Baby Jeebus, I've hit the motherlode! Moody Books

[Deleted07]

we could be talking about Lesbian volleyball player, [link=http://www.bvbinfo.com/Player.asp?ID=2860]Sarah Maxwell[/link] and her Australian volleyballer wife Natalie Cook! :D

[Visionoyahweh]

Don't do it Marm. Of course, if you do post it maybe one of the FJ lawyers can represent you pro bono when you're sued. ;)

My edits:

Mrs. Bell had on a sundress with bright flowers. Once a high school beauty queen, the decades of housework had taken their toll. Still, her breasts heaved through the flower print. In spite of his walk with Jesus, Chirstopher's trousers tightened.

In Mr. Bell’s left hand was a wire cage with a blue, plastic bottom, and in his right hand, he carried a bag. Mrs. Bell held a cardboard box that was taped open.

Dad welcomed their guests. “Come on in! I’m Jim. I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure to meet.â€

"We've lived next door to you for five years, you son of a bitch!" Jim moaned. "You've never come out of your house once. Are you in a cult or something?"

Dad pretended not to hear the question. “Jim! What a great name!â€

Mr. Bell, noticing the Moodys were not wearing shoes, kicked off his. He poked his wife. “Shoes, Grace.â€

“What the fuck?â€

“They don’t wear shoes.â€

"So what? We do!"

Jim shot her a glance that said 'Do you really want to fight over this shit in front of our neighbors?'.

“Oh! Yes, of course,†Mrs. Bell slipped off her shoes.

Dad nodded. “Guests may wear them, so you don’t have to.â€

“No, it’s fine, you're not he first asshole I've had to deal with today†Mr. Bell waved his hand. Mrs. Bell knew he'd be taking this out on her in the bedroom tonight.

"Mrs. Bell, can I small your feet?" Christopher asked.

"What? No, you certainly may not!". Mrs. Bell was getting exasperated.

Christopher held his nose and said "Oh, then it must be your pussy!"

Credit to Lisa Lampanelli for the joke.

[marmalade]

God bless Lisa Lampanelli. I love that fat bitch. :lol:

[Visionoyahweh]

God bless Lisa Lampanelli. I love that fat bitch. :lol:

That's her 'Clean Joke'.

[FaeT]

Don't do it Marm. Of course, if you do post it maybe one of the FJ lawyers can represent you pro bono when you're sued. ;)

My edits:

Credit to Lisa Lampanelli for the joke.

Wait .. I thought Jim was Dad's name, not Mr Bell's. If Mr Bell is Jim, then Sarah seriously needs to be going back to the second grade to learn how to properly paragraph speech.

[Visionoyahweh]

Wait .. I thought Jim was Dad's name, not Mr Bell's. If Mr Bell is Jim, then Sarah seriously needs to be going back to the second grade to learn how to properly paragraph speech.

Mrs. Bell didn't get a first name either. She's just a woman. :roll:

[marmalade]

That's her 'Clean Joke'.

Oh, I know. I've seen the "full monty" act.

The "elderly" (probably the second most-used word in the book so far) woman got a first name. Mom is even called "Emily" a few times, but man, introductions are AWKWARD! I don't know when they started doing conferences, but I guess not too many because she NO FUCKING CLUE how people greet one-another in the real world.

I love how seamlessly she blended into Maxwell-speak. If Sarah is nothing else, she's direct. Even if one sentence should have been three. She's also still putting commas next to the final "and" of a list (I've seen this on the blog as well). That was still acceptable when I was in high school, sometime between when Teri went to college in the early-mid 70's and when she taught the non-reversals at the DRT in the 80's/90's. During the latter period, grammarians dropped the comma, but apparently in her little cocoon, Teri didn't get the message and taught her kids antiquated grammar.

Here's a hilarious mini-passage:

[Mom] suddenly wondered if this pet-sitting business had been a bad idea. [A parent hadn't considered the risks when letting their kids embark on this? In Maxwellville? WRONG! Steve would have calculated risks, costs, etc. down to the most minute detail.] She could imagine how the Russells would react coming home to find their cat had died. That would not be successful pet sitting [ya think?].

