Lori Alexander: You Don't Need No Stinkin' Sex Manual

[Trynn]

Some people prefer coconut oil because it can be purchased discreetly from the grocery store. It goes back to the shame culture. Shame on everyone who likes to have sex and parade the fact in public.

Well, I wouldn't see the need to "parade in public" the details of one's sex life, or even that you have one. But I also don't see buying lube/condoms/sex toys as parading. It's just... Normal?

[doggie]

Well, I wouldn't see the need to "parade in public" the details of one's sex life, or even that you have one. But I also don't see buying lube/condoms/sex toys as parading. It's just... Normal?

self checkouts are a blessing for such things.

[thoughtful]

I feel a song parody coming on. A really dirty song parody. :embarrassed: But, hey, Lori, you insist on blogging about your sex life.

Down into Lori’s blog, I wandered in the fog,

There I read that her man treated her just like a dog!

She needs the oil that comes from coconuts,

When Ken's shlong is standing, she must go.

Big gall, small dick, he’s expecting some head.

Give him a twist, a flick of the wrist,

He’s waiting by the bed.

She needs the oil that comes from coconuts,

’cause his balls are startin’ now to itch.

She is his wife, and what a shitty life,

Playing just that role has turned her into a bitch!

nf670orHKcA

[guidedbybobafett]

Isn't there a small amount of sugar in coconut oil? I would be too worried about yeast infections to even try this.

[Hane]

I feel a song parody coming on. A really dirty song parody. :embarrassed: But, hey, Lori, you insist on blogging about your sex life.

Down into Lori’s blog, I wandered in the fog,

There I read that her man treated her just like a dog!

She needs the oil that comes from coconuts,

When Ken's shlong is standing, she must go.

Big gall, small dick, he’s expecting some head.

Give him a twist, a flick of the wrist,

He’s waiting by the bed.

She needs the oil that comes from coconuts,

’cause his balls are startin’ now to itch.

She is his wife, and what a shitty life,

Playing just that role has turned her into a bitch!

Thoughtful, I must now hunt you down like a terrifying sexagenarian stalker and force you to be my best friend FOREVER!!!

[latraviata]

F9eY2LFAn-4

[thoughtful]

Thoughtful, I must now hunt you down like a terrifying sexagenarian stalker and force you to be my best friend FOREVER!!!

I'm relieved to find out that the incredible vulgarity of this one didn't turn you off, Hane!

I just couldn't resist, especially since the line about the twist and flick of the wrist only needed one word changed.

And LaTraviata, you are tempting me to do another. I'm not sure I can stand thinking about Lori, Ken, sex and coconut oil again, though.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Coconut oil is quite lovely in chocolate chip cookies. Quite frankly, that's what I'd be thinking about if I used it in the bedroom. I've occasionally used it as a moisturizer or for massages, but not as lube. I suppose that before KY existed, couples must have been using natural lubricants forever.

Am I horrible that I have a ghastly image of kids saying, "Mom, where's that cookie smell coming from?"

[GeoBQn]

Coconut oil makes me think of the beach. My parents were of the generation that used coconut oil to get better tans. Decades later, they now have to get so many moles removed that they probably single-handedly put their dermatologist's kids through college.

[Loveday]

Coconut oil makes me think of the beach. My parents were of the generation that used coconut oil to get better tans. Decades later, they now have to get so many moles removed that they probably single-handedly put their dermatologist's kids through college.

This. I'm part of that coconut tanning oil generation. I can still smell the Hawaiian Tropic. 8-)

[Savoring Samsara]

Some people prefer coconut oil because it can be purchased discreetly from the grocery store. It goes back to the shame culture. Shame on everyone who likes to have sex and parade the fact in public.

I never thought of it that way! I was actually going to post "what IS it with fundies and coconut oil as lube?!" because of the many, many times I have seen it invoked as a fundie marital aid, but it makes perfect sense that it would be less embarrassing to buy if you have that particular hang-up.

[latraviata]

This. I'm part of that coconut tanning oil generation. I can still smell the Hawaiian Tropic. 8-)

Yes so am I.

[Koala]

Yes so am I.

me too...it's not the beach until you smell like a coconut :lol:

[docmom]

I'm relieved to find out that the incredible vulgarity of this one didn't turn you off, Hane!

