Ken Alexander's struggle

[lilwriter85]

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/09/my-husbands-past-struggle.html

When we were struggling in our marriage for many years, Ken would write his feelings down so he could try and make sense of what was going on. The other night, he was reading me some of those thoughts.

He wrote that he loved 95% of who I was but had a lot of trouble with the other 5%. I was continually preaching the Bible to him, yet showing him disrespect by the way I scrunched up my face when he said something I didn't like or argued with him constantly. He felt like he continually walked on egg shells around me, never knowing when he was going to displease me, sometimes with the littlest of things.

It wore on him. He wrote how easy it was for him to accept others just the way they are, so why was it so hard for him to accept me the way I was? As I listened to his words, I could tell it was a great struggle for him to love me because my life was about getting my "needs" met instead of seeking to please him.

I was a great mother. Even in my sickest of days I would have healthy meals on the table, took them to their games and ballet, and made sure that AWANA was a weekly priority. I kept the house clean, with some help, and did the laundry. I cooked healthy meals from scratch, paid all the bills and was a good manager of my home. I went to church and bible studies faithfully. I taught my children the Word of God from the time they were small and even home schooled them some years. All that energy for the kids, yet I put Ken on the sidelines. Why didn't I see this clearly?

I still cannot answer that question fully as it is a mystery to me how I could even get into a marriage by saying I will "love, honor, cherish and obey" and find out years later that I was keeping none of these vows. I know I wasn't modeled a biblical marriage nor had I read about it anywhere except for in the Bible, but I somehow missed it. There was no older woman teaching me how to love and obey my husband.

And besides, I had discovered I had married a flawed man who I felt "did not love me as Christ loved the church." I had the perfect, yet most flawed excuse to not follow God's clear teaching of love, sacrifice and submission. If my marriage was mediocre it was not all my fault, or was it?

What a desperate need there is for the older women to ~

teach the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

{Titus 2:4-5}

So even though you may be an amazing mother and homemaker, if you are not working on becoming an amazing wife, you are missing out on the priority of your God-ordained role to be a great help meet. If you read my blog, you should know by now that what I teach is not to scold or to put you down, but to try to prevent you from losing out on some of the best years of your life with your husband and best friend. I can never get those years back, but I can shout to all who will listen to beg you not to make the same mistakes I made. Become your husband's blessing instead of of his struggle.

For some reason, I get the feeling that Lori might not been that bad to Ken, but Ken somehow convinced her that she was.

eta: link

[gustava]

Ugh.

[kpmom]

I wonder if Ken ever wrote about ways he could improve their marriage? :think:

[nokidsmom]

I wonder if Ken ever wrote about ways he could improve their marriage? :think:

Yeah. I don't follow her blog directly just read what is posted here and their marriage situation sounds totally one-sided and she's constantly beating herself up. This loving 95% but having trouble with the 5%? Sheesh. :roll:

[AnywhereButHere]

And why exactly is he telling her these things now? Does he feel she's getting "out of line" again, or maybe it's that pesky brain tumor that's taking her time and energy away from him, and he feels a shift in her priorities might be in order.

They're a perfect example of water finding it's own level. Two passive agressive jackwads. Hopefully their kids have run fast and far.

[Cannelle]

He wrote that he loved 95% of who I was but had a lot of trouble with the other 5%. I was continually preaching the Bible to him, yet showing him disrespect by the way I scrunched up my face when he said something I didn't like or argued with him constantly. He felt like he continually walked on egg shells around me, never knowing when he was going to displease me, sometimes with the littlest of things.

So she's only 5% bad, but he's constantly walking around on eggshells because of that 5%? Not buying it. Sounds more like, "You're not 100% perfect so I'm going to bitch and moan and be a giant manbaby instead of learning to live with the person I married."

[ILoveJellybeans]

Id struggle to cope with living with Lori as well. Ken even more though, as he seems more of an asshole.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I'm trying to get a straight answer, because some of this just doesn't add up for me.

