Baby Jeebus, I've hit the motherlode! Moody Books

[marmalade]

When we were discussing the re-do of the first Moody book last week, my curiousity was piqued. I hit up Amazon and found a copy for not much more than the shipping cost, so I grabbed it. Checking out the lay of the land and bracing myself for the wretched grammar, I opened the front cover of the book and found an autographed inscription from Sarah! It reads:

 

"May Jesus Christ richly bless you.

Joyfully His,

Sarah Maxwell"

 

Her penmanship is that of a 4th grader, including the capital "S" you learn when you're first writing in cursive. Sure, she's writing for a kid whose parents sprung for the book at a conference (it's been TOUCHED by Sarah!), but as someone who has taught and had to write so 1st graders could read my writing, I really didn't alter it THAT much. Like everything else concerning the Maxwells, this looks stilted and tightly wound.

 

Geez, where else are you going to find this type of run-on? All punctuation is theirs.

 

"Cover design by Joseph and Christopher Maxwell and inside [not sure to what she refers] by Sarah Maxwell. Mary Maxwell (Gram) was the illustrator except for the drawing on p.178, which Joseph Maxwell drew."

 

It really bites that I'm on the wagon for my carb flush right now, because I know I'll need a stiff drink after reading this if it all reads like that.

[Visionoyahweh]

Pics or it didn't happen.

The blessing may not transfer to you either. Call God up and ask about the warranty.

[ElphabaGalinda]

Is this the first time Grandma Maxwell gets a name ? (Mary) I don't remember hearing it before.

I would think that Sarah's handwriting hasn't evolved much beyond 4th grade, since her maturity level hasn't gone much further either. I think a big part of the reason their writing sounds so strange, and their speaking probably does too, is that they aren't allowed to have conversations with normal people.

[marmalade]

Pics or it didn't happen.

The blessing may not transfer to you either. Call God up and ask about the warranty.

Oh, you know Steve would be steaming and cursing to Hell both the vendor where I found the book, as well as the well-intentioned buyer. :whistle:

[lilith]

Pics or it didn't happen.

The blessing may not transfer to you either. Call God up and ask about the warranty.

Of course it doesn't, Steve follows Gods holy plan for copywrite law and second hand books are illegal and immoral and of the devil! That sweet blessing turns into a curse in any secondary transaction and Marmalade will now burn in the eternal lake of fire forever!

[slickcat79]

Pics or it didn't happen.

The blessing may not transfer to you either. Call God up and ask about the warranty.

*snort* You know it doesn't, given how they feel about used books. Copying parts of it FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL USE is a very generous offer, and you insult the name of Maxwell by trying to acquire their work used :snooty:

[Deleted07]

*snort* You know it doesn't, given how they feel about used books. Copying parts of it FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL USE is a very generous offer, and you insult the name of Maxwell by trying to acquire their work used :snooty:

Thats freaking hilarious, so basically if the book doesn't work for you, its because you bought it used? :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Witsec7]

Someone should post some gratitude on the maxwell blog, that they found this collectors item and PTL.

Marmalade I think it was written on God's heart you be the owner of this worthy book. In his name...

[marmalade]

Holy moly, what a hot mess! Dad has to give permission for the 11 year old son to answer the phone. No shoes in the house. The stilted dialogue. My fave so far is when they visit and elderly lady at the nursing home because her dog got loose in the Moodys' garbage. The Moodys announce they want to take care of the dog while she's in the nursing home because they're Christians. The lady replies that she knew they were Christians and had been saved by the blood of Jesus...not an ordinary family. That was what this woman supposedly SAID. Who the fuck talks like that?

Oh, the preface of the book confirms that Christopher is two years older than Sarah, so he's 32 now.

More later. I feel for the animals entrusted to this family through the kids' pet care "business." This family is "special," indeed. I think y'all know what I mean. :whistle:

[divadivine]

Pics or it didn't happen.

The blessing may not transfer to you either. Call God up and ask about the warranty.

That's right-- pics or it didn't happen. Don't tease us with this tidbit and not show us a picture of the goods. Otherwise, I'm calling shenanigans! SHENANIGANS!!!!11!!!!!!

[Noon]

Eh..I might be careful posting someones signature online, but only because I'm paranoid about privacy related things. Maybe blur out part of it?

[Witsec7]

Eh..I might be careful posting someones signature online, but only because I'm paranoid about privacy related things. Maybe blur out part of it?

Please let Jinger Free know about that ok?

[FaeT]

I've actually seen a sign that said "This house has been saved by the blood of Jesus". (I love how christians are so quick to point out that Jesus died for their sins - i.e. a human sacrifice - but won't celebrate halloween because of one record - that everyone agrees was a fraud made to discredit the druids by the romans - says it was a holiday filled with human sacrifice. Yeah. Okay.)

I'd love to see this signature. I don't think anyone can seriously expect privacy when it comes to an autograph.

[Noon]

Please let Jinger Free know about that ok?

Needlessly harsh, much?

Yeah, I'm super aware of privacy, and so are other people (especially certain fundie shit-stirrers). I don't want to see the board get in trouble if the Maxwells (or other shit-stirrers) contacted admins about identifying personal info being shared---and it occurred to me that a sig. might fall under that category. So sue me.

Anyways, it's not like I'm demanding Marmalade take my suggestion; she's free to do whatever she wants. *shrug*

[Witsec7]

Needlessly harsh, much?

Yeah, I'm super aware of privacy, and so are other people (especially certain fundie shit-stirrers). I don't want to see the board get in trouble if the Maxwells (or other shit-stirrers) contacted admins about identifying personal info being shared---and it occurred to me that a sig. might fall under that category. So sue me.

