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Another blogger obsessed with waiting for marriage


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tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2012/04/why-god-wants-us-to-wait-until-marriage-for-sex/

Basically, if you have sex before you're married, then premarital sex will feel more "exciting" because there is something alluring about sin. Also, premarital sex is often "rushed" because it is forbidden. When you fall into a pattern of rushing through sex, you end up married to someone who rushes through sex, so you will not be fully satisfied by sex.

This whole post reads as a heaping pile of wtf

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Lol... having been married (and a good little SAHM who did all the vacuuming, etc etc) let me tell you, there were few extended romantic interludes with flowers and candlelight. It was more like "ok, the baby is asleep... how long do you think we have? GO GO GO." :P

My pre-marital and post-marital sex life was/is much less rushed, thank you.

Also, I'm getting mixed messages. On one hand, she's saying that non-marital sex is SO EXCITING so it'll keep you from liking married sex as much. But then the other fundies the other day were telling me that marital sex is the MOST EXCITING but I'll ruin it if I have boring not-married sex beforehand and something about fireworks. Make up your minds on the party line, people.

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From 3. Sex just isn't good:

When you have sex before you’re married, chances are it wasn’t a long, drawn out affair. There likely weren’t candles and flowers and lots of romance, the way you may picture your honeymoon or romantic interludes after you’re married. It was likely rather quick. It wasn’t necessarily something planned; it was something that “just happenedâ€.

I don't know what planet she's on, but I know I had way more planned, relaxed, drawn out sexy fun times when hubs and I were living in sin than we do now, when it has to be jammed in between Monkey's bedtime and collapsing in utter exhaustion.

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Pre marital sec was great married sex after 26 years is great. Fundies full of poo poo since most would not know good sex if they ever managed to have it while god is watching.

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She needs to be introduced to that terrible cliche that is the marble jar (for every sexual encounter before marriage, add a marble. For every sexual encounter after marriage, subtract a marble.). I've been married 9 years and there's no way that jar would be empty yet.

I think she's just writing this crap, hoping desperately to believe it.

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http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2012/04/why-god-wants-us-to-wait-until-marriage-for-sex/

Basically, if you have sex before you're married, then premarital sex will feel more "exciting" because there is something alluring about sin.Also, premarital sex is often "rushed" because it is forbidden. When you fall into a pattern of rushing through sex, you end up married to someone who rushes through sex, so you will not be fully satisfied by sex.

This whole post reads as a heaping pile of wtf

Does she really live in a western country ? :shock:

I'm 44 yo and even when I was a teenager during the 80's nobody would have frowned upon sex before marriage...

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I've had both. I'd have to say that sex pre-marriage was pretty awesome as was sex after being married. I think the quality and quantity went down after junior's arrival :lol: but I figure this is only temporary. After all, sex was a favorite past time ;)

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The only consistently not-rushed sex I've had was premarital and postmarital/prekids. Hopefully it can be less rushed as the girls get older. Hiding sex from our parents premaritally was good practice for hiding it from the children postmaritally, FWIW.

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I've had both premarital and marital sex. There is no difference between the two.

True. The primary difference is that we live together now, so neither of us has to go home afterwards! Physically speaking, it's exactly the same.

I'm tired of all of these justifications fundies come up with for waiting to have sex. If you don't want to do it, don't. If you do, do. Don't hide behind "reasons" like "sex after marriage is SO MUCH BETTER!!!111!!!" or "sex before marriage will make sex after marriage seem BORING!111!!!"

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Once again, a self-proclaimed expert is using a total lack of knowledge to try to argue her case. "I think this must be how it is, never actually talked to people who had experience, except for that one repentant woman in church. Also, I confuse prostitution with pre-marital sex because it's the same thing according to my pastor."

I've had both as well. Sex inside marriage was NOT GOOD because the guy was a jerk. I've said it a million times, but waiting for marriage doesn't mean your sex life will be good. Quite the opposite in my case. Sex after divorce was so much better. There have been long sessions and quick sessions. Candles, massages, lingerie... so much easier to plan for if you know your boyfriend is coming over in an hour and you have the house to yourself (as opposed to rushing to finish the laundry so your fundie husband isn't angered by the socks he himself left all over the place when he gets home at dinnertime).

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I bought into the whole sex before marriage is unhealthy emotionally and if you do it your relationship is DOOMED.

But that didn't stop me from having sex with my fundie and conservative boyfriends. Mostly it was not good because I believed what I was doing was wrong.

When you set young women up to be pure and men to think they are victims of their need it can be a precursor to rape. There were many times when it was either give in or be raped because there was no stopping him. That, btw equils rape in my book. Seems to me that is what this whole uber fundie attitude towards sex sets women and men up for. Men are not responsible for their actions, they set the rules of the home and the woman is to obey. She has no control over her life or her own body. Not for sex and no control over if she wants a child or not.

A year ago I decided that sex was perfectly fine outside of marriage between two consenting adults. Yeah, at 44 after a 16 year hiatus. I am enjoying being with my partner :)

Leaving Christianity was the best thing that happened to me.

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Oh, FFS, I wish the fundies -- really, all of the conservative religious narratives -- would stop with the lies about why/how sex will be better after your married (IF you wait.) Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse, sometimes it's the same. If you're not getting any before hand, you'll never really know. That's your prerogative.

This is the truth of the matter, if you ask me: If you hold beliefs that require religion-based abstinence, you do not have sex because your version of God (or God's message) tells you not to. You obey it because it will make you feel superior to those who did not obey it.

That's the difference. You get to feel self righteous. Your big prize. Why can't a blogger just say that?

As for my single days, there were feelings I preferred to self righteousness...

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Count me in as someone else who had more leisurely and adventurous sex before marriage and also after the wedding but before the kids. We sneak like teenagers now, trying not to alert the other people in the house that we are getting our freak on. Actually I think this is a major logical disconnect in the OP. Teenagers hurry and sneak because they don't want to be overheard and they are probably not alone in the house/dorm, and also because they haven't learned stamina yet. But grown adults who share a bed can have lots of privacy and lots of time whether they are married or not; if there is a habit of just getting sex over with, it's a symptom of something else (one partner being attracted to a gender that is not the other partner's comes to mind, as does sexual trauma). Hurried sex after the kids are born is actually a good thing because otherwise when would you get any?

I believe in marriage and I believe that sex does set up a bond between people that shouldn't be treated casually--but this is a bad argument. Marriage simply does not guarantee great sex. Patience, attentiveness, and good communication go a long way and none of them requires marriage.

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