FB conversation of the day

[Lala]

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after 45 minutes of protest, levi finally ate all of his oatmeal, happily. urg. kids

 

Ok fine whatever. I'm not big on making kids eat cold oatmeal anyway because my mom forced me to. But this comment makes me go

 

 

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You have my support Jen! It's not about the oatmeal... Choices can be good - but too many choices too soon can make us think more highly of our selves than we ought... and that is really what sin is. Way to send the "momma's in charge and you are not" message. It's tough, but keep your goal in mind - a young man who is able to submit himself to God's authority over his own ambitions..

 

Really? Over a bowl of oatmeal? (Oh, said kid is 3yrs old)

[kpmom]

Ok fine whatever. I'm not big on making kids eat cold oatmeal anyway because my mom forced me to. But this comment makes me go :shock:

Really? Over a bowl of oatmeal? (Oh, said kid is 3yrs old)

Ugh. I was made to eat something I didn't like as a child at many a dinner, it's no fun. Why set yourself up for a power struggle with a 3 year old? Offer him two choices, and once he's made it, give him a small amount. If he wants more he can have more. If he doesn't, he's eaten as much as his tiny little tummy can handle, and there is peace at the dinner table.

Choices don't make us think more highly of ourselves than we should. It trains the little one to start making good choices, and lets them know you validate their feelings. What's so wrong with that?

[ilovetchotchkes]

My grandmother did that to my father. He had previously liked oatmeal. He has never eaten it since.

My solution for if my kid refuses to eat something isn't to offer anything else, when we're done eating, we're done eating. And if its something new, he's gotta try one bite- even at 2 he's awesome at just trying 1 or 2 bites. However I won the culinary lottery with my son. He will eat pretty much anything so its never ever ever been an issue. My niece on the other hand, same rule applies, and she's ... I hate dinners with her. Even if its food she's had before, she'll just sit there and cry over having to eat ONE ravioli. I wish I knew what was going on in her head so I could say "kiddo its OK to try new stuff, and it took me until damn near 28 to figure that out, don't let your life go by and be in your mid 20's before you discover the deliciousness of red thai curry and pot stickers and tacos and eggplant!". HOwever, she's probably got some mild sensory processing issues going on so its totally not her fault and what the person on FB did, would just result in her becoming insanely more stubborn.

[Koala]

A. What if Levi wasn't hungry?

B. What if Levi just doesn't like oatmeal or wasn't in the mood for it today?

C. What would oatmeal taste like after 45 mins. to get cold?

D. Why do these parents equate their will to "gods". Even in there was a god, I doubt he'd give a flying fuck whether some kid ate their oatmeal or not.

E. There is nothing wrong with keeping tons of healthy options around the house and then letting your child choose what they want from that. Meal time does not have to be a battle. As my daughter said when she was little, "Children have different taste bugs."

[Koala]

Choices don't make us think more highly of ourselves than we should. It trains the little one to start making good choices, and lets them know you validate their feelings.

:clap: :clap: :clap:

[PBrooke]

I clearly remember that, at age 8, I did not like macaroni and cheese (and I'm not talking Kraft, I'm talking homemade). I think I had liked it before, but I just went through a year or two where it was absolutely repulsive to me - the smell, the texture, the taste, ugh. My mother, who was probably confused, didn't make me actually finish it, but she made me at least eat a few bites or something, and I clearly remember trying to gag it down. I was a kid who happily ate raw mushrooms and green peppers for snacks - there was just something weird about this one dish. By the time I was... 13 or so, back to loving mac and cheese. Sometimes kids are just weird.

I really dislike the idea of making kids "clean their plate." Talk about setting up weird food issues.

[xDreamerx]

I agree with everything said, but wanted to add in my two cents. It's creepy because this is just another fundie example of teaching kids to be submissive even in the face of unhappiness and to repress all personal preference or desire. I know it's just oatmeal, but the message behind it is gross.

I think making your children eat foods they hate is fostering potential eating issues (not necessarily a full on disorder, but definitely some discomfort or negative feels associated). My father never made me eat everything. He always made me try everything, but if I didn't like it he didn't press the issue. My mother was the complete opposite. I remember many occasions of sitting at the table for an hour or two trying to choke down cold food. Once, she had her then husband spank me for refusing to eat brussels sprouts and to this day I still hate them. I won't eat them and the smell makes me feel sick. It was kind of difficult experience as a child because not only did she over react completely but she also told other people about it as if it was something to brag about. It was really bizarre.

