Lori Alexander On Childless Couples

[curlytoes79]

People should not have children unless they really and truly want to spend the next 18+ years raising children and having them in their lives. They shouldn't have kids because god wants them to, or because they're lonely, or because they're trying to hold a marriage together, etc. It's a good thing Looni doesn't have a very big audience because this nonsense she's pushing about the sinfulness of childless women is harmful.

[FJismyheadship]

I only want the one I have. People tell me Give her a sister! Only children are selfish! You will change your mind!

Here's the thing... I hated being pregnant. I will not go through that again. I can afford to feed me and my child and that's it. I can give both of us a comfortable life. If I had another, I would be poor and broke. So no... I don't want another. I want to enjoy the one I have.

I love kids. But I will keep the one I have thanks. No more for me please.

[LadyBlue]

FMJ send anyone who bugs you this article http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/1 ... 24272.html

I have 4 kids and I'm on the fence about 1 more because, quite frankly, 4 boys constantly fighting is crazy making (and it's mostly the middle 2 at this point; way too similar, those 2), as well as expensive to feed. They eat constantly. My husband thinks we should have stopped 3 kids ago, but would still be willing to have another if we could be sure it would be a girl. Sadly, there is no foolproof method to get a specific gender.

[halfheartedheroine]

This, so much! I'm probably going to have one kid, and it will be in my thirties, after I've finished my doctorate. The fact that I have the opportunity to choose to do it this way, instead of having baby after baby, makes me very grateful to live when and where I do. I think I'll be a pretty good mom to one kid. More than that? NO WAY.

Are we the same person? :lol: My mom has declared that she wants at least ten grandchildren (in good jest, she's happy if we are), so it's apparently on my younger sister to have at least eight or nine kids of her own.

[roddma]

Lori has said that she stopped having children due to health problems. IIRC she was in a major car accident when her youngest child was a toddler. She constantly preaches about having lots of children, but she is in dark about a lot of aspects of QF life. Her husband was able to support a family of 6 well on one salary. I think if they had more kids, they wouldn't have the comfortable life they have now. Lori and her family take expensive trips at least once or twice a year. They seem to go to Hawaii yearly. Lori has posted pics of past trips to NYC and other places. If Lori had more kids, I doubt they wouldn't be doing stuff like that now. They also live in an expensive state. Lori doesn't know or realize that the Duggars and Bateses who she has praised, depend or have depended on church handouts. Sure the Duggars have never been on government assistance, but they took church handouts years ago. We all know that TLC is the reason the TTH was finished. The Bateses also depend on handouts and they go to some kind of free health clinic. If Lori had to do wife swap with someone like Zsu or Kelly C, I don't think she would like the lifestyle of having more than 4 kids. Lori lives very comfortably compared to Zsu and Kelly C.

I think the Duggars would be relying heavily on free clinics if it werent for the show. Humpers fail to see all the indirect assistance they got over the years. It is odd how those who choose not to have children or double digit kids are ridiculed when larger QF families let their kids

'live in horrid conditions. I also don't believe the Duggars would be OK with any of the kids choosing not to have kids.

Devils Advocate but I do not see children as blessings. It insults rape victims and infertles. Sorry if I offended anyone but I guess it comes from hearing from QF and conservative Christians so much it gets tiresome.

[dramallama]

Hold on, I need to check to see if there's enough care left to dredge from Giveafuck Bay to put on my Very Concerned Face about what this moron thinks of my reproductive choices...nope, Giveafuck Bay has been completely depleted of care. Sorry Lori.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

Are we the same person? :lol: My mom has declared that she wants at least ten grandchildren (in good jest, she's happy if we are), so it's apparently on my younger sister to have at least eight or nine kids of her own.

I'm an only child myself, so my parents will just be thrilled with the one hypothetical grandkid! :lol:

[Drina Adams]

What would Lori make of our family? Everything is cooked from scratch, right down to bread. No processed food apart from yoghurts, and sometimes we make those too. We both work full-time, are atheist and didn't have a church wedding. We use cloth nappies and I'm still breastfeeding my child once a day while pregnant again. Baby food was our food, we didn't use anything from a jar or packet besides formula milk.

She really does think that everyone who isn't doing things her way is doing it wrong. And we don't make our food from scratch and use cloth nappies just to save money. Cloth nappies can be an expensive initial buy (I live in a country that doesn't really use them so had to order and import them from the US, not everyone can afford to do that) and I find we'd save money using some processed food, such as a pre made lasagna, by the time we buy, chop, cook and wash up all the food and equipment.