When she's directly questioned, she claims that Ken really wasn't so bad at all and she was just critical. Fine, she may have been - but then, why all these posts on submitting to husbands with really serious issues? She makes it sound like she's giving advice from life experience, but if the only problem was that she was nagging and critical of a decent guy who ate junk food, why would she be qualified to give advice from experience?

With the threads on sex and pleasure, she certainly gave the impression that Ken didn't really care about her pleasure as long as he had his "needs" met. As soon as someone says something, though, it's an instant back pedal.

[Angharad Crewe]

My great aunt told my mom that if you are happy 70% of the time in your marriage, you are doing a good job. Ken is apparently happy with 95%, and he's bitching about it?

Although, agreed, Lori would be a pain in the ass to live with.

*note, I think 70% is really really low, especially since I am happy way more than that by just being alone. I wouldn't get married unless someone could at the very least meet me at my current level of happiness.

[Burris]

Lori openly shames her husband online at least once a week, usually under the pretence of examining herself. She even has her husband read some of what she publishes under what I assume is her legal name on a blog that any of Ken’s coworkers could access.

He sounds like an asshole, but he can’t be too fearsome if his wife is not afraid to publicly embarrass him by sharing everything from how he lists his feelings to how he behaves in bed.

Of all the stuff I’ve seen posted here from Lori’s blog, I can’t think of a single unbarbed compliment she has ever paid to her husband – but she certainly finds the space to compliment herself: She brags about her accomplishments as a mother and housekeeper, and even about her attributes as a wife – Ken is happy with 95% of her! – while at the same time finding creative ways to embarrass her mate.

Not many men (or women) would be happy with that, and none with the power to stop those public announcements would fail to use that power.

If someone wants to share embarrassing information about herself online, I don’t see the problem. But to humiliate her husband isn’t right. If he’s cruel, she should leave him or put up with him but not publicly berate him while at the same time advising other women on how to show respect to their husbands. Lori’s marriage sounds like a shitty mess.

[Angharad Crewe]

Lori openly shames her husband online at least once a week, usually under the pretence of examining herself. She even has her husband read some of what she publishes under what I assume is her legal name on a blog that any of Ken’s coworkers could access.

He sounds like an asshole, but he can’t be too fearsome if his wife is not afraid to publicly embarrass him by sharing everything from how he lists his feelings to how he behaves in bed.

Of all the stuff I’ve seen posted here from Lori’s blog, I can’t think of a single unbarbed compliment she has ever paid to her husband – but she certainly finds the space to compliment herself: She brags about her accomplishments as a mother and housekeeper, and even about her attributes as a wife – Ken is happy with 95% of her! – while at the same time finding creative ways to embarrass her mate.

Not many men (or women) would be happy with that, and none with the power to stop those public announcements would fail to use that power.

If someone wants to share embarrassing information about herself online, I don’t see the problem. But to humiliate her husband isn’t right. If he’s cruel, she should leave him or put up with him but not publicly berate him while at the same time advising other women on how to show respect to their husbands. Lori’s marriage sounds like a shitty mess.

I think Ken is too self-absorbed to care that Lori publicly emasculates him every other day.

[Burris]

I think Ken is too self-absorbed to care that Lori publicly emasculates him every other day.

What Lori writes about her husband is an extension of what she says to his face - and she claims he doesn't like that part of her which often criticizes him.

And yet the super-submissive Lori always finds a way to flatly insult her husband online without his ever telling her to stop posting personal and embarrassing information.

[YPestis]

Maybe fundies do it right: wives should be careful about speaking to outsiders about their husbands.....because it seems that most fundies are married to complete douchebags! :lol: :think:

Sorry, it's one thing to talk about submission and how wives could be better husbands, but do these fundie wives realize most people who read their "advice" just feel sorry for the wives (and/or the husbands for putting up with such women)? They are not exactly painting a picture of domestic bliss, so how can we be expected to want to take their advice? Their marriage sounds horrible, not matter how you put it.

