Getting Birth Control from Parents

[Kelya]

So it comes up a lot in threads, in sex ed., and even in some episodes of Roseanne (love!) but it seems like a lot of people have gone to their parents for information about birth control.

Now I never got a sex talk and we never had sex ed in school. I learned through experimenting/growing up, the internet, and friends, not the best combo. So I'm a big fan of age appropriate sex ed and talking and everything and will do that with my kids.

But the idea of a child actually coming to me for access to birth control is just, well, weird. If you and your partner are having sex I don't particularly want to know. If you're not in a relationship and having sex I don't particularly want to know. If you're mature enough to have sex, you're mature enough to see a physician, go to clinic, or purchase condoms/diaphragms/whatever.

It just seems like overshare. I guess if my kid was too young to access these things they'd need me to help, and of course i would, and also have serious "you're 13 years old wtf" talks, but young adults who are generally competent...why would they need me in such a private, personal decision?

Do you expect your kids to go to you for birth control? Do you expect to know if they're having sex? What is your expectation around this area?

ETA: this might be better in chatter, sorry.

[Gizmola]

I don't have children and don't plan on it. But if I have a niece or nephew and they ever come to be about BC, no matter the age, I'm giving them The Talk and hooking them up. I'd rather be squicked out about talking about sex or taking my 13 year old niece to the gyn for pills than I would want to be a great aunt.

[valsa]

The Talk isn't just about getting the pill or condoms or whatever. There are lots of reasons your kids might want to talk to you. What if your child wants to know what to do about being pressured by their SO for sex when they're not sure if they want to have it? What if they're confused with how to use the protection? (doctors and clinics aren't always the best with informing kids how to correctly put on a condom or that the pill should be taken around the same time each day or that antibiotics make the pill less effective) What if they've had sex and they're feeling overwhelmed by it or that it has changed their relationship with their SO for the worse?

[Guest Anonymous]

If a kid is a teenager and on a parent's insurance plan, I don't think it's weird or untoward for them to ask for a parent's help. One of my best friends in high school had a great relationship with her mom. When she was 16 and thinking about having sex with her boyfriend, she asked her mom to make her an appointment with a gyno so she could get on the pill. That first gyno visit can be a little scary (I was quite nervous about mine even at 18) and having a sympathetic adult along for the ride could be comforting.

I wouldn't have a problem taking my daughter to get on the pill, and I wouldn't have a problem purchasing condoms for my son. I would prefer that they wait until they were 18 to have sex, but if they are 16 and driving I pretty much accept that I can't stop them and I'm not going to get crazy control freak on them trying to. I'd rather have a talk, get them protection, and make sure they are scheduled for regular STI checks.

[LynnKaboom]

I have endometriosis, and being 19, I'm still on my parent's insurance. I was diagnosed at 16. The doctor told me I would have to go on the Pill, and I had to kind of talk to my mom about the whole thing. It was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life, and personally, I would rather deal with the endo than have to talk to my mom about it again.

But my boyfriend lives in Scotland, and I, uh, don't, so I don't really have a need for the pill other than to control the endometriosis.

[Austin]

My children are boys, so condoms are pretty much the extent. And yeah, they come to us, because we're they're parents and we want the best for them and they know that. We have condoms in the house and we've pretty much talked through all the scenarios/how to's/concerns pretty openly. We didn't do "the talk" - it's just something we've all been talking about for years, as much as we would advise them about any aspect of their health.

I think it's very important for mothers of daughters to especially explain, as Valsa said, that some medications and other substances (like St. John's Wort) interfere with BC pills. Most of the pill failures I've ever heard about came up as a result of taking another medications, etc. Plus if I had a daughter, I would encourage her to always insist on a condom on top of any other birth control until she is positive she is in a committed, monogamous relationship. Really committed.