Oh, almost forgot, the little girl's dolly is named Abigail. This was years before Miss Maxwell was born. I know it's a biblical name, but you gotta wonder if, four years later, Nathan and Melanie honored old-maid Sarah a little bit. The least they could do, I guess.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

Okay - not wearing shoes in the house is normal in many places.

That SAID, who in the hell has a no-shoes household and then lets OUTSIDE people wear shoes in it??? That's what guest slippers are for.

Before we even get there, though, why is it important to put that detail in the book? The choice of what to put in and what to leave out is just odd and awkward.

[marmalade]

Okay - not wearing shoes in the house is normal in many places.

That SAID, who in the hell has a no-shoes household and then lets OUTSIDE people wear shoes in it??? That's what guest slippers are for.

Before we even get there, though, why is it important to put that detail in the book? The choice of what to put in and what to leave out is just odd and awkward.

I know to take off my shoes in most Asian homes, especially those of first or second-generation immigrants. Most of my friends are far more lax. However, no shoes allowed in the Max house, so that's the origin of it in the book; the kids try to correct guests who don't know the "house rules" (because lord knows they don't socialize), and are "corrected," in front of said guests. As I said before, no social skills whatsoever.

[FaeT]

Oh, I know. I've seen the "full monty" act.

The "elderly" (probably the second most-used word in the book so far) woman got a first name. Mom is even called "Emily" a few times, but man, introductions are AWKWARD! I don't know when they started doing conferences, but I guess not too many because she NO FUCKING CLUE how people greet one-another in the real world.

I love how seamlessly she blended into Maxwell-speak. If Sarah is nothing else, she's direct. Even if one sentence should have been three. She's also still putting commas next to the final "and" of a list (I've seen this on the blog as well). That was still acceptable when I was in high school, sometime between when Teri went to college in the early-mid 70's and when she taught the non-reversals at the DRT in the 80's/90's. During the latter period, grammarians dropped the comma, but apparently in her little cocoon, Teri didn't get the message and taught her kids antiquated grammar.

Here's a hilarious mini-passage:

[Mom] suddenly wondered if this pet-sitting business had been a bad idea. [A parent hadn't considered the risks when letting their kids embark on this? In Maxwellville? WRONG! Steve would have calculated risks, costs, etc. down to the most minute detail.] She could imagine how the Russells would react coming home to find their cat had died. That would not be successful pet sitting [ya think?].

Oh, almost forgot, the little girl's dolly is named Abigail. This was years before Miss Maxwell was born. I know it's a biblical name, but you gotta wonder if, four years later, Nathan and Melanie honored old-maid Sarah a little bit. The least they could do, I guess.

To be fair, this is still debated. Even when I was in college a few years ago, my English professor accepted either one. (And she was a stickler for proper everything! I loved her) So I won't really harp on Sarah for that. But I will for everything else.

I'm a still bit confused. Is it Jim Moody or Jim Bell??

ETA: I don't even use "and" in my lists. I like to take advantage of a little beauty called an asyndeton. Ten bucks Sarah doesn't even know what that is.

[fundyfunland]

I love how seamlessly she blended into Maxwell-speak. If Sarah is nothing else, she's direct. Even if one sentence should have been three. She's also still putting commas next to the final "and" of a list (I've seen this on the blog as well). That was still acceptable when I was in high school, sometime between when Teri went to college in the early-mid 70's and when she taught the non-reversals at the DRT in the 80's/90's. During the latter period, grammarians dropped the comma, but apparently in her little cocoon, Teri didn't get the message and taught her kids antiquated grammar.

Oops! Seriously? I had no idea about this rule. But then again, I admittedly totally suck at English grammar. :oops:

[Mela99]

Don't do it Marm. Of course, if you do post it maybe one of the FJ lawyers can represent you pro bono when you're sued. ;)

My edits:

Credit to Lisa Lampanelli for the joke.