[RosyDaisy]

If I had a husband who wrote/said things like that about me, he would QUICKLY see that he had the 95-5% thing backwards, and I would go ape-shit on his sorry ass. :evil:

[dairyfreelife]

My great aunt told my mom that if you are happy 70% of the time in your marriage, you are doing a good job. Ken is apparently happy with 95%, and he's bitching about it?

Although, agreed, Lori would be a pain in the ass to live with.

*note, I think 70% is really really low, especially since I am happy way more than that by just being alone. I wouldn't get married unless someone could at the very least meet me at my current level of happiness.

I've never been married, but no one is perfect so I don't expect to marry someone who's 100% perfect. There's always something about someone else that will drive me nuts. One of my friends smokes cigarettes and I absolutely hate that, but really that's mild and we are still good friends. There's probably always 5-20% of people we care about and are friends with and/or love that we will not like and will sometimes drive us nuts, especially when you live with a person. I mean, do any us love 100% of anyone? I love my parents, my grandmother, my siblings, but boy do some of the things they do drive me up a wall.

Really, being perfectly okay with 95% of a person is really great. Few people are that content with another, but still are very happy with that person.

[guidedbybobafett]

OH MY GOD. LORI. YOU'RE HUSBAND IS A CHILDISH ASSHOLE. WE GET IT.

Stop trying to put your bullshit off on other people. My boyfriend is NOTHING like Ken and I am NOTHING like you and we're very, very happy. VERY HAPPY. BASICALLY NOBODY NEEDS YOUR HELP IN THIS ARENA BECAUSE THIS ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE IS THE SADDEST TRAINWRECK I HAVE EVER SEEN.

UGHHHHHHH.

[Arete]

Once again I gap in absolute awe of this passive-aggressive fuckwittery. "Look at me! I was a good Christian wife, I made nutritious meals, I kept the home, I paid the bills, I taught the commandments to my children when I dideth the laundry, when I lieth down, when I sateth up, when I walketh to the recycling bin! But I was a nagging bitch 5% of the time and my husband was ever so justified to ignore everything else about me a focus on this. What is providing my children a stable home next to my husband not being able to get his every whim met at a moment's notice? Mea culpa, mea culpa, mia maxima culpa!"

Seriously, Lori turns revenge into a high art form.

[lilwriter85]

Lori openly shames her husband online at least once a week, usually under the pretence of examining herself. She even has her husband read some of what she publishes under what I assume is her legal name on a blog that any of Ken’s coworkers could access.

He sounds like an asshole, but he can’t be too fearsome if his wife is not afraid to publicly embarrass him by sharing everything from how he lists his feelings to how he behaves in bed.

Of all the stuff I’ve seen posted here from Lori’s blog, I can’t think of a single unbarbed compliment she has ever paid to her husband – but she certainly finds the space to compliment herself: She brags about her accomplishments as a mother and housekeeper, and even about her attributes as a wife – Ken is happy with 95% of her! – while at the same time finding creative ways to embarrass her mate.

Not many men (or women) would be happy with that, and none with the power to stop those public announcements would fail to use that power.

If someone wants to share embarrassing information about herself online, I don’t see the problem. But to humiliate her husband isn’t right. If he’s cruel, she should leave him or put up with him but not publicly berate him while at the same time advising other women on how to show respect to their husbands. Lori’s marriage sounds like a shitty mess.

I have wondered for awhile, if Ken has ever dealt with any backlash from his co-workers or his clients from his business due to what he and Lori post on her blog. Lori's blog is too easy to find and she posts pictures of her husband and kids all the time. On a sidenote, I have noticed that she stopped posting stuff about her kids and grandchildren. She used to talk about the granddaughter all the time. I wonder if the son and daughter-in-law told her to stop.

