Florida stories

[47of74]

Florida Man learned the hard way bartering prescription meds for coffee doesn't work.

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A Dunkin’ Donuts patron tried to pay for a cup of coffee with prescription muscle relaxants, according to Florida police who arrested the man on a drug charge.

Richard Bourque, 30, allegedly tried the coffee-for-pills gambit la/te Monday evening at a Dunkin’ Donuts in Pinellas Park. An employee told police that when she rejected Bourque’s barter offer of “unknown pills,” he walked out with the coffee.

Bourque, seen above, was arrested when he could not produce a prescription for the pills (which he said were “given to him by ‘Aaron’”). Bourque was not charged with boosting the Dunkin’ Donuts coffee.

 

[47of74]

Here's some weapons grade stupidity

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Before robbing a bank Thursday morning, a Florida man prepped for the heist by searching Google for instructions on “how to rob a bank,” police report.

Cops charge that William Johnson, 26, made off with about $2000 from the Achieva Credit Union in Largo. According to a criminal complaint, Johnson handed a teller an envelope with the words “give me money, no bait, I have gun” written on it.

By late afternoon, cops had received multiple phone calls identifying Johnson as the bank robber (the sources had seen bank surveillance photos that police had posted to Facebook). Additionally, Johnson’s mother identified him as the man seen in the bank photos.

During questioning, Johnson reportedly confessed to the robbery and copped to the incriminating Google search. Johnson, cops say, revealed that he was plotting a second bank heist, apparently because he had already spent the proceeds from the October 5 robbery on rent, utilities, and narcotics.

 

[47of74]

And Florida Woman gets arrested for a nacho cheese incident in a 7-Eleven 

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According to a Melbourne Police Department report, customer Stephanie Hicks, 31, threw the nacho cheese and a sandwich at Laflamme after a dispute over the hot cheese dispenser. Laflamme told cops that she had asked Hicks not to open the dispenser, a request that left Hicks irate and resulted in the patron calling the worker “several names.”

When Hicks sought to pay for her food, Laflamme refused her service. Hicks, cops allege, responded by striking Laflamme with the hot nacho cheese and the sandwich.

While waiting for police to respond to the 7-Eleven, Hicks told Laflamme, “The customer is always right.”

Hicks, who complained that the clerk “started to have an attitude with her,” was arrested for misdemeanor battery for “willfully and intentionally throwing hot cheese and a sandwich at Laflamme with the intent to cause her harm.” Seen above, Hicks was booked into the Brevard County jail, from which she was released after a day behind bars. 

People like Hicks make any sort of customer service work a "complete joy."

 

[OtterRuletheWorld]

@Coconut Flan,  Could you please explain to me why my above comment deserved a downvote? I am very confused as to why this is offensive.

[Coconut Flan]

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Downvotes

No one owes anyone an explanation for downvotes and they can be given for any reason, from serious disagreement to an avatar that doesn't amuse you.  Don't ask about down votes in the threads - that's not drift it's disruption.  Also remember that people accidentally downvote when on mobile so if it happens and there is no other reason to believe your post is objectionable do everyone a favor and let it go.

 

From the FJ rules.

[OtterRuletheWorld]

4 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

From the FJ rules.

Well, goodness. Apologies.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

It think the "WTF" vote is my new favorite response for this thread! 

[47of74]

A sex toy/laptop brouhaha has landed Florida Woman in a bit of trouble

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NOVEMBER 29--An “altercation over sex toys and a laptop” resulted in the arrest Monday evening of a Florida woman on a domestic battery charge, police report.

According to an arrest affidavit, Lindsay Hensley-Clark, 38, struck her beau, Chad Scerbo, in the face during a late-night dispute inside Hensley-Clark’s apartment in Palm Harbor, a Tampa suburb.

“During an altercation over sex toys and a laptop, Lindsay and Chad got into a verbal argument,” a sheriff’s deputy reported. “During that argument, Lindsay admitted to slapping Chad as she was upset over what Chad had said.”

The arrest affidavit does not detail what Chad said, nor does it further describe the sex toy/laptop altercation.

 

[47of74]

Here comes Florida Man back to life and swinging a dildo

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Florida cops responding to a trespassing call were confronted by a male suspect armed with a “large dildo” that he swung at officers before being taken into custody.

Following a call from a homeowner about a man sleeping on his land, sheriff’s deputies earlier this month encountered Donald Hornback, 71, snoozing on the complainant’s property in Indiantown, a village outside Port St. Lucie.

Upon being rousted, Hornback declared that cops “had no right to remove him from the victim’s property,” according to a police report.

As Hornback gathered up his belongings in a backpack, the septuagenarian “picked up a large dildo and began to swing it around at the officers and the victim on scene.” The sex toy, not considered a dangerous weapon, did not prompt the use of deadly force by investigators.

 

[47of74]

Hell even the animals in Florida are getting into the act;

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An opossum that apparently drank bourbon after breaking into a Florida liquor store sobered up at a wildlife rescue center and was released unharmed.

