Lori Alexander on Kids and Toys in the Bedroom - Merge

[lilwriter85]

I wonder how much of her son and daughter-in-law being against everything is them how how much is Lori influence!

But I agree fundie type SAHM's do seem to be control freaks!

I would say that the son and dil are largely influenced by Lori and the dil's family. Lori's posts on the dil's family seem to suggest that they are also fundie lite. The dil's mom was a SAHM and servant(Lori's words.)

[ThisOlGirl]

You want your children within earshot of you most of the day.

No, no I don't.

[August]

Well, finally I'm doing something right! They're currently spread from one end of the house to the other.

[allyisyourpally5]

I was never allowed a TV in my room, and only got a Wii when I was about 19....didn't have a playstation or such before that.

However, my room represented a jungle! I had a huge bookcase with all sorts of books (Anyone heard of The Sleepover Club?Could be a British series), dozens of stuffed toys, a cupboard full of games, a stack of arts and craft supplies I used to get through at a dang fast rate, posters on my wall, a great big flower shaped rug in the middle, a camp bed for guests....I loved it! It was mine!

I was allowed to go to sleepovers, have them myself...Lori needs to get a grip. I think that actually a great cause of rebellion that all these fundies speak of is by having no opportunity to be ones true self and just relax and express your personality. Playing near an adult just crushes imagination-Ive worked in day care and whenever I came near children playing "pretend" many would go quiet because its "something grown ups won't understand"

[EmmieJ]

No, no I don't.

LOL! Me either.

Here's the funny thing. My son (age 15) has a long day at school, then after school sports. So when he gets home around 6:30, he plops down on the couch in the living room. My small kitchen opens up onto the living room, so even if I'm "in the kitchen", we're still basically in the same large area.

And there he stays most of the evening, doing homework, watching tv, playing on his phone, etc. It's me who needs to get some space and head down to my bedroom because he can drive me crazy with his constant need to be in motion - tossing something up in the air repeatedly, nervous fingers tapping on the wall behind the couch, or constantly asking me to look at whatever he's viewing on his phone. I would gladly encourage him to feel free to hang out in his room for some privacy, but apparently the kid doesn't feel the need for it.

How horrible to grow up in a home where your mother insists you be in both sight and hearing range at all times, because she thinks the moment you get some alone time, you will choose to do wrong. What sort of sick message is this sending to those children - from day one, you were not to be trusted!

[dora]

We have a ' no toys in the lounge' rule. I prefer the mess be contained in their rooms.

My son is most like to be found playing with Lego, and my daughter will be reading a book or drawing a picture. She even reads bible stories voluntarily. So dangerous! ( then mummy has to explain why they might not all be literally true)

[Papagena]

My kids are 5, 3 and 1, the answer is "all over the damned house" by mid-day. ;) I love that the older two can be trusted out in the (fully fenced) yard now that they're almost 6 and 4. Yes, I can hear them, I can see them from the windows and if they needed me I could be there in 30 seconds but it is SO nice that they can play independently. They know I love them and protect them, I don't need to hover over their every sneeze and bowel movement.

I do agree with no electronics in the bedroom, but that's mostly because our kids have to share and if their sleeping habits keep up, one needs absolutely no additional stimulation around bedtime and the other would happily watch TV or play LeapPad until 1 a.m. if I let her. I imagine that will change as our situation and circumstances do.

[docmom]

If it is imperative to keep your children within earshot at all times and they're not allowed to play or be alone in their rooms, what happens at night? Does the whole family gather in one bedroom? How does that affect marital relations? What about those pesky erotic teenage dreams? What if a gay demon shows up? What can kids get up to during the day that they can't also do under cover of darkness? Enquiring minds want to know, Lori.

For what it's worth, we have no TVs in bedrooms but do allow toys, books and electronic gadgets. I have one kid who is like me and needs alone time and two others who want to be around the family all the time. Sleepovers are a blast especially if you can schedule all the children to have one at the same time at other people's homes :D

[Trynn]

In my parents' house, the TV is in my brother's room. Dad comes in to watch things on occasion, and sometimes I do too, but most of the time it's my brother's and his only.

We do have an old tv we didn't know what to do with, so it got stuffed in my room. I didn't particularly WANT it, as I'm not much into tv, but there it stays.

My brother got his tv at 14/15ish. When I got my own tv, I was an adult, possibly 20.

I was watching an episode of Dennis the Menace from the 1961 tv series yesterday. Mr. Wilson is telling Dennis' parents about this one child who begged for a tv set of his own to be in his own room. Dennis' parents are shocked, and when Mr. Wilson adds, "a COLOR television set" they are positively horrified. (speaking of which, I thought color tv wasn't invented till 1965? What's it doing in 1961?)

