FB conversation of the day

[Little Miss Alien]

I agree that it can confuse children, small ones, and do them more harm than good if you present them with TOO MANY choices. They can have more choices when getting older. For example, I do not think asking a child around one or two years what you should cook him for dinner is such a good idea (PIZZA Mommy!).

I have to agree. I found that offering my son too many choices (3 or 4) was causing him to take liberties. I cut down to 1 or 2 choices and it was fine. Thankfully he doesn't like pizza, so I never have that problem, but he has a tendency towards only eating marmite or nutella sandwiches with cherry tomatos or sliced plums if I let him.

But forcing a child to eat something he clearly does not want is ridiculous and cruel in my eyes. Either he really dislikes it, then he shouldn't be made to eat it, just as we order nothing in a restaurant we despise, and if he isn't hungry, he isn't hungry. Forcing children builds a foundation for bad eating habits and possibly disorders.

I couldn't agree more! I remember hating meat and being forced to eat it at school. My Mum was more lenient, but she wouldn't cook me separate meals - I had to have a tiny portion of meat. Now, I never cook meat for myself or eat it at restaurants, but I still have a tiny portion of meat when at my parents' house for dinner! It's a respect thing - I have food intolerances and my Mum always caters for them (often to the dislike of my Dad and sister who hate the altered taste!), so the least I can do is chew on a couple of pieces of meat for her. So I'm very aware of not giving my kiddo anything he dislikes. The last thing I want is for him to have disordered eating. We talk about what he has for lunch at school each day and whether or not he liked it and he's pretty much good with most food, better than I remember being at his age, and I wasn't even what you'd call 'fussy', I just knew what I did and didn't like because my parents always got me to try things.

I'd simply put the bowl away, and if he gets hungry, give him something suitable, but of course no sweets or junkfood as a meal replacement.

This! If he doesn't eat because he's desperate to get onto dessert or sweets then the plate goes on the side and he gets nothing else. If he says he's hungry, the food comes back to the table (reheated, as cold food is bleugh!). There can be a power struggle, but he's chosen the food, I don't require that he eats everything, just what is enough, and he knows he will get dessert if he eats his dinner. However, he is nearly 5, and I am able to reason with him more. I don't give him things he dislikes (provided he has tried them first) because I think that disregarding your child's likes and dislikes is very bad parenting, and then forcing them to eat something they dislike is even worse!

I remember posting something similar on facebook, but it ended up with him negotiating if he ate x,y and z, could he have a gingerbread man? It went on facebook because I thought his negotiating skills were rather too good for a not-quite 4 year old and it was funny - not because I wanted to say "O hai, look how I broke my child's will!"

[Artemis]

We had guests over for dinner with a six-year-old, who looked at the food on display and announced loudly, "I don't like anything that's on the table." Her mom went to our fridge and got her some bread and jam. Granted, the mom is a fairly close family friend and we have eaten at her house too, but I can't imagine opening their fridge and poking around for something my kid was willing to eat. :shock:

Close friend or not that is REALLY bad-mannered. I'd have been tempted to say 'Sorry about that, you'll have to wait till you get home then.'

[ElphabaGalinda]

Forcing kids to eat something they don't like is a sure way to get some kind of issues or negative feelings towards food. Kids should be allowed to have likes and dislikes, and allowed not be hungry, but fundies just don't seem to allow for that. I had maybe 5 foods i absolutely hated and would not even eat a tiny bit of...and my mom would constantly make them for dinner and get mad when I didn't eat any. So i'm one that used the PB&J rule more than most, but only because the like 5 things I couldn't stand were constantly being made. Like asparagus. Ugh.

[Artemis]

I think that there are some foods that do have a 'love-or-hate' taste or texture. Definitely agree that asparagus is one, tho' personally I love it. Mushrooms squick some people out, and so does fish. And as I said, upthread, rices pudding - aka instant nausea. Oh and gooseberries. Used to call them boiled eyeballs when I was a kid because of the horrible, horrible texture.