Emerald Coast Wildlife Refuge officials say the opossum was brought in by a Fort Walton Beach, Florida, police officer on Nov. 24. A liquor store employee found the animal next to a broken and empty bottle of bourbon.

"A worker there found the opossum up on a shelf next to a cracked open bottle of liquor with nothing in it," said Michelle Pettis, a technician at the refuge. "She definitely wasn't fully acting normal."

Pettis told the Panama City News Herald the female opossum appeared disoriented, was excessively salivating and was pale. The staff pumped the marsupial full of fluids and cared for her as she sobered up.

 

[47of74]

A Florida booty call ended badly

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A Florida motorist told police that he was in such a rush to meet his girlfriend for a sexual encounter that he did not notice that a cop car with its lights flashing and siren sounding tried to pull him over for speeding and reckless driving.

After spotting a Honda Accord barreling through a Clearwater neighborhood late Saturday night, a patrolman in an unmarked car activated the vehicle’s emergency lights and siren in an attempt to pull over the speeding car.

With the aid of additional police cars in the area, a patrolman subsequently tracked down the Honda and arrested driver Ruben Hughes, 18. After being read his rights, Hughes reportedly said that he “did not see or hear” the pursuing cop car’s “emergency equipment.”

Seen above, Hughes explained that he was “trying to meet his girlfriend for relations and he was trying to get there,” the complaint notes.

 

[mango_fandango]

Florida dumbass-ery spreads across the pond... Wolverhampton Man cements his head in a microwave 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-42271150

Edited December 8, 2017 by mango_fandango

[47of74]

Wait, what?

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Meet Nicole Shankster.

While sitting in a bus shelter last Tuesday afternoon, the 34-year-old Floridian was enjoying a bottle of Skol Vodka while “simulating sex acts” for the enjoyment of motorists caught in rush hour traffic on the adjacent street.

Then things got weird.

When police arrived to arrest Shankster, the Clearwater resident repeatedly used a racial epithet when addressing a black cop. Then, as Shankster was being restrained from “masturbating while in police custody,” the defendant “did intentionally sexually satisfy herself on my left arm and lick my right arm,” reported Officer Ashley Mehler.

WTF, Florida woman?

And meanwhile here's a former Florida Man who took the Florida with him to California;

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In less than a year, John Robert Hill has amassed nearly four million followers on Instagram, a towering achievement for a 21-year-old aspiring rapper whose primary talents are larceny and vandalism.

Hill, a Florida native who recently relocated to Los Angeles, is known as “Boonk.” His “Boonk Gang” Instagram page and his other social media feeds showcase Hill’s practice of recording the criminal offenses he commits. He then keeps the camera running as he flees the crime scene, making sure to scream, between cackles, his catchphrase, “Boonk gang! Whole lotta gang shit!”

Since April, Hill and his sidekicks have recorded videos in Florida, New York, and California, breaking an assortment of laws in the process. Hill has stolen headphones, jewelry, sneakers, iPhones, and food from merchants like Walmart, Family Dollar, Walgreens, Dunkin' Donuts, and Popeyes. He has dined and dashed at restaurants, stiffed barbers, and even bolted from a tattoo parlor after getting new ink on his neck.

Hill’s videos often show him trashing merchandise displays at grocery and department stores. In a December 4 video, Hill throws two stacks of singles in the air before diving on (and toppling) a Christmas tree in a Target store (the clip has been viewed more than 3.5 million times). During a summertime trip to Manhattan, Hill dove atop a sidewalk vendor’s table, causing the victim’s merchandise to spray into the street. Hill has also recorded himself disrupting a church service, spraying graffiti, and throwing a drink in the face of a drive-thru worker at a Carl’s Jr. restaurant.

Obviously this guy missed this most important bit of free legal advise;

 

[47of74]

And for good measure, Florida Lawyer

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A Florida attorney is facing several charges after he allegedly paid female inmates for sexual acts for a proposed “girls in jail” porn series.

Andrew Spark was arrested Sunday after deputies at the Pinellas County Jail caught him with his pants down while in the attorney visitation room with a 28-year-old female inmate.

Spark was charged with exposure of sexual organs, introduction/possession of contraband into a county detention facility and soliciting for prostitution. He was freed a short time later after posting $5,300 bail.

Pinellas Sheriff Bob Gualtieri also alleges that Spark solicited sex from at least two incarcerated women. In return, Spark would offer to put money in their commissary accounts ― about $30 to $40 at a time, the sheriff said.

 

[47of74]

Florida man doesn't like tiny clams

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A man upset that he was served “extremely” small clams at a Florida seafood restaurant twice called 911 to complain, according to cops who cited the diner for misuse of the emergency system.

Nelson Agosto, a 51-year-old tow truck driver, was on his lunch break Monday when he stopped into Crabby’s Seafood Shack in Stuart. Agosto told TSG that he had previously dined at Crabby’s twice. While his first meal was “excellent,” Agosto said, he thought the clams were small during his second visit.

