction techniques, and I tend to be an optimistic, adaptable person! I still fell into the same trap! And we all do, at one time or another.

And when I was very young and very broke, I wasn't the easiest person to be around, and I tended to act out from emotion when I was too stressed to think things through clearly. Once I got my feet back under me, I was much calmer and more tolerant, and stopped making such poor, irrational decisions. So I get it.

And thus I'm willing to attribute part of Lori's declining intellectual ability to long-term stress. The return of the brain tumor, and undergoing treatment for it, must have been terrifying--I don't like her, but I felt badly for her. And the tumor could come back again (and likely will). Living under that, alone, might keep anyone from doing their clearest thinking. Being dependent on a Narcissist like Ken for her material well-being can't be a whole lot of fun, either--I mean, look at the stupid, manipulative games he's tried playing with us. Lori gets to live with that! And has to let him stick his dick in her whenever he wants it! Such a joy, I'm sure. I'd be pretty hate-filled, too.

None of this absolves Lori Alexander, or makes her views any less repugnant, or makes her any less of a fucking monster. I suspect Lori already had a penchant for reductionist black-and-white thinking, a need to be right, a desire for control, and a need to be seen as superior. But having been betrayed by her own body, she's looking to protect herself in any way she can, and I think that's where her crazy extremism comes from.

For all her talk of faith in God, she's a deeply angry, frightened woman. I read her posts and see someone completely run by fear and suppressed rage--she lives in absolute terror, all the time, and can't admit it. In order to protect herself, she's adopted extremist views that absolve her of full responsibility for herself (wifely submission), and ensure that she won't be abandoned (no divorce). At the same time, she still wants to control, dominate, and be in authority, so she advocates beating and force-feeding kids, and positions herself as a wise teacher coming from Biblical authority on her blog.

I hadn't read any of her posts in a long while, and hadn't given her much thought, but thanks to Ken I've gone back and taken a closer look at her again. And yeah, she's still a fucking monster, and Ken's an even bigger jerk than I imagined.

I think you bring up a great point about long term stress/chronic health problems. We noticed a change in MIL when her boyfriend of almost 20 years was going through a protracted illness, sadly he recently passed. She simply "wasn't herself" during this.

Our household has been under a lot of stress the last few months--in addition to helping MIL with her boyfriend, I've had shingles and pneumonia. We experienced several financial stressors, including three car issues, and my husband has had numerous horrible commutes with the extreme winter we've had. He's studying for his licensing boards, and on top of all of it, his father just had a devastating stroke.

While each is a distinct event that causes stress in the moment, it's not getting a break from any of it that has been the hardest. We've averaged an "event" every 5 days for a period of 60 days. It has certainly made day to day life a challenge.

[Coconut Flan]

I have the handbook my grandparents were given at their wedding, published by the National Council of Churches (in its seventh printing when my grandparents married in the late 1930s).

That's fascinating. The NCC didn't begin until 1950 though did it?

[polecat]

That's fascinating. The NCC didn't begin until 1950 though did it?

http://www.nationalcouncilofchurches.us ... istory.php

Sounds like it started in 1908 under a different name, perhaps?