[nokidsmom]

Of all the stuff I’ve seen posted here from Lori’s blog, I can’t think of a single unbarbed compliment she has ever paid to her husband – but she certainly finds the space to compliment herself: She brags about her accomplishments as a mother and housekeeper, and even about her attributes as a wife – Ken is happy with 95% of her! – while at the same time finding creative ways to embarrass her mate.

That's one thing I have noticed; she praises herself but never has anything positive to say about her husband. Yet, she's the super submissive wife (so she says) at the same time but still manages to throw constant barbs at her headship. It doesn't quite fit in my mind. Whenever I see someone shaming another to the extent she does, I do have to wonder who's really the problem. Ken may very well be a jerk, but Lori doesn't sound like a prize either.

Seriously, Lori turns revenge into a high art form.

Lori strikes me as having a lot of resentment towards Ken and this is a very underhanded way of dealing with it. It also gives her an attention fix "look at me! how wonderful I am!"

And hearing that she does this on a public blog does make wonder how this stuff has has affected Ken's job as well.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I have wondered for awhile, if Ken has ever dealt with any backlash from his co-workers or his clients from his business due to what he and Lori post on her blog. Lori's blog is too easy to find and she posts pictures of her husband and kids all the time. On a sidenote, I have noticed that she stopped posting stuff about her kids and grandchildren. She used to talk about the granddaughter all the time. I wonder if the son and daughter-in-law told her to stop.

Ken seems to proudly own his asshole-ness.

He HIMSELF writes that sex is a 10 minute process, to meet his needs and not for her pleasure, and that it's not particularly satisfying for either one of them.

He wrote that he gets joy from seeing her struggle to submit to him and deny her own will.

He wrote that men should tell their wives that God wants them to submit, and that they should read Debi Pearl for more details.

He wrote the infamous "Lori is a naughty girl" comment.

I'm sure that some folks have to be grossed out by him, but maybe he's unaware of it, or maybe he just dismisses them as the unworthy comments of unbelievers and mere women.

[cindyluvs24]

OMG!!!!!! Lori scrunched up her face and Widdle Kenny doesn't wike it!! Waaaahhh!!! :pull-hair:

[moonbeam59]

Their relationship is so disturbing. Ken seems like an absolute turd, even next to Lori.

[Koala]

They are both disgusting. A match made in heaven if I ever saw one. I wouldn't wish the pair of them on anyone.

[Artemis]

I wish Lori would just SHUT UP.

She seems incapable of understanding that her personal experiences are:

a) just that, personal experiences

b) not universal experiences

c) not paradigmatic, archetypal, prototypal, exemplary or any sort of an ideal model for anyone else's experiences

d) not intrinsically superior to anyone else's experiences

and equally incapable of understanding that attempting to justify, explain or validate her (extremely sad and disturbing) experiences for herself as in any way normal or admirable by claiming them as didactically exemplary or morally prototypal can't of itself make them so, or in fact make them anything other than sad and disturbing.

I am generally a patient woman but increasingly I find myself wanting to confront her verbally and say this to her in rather blunter terms.

[lilwriter85]

Ken seems to proudly own his asshole-ness.

He HIMSELF writes that sex is a 10 minute process, to meet his needs and not for her pleasure, and that it's not particularly satisfying for either one of them.

He wrote that he gets joy from seeing her struggle to submit to him and deny her own will.

He wrote that men should tell their wives that God wants them to submit, and that they should read Debi Pearl for more details.

He wrote the infamous "Lori is a naughty girl" comment.

I'm sure that some folks have to be grossed out by him, but maybe he's unaware of it, or maybe he just dismisses them as the unworthy comments of unbelievers and mere women.

I agree, he could be unaware that some people are disgusted by him. But I still wonder if has ever experienced backlash on a professional level due to Lori's blog. When I looked at Ken's business website several months back, I noticed he had a testimonials section and one of the testimonials was from a female orthodontist who praised Ken. She may not know about Lori's blog, but I have to wonder if she would be pissed about having a consultant whose wife constantly bashes working women and Ken has made misogynist comments on the blog too.