Note to Ken Alexander: Put the toilet seat down!!!!!!

[Koala]

Also file under: Passive aggression 101

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/10/putting-toilet-lid-down.html

Today (amidst everything else that's going on in her life) Lori took to her blog to remind Ken to PUT THE DAMN TOILET SEAT DOWN!!! Telling him in person might seem like nagging, and that would be super annoying. Ken apparently prefers to get the message via blog post.

Ken is very good about putting the toilet seat down. He has been ever since we got married. I am very grateful for that! However, we have two cats who like to drink out of our toilet. I don't want them drinking out of it because I don't think it is sanitary for them or for us to sit where the cats have been standing.

I decided the way to stop them was to keep the toilet lid down. I have asked Ken several times to do it giving him my reasons why. He remembers once in awhile but not often. I walked past the bathroom yesterday and the lid was up.

I thought, "I could either be upset with him, scold him, and remind him once more or I can forget about it and just close it myself." I decided to do the latter. I spent way too many years being upset with him because he wasn't doing things the way I wanted him to do them. It accomplished nothing good, just a bad marriage.

All of our husbands do things that can irritate us if we let them. Women write me often about their husbands not helping with the children or housework, etc. We all have a choice to make on how we are going to respond. We can tell them our desires one time, maybe a few more, but then let it go.

First of all, I thought it was kinda :evil-eye: that she doesn't want to "sit" where cats have been standing. If you have indoor cats they stand pretty much wherever they damn well please. And then I remember Lori kicking the cat in the past and think maybe not. Anyway...I thought she was getting ready to say it was unsanitary to drink out of a bowl that doubles as a toilet, but nope. :pull-hair:

But anyway, back to the point, Lori is NOT upset with Ken about not putting the toilet seat down. She's not scolding him either. She's just blogging about submission :whistle: and if Ken just happens to see this blog post (which she *might* accidentally leave up on every computer in the house), and takes the hint? Well, the Lord works in mysterious ways. ;)

[Koala]

And before anyone asks, this is the reference to her kicking the cat:

One early morning, I came downstairs and my cat was nipping at my feet. This wasn't a good cat. Actually, he was a mean cat so I went to kick him so he'd stop biting me. Well, he ran away and I kicked the wall instead. Oh, I was in pain. After a week of ice dipping, it was all better.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/01/ice-dipping-for-pain.html

[salex]

And before anyone asks, this is the reference to her kicking the cat:

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/01/ice-dipping-for-pain.html

Wow, she must have been going to kick that cat very hard if she hurt herself on the wall from the force of the kick.

[Conuly]

It is definitely more sanitary to close the lid, because you don't want water-borne germs spewing onto your toothbrush. Ew.

However, anybody who would kick a cat deserves to brush her teeth with all the fecal matter around, so Ken? Keep the lid up.

(I think $130 for a self-closing lid would be a reasonable investment in their marriage. Whoever invented that deserves to make money hand over fist!)

[RosyDaisy]

Word to the wise....cats will do anything and anywhere they damn well please. They are the kings and queens of the house. Maybe Lori's "mean" cat was asserting it's dominance. Oh, and, Lori, cats NEVER forget.

[HoneyBunny]

Lori loves to blog about her aches and pains, doesn't she? Sometimes that pain is named Ken.

[Koala]

Word to the wise....cats will do anything and anywhere they damn well please. They are the kings and queens of the house. Maybe Lori's "mean" cat was asserting it's dominance. Oh, and, Lori, cats NEVER forget.

This is so true. My cat would spend the rest of his life plotting surprise attacks to get back at her. He already does it to me, and I've never done anything to him. :?

[AnywhereButHere]

It is definitely more sanitary to close the lid, because you don't want water-borne germs spewing onto your toothbrush. Ew.

However, anybody who would kick a cat deserves to brush her teeth with all the fecal matter around, so Ken? Keep the lid up.

(I think $130 for a self-closing lid would be a reasonable investment in their marriage. Whoever invented that deserves to make money hand over fist!)

After watching this one episode of Mythbusters, I've been trying to find a way to keep my toothbrushes locked in an impermeable bubble. Apparently, nowhere in the house is safe from bathroom germs.

Oh, and WAY TO GO CAT! I'm pretty sure cats make long term plans and can be very patient when exacting revenge. I took mine to the vet last weekend, and I swear I've seen a very Machiavellian look in his eyes ever since.

[thoughtful]

After watching this one episode of Mythbusters, I've been trying to find a way to keep my toothbrushes locked in an impermeable bubble. Apparently, nowhere in the house is safe from bathroom germs.

Oh, yes. And having this posted by someone with your screen name is especially poignant! :D

[Sola]

Why doesnt she just keep the bathroom door closed?