Nowadays so many kids have their own tv sets in their rooms that this is normal, but back then, it was unheard of. Times and culture change, I guess.

I do not think I would want my future children having their own tvs. By then, however, I almost suspect it won't be an issue.

[GeoBQn]

Lori advises mothers to keep their children out of trouble not only by being stay-at-home moms, but also by never letting children do anything alone ever.

Don't let your children have toys in their bedroom. Their bedrooms should only be a place where they read and sleep. You want your children within earshot of you most of the day. You need to be there to monitor their activity.

You don't want your children playing in their bedrooms or having friends in their bedrooms. It is too easy for them to get into mischief when they are alone. I think this is why God wants women with children to be keepers at home so they can continually monitor their children's behavior and the things that influence them.

They didn't have any electronics in their bedrooms and very few toys. I wanted them around me. Also, be very careful who their friends are and even limit their going to friend's homes. We didn't allow sleepovers. We wanted our children under our roof at night.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/05/fractured-families.html

[lilwriter85]

I always assumed Lori was somewhat fundy lite, but this sounds very much like the Maxwell's beliefs.

I know they belong to a mega church. I wonder if they allowed their children to do Sunday School or youth groups?

Lori stated in her posting, that she didn't allow sleepovers and wanted her kids under roof at night. With that kind of view, my guess is that she might have had issues with some of the activities that go on in church youth groups. The Catholic parish I attended with my family years ago had a teen youth group. I wasn't apart of that group, but several friends were. They used to go weekend retreats and youth conferences several times a year. Protestant friends and relatives have told me the same thing about some of their youth group activities. There is a well known Christian youth organization called Young Life. I know someone who worked for that organization years ago and she used to accompany church youth groups/chapters to retreats at mountain resorts and camps. Maybe Lori would have been ok with her kids being under the supervision of good Christians, but the part about wanting her kids under her roof at night is a bit telling.

[Claddagh]

Talk about a controlling and boring childhood...

Don't let your children have toys in their bedroom. Their bedrooms should only be a place where they read and sleep. You want your children within earshot of you most of the day. You need to be there to monitor their activity.

My parents used a baby monitor and made it a rule that my bedroom door stays open. They'd walk by and check on me to make sure I was keeping out of trouble.

You don't want your children playing in their bedrooms or having friends in their bedrooms. It is too easy for them to get into mischief when they are alone.

The worst my friend and I did was jump on the bed. We were caught and promptly told not to do so again.

Children are easily led astray by the world. Mothers need to be there for them continually to protect them from the enemy and guide them.

Kids aren't stupid. Now I agree that parents sometimes need to keep an eye on their kids to see what they're watching, music they're listening to, and so on. However, if you try to force them to be a certain way it'll cause resentment.

They didn't have any electronics in their bedrooms and very few toys.

My toys always had to be put away neatly inside my bedroom before going to bed.

Also, be very careful who their friends are and even limit their going to friend's homes. We didn't allow sleepovers. We wanted our children under our roof at night.

If you have reason to believe the friend's parents or family may be dangerous, I can see why you'd limit/eliminate time that they could go over there or sleepovers. If not, what's the harm in letting a kid go over to a friend's house and spend the night if it's okay with the friend's parents?

[Black Aliss]

Reading Lori's blog (and the Maxhells' and others) I get the impression that fundies tend to spawn horrid little sociopaths who are totally without conscience and lacking any sort of awareness of limited social contract that applies to children. I'm so glad I had children who behaved responsibly, kindly, and ethically even when I wasn't watching. Even though they had no concept of a Christian god. Or perhaps because of that.

[Trynn]

Isn't there already a thread on this?

[Irishy]

Fwiw I know a lot of people who don't allow sleepovers. It's simply because the parents don't really want their kids exposed to what another set of parents may or may not deem ok. Like I know a mom whose daughter was a bit freaked by the way her friend's dad shouted at his kids. She put a stop to all sleepovers after that. I know another couple who are super uptight about what their kids eat and what tv they watch so sleepovers are out for them too. I do allow sleepovers but only with friends whose parents are our friends too or with cousins. But my kids are still small ish (8 on down).

[yewchapel]

I can see not having TVs in bedrooms because of the problems TVs, computers etc cause sleep. I struggle with insomnia and 'sleep hygiene' is important - bedrooms are for sleeping.

