Wedding of Joe and Elizabeth

[Just_Jane]

I will give them props for the Dutch Oven. I have the one size smaller in that brand and I put it through its paces both on the stove and in the oven. It's a great workhorse. Though if it were me, I would get my drawer organizers, garbage cans and coffee pot at Target, and go for the real gold, a Le Creuset Dutch Oven. Oh, how I covet one of those, and one day I shall have it. :pray:

I have several pieces of Le Creuset. My mom used to work at a kitchenware store that sold it so between gifts from the company and her employee discount I ended up with a variety of pieces. When I moved out on my own I had the best stocked kitchen.

The coffee pot is weird. When I saw everyone posting about it I was thinking it was a coffee machine because some of those can get pricey. I wouldn't buy that coffee pot. actually I have no interest in collecting china.

[E Street Fan]

Why tacky? :shock:

Which part? If it's the honeymoon part, that is just what I've heard or seen from people. Granted, they tended to be think-we're-high-society types. I don't think that kind of registry is tacky.

If it's the expensive gifts part, I think only registering for pricy items when your prospective guests don't have a lot of money is tacky because it puts them in an awkward position--spend more than they can afford, or buy something off the registry, which to many people defeats the purpose of having one in the first place.

[Boogalou]

I agree, that registry is a little odd. Is it possible that it is fake registry? Or is something like that difficult to fake?

[heinz57]

Which part? If it's the honeymoon part, that is just what I've heard or seen from people. Granted, they tended to be think-we're-high-society types. I don't think that kind of registry is tacky.

If it's the expensive gifts part, I think only registering for pricy items when your prospective guests don't have a lot of money is tacky because it puts them in an awkward position--spend more than they can afford, or buy something off the registry, which to many people defeats the purpose of having one in the first place.

Sorry, I meant the honeymoon part. I was just surprised because in France it seems very normal and I never heard of someone who'd look down on it. But maybe I'm not in high enough society circles :?

[slickcat79]

I bet Steve Joseph picked the coffeepot and the matching china because it's called Pearl Innocence. Nothing like piling on the reminders of the great hymen giveaway. Plus the $50 kitchen scale is called Joseph. It must be a sign, right?

[Noon]

{quote]

Why tacky? :shock:

[heinz57]

{quote]

Why tacky? :shock:

Because it's seen as dictating your guest's generosity even more than a regular registry. If you want to get down to the nitty gritty, registries themselves are technically a breach of etiquette for the same reason, (e.g.: saying 'Get me this!' instead of happily taking whatever someone chooses to send). So asking for money specifically for your honeymoon...as opposed to asking for a whole range of household stuff that people at least have some choice in...is seen basically as fundraising/controlling someone else's generosity. I'm not saying whether that POV is right or not, only that that's what it is.

Nowadays registries are so common people actually think they're proper etiquette, even though they aren't at all. However, because people are far more spread out than they used to and often have larger weddings, even the fussiest people usually consider them a necessary evil. There are however still rules to them. The golden one is to have a wide range of gifts that fit all price ranges and budgets. Ideally, a couple will have everything from $5 kitchen gadgets the flower girl can buy, to $100 (or higher, depending on the background) heirloom items close family can purchase. If people have very expensive items on their registry, it's only a breach of etiquette if they don't also have affordable options.

Anyways...if anyone cares, what you're technically supposed to do if you just want cash is say nothing. You don't make a regular registry, you don't make a honeymoon registry, and you don't personally tell people you want cash. What you do is tell your wedding party you want money, so that when people ask them they know what to say (if people ask YOU, you say: 'I'll be happy with whatever you choose to give.' NOT 'give me money.'). Anyways, lacking a registry etc, the vast majority of people will simply give you cash by default. And if you end up getting a few things you don't want, that's why returns were invented. :dance:

Ah, thanks for the explanation, it makes sense! I guess I went the "proper route" when I got married without even knowing it (didn't have a registry, many people were coming from afar, so we considered they were spending enough as it was. So my standard answer was "we want nothing really, just for you to be there" and ended up with cash - plus a HORRIBLE lamp that I accidentally dropped :oops: ).