Since he was “dying to eat some clams,” Agosto decided to give Crabby’s another shot. But after paying $12 for a plate of clams, he asked for his money back when presented with an array of tiny clams that had “nothing in the shell.” When his request for a refund was rebuffed, Agosto--who said he did not consume any of the raw clams--called 911.

 

[47of74]

Florida Man beat up an ATM for giving him too much money

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A Florida man has been charged with criminal mischief after he reportedly beat up a cash machine last month.

The reason: It gave him too much money.

Michael Joseph Oleksik, of Merritt Island, was arrested Thursday after a three-week investigation into a disturbance that took place Nov. 29 at a Wells Fargo branch in Cocoa.

Surveillance video shows Oleksik repeatedly punching the ATM’s touch screen, according to Florida Today.

 

[47of74]

Florida Man decided to ring in 2018 in style...

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The Polk County Sheriff’s Office is commending a Winter Haven man for alerting authorities about a drunk driver on New Year’s Eve — but the caller ended up being the one arrested on DUI charges.

Michael Lester, 39, called 911 shortly before 9 p.m. to report that he was driving drunk “all over Winter Haven,” according to a call released by authorities Friday.

Deputies found Lester on Sixth Street, near Avenue M. His red Ford F-150 was traveling south, with half of the vehicle in a left turn lane and the other half in the northbound lane, deputies said.

Lester was arrested on a charge of driving under the influence after failing a series of field-sobriety tests. He initially told deputies he drank two beers but later said it may have been three or four. Lester said he had only slept four hours during the past four days, and told deputies he had swallowed meth early that morning, according to an arrest report.

 

[47of74]

Peak Florida has been achieved...

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JANUARY 17--A Florida Man who twice called 911 to report that his wife was a “black widow spider” was arrested early yesterday for misuse of the police emergency system, records show.

William Rutger, a 61-year-old Tarpon Springs resident, first called 911 around 1:30 AM Tuesday and told a police operator that his spouse was an arachnid. Rutger added that he wanted her involuntarily admitted for a mental examination per the state’s Baker Act.

Rutger is a retired lawyer and the author of “The Alcoholic’s Guide to Adventure,” a 2009 autobiography that is described on Amazon as a “lighthearted jaunt into the sublime world of drunken decadence.” (1 page)

 

[Bethella]

On 1/18/2018 at 8:19 PM, 47of74 said:

Rutger added that he wanted her involuntarily admitted for a mental examination per the state’s Baker Act

I'm kinda wondering if he's the one who should be involuntarily admitted. 

[pamplemousse]

Burrito-Seeking Drunk Driver Busted, Cops Say

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/drunk/bank-burrito-mixup-739401

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JANUARY 19--A Florida motorist was so impaired that he mistook a Bank of America drive-up lane for a Taco Bell and sought to order a burrito from a teller, according to an arrest report.

Cops were summoned Wednesday afternoon to a Tampa-area bank “in reference to a suspected impaired driver.” Upon arriving at the Bank of America branch, an investigator found Douglas Francisco, 28, at the wheel of a blue Hyundai in the bank’s parking lot.

A bank manager previously told police that a male driving a blue Hyundai had passed out at the wheel while in the bank’s drive-thru lane. After the employee beat on the car’s window, the driver awoke and asked for a burrito. He subsequently drove away “after being informed he was not at Taco Bell.”

 

 

Edited January 23, 2018 by pamplemousse

[clueliss]

Florida Man caught on camera putting fish down pants.  

http://www.abc17news.com/news/national-world/thief-caught-on-camera-placing-fish-down-his-pants/689944976

yes there is video

[FundieFarmer]

You know, you guys may think we’re crazy but this is why I love my state. You never know what might happen when you step outside [emoji23]

 

In case you need to replace a velociraptor statue, or to enhance your pig figurine collection:

http://www.tampabay.com/news/business/realestate/Stripper-poles-a-coffin-and-a-velociraptor-Florida-developer-s-belongings-up-for-auction_164849754

[FundieFarmer]

Anybody need a grenade launcher?

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/gone-viral/os-loaded-grenade-launcher-left-at-florida-goodwill-store-20180201-story.html 

[47of74]

Florida Man decided to work out in his birthday suit

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A tenant at a Florida apartment complex is facing criminal charges--and eviction--after he was caught “utilizing every machine” in the community gym “while being completely naked,” according to an arrest affidavit.

Police were called Wednesday morning to the Andover Place Apartments in Orlando after a leasing agent spotted Kerry Haynes, 57, working out in the buff. The agent then contacted a maintenance man to report what she had observed.

When the worker announced that the police had been called, Haynes left the gym (seen below). A landscaper subsequently spotted Haynes “laying in the grass, and masturbating near the pond.”

The owners of the Andover Place complex have filed an eviction lawsuit against Haynes.

Yuck.

I sure as hell hope this isn't my sister's complex.

[Tim-Tom Biblethumper]

OMG!  I just read the last few pages of this thread and I'm hanging my head in shame.  So many of these posts are in my county, city, and even my personal bank is mentioned.  Isn't it bad enough being surrounded by Scientologists?!  
<<going to bed and pulling the covers up over my head>>

But yeah, we do have nice beaches...