[fundiefan]

I don't have kids and won't. What Lori or anyone else thinks of that is irrelevant to me. I live my life as I need to and have my reasons for my decisions and choices. They're none of Lori's business. Her attempting to know why I do what I do, or don't do what I don't do, is ridiculous. She doesn't know every woman on the planet and she doesn't know shit about people who aren't as fucked up as she is.

Fortunately, I can live my life just fine without her approval.

[LadyBlue]

What would Lori make of our family? Everything is cooked from scratch, right down to bread. No processed food apart from yoghurts, and sometimes we make those too. We both work full-time, are atheist and didn't have a church wedding. We use cloth nappies and I'm still breastfeeding my child once a day while pregnant again. Baby food was our food, we didn't use anything from a jar or packet besides formula milk.

She really does think that everyone who isn't doing things her way is doing it wrong. And we don't make our food from scratch and use cloth nappies just to save money. Cloth nappies can be an expensive initial buy (I live in a country that doesn't really use them so had to order and import them from the US, not everyone can afford to do that) and I find we'd save money using some processed food, such as a pre made lasagna, by the time we buy, chop, cook and wash up all the food and equipment.

I admire your energy. I'd love to be able to cook everything from scratch.

I would make a terrible fundy, I have no energy so my house is a disaster and food is far too often something from the freezer that can just be thrown in the oven (although I am trying to make my own freezer meals on days I have some energy). All my bloodwork is in the normal range since hypothyroid meds made it so I can at least get out of bed, no clue what else is wrong.

I think people who know they can't handle kids and choose not to have them should get far more kudos. Too many people should never have had any kids (Michael Pearl comes to mind).

[Feberin]

Is she serious? None of those suggestions negate the fact that raising children costs a lot of money. Food to make your own baby food still costs money. Cloth diapers mean more water and detergent. Curriculum costs money. Oversimplify much?

It is a lot cheaper to make your own baby food or cloth diaper. Yes raising a child costs a lot of money but you can make it cheaper if you want/need to cut back on the expenses. Babies don't eat a lot at first so some steamed veggies blended with breastmilk or formula or even water then frozen is a lot cheaper then buying the jarred stuff. Cloth diapers do have a large start up costs but it didn't make a huge difference in our water/electricity bills perhaps a few dollars a month. Since we're using the diapers on the second kid we've definitely saved a lot of money. Also while car seats and cribs (I'd also add shoes to this list) should not be purchased used lots of other things like clothes, toys and various baby paraphernalia can be safely purchased used. The whole homeschooling saves money seems crazy to me.

I do think a million dollars to raise a child seems high. It also may seem overwhelming to see that figure if you don't have kids and want them since who has a million dollars sitting around? But the costs trickle in slowly over time and babies can be pretty cheap it's older kids that get really expensive. The most expensive thing for my one year old daughter is the money we put in her college fund each month. For my son it's preschool and his extracurricular of choice, which is ballet right now. He's three though so costs are starting to get higher as there are less clothes in his size at consignment sales and he eats a lot more food now. I do think it's very important to be financially stable and have extra money to cover costs connected with having a baby. But I think that million dollar figure sound scarier then the actual financial burden of a child assuming of course that you want to have them.

I don't think anyone should be forced to have kids. They are way too much work and like somebody else mentioned it's not like a job that you can say "gee this isn't working out so I'm going to quit" or that you can go home at the end of the day and get away from them.

[Sobeknofret]

The whole homeschooling saves money seems crazy to me.

Homeschooling can be as cheap or as expensive as you want it to be. There's lots of good, solid, free or low cost resources available. I have seen parents spend a tiny amount of money and still provide a good, quality education.

If we had sent KidSobe to public school here, there would still be expenses: book bag, school supplies, uniforms/school clothes, lunches, gas to get him to and from (bus system here is limited), extracurriculars, things that teachers ask for that the parents are expected to provide (paper towels, soap, hand sanitizer, dry-erase markers, tissues, copy paper, glue, extra supplies-- based on a back to school list I saw last fall), fundraisers, and the list goes on. Plus, in many schools parents are now expected to give mandatory "volunteer" time to the classrooms. Maybe this is just our district, but I think it's becoming a sad commonplace; the school districts can't afford to do everything, and the costs are being shunted back onto the parents, who may or may not be able to afford it. I'm not knocking public education, I believe in it whole-heartedly, but the costs are spiraling and parents are being expected to pick up the monetary slack, so even public schools aren't "free" anymore.