[nonymouse]

I don't expect my daughters to come to me and tell me they've had or are considering having sex. I knew I could go to my mother with any questions I had, but was completely squicked out at the idea, so I never did, but it was also good to know I could trust her. As it happens, I was put on the Pill when I was 19 due to menstrual problems, so I never had to have "the talk" with my mother anyway. I would definitely let my kids know, though, that if they didn't feel comfortable approaching me or my husband about these things, that there would be a list of people they could go to. Like I would not mind if they went to their godmother, who would keep their confidence as long as they weren't being hurt, or hurting others, whose judgment I trust. If godmother says the kids are okay and not to worry, I'd trust her (though I'd still be extremely curious!)

[valsa]

Forgot to mention before that some matters are just practical. Some health insurance plans have co-pays and some forms of protection can cost a lot of money. They may just want you to pay. And they may also need a ride to where ever they're getting the protection from, if they don't have free access to use the car/a driver's license. There's also the simple "peace of mind" aspect. It can be scary for a young girl to go to a doctor's office and ask for BC. They may wonder if their doctor will give it to them or if the pharmacist who fills the prescription is going to do it without a fuss. Both boys and girls can find it embarrassing or confusing to shop for condoms and buy them. Have you seen the condom aisle of the grocery store lately? There's as many options as in the "feminine hygiene" aisle.

[Cassandra]

One of the best things my mom ever did was make sure I felt comfortable talking to her about sex. Well, maybe not comfortable ;) but it was something I was capable of doing.

She started talking to me about sex when I was 8 and did so by trapping me in the car during trips :lol: It was terrible at the time, but I learned a lot from a trusted source and I was prepared when the time came.

It was 100% awkward when I asked for birth control, but it wasn't terrible. The conversation went like this

"Mom, I kinda sorta want birth control"

"Okay, have you actually had sex yet"

"errr no. " :oops:

"Okay, I'll make the appointment.".

Embarrassing, but pain free. Considering I grew up in an exceptionally small town with no Planned Parenthood I honestly can't conceive of my getting on the pill any other way. The only reason I ever bought condoms was because they introduced self-checkout. When everybody knows everybody (including cashiers) you do not want to be seen buying condoms at 17.

[lilwriter85]

I don't have children but if I do have kids, I will teach them about sex and if they ask for birth control I would give it to them.

[clibbyjo]

I plan to supply whatever needs supplied with no questions asked if possible. My 15 year old son is NOT interested yet(thank God(dess)). We have had several talks at different ages and books have been passed out for those too embarrassed to discuss things.

I remember how embarrassing and hard it was to get condoms when we were poor highschoolers.(I am talking for my friends as well) I think supplying them is the LEAST we should do. I am NOT going to be a Gramma before I am 50! :naughty:

[valsa]

One of the best things my mom ever did was make sure I felt comfortable talking to her about sex. Well, maybe not comfortable ;) but it was something I was capable of doing.

Same here. Although the internet was in full swing when I was a teenager and I was well read so my poor parents had to deal with much more in-depth questions than most parents would expect. I'll spare re-capping you all the conversation my father and I had discussing autoerotic asphyxia.

[Guest Anonymous]

Same here. Although the internet was in full swing when I was a teenager and I was well read so my poor parents had to deal with much more in-depth questions than most parents would expect. I'll spare re-capping you all the conversation my father and I had discussing autoerotic asphyxia.

I'm pretty sure my dad would have died of horror if I'd attempted to broach that subject. My parents divorced when I was very young and although he tried to be a good dad our relationship has always been distant and kind of formal. Kudos to your dad for not running screaming into the hills!

[LynnKaboom]

Same here. Although the internet was in full swing when I was a teenager and I was well read so my poor parents had to deal with much more in-depth questions than most parents would expect. I'll spare re-capping you all the conversation my father and I had discussing autoerotic asphyxia.

I'm pretty sure if I tried to breach that subject with my dad he'd call the psychiatrist on me. It's good your family is open about that sort of thing- I learned most everything related to sex from the Internet.

I dunno, my "birds and the bees" talk basically consisted of me being told that sex is for making babies, and that if you do it for any other reason it's just your partner trying to trick you into being secure around them so they can steal your money and fuck off.