[VintageJen1984]

The oxford comma is debated because without it, your sentence changes meaning. I am public schooled, younger than Sarah, and instructed to use it in middle school, high school, and college.

Here's why:

http://weknowawesome.com/2011/09/30/the ... nd-stalin/

[YPestis]

Well, the Maxwell kids are suppose to be well socialized because they go to all these conferences. I guess maybe that's not the case. I think the kids have a difficult time interacting with people on a normal basis---i.e when not engaged with an audience or customer. I wonder how well they would interact with people their own age in a normal setting. What would they talk about? The weather? Music, tv, pop culture are all out. Sports and news are out as well since the Maxwells get all their news from Steve. The kids spent all their days working in the family business so I guess they could talk about their work in construction, web design and conferences. Still, if their conversations are as awkward as their writing style, it must sound odd to most people. Their speech pattern may be the result of spending all their time reading the Bible, talking to each other and avoiding most pieces of literature.

[LucySnowe]

The oxford comma is debated because without it, your sentence changes meaning. I am public schooled, younger than Sarah, and instructed to use it in middle school, high school, and college.

Here's why:

http://weknowawesome.com/2011/09/30/the ... nd-stalin/

I learned it as the acceptance speech gone wrong:

'I'd like to thank my parents, Ayn Rand and God.'

[Justme]

Oh, the preface of the book confirms that Christopher is two years older than Sarah, so he's 32 now.

According to their 2009 site, Chris is 3 years older than Sarah.

http://web.archive.org/web/200812182044 ... /about.htm

[CrazySister]

They killed a tree for this? I can't believe people actually like this crap! Just wasting book time talking about the headshits giving permission to take off or leave on shoes is rediculous, even if the writing were actually good. Yeah, no wonder they self publish, indeed.

[Phyllis Styne]

ITA w those who say don't post it!! I just loved using that smilie.

[mastercleaner]

Well, the Maxwell kids are suppose to be well socialized because they go to all these conferences. I guess maybe that's not the case. I think the kids have a difficult time interacting with people on a normal basis---i.e when not engaged with an audience or customer. I wonder how well they would interact with people their own age in a normal setting. What would they talk about? The weather? Music, tv, pop culture are all out. Sports and news are out as well since the Maxwells get all their news from Steve. The kids spent all their days working in the family business so I guess they could talk about their work in construction, web design and conferences. Still, if their conversations are as awkward as their writing style, it must sound odd to most people. Their speech pattern may be the result of spending all their time reading the Bible, talking to each other and avoiding most pieces of literature.

This! Their speech patterns are off, even with regular conversation.

When they were up in Canada last year (when they tore up the roads), I went to one of the conferences. When we walked in, Sarah and Anna were at the tables selling the merchandise. I was polite and said "Welcome to Canada, are you enjoying our crazy, insane weather?" and you could see the moment of surprise on thier faces, I guess from me calling our weather crazy and insane? It took a minute for Sarah to reply.

I should have said something along the lines of "Satan sure did a number on our weather"

[crazytalk]

I'm a big fan of the oxford comma.

ETA: here's the source: http://www.eltnews.com/news/archives/20 ... pable.html

[Hane]

Slightly OT: They will pry the Oxford/serial comma out of THIS tech writer's cold, dead hands.

[Seven Severn]

Slightly OT: They will pry the Oxford/serial comma out of THIS tech writer's cold, dead hands.

This! :clap:

[teachmehowtoduggar]

I'm a still bit confused. Is it Jim Moody or Jim Bell??

I think maybe they are both named Jim. Thus the "Jim! What a great name!" dialog. Not that I'm defending this tripe, because I'm not. :lol:

[Visionoyahweh]

So the cat dies? I suppose I'd willingly end my life if I were trapped with Maxwell expys.

[FaeT]

This! :clap:

Yup! :clap: :clap:

ETA: Also, sometimes when writing out a list, you need the "and" because of a grouping within the list. And that really makes the comma needed before the final and.

EX: I packed my clothes, toys, pens and pencils, books, and movies.