[rward]

We make everything from scratch because of food allergies. It is NOT less expensive. Yes, the per meal cost might be on par or even less, but you can't buy just enough olive oil for a meal, or just enough flour for a loaf of bread. Fresh vegetables are expensive. And spices! Spices kill us. So our overall weekly food bill is higher than if we bought premade bread, etc.

[Feberin]

Homeschooling can be as cheap or as expensive as you want it to be. There's lots of good, solid, free or low cost resources available. I have seen parents spend a tiny amount of money and still provide a good, quality education.

If we had sent KidSobe to public school here, there would still be expenses: book bag, school supplies, uniforms/school clothes, lunches, gas to get him to and from (bus system here is limited), extracurriculars, things that teachers ask for that the parents are expected to provide (paper towels, soap, hand sanitizer, dry-erase markers, tissues, copy paper, glue, extra supplies-- based on a back to school list I saw last fall), fundraisers, and the list goes on. Plus, in many schools parents are now expected to give mandatory "volunteer" time to the classrooms. Maybe this is just our district, but I think it's becoming a sad commonplace; the school districts can't afford to do everything, and the costs are being shunted back onto the parents, who may or may not be able to afford it. I'm not knocking public education, I believe in it whole-heartedly, but the costs are spiraling and parents are being expected to pick up the monetary slack, so even public schools aren't "free" anymore.

Perhaps but a lot of that stuff (clothes, school supplies, tissues) the family will need to provide at home as well. Where I am the schools have a bus system that transport kids and no uniforms. While teachers may send lists home asking for dry erase markers and copy paper what would they do if a child was unable to supply it? I don't think public schools could kick a child out for not being able to provide certain supplies. And stuff like extracurriculars should be done by any decent homeschooling family. I will agree that if you really went cheap with it you could probably homeschool for very little but along that same thought then if you sent your child to public school and just refused to cover certain costs then I would think the school would just have to deal with it. As far as volunteer hours I think it varies. When I student taught at a school that was in a low socioeconomic area almost none of the parents volunteered. There was one mother who was in weekly and one who came in like four times during the school year.

[lizziesmom]

I only want the one I have. People tell me Give her a sister! Only children are selfish! You will change your mind!

Here's the thing... I hated being pregnant. I will not go through that again. I can afford to feed me and my child and that's it. I can give both of us a comfortable life. If I had another, I would be poor and broke. So no... I don't want another. I want to enjoy the one I have.

I love kids. But I will keep the one I have thanks. No more for me please.

I am an only child. I believe I am not the stereotypical 'spoiled brat'. I had a great childhood and although I often wished for a brother or sister, I had a great relationship with both my parents and don't believe I was deprived in any way because there were no siblings.

[hywelis]

You will change your mind!

I hate that sentence, and, as a childfree woman, I get it a lot from people with children. I finally decided I had had enough of the BS a while ago and started answering "So might you." Shuts them up faster than light.

Hywelis

[Dysfundamental]

One of the best things about being 48 is that nobody's suggested I might change my mind about having children for years.

[patsymae]

I like what Laura Thyme said to Rosemary whatsis on "rosemary and thyme" when Rosemary said something about never having children:

"It's 3 years up to your ankles in poop and pee, then 10 years of feeding and clothing and educating them until they're old enough to scream "I hate you!" over the music blaring behind the locked door."

A friend and I were talking last night and agreed that it would be a lot better if you could just go straight to the grandchildren.

[Miss_Doubt]

Well I happen to be one of these childless women. I just cannot afford the cost of raising a child and I currently have no life partner. (I also have PCOS or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome so I am probably infertile anyways.) But according to the fundies, that is no excuse for me to be such a ruthless sinner, denying life from entering my womb.....whatever. *Rolls eyes*

[Miss_Doubt]

"One does not have to spend a million dollars to raise a child. There are many frugal ways instead. You can buy almost everything used today at garage sales. You can make your baby food from scratch. You can use cloth diapers. You can homeschool them. There are many ways to save money."

Sarcastically, I wanted to add that you can just live in a tent or shack with no electricity or running water, so you won't have any utility bills. You can just use an out house or dig a latrine and use old magazines (non secular of course) for toilet tissue. You can do everything by hand, by scratch, primitively and have few expenses, but also have no resemblance of personal time or a leisure life whatsoever. Give it all up for the sake of not being a selfish, childless devil woman!