Oh wait, that's too easy.

[docmom]

Why doesnt she just keep the bathroom door closed?

Oh wait, that's too easy.

Because then she wouldn't see the seat up and she wouldn't be able to post a passive-aggressive rant against her dear, wonderful husband.

[Many_Spaynes]

Also like the way she says he's always been good about it, patting him on the head, then says that really he hardly ever does it. And subliminally adds -- asshole!

[rward]

And before anyone asks, this is the reference to her kicking the cat:

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/01/ice-dipping-for-pain.html

Got what you deserved, bitch.

My dog's hip was broken into three pieces by a kick. (And then left that way without any vet care.) I have no patience for people who kick animals.

[thoughtful]

Also like the way she says he's always been good about it, patting him on the head, then says that really he hardly ever does it. And subliminally adds -- asshole!

She says he's been good about putting the seat down - she wants him to put the lid down, as well.

Of course, in their passive-aggressive world, he could be doing one but not the other just to get in a dig at her.

And what happy, sane adult kicks pets? Glad the cat was too fast for her.

[Many_Spaynes]

Got what you deserved, bitch.

My dog's hip was broken into three pieces by a kick. (And then left that way without any vet care.) I have no patience for people who kick animals.

This makes me feel sick. I'm glad your dog found a good parent in you. My 5 assorted felines & canines are all rescues. It hurts so much to think what they've been thru.

Is Lori the one who talked about her kitchen renovation & her husband shooting her dog in the same post?

[Many_Spaynes]

She says he's been good about putting the seat down - she wants him to put the lid down, as well.

Of course, in their passive-aggressive world, he could be doing one but not the other just to get in a dig at her.

And what happy, sane adult kicks pets? Glad the cat was too fast for her.

Oh my god! So he's going to the effort to put the seat down but putting the lid down -- which would take nearly the same amount of energy, require very few extra motions, & is in exactly the same place -- is beyond him? I'm buying your passive-aggressive explanation.

ETA: I'm a Frumper Lover!

[BalconySmoker]

For all the gloating she does regarding submission, she is naggy as shit. She is WAY harder on her husband than most feminist wives are. Who gives a shit if he leaves the lid up? God damn. Not a big deal Lori, get off your husband's ass about it. She has to be so passive-aggressive and post it on her blog in order to get a dig in on him.

Those two deserve each other. Both total monsters, both whiny little children.

[thoughtful]

Oh my god! So he's going to the effort to put the seat down but putting the lid down -- which would take nearly the same amount of energy, require very few extra motions, & is in exactly the same place -- is beyond him? I'm buying your passive-aggressive explanation.

ETA: I'm a Frumper Lover!

Keep wearing those frumpers, and maybe someday you'll get a proposal in Arby's!

Context is all with these folks -- if a friend laughingly told me how a man in their family had a really good habit of putting the seat down, but, now that they had pets, couldn't get into the habit of just grabbing the lid, too, I'd chalk it up to absent-mindedness and/or the force of habit and motor memory.

But, in their household -- who knows?

And her blogging about it is truly bizarre. The most charitable thing I could think to say is that she needs to focus on the mundane to avoid thinking of what lies ahead for her medically.

Which brings us around, again, to the question of whether to pity or condemn her. I do neither -- I always say that the future I wish on all of these people is that they wake up one day and truly realize how awful their thoughts and actions have been.

That way, they will stop all the shit -- submission, spousal abuse, child-beating, manipulation, whatever their mishegas is. And living with what they have done and who they have been, I think, is a stronger consequence than any physical pain could ever be.

So, I guess I'm hoping that her procedure goes well, that her uber-submissive (hmmm, is that an oxymoron?) and abusive behavior has always been due to the brain tumor, and that she wakes up and smells the fact that her husband could be making the coffee.

If Ken doesn't wake up and stop acting like a shit, too, I hope she leaves him.

I know, I'm a dreamer! :D

[rward]

This makes me feel sick. I'm glad your dog found a good parent in you. My 5 assorted felines & canines are all rescues. It hurts so much to think what they've been thru.

Is Lori the one who talked about her kitchen renovation & her husband shooting her dog in the same post?

I don't remember that, but who knows.

[EmmieJ]

Word to the wise....cats will do anything and anywhere they damn well please. They are the kings and queens of the house. Maybe Lori's "mean" cat was asserting it's dominance. Oh, and, Lori, cats NEVER forget.

Psssst Lori -- I bet you anything your cat has been drinking out of any glasses of water you happen to leave unattended on your counter, table, or elsewhere in your home. Hopefully right after it drank from your toilet bowl.