Of course then I went the improper route and divorced, but that was years later and a different story altogether.

Speaking about etiquette though, from my experience people in the US are much less touchy about the returns. Here it would be considered kinda impolite to return a present (you'd have to go with the "I needed a different size and they were out of stock so I took *this* instead")...

[Noon]

{quote]

Ah, thanks for the explanation, it makes sense! I guess I went the "proper route" when I got married without even knowing it (didn't have a registry, many people were coming from afar, so we considered they were spending enough as it was. So my standard answer was "we want nothing really, just for you to be there" and ended up with cash - plus a HORRIBLE lamp that I accidentally dropped :oops: ).

Of course then I went the improper route and divorced, but that was years later and a different story altogether.

Speaking about etiquette though, from my experience people in the US are much less touchy about the returns. Here it would be considered kinda impolite to return a present (you'd have to go with the "I needed a different size and they were out of stock so I took *this* instead")...

Honestly, it depends on the item and who gave it to you. If Great Aunt Emma sent you an heirloom piece to display for the years...you're kinda obligated to keep it in the closet and take it out when she visits. If your husband's boss sent a needless kitchen appliance...whatever, you're in the clear. Thankfully, the people who don't care if their gifts are returned usually make that clear by attaching a gift receipt, which makes life so much easier. That may not be a thing in your part of the world though, alas!

[YPestis]

Weddings are so fraught with faux pas that it's helpful to have someone navigate through the do's and don'ts of everything. My SO and I preferred money for our wedding since we had everything we needed. However, we did a small registry with a price range for those that prefer giving gifts. We didn't ask for money but plenty of people still gave accordingly.

I think part of the "oddness" of the Maxwell registry is that we only see one store. They may have registered at other stores too (although it appears not Target or Walmart!). Also, fundie girls like Elizabeth probably have a Hope Chest filled with household items already, hence she can ask for things beyond the basics. If your life long aspiration is to be a wife, then you probably have a head start on the keeping home part. Also, maybe Elizabeth and Joseph have expensive or peculiar tastes. We really don't know much about them or their personality. They may be more Botkins than Maxwells when it comes to keeping house. That is to say, they like the nicer things in life and aspire to be gentlemen and lady of the manor variety.

[pomology]

Weddings are so fraught with faux pas that it's helpful to have someone navigate through the do's and don'ts of everything. My SO and I preferred money for our wedding since we had everything we needed. However, we did a small registry with a price range for those that prefer giving gifts. We didn't ask for money but plenty of people still gave accordingly.

I think part of the "oddness" of the Maxwell registry is that we only see one store. They may have registered at other stores too (although it appears not Target or Walmart!). Also, fundie girls like Elizabeth probably have a Hope Chest filled with household items already, hence she can ask for things beyond the basics. If your life long aspiration is to be a wife, then you probably have a head start on the keeping home part. Also, maybe Elizabeth and Joseph have expensive or peculiar tastes. We really don't know much about them or their personality. They may be more Botkins than Maxwells when it comes to keeping house. That is to say, they like the nicer things in life and aspire to be gentlemen and lady of the manor variety.

I didn't know the Maxwells were allowed to have personalities.

[Witsec7]

...

I didn't know the Maxwells were allowed to have personalities.

There is only one, Steve's, and they all get to share it.

[LucySnowe]

They have to think that their everyday china is a set of four...don't they? Because if they don't, then the only inference I can draw is that this registry was done entirely online, without checking out the store in person, which is half the fun.

The other inference I'm drawing is that Elizabeth gets as much input into how her house is stocked as she does the house itself - if she's lucky, she gets to be 'consulted' over the phone.

The Lenox® Pearl Innocence™ 48-Ounce Coffeepot ($259.99) is still on there, and so is the $49.99 salad spinner.

