Maxwell Bedroom

[sadies corner]

My parents and I talk things through, but there isn't the need for discipline that a child would need....and they are not afraid to tell me if they think I made an unwise decision...that's part of growing up

[Koala]

Experiencedd, another week of this and I'll be forced to petition to have it have changed from "Fundie Friday" to "Fundie Thursday". They keep getting the damn days wrong. :lol:

[Witsec7]

My parents and I talk things through, but there isn't the need for discipline that a child would need....and they are not afraid to tell me if they think I made an unwise decision...that's part of growing up

So you're not grown up yet? Again I ask you, why didn't your father protect you from your abuser?

[Sola]

How do you know there is no individuality? Have you met them personally?

Some members of FJ have met them personally.

[sadies corner]

I am an adult, but even adults need guidance on things from time to time....and FYI, my childhood days were spent with a father who had an anger problem

[Koala]

My parents and I talk things through, but there isn't the need for discipline that a child would need....and they are not afraid to tell me if they think I made an unwise decision...that's part of growing up

What do you mean "part of growing up"? You aren't a child, you are a woman nearing 30.

So answer my question please. If your parents disapprove of something you've done, or you go against their wishes, are they allowed to discipline you? I want to know how far this "I'm under my parents authority" bullshit goes.

[Koala]

I am an adult, but even adults need guidance on things from time to time....and FYI, my childhood days were spent with a father who had an anger problem

But you aren't talking about going to your parents for guidance or advice. You specifically stated that you were under your parents "authority". Those are 2 very different concepts.

[sadies corner]

They can disapprove of something I have done, and be disappointed, but that doesn't mean that I am going to be in "time out" or be grounded or spanked...I have to take the consequences for my own decisions, just like everyone else does, and learn from my mistakes

[MissBeaufort]

You are right about making my own decisions, and I choose to continue to look to my parents for guidance until I am married. There is nothing skewd or weird about it

And then what? After you're married, do you get to make your own decisions then?

[Witsec7]

Apparently he was asleep at the wheel when you were being abused. Why do you think he missed the mark?

Bringing this over to a new page in case sadie is in an answering mood. :lol:

@Koala: Maybe they didn't get the emails?

[lilwriter85]

I might be wrong, but I recall that Sarah didn't learn to drive until she was 19 or 20. I get the feeling that Pa Maxwell likes controlling Sarah and reversal kids to the max. Let's see none of the kids have ever made friends completely on their own. I don't recall the Maxwells ever being involved in home school co-op groups. Steve has banned sports and a lot of hobbies in their family. He seems ok with the girls do sewing, but I bet he probably bans them from going to crafts or sewing classes. I don't see Sarah or any of the reversal kids being allowed to have their own interests and they don't have much freedom.

[sadies corner]

Until I am married, my parents still have the authority to say, "No, I don't think that is wise", or "No, I don't think you should do that/go there? that is their responsibility

[sadies corner]

Koala,

I did get the emails, and responded to your questions

[kpmom]

Sadie, you're not going to like this, but I would say if you feel the need to put yourself back under your parent's authority in your late 20's then your parents did a poor job of raising you.

[sadies corner]

They've done JUST FINE!

[Deleted03]

Sarah does not have the right to have friends outside of the family. Do you have friends?

And your parents' responsibilties are what you chose them to be. My mom does not tell me anything about my life since I'm 17. And that'S much better that way.

[Deleted03]

They've done JUST FINE!

at your age you should be able to know what you should do or should not do. You are supposed to vote and then you must be able to make decisions on your own. What if your parents were dead? Then what would you do? Under whose authority would you put yourself?

[NurseNell]

I might be wrong, but I recall that Sarah didn't learn to drive until she was 19 or 20.

I didn't learn until I was 32. I always lived in places with good public transportation. But when we were adopting our first child my DH felt I really should learn to drive. Now I'm glad but to be honest driving was not high on my list of things to learn.

[Coconut Flan]

Until I am married, my parents still have the authority to say, "No, I don't think that is wise", or "No, I don't think you should do that/go there? that is their responsibility

Not really. You are an adult and are free to make your own decisions. Allowing or encouraging your parents to make decisions for you is a decison on your part to abdicate responsibility to your parents, that is to remain a child. If you want to remain a child while being an adult, own it. Don't expect the majority of the world to admire, condone, or accept an adult who doesn't want to become a fully functioning member of society.

[sadies corner]

Yes, I do have friends...

[Witsec7]

Sadie, you're not going to like this, but I would say if you feel the need to put yourself back under your parent's authority in your late 20's then your parents did a poor job of raising you.

QFT

[bouncyball]

Sadie, is the father with the anger problem no longer in your life? Or is he the same father that you now entrust with your life decisions?

[sadies corner]

The same one, and he has changed alot since I was little....I love him VERY much!

[sparkles]

Some members of FJ have met them personally.

They've MET the Maxwells personally or they KNOW them personally, interact with them regularly and have observed their day-to-day lives? BIG difference. I've met many people casually, thought one thing about them and ended up finding out that I was completely wrong. I wouldn't base my opinion of the Maxwells if I just met them briefly at a conference and heard them speak. In that setting, they're doing exactly what they're trained to do--smile unceasingly, act joyful, friendly and personable and try to win you over. I cringe whenever I see posts that say (about almost any fundie, not just the Maxwells) "they look so HAPPY!" Yeah, they'd damned well better look happy. But how you look on the surface doesn't always reflect what's going on underneath. The ice on the lake looks firm until you fall though. To my eye, the Maxwells have fallen through the ice and some of them just might drown.

[Esther]

My God.

No, it's not your fault that you were emotionally abused. Yes, you are brainwashed. Yes, you would benefit from therapy.

I think it's fine when a grown child asks for advice from their parents - I frequently do. However, my parents do not have "authority" over me. In the end, they can choose to help me financially, emotionally, in whatever way - but I am responsible for my own actions and I am certainly not dependent on their approval. Your situation doesn't sound like a normal youngish adult asking for advice from more experienced people. Your situation sounds like you are basically dependent on your parents for everything, and a parent who cultivates that kind of thing has completely failed at raising children in any responsible way.

Whose "authority" will you be under after marriage? Your husband or wife's?