I just couldn't resist, especially since the line about the twist and flick of the wrist only needed one word changed.

And LaTraviata, you are tempting me to do another. I'm not sure I can stand thinking about Lori, Ken, sex and coconut oil again, though.

It would be awesome if you posted on it on Lori's blog. Wonder how long the comment would stay up???

[latraviata]

It would be awesome if you posted on it on Lori's blog. Wonder how long the comment would stay up???

I tried to, immediately removed. I am on her blacklist....

[Olive Plant]

I'm having a hard time convincing myself that using coconut oil as sexual lubricant would be a good idea...I mean, I know it's good (or at least acceptable) for lots of things and Google is telling me it's not a bad choice as lube but the idea still freaks me out.

For reasons that are probably too graphic to get into, I actually like it a lot in certain circumstances. Those tend to be a tad rare though because getting oil stains out the sheets is a pain. It tastes better than most other lubes, including the flavored ones, which are terrible IMHO. I've always produced very little in the way of natural lubricant so I've tried all sorts of things/brands. Possibly TMI. However, my partner has (apparently) learned a lot from sex manuals, so Lori and I still differ heavily when it comes to sexy times (one can only hope).

Edited to add: I've never had a yeast infection, so at least in my case coconut oil doesn't necessarily lead to one.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

I think coconut oil is pure fat so I don't think it would cause a yeast infection. If anything it kills bacteria and viruses and yeast and everything else, at least that's what I learned on Facebook.

[Sola]

You know, the only time we've needed lube was post childbirth and post my hysterectomy/pelvic repair. But then hubby and I make love when we're both horny, not just me giving him a duty shag. So maybe that's why we don't need lube. Perhaps if Lori didn't have to perform every single fucking day no matter what, she'd have chance to build up a little sexual appetite and wouldn't need coconut oil. Just a thought.

[GolightlyGrrl]

If I was forced to have sexy time with Ken my pussy would be drier than the Sahara Desert.

[twinmama]

I'm having a hard time convincing myself that using coconut oil as sexual lubricant would be a good idea...I mean, I know it's good (or at least acceptable) for lots of things and Google is telling me it's not a bad choice as lube but the idea still freaks me out.

I've heard of people using it for sex and I'm sure it's fine, but to me I just think it has to be sugary and sugar + vagina = yeast infection or UTI or something painful!!!!!

[twinmama]

self checkouts are a blessing for such things.

And for pregnancy tests when you don't have a ring on your finger!!! Or maybe that was just me?? :lol:

If fundies are so into coconut oil as lube because it's less embarrassing, then need to stop talking about it because now whenever I see it in the store I giggle and think "LUBE!!!"

[RosyDaisy]

Damn, Lori! That's TMI! I swear fundies are the most sex obsessed people I know.

[2xx1xy1JD]

You know, the only time we've needed lube was post childbirth and post my hysterectomy/pelvic repair. But then hubby and I make love when we're both horny, not just me giving him a duty shag. So maybe that's why we don't need lube. Perhaps if Lori didn't have to perform every single fucking day no matter what, she'd have chance to build up a little sexual appetite and wouldn't need coconut oil. Just a thought.

Arousal certainly helps, but lack of natural lube doesn't always mean lack of desire. All sorts of hormonal issues have weird effects. Time of the month can be a biggy. So can breastfeeding.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/vagina ... ION=causes

[upsidedownjelly]

My dog gets yeast injections on his skin and coconut oil works for him. TMI, but it helps me too lol. Monistat hurts, so you get desperate.

I haven't had sexytime in a long time though, and wouldn't be sure how to broach the subject... "You know that coconut oil we used for our dinner*...?"

But it does smell heavenly. Maybe thats why fundies are down with it.

*in reality I have multiple jars, because, ew.

[ThisOlGirl]

I haven't had sexytime in a long time though, and wouldn't be sure how to broach the subject... "You know that coconut oil we used for our dinner*...?"

But it does smell heavenly. Maybe thats why fundies are down with it.

*in reality I have multiple jars, because, ew.

That reminds of an episode of The Golden Girls where they decide to have whipped cream on their dessert and Blanche says "I have a can in my room. I'll go get it."

Love me some Golden Girls, but no, Blanche. Just no.