There is no hint of color in that registry (unless you like taupe). I hope they're keeping it neutral so she can add her own splashes of color, but fear it's meant to suck all the rainbow joy out of her.

Is $300 normal for a king-sized comforter that's 100% cotton? The place I got my own from (in the UK) sells 12.5 tog Down and Feather ones for less than that.

[Patsy]

There is only one, Steve's, and they all get to share it.

What a very generous offer!

[VintageJen1984]

I will be moving out soon, and I already have a lot of stuff, so I'll be filling in some spots. when I ever get married it'll just be whatever kitchen items that would make life a lot easier that I couldn't afford to get and towels (because even though I'll be getting new towels when I move I've noticed towels have seriously short lives.)

[Belle0000]

Some of the issues people have with honeymoon registries are that most (all?) companies who do HM registries take a fee out of the money that people give, usually around 5-15%. Some give guests the options to pay for something like a $150 candlelit dinner on the beach, but usually the couple just gets a check the cash equivalent ($150 minus fees), so it's a bit deceitful. I've heard other people say that a HM registry is basically paying for the couples sexfest.

I'm in the midst of lots of weddings (getting married next week and invited to 8 weddings this summer/fall), so I feel like I've just about seen it all on registries--even TVs and.beer, which I found to be insanely tacky. I think ours is pretty modest--only 4 items over $100...but one of those IS a $160 trash can. Our small dog is Houdini and gets into the trash, and we registered for the one that we did because there's no way she could get into it. We have some friends that registered for tons of pricey china and silverware, and have almost nothing under $100 ($275 coffee pot, $200 gravy boat); I'm interested to see how much actually gets purchased because I don't think that a lot of their friends/family are the types that spend $275 on a coffee pot.

[Itsnotaclowncar]

That's the weirdest and most boring registry I've ever seen. Maybe the registry salesperson talked them into the fine china? They can be really pushy, still doesn't explain the quantities. A nice coffee pot is one of the last things I'd go for in a formal china set. There's so many expensive non necessities and no basics. I don't think the comforter is crazy but registering for two sets of expensive sheets is a bit much. Even after living on our own and having an adequate amount of hand me down stuff from our parents my fiance and I still had a bunch of practical things to register for. I wonder what you folks would say about our registry, both sets of parents complained we didn't register for enough expensive stuff. I don't know anyone who has a hope chest but aren't they supposed to be things like linens. Would they have pots and pans, or mixing bowls or baking sheets? Even my friends that don't really cook and had hand me downs all registered for those kind of things.

I'm anti-honeymoon registries. The services say you are buying an activity but the couple just gets a cash payout, it doesn't book the activity. They also take a percentage of the gift. So while you think you are giving $100 towards a nice meal, the couple actually ends up with $90 or less in cash. I think they are kind of deceptive and I don't really see the point. I didn't have a problem with them until we looked into using one.

[Deleted03]

Honestly, it depends on the item and who gave it to you. If Great Aunt Emma sent you an heirloom piece to display for the years...you're kinda obligated to keep it in the closet and take it out when she visits. If your husband's boss sent a needless kitchen appliance...whatever, you're in the clear. Thankfully, the people who don't care if their gifts are returned usually make that clear by attaching a gift receipt, which makes life so much easier. That may not be a thing in your part of the world though, alas!

I just don't get how returning gifts is not a breech of etiquette! It's even worse in my opinion. If you don't want to accept everything everyone send you then make a registry. but well we've had this debate several times before lol

[IReallyAmHopewell]

Tackier than registries are those pre-printed "Thank you for your gift" cards. Or, worst of all, pre-printed notes that say "Thank you for ____________________________________________" with a spot for the happy couple to write in CHECK or toaster or whatever. Tacky, tacky, tacky.

[emmiedahl]

My sister did a honeymoon registry and the travel agency only took the normal fees. But this was almost 15 years ago. It was not as coordinated as it is now, where people can pay for a dinner or a certain activity; you just gave a check to the travel agent. They got enough to pay for airfare and hotel. Not a lot of extra, because my family is cheap :) They had been living together for a few years and already had a very nice home bought and furnished, so a regular registry would have been silly.