[sippin0nsunshine]

This reminds me of when my older sister was in foster care. Only the situation was that She wasn't eating her cereal fast enough so her foster mom (her dads cousin) dumped it on her head. To this day she doesn't like Honey Comb Cereal.

This lady needs a reality check. 3 year olds can like something then the next day hate it. Maybe he wasn't in the mood for oatmeal, as Koala said.

[Austin]

I found that just continuing to offer a wide array of foods is what worked for us. I never *made* them eat anything if they didn't want to, but eventually they'd be inclined to try things, some of which they ended up liking and others things not so much. It really doesn't have to be a huge deal, and I never saw any point in having a dinner table experience with tears. If they didn't like what was for dinner, they were allowed to have PB&J.

Now that they are all young adults, and all three eat a wide variety of foods. There are some things they don't like, but I think everyone is entitled to a few likes and dislikes.

[Koala]

I found that just continuing to offer a wide array of foods is what worked for us. I never *made* them eat anything if they didn't want to, but eventually they'd be inclined to try things, some of which they ended up liking and others things not so much. It really doesn't have to be a huge deal, and I never saw any point in having a dinner table experience with tears. If they didn't like what was for dinner, they were allowed to have PB&J.

Now that they are all young adults, and all three eat a wide variety of foods. There are some things they don't like, but I think everyone is entitled to a few likes and dislikes.

agree with every word!

[Bella99]

At around 6, my daughter decided she hated brown rice which was on the table at least 3 times a week. Suddenly in the last 6 months she has decided she likes it again. Kids have food jags or sudden aversions. The best thing to do is roll with it.

When we were kids, my mother fixed whatever was on the menu, and if we didn't like it, she figured there was always the next meal.

[AudreyE]

What bothers me the most about these posts is that they always have to add how happy the kid was at the end of the ordeal. HINT: You're doing that, because you know you have to defend what you did.

[Austin]

At around 6, my daughter decided she hated brown rice which was on the table at least 3 times a week. Suddenly in the last 6 months she has decided she likes it again. Kids have food jags or sudden aversions. The best thing to do is roll with it.

When we were kids, my mother fixed whatever was on the menu, and if we didn't like it, she figured there was always the next meal.

Ah, that made me think of when my eldest, when he was about four, wouldn't eat anything brown for about a year. He got over it, obviously. Young children are notoriously fickle when it comes to food (or anything) :D

[Cran]

I agree that it can confuse children, small ones, and do them more harm than good if you present them with TOO MANY choices. They can have more choices when getting older. For example, I do not think asking a child around one or two years what you should cook him for dinner is such a good idea (PIZZA Mommy!).

But forcing a child to eat something he clearly does not want is ridiculous and cruel in my eyes. Either he really dislikes it, then he shouldn't be made to eat it, just as we order nothing in a restaurant we despise, and if he isn't hungry, he isn't hungry. Forcing children builds a foundation for bad eating habits and possibly disorders.

I'd simply put the bowl away, and if he gets hungry, give him something suitable, but of course no sweets or junkfood as a meal replacement. Power struggle avoided, child and mother happy, child assured that his needs are being met and he is well-cared for, instead of being a puddle of tears and starting to believe that his needs and wants are not important.

Oh. Wait. In this family, his needs and wants are most likely not important. His will must be broken. NOW.

[Nothing2CHere]

You have my support Jen! It's not about the oatmeal... Choices can be good - but too many choices too soon can make us think more highly of our selves than we ought... and that is really what sin is. Way to send the "momma's in charge and you are not" message. It's tough, but keep your goal in mind - a young man who is able to submit himself to God's authority over his own ambitions..

Who knew salvation could be found at the bottom of a bowl of oatmeal! :?