[dairyfreelife]

I don't know if I will allow my (future) children to have a tv in their rooms or not. My sister and I had one, but we shared a room through my most my childhood. It was turned off at bedtime and not allowed on during the night. My brother had a tv in his room and my parents had one as well. Most of my friends did not have a television in their rooms though. The basement was the family room and play space with most of our toys. Some of our toys were in our rooms though. But we were not homeschooled and did a variety of activities, so we had plenty of time away without our parents. We were allowed to go out and play and we did not have a fenced yard and had a wooded area behind our house.

My parents were a little worried about some things, but they were no more close to people like the Maxwells or Lori or any other fundies, and it was mostly because I was the eldest child. They had to learn what they were doing with me and got more lenient with my sister and are laid-back with my brother. I think they got tired of child-rearing by the time my brother hit his double-digits. ;) I can't imagine growing up in the Alexander homes or the Pearls or any other paranoid and control freak fundie households. I was a super independent child and I needed my own space. I was also a strong-willed child who would tell my parents if I did not like something and if I didn't want to do something, all be damn if you were gonna make me do it. I know I was challenging to parent at times, but my parents did not want to squash that attitude entirely. I don't even want to think what I would be like had I been raised in a home with parents like the Lori and Ken.

[Peas n carrots]

It must be exhausting to be Lori Alexander.

[OkToBeTakei]

I read toys and Lori. Then thought her and Ken were getting their kink on again :lol:

[Arete]

My niblings do not have TVs or electronics in their bedrooms, but they have tons of toys and books. My sisters fight and lose a guerilla war to keep the toys from colonizing the rest of the house. The spawns of Satan are encouraged to either play in their rooms or the finished basements with their friends, and they are practically being raised Communists as they have all been or are currently in Daycare of the Devil. Do you know that they are made to share there, and actually told no one owns the toys? :shock:

As to Lori's wisdom that you want your kids glued to you all day? Bitch, please. :hand:

[RosyDaisy]

Lori stated in her posting, that she didn't allow sleepovers and wanted her kids under roof at night. With that kind of view, my guess is that she might have had issues with some of the activities that go on in church youth groups. The Catholic parish I attended with my family years ago had a teen youth group. I wasn't apart of that group, but several friends were. They used to go weekend retreats and youth conferences several times a year. Protestant friends and relatives have told me the same thing about some of their youth group activities. There is a well known Christian youth organization called Young Life. I know someone who worked for that organization years ago and she used to accompany church youth groups/chapters to retreats at mountain resorts and camps. Maybe Lori would have been ok with her kids being under the supervision of good Christians, but the part about wanting her kids under her roof at night is a bit telling.

Trust me, there's more going on at youth church retreats/camps than just coming to Jesus. I don't mean abuse, I mean a bunch of horny teens getting it on. I have a feeling that's the kind of thing Lori is worried about.

[snarkyjan]

It must be exhausting to be Lori Alexander.

Less exhausting than being one of her kids.

[Elizabeth61]

As we approached Mother's Day last weekend, I pulled out a box of family photos to reminisce about my life as a mom. I came across pictures of my daughter at age 7 or 8 sitting on her canopy bed surrounded by her dolls and toys. She appeared to be happily engaged in her play, in all her glory. My heart melted as I remembered her that way, sitting there with the backdrop of her Little Mermaid pillow and her Rainbow Brite doll. I couldn't imagine her not being able to go into her little world of make-believe and BE A KID!! If she wanted to share with me, the door was always open-and it still is (even though she's 32!). Lori is EVIL!!

[AVENues]

Less exhausting than being one of her kids.

And even less exhausting than being a feminist and read her shit over and over and over again wondering what's wrong with her.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

Oh, how I wish my daughter would play in her room or playroom more often! She doesn't like being back there alone very often because the bedrooms are at the opposite end of the house from the family room and kitchen. The husband or I will sit in our bedroom until she's asleep every night because of this fear. But when she has a friend over they disappear in her room for hours. Hours! I love it. I'm the introvert of the family and I can't take 'round the clock togetherness. I will escape to the bedroom or sunporch to keep from going crazy.

She's a little young yet for sleepovers at age 7, I think. She stays with her grandparents, her great-aunt, and has attempted to stay with good friends of ours but that didn't work out. But as long as I have met the family enough to be comfortable and have been inside the home, I'm totally fine with sleepovers when she's ready.

And she does have a tv in her room. I make no apologies or excuses. She's not a couch potato and rarely plays video games and I fully admit that we solved her issues of not wanting to sleep in her room with the tv. She watches it for about 10 mins and falls right asleep and we turn it off. We've been through nightmares and night terrors, which gave her horrible anxiety about going to bed until we allowed her to watch Sprout or a movie to fall asleep to. It distracts her enough so that she relaxes. I'm sure I'm supposed to feel guilty or wear a scarlet letter, but all I feel is relief that we found something that helps her.