[polabear]

I always hate registries full of "cheap", and only cheap stuff. If I'm buying a wedding gift, I want to buy something high quality that will last. Not a 9.99 coffee maker or a flimsy plastic spatula that will get tossed in a year or two.

The last wedding we went to, everything I bought was plastic. The towels were already bought, and the sheets were discontinued. I know that people combine households, but there's nothing that could stand to be "upgraded", at the very least?

[marmalade]

The other inference I'm drawing is that Elizabeth gets as much input into how her house is stocked as she does the house itself - if she's lucky, she gets to be 'consulted' over the phone.

The Lenox® Pearl Innocence™ 48-Ounce Coffeepot ($259.99) is still on there, and so is the $49.99 salad spinner.

There is no hint of color in that registry (unless you like taupe). I hope they're keeping it neutral so she can add her own splashes of color, but fear it's meant to suck all the rainbow joy out of her.

Is $300 normal for a king-sized comforter that's 100% cotton? The place I got my own from (in the UK) sells 12.5 tog Down and Feather ones for less than that.

I don't think I've ever paid more than $50 for a queen comforter that is made for a duvet cover, if I wanted one (but never have put one on it).

FWIW, my salad spinner might have cost 10 bucks, tops; it's lasted about 15 years.

My wedding was about as unconventional as they come, other than having an actual brick and mortar locale (my first choice, a bridge over a stream at an old family friend's house was out since she had died a couple of years prior). No veils, a backless (but full lace-sleeved) dress, mid-afternoon buffet inside or out (it was a super hot day, the older folks stayed inside). Chris Maxwell would not have been a candidate to photograph our day. But this guy was:

He would have also shit bricks because a flaming gay with HIV did my hair:

Imagine, in a couple of weeks, we've made it 18 years. Take that, fundies!

[luckystone]

I think that if you are 20 years old and have lived in your parents' house your whole life, and have never worked for pay, you have NO idea what is normal vis-a-vis prices of household goods.

I think you'd have to be super sheltered in addition to that. I lived at home until into my 20s (though started working at 17, but only casually) and I'd figured out costs of common things by high school, if you go shopping with your parents you'll either buy some or see price tags so you'll get some idea. Definitely for things like garbage bins. That list is weird.

I completely agree with this. I started waitressing when I was 16. Shortly after I had started, I was watching Oprah, who had a financial adviser on. He made a statement that before you buy something, calculate how long you have to work to get the amount of money you need to buy it and then ask "is it worth it?" When I would pull something off the shelf and think, "wow I'm going to have to work 3 full Sunday buffets for this" the answer often came up "no way."

Hahaha I used to do the same, I'd think of things in terms of how many hours on a regular day/weekend, it was very effective. It also made me enjoy things more - so say if spending on a movie or a night out or something I'd calculate if the length of the movie/event would be longer than the hours worked - and be pleased if it was! Amazingly, I barely bought anything the entire time I was at uni. Sadly, now I have a real salary, I'm not so good at restraining myself - and part of the problem is I occasionally still think of things in terms of hours worked, which is no longer a productive way of doing things as $100 becomes "less than a morning's work" rather than "a whole lot of money". :lol:

[Irishy]

We on e received a wedding invitation with a bank account number and a 'no wrapped gifts please' request.

[luckystone]

We on e received a wedding invitation with a bank account number and a 'no wrapped gifts please' request.

I've heard of people doing the bank account thing. I think that's gross! If people want to do transfers they will ask...

I also dislike registries and wells but I see how they can be useful. I know a lot of people give gifts anyway even if you request not, so you may as well divert it towards something you will actually use rather than having them guess blindly.

[Irishy]

I really didn't like it because it gave no option. It was money or nothing, keep your gift wrapped shite for someone else. We didn't even go to the wedding and in the end gave them nothing. Haven't seen that couple in years...