[clibbyjo]

MY husband will have a heart attack if my daughter ever asks him anything remotely sexual in nature. She will be the virgin bride and birth giver in his eyes. He would be ok with the boys, but NOT his baby girl.(you know, the hockey playing, Tae Kwon Do green belt scene girl)

The kids ask me, usually when we are driving and I have not had time to prepare an answer.

[valsa]

Heh, I think it was a bit of a competition between my father and me (we butted heads a lot) I think I asked the question to make him uncomfortable and he answered it for the same reason. Ah, family!

[Cassandra]

MY husband will have a heart attack if my daughter ever asks him anything remotely sexual in nature. She will be the virgin bride and birth giver in his eyes. He would be ok with the boys, but NOT his baby girl.(you know, the hockey playing, Tae Kwon Do green belt scene girl)

The kids ask me, usually when we are driving and I have not had time to prepare an answer.

That's the best way. You're trapped and there's no way out.

[latraviata]

So it comes up a lot in threads, in sex ed., and even in some episodes of Roseanne (love!) but it seems like a lot of people have gone to their parents for information about birth control.

Now I never got a sex talk (my mom was too fucked up for that), and we never had sex ed in school. I learned through experimenting/growing up, the internet, and friends, not the best combo. So I'm a big fan of age appropriate sex ed and talking and everything and will do that with my kids.

But the idea of a child actually coming to me for access to birth control is just, well, weird. If you and your partner are having sex I don't particularly want to know. If you're not in a relationship and having sex I don't particularly want to know. If you're mature enough to have sex, you're mature enough to see a physician, go to clinic, or purchase condoms/diaphragms/whatever.

It just seems like overshare. I guess if my kid was too young to access these things they'd need me to help, and of course i would, and also have serious "you're 13 years old wtf" talks, but young adults who are generally competent...why would they need me in such a private, personal decision?

Do you expect your kids to go to you for birth control? Do you expect to know if they're having sex? What is your expectation around this area?

ETA: this might be better in chatter, sorry.

When my sons were teenagers and went on a trip/camp with friends or school, I bought them condoms for 'just in case.'

I started educating them about the facts of life when they were very young, but better safe than sorry.

[debrand]

My family is probably way more open than most people. My 18 year old son asked me if I knew that dental dams came in flavor. I told him that the information was interesting, because it was. He wasn't trying to embarass me, he just thought I'd like to know.

My 15 year old daughter isn't dating anyone but she's told me that she would consider having sex. Her periods are irregular and painful so I was going to take her to the doctor anyway. My main fear is not about her having sex but that she might forget to take precautions or that she isn't emotionally ready for sex.

[latraviata]

My family is probably way more open than most people. My 18 year old son asked me if I knew that dental dams came in flavor. I told him that the information was interesting, because it was. He wasn't trying to embarass me, he just thought I'd like to know.

My 15 year old daughter isn't dating anyone but she's told me that she would consider having sex. Her periods are irregular and painful so I was going to take her to the doctor anyway. My main fear is not about her having sex but that she might forget to take precautions or that she isn't emotionally ready for sex.

I am 62 now and my parents were very open about sex, which was quite unusual back then my sister and I got excellent sex education, mainly from my father.

When mum was pregnant for the first time, she thought the baby was coming out of her navel.

They decided to inform their children properly.

My parents got dressed and undressed in front of us and we took showers with my father, again very modern and open for that time.

[bananacat]

I started taking BC pills before I ever became sexually active. I was going on a trip to Europe with my high school Spanish class and was due to have my period right in the middle of it. My mom suggested that I start taking BC pills to shift the timing of my cycle. My mom was open with me in a lot of ways but it will still hard for her to bring up an awkward topic with a bitchy teenager, so I wonder if she brought it up this way to avoid the awkwardness. I was only 14 and didn't have a boyfriend at the time, and I didn't start having sex until later. So by finding a reason for me to start early she made sure I was always covered. But she also let me subscribe to many teen magazines that also contained plenty of info, and a I always knew to use a condom along with the BC pills even though we didn't have sex ed in school until a year after I became sexually active. I think my mom did a decent job of handling it, but I hope that if I have kids I can be more open with them even when they are giving me that teenage stare-down.