[snarkbillie]

I'm probably not going to gain any friends with this, but when my kids were little (over 4 under 7) I would put a small amount of what we were eating on their plate and if they ate it and wanted more I would give them more. If they turned their nose up to it I would wrap it up and put it in the fridge. If they got hungry between meals/snacks I would reheat it and offer it again, if they didn't want it I wouldn't make them eat it. When we got to the next snack or meal they were on a clean slate. I didn't mention the other meal at all and I would try to make sure that the meals were different foods, although when money was tight leftovers happened a lot. My mother, in particular had a huge problem with this as she wanted me to make them a pb sandwich instead of what I cooked. I refused. I felt like that was a really good way to raise kids who only eat pb sandwiches. I could be very wrong about that and I realize it. Anyway, they're older now and they eat a wide variety of foods without complaint. The younger one still has foods she does not like but I feel like she's at the age now that she probably genuinely does not like them and so while I offer them to her I do not automatically plate them up for her. She is always welcomed to add black olives to her food but I won't force her to eat them. I have found also that they may not like foods some ways but will like them others. The youngest won't eat cooked carrots but will eat them raw. I just pull some out for her before I steam them for the rest of us. No need to fight, carrots are carrots. If she eats them I'm happy. :mrgreen:

[ilovetchotchkes]

I'm probably not going to gain any friends with this, but when my kids were little (over 4 under 7) I would put a small amount of what we were eating on their plate and if they ate it and wanted more I would give them more. If they turned their nose up to it I would wrap it up and put it in the fridge. If they got hungry between meals/snacks I would reheat it and offer it again, if they didn't want it I wouldn't make them eat it. When we got to the next snack or meal they were on a clean slate. I didn't mention the other meal at all and I would try to make sure that the meals were different foods, although when money was tight leftovers happened a lot. My mother, in particular had a huge problem with this as she wanted me to make them a pb sandwich instead of what I cooked. I refused. I felt like that was a really good way to raise kids who only eat pb sandwiches. I could be very wrong about that and I realize it. Anyway, they're older now and they eat a wide variety of foods without complaint. The younger one still has foods she does not like but I feel like she's at the age now that she probably genuinely does not like them and so while I offer them to her I do not automatically plate them up for her. She is always welcomed to add black olives to her food but I won't force her to eat them. I have found also that they may not like foods some ways but will like them others. The youngest won't eat cooked carrots but will eat them raw. I just pull some out for her before I steam them for the rest of us. No need to fight, carrots are carrots. If she eats them I'm happy. :mrgreen:

That's a LOT different though. You REHEATED it. You didn't make them eat it COLD. Moreover, you didn't make them sit there til they ate it. You let them away from the table and if they were hungry, you offered it again.

[snarkbillie]

That's a LOT different though. You REHEATED it. You didn't make them eat it COLD. Moreover, you didn't make them sit there til they ate it. You let them away from the table and if they were hungry, you offered it again.

Yeah. If it was time for a snack too I would let them have a snack, I was just trying to avoid the whole "if I don't eat this food I can get a snack later!" type of thing I did when I was a kid. I knew if I avoided eating my veggies at the right meal I could "replace" them with something I wanted later.

[ilovetchotchkes]

Yeah. If it was time for a snack too I would let them have a snack, I was just trying to avoid the whole "if I don't eat this food I can get a snack later!" type of thing I did when I was a kid. I knew if I avoided eating my veggies at the right meal I could "replace" them with something I wanted later.

That's exactly what my niece has figured out. Her grandmother (my sisters' MIL) will make her chicken nuggets if she doesn't eat what she's served. Add that with the already existing sensory issues, and its created a monster. :( My parents are pretty lenient too~ mom won't make another food but she'll ply her with cheerios. My sister and I struggle SO HARD when she comes home from a weekend there or she comes over here after hanging out with both sets of grandparents.

[Austin]

I'm probably not going to gain any friends with this, but when my kids were little (over 4 under 7) I would put a small amount of what we were eating on their plate and if they ate it and wanted more I would give them more. If they turned their nose up to it I would wrap it up and put it in the fridge. If they got hungry between meals/snacks I would reheat it and offer it again, if they didn't want it I wouldn't make them eat it. When we got to the next snack or meal they were on a clean slate. I didn't mention the other meal at all and I would try to make sure that the meals were different foods, although when money was tight leftovers happened a lot. My mother, in particular had a huge problem with this as she wanted me to make them a pb sandwich instead of what I cooked. I refused. I felt like that was a really good way to raise kids who only eat pb sandwiches. I could be very wrong about that and I realize it. Anyway, they're older now and they eat a wide variety of foods without complaint. The younger one still has foods she does not like but I feel like she's at the age now that she probably genuinely does not like them and so while I offer them to her I do not automatically plate them up for her. She is always welcomed to add black olives to her food but I won't force her to eat them. I have found also that they may not like foods some ways but will like them others. The youngest won't eat cooked carrots but will eat them raw. I just pull some out for her before I steam them for the rest of us. No need to fight, carrots are carrots. If she eats them I'm happy. :mrgreen:

I suppose it would depend on the child. Ours ate dinner much more often than they ate PB&Js, as I recall. I think them just knowing they had a choice actually made them *more* likely than not to try something new. But those were my boys and everyone parents differently.

[Swamptribe]

When my kids were little, if you didn't want to eat what was on your plate, fine. But, you went hungry. No snacks or special foods made up. I also always kept fruit in a bowl on the table, which they were allowed to eat at any time. Don't think we ever had apples or such without little teeth marks in them.

My daughter went through a weird period when she wouldn't eat with the family. We found that if we just put some food on the plates, and the rest of us left the table, she'd go around and eat it.

[Artemis]

When mine were little it was:

'This is what's for dinner - try some.' If they didn't like it there was bread and butter, and a glass of milk or orange juice. Once they were eating whole food, I never adjusted a meal - it was take it or leave it.

On the other hand, I gag on liver, brussell sprouts and any sort of milk pudding - rice, semolina, sago. Most people have something that does that to them.

So each child was allowed a couple of 'I'm sorry, Mummy, I really hate that, it makes me feel sick.' foods, and I would try to avoid those, or if I cooked them because someone else liked them I would then offer an alternative.

The only exception to that was that if it was served to you by someone whose guest you were, and they had cooked it for you, you ate it and commented politely on the meal, even if you had found it hard to choke down, as it's ill-bred not to eat food that has been carefully made with you in mind.

In the same way it is ill-bred to turn up at a dinner party to which you have been invited and announce 'I don't eat that', especially if you have made no attempt to mention politely to your hostess beforehand that there are things you cannot eat for medical or genuine allergy reasons. (Although good hostesses check with their guests when they invite them: that is also a simple courtesy.)

My girls are so unfussy now - and were so easy to take anywhere, or send to other people's houses for meals, because they had the good manners to eat what was there. I had plenty of their fussy friends though - all of whom ended up with bread and butter and orange juice, and slightly surprised expressions.

[LilMissMetaphor]

We had guests over for dinner with a six-year-old, who looked at the food on display and announced loudly, "I don't like anything that's on the table." Her mom went to our fridge and got her some bread and jam. Granted, the mom is a fairly close family friend and we have eaten at her house too, but I can't imagine opening their fridge and poking around for something my kid was willing to eat. :shock:

[snarkbillie]

I suppose it would depend on the child. Ours ate dinner much more often than they ate PB&Js, as I recall. I think them just knowing they had a choice actually made them *more* likely than not to try something new. But those were my boys and everyone parents differently.

I probably worry more about things than is needed. I'm sure that there are thousands upon thousands of kids who had PB&J options who weren't affected negatively at all by it. I'm pretty sure at least one of my kids would have just lived on it though.....the other one not so much but I try to make most rules the same for both of them.

[LilBit0318]

I'm probably not going to gain any friends with this, but when my kids were little (over 4 under 7) I would put a small amount of what we were eating on their plate and if they ate it and wanted more I would give them more. If they turned their nose up to it I would wrap it up and put it in the fridge. If they got hungry between meals/snacks I would reheat it and offer it again, if they didn't want it I wouldn't make them eat it. When we got to the next snack or meal they were on a clean slate.

That's basically how it was in my house. It wasn't necessarily that my mom was serving things I didn't like, but I ate like a bird as a little kid. So, if, say, there was food left on my plate at lunch, she'd cover it with some saran wrap & put it in the refrigerator. Then, when I got hungry again, usually around mid-afternoon, she'd pop the plate in the microwave if necessary, & that was my snack. No harm done at all! And I was never forced to clean my plate or sit at the table for hours or anything like that. And, well, I gotta say I think I turned out pretty much Ok! ;)