And God was punishing you for trying to kick one of his creatures, which is why your toe hurt so bad afterward. That's probably why he makes your husband forget to obey your order that the toilet lid be down at all times when not in use. (Or probably not, since it's ridiculous to think an omnipotent diety would be concerned with the trivialities of your life. It's probably just karma :wink-kitty: )

[dairyfreelife]

I don't remember that, but who knows.

No, that was Cheryl. Ken's a jerk, but I don't think he would kill one of their pets...it was Lori who kicked the cat, not Ken. No, it was Cheryl's husband, Terry, of treasuresfromashoebox.blogspot.com, who killed her dog.

treasuresfromashoebox.blogspot.com/2012/03/getting-past-dog.html

It was February and we were preparing for a big remodel of the 2nd bedroom and our bathroom. I was taking all the children, except Isaac (who was staying behind to help with the remodel) to visit friends in another state for a few days. Two days before we were to leave, our baby goat was brutally killed (which totally traumatized Stephanie). We didn't really know which dog was responsible (we had 3), but Sergeant was covered in blood moreso than the other two. Terry was furious and blamed Sergeant and he voiced his concern for the other animals on our small farm. He mentioned taking care of the situation and I asked him not to do anything with him while I was gone.

Long story short; he took the counsel of one the people who had come to help and did away with my sweet puppy. He didn't tell me about it until a day or two before we were to return home (once the amazing remodel was complete).

The night we arrived home for the big unveiling, I walked through the yard, and immediately missed Sergeant's welcome home greeting. I pushed the thought away (I had denied in my mind that he was actually gone). After we saw the beautiful rooms, I went to bring in our luggage and as I stepped back onto the porch, I realized that Sergeant really was gone. Forever. It was more than I could handle and I went into our bedroom and FELL APART. Terry, not knowing any of this was happening, and running on very little sleep after working so hard to get this job done in order to bring his family home, was bewildered until I tearfully explained, "I've never loved a dog like that before and I just can't believe he's gone!"

Also, this is sanitized a little from the original, as I believe the original version actually said he killed the dog instead of just 'done away with'.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I also find that Lori's always doing this thing, where she talks about how some small issue was bugging the crap out of her about Ken, and then tries to turn that around into a lesson for women with horrible, unloving husbands who cheat or demand sex when their wives don't want it or never want to do anything with the kids.

No. These things are NOT THE SAME.

Take my husband. Can't load a dishwasher. Leaves towels on the floor. Toilet lid is up. Drawers are sometimes pulled out and not pushed back in. Guess what? I don't care. These are small things. He loves me. He loves the kids and makes the time to spend with them. He's a good person, and everyone loves him. He works hard. He always treats me with respect. These are big things. If something was wrong in these areas, I would care.

I would not say, "well, I learned to hang up a towel and load the dishwasher, so you should suck it up if your husband thinks that it's ok to cheat on you and then come home and demand sex. I don't nag my husband anymore except for my passive-aggressive posts, so you shouldn't tell him to stop sleeping around or refuse painful sex or expect that he might actually want to be with his children or treat them nicely."

[Many_Spaynes]

2xx, you bring up an interesting thing. What do fundie women value in their partners? We know what they say -- godliness, etc -- but I wonder what they honestly value in their marriages.

[RosyDaisy]

As a godly helpmeet, wouldn't it be Lori's job to put the toilet seat and lid down after she wipes her headship's ass?:D

[Micah]

2xx1xy1jd hit the nail on the head. Letting stuff go and not nagging can be a good thing. Of course people like Lori take it well outside the realms of WTF?

My partner does none of the housework, he works 17hr days, sometimes seven days a week. He collects dirty crockery in his 'man cave' to the point where I have to ask him to bring them back because we have no dishes left. He NEVER puts the seat down, never puts the new toilet roll in the holder and he's only brought me flowers once in nine years.

But he loves me, warts and all. In nine years he's never said a single hurtful thing to me. He is an amazing father, despite having parents of his own who are completely disfunctional. He has an amazing work ethic and a very strong moral compass. He's smart and funny and in his own way, he treats me like a princess. He's not controlling or jealous and he puts up with my menagerie of animals because he knows how important they are to me, even though he's not a huge animal person himself.

The stuff like the dishes and everything else doesn't matter, because I know I'm valued. I'm happy to be technically submissive, according to fundie criteria, because I KNOW he values and appreciates what I do. He always compliments my cooking, even if that dish didn't particularly work well. When his mates sit around talking smack about their partners, he doesn't join in. In fact, he usually talks me up. The respect is there.

I simply don't understand how fundie women do all that they do and get no credit or respect for it. Their husbands might as well hire a housekeeper and go down to the local brothel a couple of times a week!