Anyways, it's not like I'm demanding Marmalade take my suggestion; she's free to do whatever she wants. *shrug*

Not at all the signatures of fundys have been posted on FJ before. Just suggested you ask JF about it since she was a party to some of it IRRC. Apologies to Jinger if I didn't spell your last name properly.

[Noon]

I misunderstood you then, sorry if I sounded a bit snappish in my reply.

[Witsec7]

I misunderstood you then, sorry if I sounded a bit snappish in my reply.

No you sounded like a total douche nozzle with six pairs of grannie panties stuck up your crack. Try using the search feature before you go off on people. I'm not responsible for your personal laziness.

[Hane]

The first Moody book is the one in which the guinea pig-owning neighbors came over:

Mrs. Bell had on a sundress with bright flowers.(THE WHORE!!!!!). In Mr. Bell’s left hand was a wire cage with a blue, plastic bottom, and in his right hand, he carried a bag. Mrs. Bell held a cardboard box that was taped open.

Dad welcomed their guests. “Come on in! I’m Jim. I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure to meet.â€

“Jim! What a great name!†(OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE! Who says such a thing?)

Mr. Bell, noticing the Moodys were not wearing shoes, kicked off his. He poked his wife. “Shoes, Grace.†(Manly and patriarchal leadership!!!)

“What?â€

“They don’t wear shoes.â€

“Oh! Yes, of course,†Mrs. Bell slipped off her shoes. (Wifely submission FTW--which in this case means "Fuck The World.")

Dad nodded. “Guests may wear them, so you don’t have to.†(What a fucking gracious host.)

“No, it’s fine,†Mr. Bell waved his hand.

May I have permission to go kill someone now? I can't remember the last time a "fictional" made me so mad.

[Noon]

No you sounded like a total douche nozzle with six pairs of grannie panties stuck up your crack. Try using the search feature before you go off on people. I'm not responsible for your personal laziness.

At the risk of dragging this out....my brain read what you wrote improperly, even though I looked at it multiple times. I read it was "Free Jinger" and not "Jinger Free." Which in turn lead your statement to read like "Oh, why don't you tell us at Free Jinger all about your dumb thought? Do, go on!" You can see how that would appear harsh.

*shrug* Anyway, there's no point to arguing a stupid misunderstanding. I already apologized, and you can feel free to take that or leave it as you will.

[FaeT]

The first Moody book is the one in which the guinea pig-owning neighbors came over:

May I have permission to go kill someone now? I can't remember the last time a "fictional" made me so mad.

Well for one, this isn't entirely fictional. The family dynamics are mirror images of a fundie family, especially the Maxwells. And two, I'm pretty sure everyone on this board wrote better shit than this drivel in the second grade. Seriously. There is just no depth to anything, hardly and details about anyone. (Mrs. Bell wears a flower dress. That's all we know about these people. That's it.) And her grammar is atrocious. They self publish for two reasons: 1) to keep all the money and not split it with anyone. And 2) because no respectable publishing company would print this crap.

[Deleted07]

seriously, that excerpt made me feel stabby too!

Talk about soul crushing and IQ point lowering!

[divadivine]

Well for one, this isn't entirely fictional. The family dynamics are mirror images of a fundie family, especially the Maxwells. And two, I'm pretty sure everyone on this board wrote better shit than this drivel in the second grade. Seriously. There is just no depth to anything, hardly and details about anyone. (Mrs. Bell wears a flower dress. That's all we know about these people. That's it.) And her grammar is atrocious. They self publish for two reasons: 1) to keep all the money and not split it with anyone. And 2) because no respectable publishing company would print this crap.

I had to add some of my own personal touches.... I think it enhances the story. Hell, anything would enhance this story....

[Deleted07]

.[for the love of Jesus, we've already taken the stupid shoes off Mr. Moody. However, I'm getting turned on by the sight of my wife's lovely feet. We may have to call it an early evening so we can go home and have some sweet, sweet, sweet fellowship.]

*laughing out loud here*

:lol: :D :mrgreen:

[Phyllis Styne]

Jinger Freeh?! Somebody called Jinger Freeh ? :lol:

I'm going to guess that posting Sarah's signature wouldn't be a great idea but maybe you could cover most of it with a post-it. Not like she's ever gonna have her own checking account or anything. But still. Err on the safe side.

Stll and all,

:banana-gotpics:

:text-worthless:

:dance:

[marmalade]

I'm pretty shitty about pictures and all that technical crap, and I won't be online tomorrow (finally transitioning to hyperspeed internetz!), but trust me, it's bad. Really bad.

I just finished the scintillating section with the rat and a rip-roaring family night of hide and seek. Can't wait to get to the guinea pig. The word "diligence" appears on just about every page. And the 3 year old who could remember which verse she liked at Bible time (out of 15) and why was totally unrealistic, especially given the rest of the time the kid's "voice" is pretty much gibberish. And big news: JUNK FOOD! She actually got permission from Kraft to add the recipe for "Cheesy Chili Dip." Truly disgusting. Something they'd NEVER eat in their house today.

I'm very wary about putting any Maxwell autograph out there. Although I didn't put their name in the thread title on purpose, we know Steve-o reads here and I don't want him finding me and reporting me for some copyright laws because I posted Sarah's autograph on the interwebz. Unlike the Duggars, he's too hyper-vigilant to take the risk. Especially given the fact that I'm trashing their product (as it deserves).