I wouldn't expect my teens to tell me if they are having sex, but I would just generally assume it's a possibility, the way I assume with adults that I meet. So I would have condoms available and for daughters, I would ask them periodically if they want to try BC pills, rather than waiting for them to approach me. And I know it's easier said than done, but I will try very hard to trust my kids and respect their decisions. I lost my V-card when I was 15 and I turned out fine, so I'll try to remember that if I have kids.

[forever ago]

Originally, I was the one who wanted birth control because my periods were horribly irregular and painful. My mom, while being open, was convinced I was sexually active despite the fact she had no reason to believe that. I mean ffs I went to school and came straight home back then. I knew birth control would fix whatever was wrong with my reproductive system. I put up with excruciating, irregular, and really heavy periods until 18, when my parents had no choice but to take me to the doctor because of a pain in my right side they feared was appendicitis. It turned out to be an ovarian cyst, so I had no choice but to go on birth control to get rid of it.

The pill did absolutely nothing, and if I missed just one pill my period would start the day after. So I went off the pill. A few months later I lost my virginity. We used condoms, but wanted to be safer so I went on the patch. The patch made me throw up once a month, so I said "fuck that" and went on the Nuva Ring. While I had some nasty migraines on all three, they cleared up a lot after two months on the Nuva Ring, I don't suffer from nausea constantly, oh and my periods are far lighter, shorter, and less painful. Helps that they're actually regular too ;)

Seriously, Nuva Ring is the best, to hell with the pill.

[snarkykitty]

So it comes up a lot in threads, in sex ed., and even in some episodes of Roseanne (love!) but it seems like a lot of people have gone to their parents for information about birth control.

Now I never got a sex talk (my mom was too fucked up for that), and we never had sex ed in school. I learned through experimenting/growing up, the internet, and friends, not the best combo. So I'm a big fan of age appropriate sex ed and talking and everything and will do that with my kids.

But the idea of a child actually coming to me for access to birth control is just, well, weird. If you and your partner are having sex I don't particularly want to know. If you're not in a relationship and having sex I don't particularly want to know. If you're mature enough to have sex, you're mature enough to see a physician, go to clinic, or purchase condoms/diaphragms/whatever.

It just seems like overshare. I guess if my kid was too young to access these things they'd need me to help, and of course i would, and also have serious "you're 13 years old wtf" talks, but young adults who are generally competent...why would they need me in such a private, personal decision?

Do you expect your kids to go to you for birth control? Do you expect to know if they're having sex? What is your expectation around this area?

ETA: this might be better in chatter, sorry.

This is just my opinion. Knowledge is power. A parent's job is to guide and protect.

If I had children, I would hope that they would feel comfortable coming to me for ANY reason. I wouldn't want them to do anything before they were mentally, emotionally and physically ready for it, but I would hope to be able to provide them with information and access to protection/care of all kinds. That would include vaccinations, yearly physicals, dental and eye care, wearing proper shoes and gear for sports or other activities, counseling if needed, and yes, access to protection from STDs and birth control. Just as importantly, I'd make sure that I provided as much information as they needed and wanted.

[Sprocket]

Our kids are boys so it, too, is different I think. My philosophy is this about boys and birth control: men get a choice in reproduction. It's called a condom and if they choose not to use one... well they accept the outcome and it's up to the girl after that. I started my masters in public health education (life happened and I didn't finish) and teenagers become adults and sexual health is a lifelong thing. I will teach my boys all manners of taking care of themselves in order to become independent, successful men and a big part of that is sex education.

[Kaylee]

My mom had me put on the Depo shot within a week of my first period, because my sister got pregnant at 13 and she didn't want to go through that again. I think that was a little over the top, but wouldn't have known where to get any sort of birth control in my hometown at the time. I was on my parents' insurance, so I would have had to go through them if I got a doctor's appointment and probably would have been to embarrassed or spur of the moment to buy condoms or anything like that if I'd had sex earlier than I did.

If I had a daughter, I would definitely want her to feel like she could come to me for birth control if she needed it, and to feel like she could be honest about things going on in her life.