[Bella99]

Close friend or not that is REALLY bad-mannered. I'd have been tempted to say 'Sorry about that, you'll have to wait till you get home then.'

Depends on the situation, we drove 11/2 hours out to the middle of nowhere to a holiday party hosted jointly by friends. Homeowner winds up rushing her dog to ER surgery and she was the one responsible for the kid part of the meal (roast chicken, etc.), so we were miles from anything with only very spicy lasagna. Had I known, I would have stopped on the way and grabbed takeout for the kids, as it was we were digging for something milder to feed the younger set. And I have trained Her Maj that if she is a guest and offered something she doesn't want to eat to say no thank you and not make rude comments.

[sassyNoz47]

Maybe the kid just wasn't hungry?? We aren't breakfast people at our house.. I had sooo many issues with my youngest and school they wanted her to eat breakfast and she wouldn't well she doesn't even eat until 11 or 12 on weekends. I'm not going to force them to eat. Finally they stopped her breakfast trays, and if she is hungry she normally only wants a nutrigrain bar so there is a box of those at school and shes happy. I send her in with her special milk because she does like to drink that in the am.

When i was a kid I dreaded coming home after dinner I was always worried about what we were having. I was picky.. so many things made me gag..ham and beans, salmon loaf those were the worst! I would not be eating anything on those nights! So with my own kids my 3 older ones have always been asked to try at least a bite if they totally truely hated it (i can tell the difference) they were allowed after we were all done eating to make either a bowl of cereal or a PB&J I would NOT make them something else nor could they "cook" a hot meal for them self.

Now with my 8 yr old everything is different she eats about 5 different foods and thats it. Shes simply not going to eat just anything .. she would literally starve herself before touching a disliked food. I always offer her whatever we are having but she will smell it and then either try it or push it away. I love those rare moments when she will eat what we eat.! But I always prepare her a single serving of one something she will eat. Lunch at school is the same way.. she is offered school lunch but they always have mac & cheese ready for a back up.. about 1/2 her class is the same way.

[Elle]

Geez, why force a kid who probably isn't hungry? That's a good way to set a kid up to be an overeater or have an eating disorder, connecting food with negativity. If a kid isn't hungry, then no more until the next mealtime or snack time. If a kid is starting, the kid will eat. If a kid doesn't want to eat oatmeal because he wants cookies, it won't hurt to say no cookies and not force the oatmeal, but no cookies until snack time.

[mockingbird]

My mom did a similar thing with reheating what you had left over, especially if it was obvious you were just avoiding dinner to eat dessert. We had to try a bite of everything served but then if we didn't like it, we didn't have to eat it. My sister was picky as a toddler/preschooler and would only eat certain foods if you gave them nicknames. For example, she would eat broccoli if you called them "little green trees" but NOT if you called it broccoli. LOL I don't remember my mom giving the option of having something different if you threw a fit, but she made alternatives on occasion. Usually that would be if it was something spicy (my brother and dad love spicy foods and my sister and I don't) or if it was a new recipe, especially if it was something "international" (taste would be more foreign to us). Like she would make pasta to go with chili, and that way anyone could have either but if you didn't like the spicy chili you had another option.

I think you should be able to adapt to another person's house. My sister had a friend who only ate Kraft macaroni and cheese without the sauce so my mom would have to make a separate box for him. It's not a huge inconvenience but it does seem a little rude/imposing that the friend's parents expected my mom to make a special meal for him. If he was that intolerant, IMO they should have sent food WITH him instead of expecting my mom to make a separate meal - or given my mom other ideas for foods he liked (this was the ONLY thing he would eat). It's not like he was allergic, he just didn't like it. My brother had another friend growing up who had lots of severe food allergies and we would buy things in advance that he could eat, but to me that is different because he literally couldn't eat anything else. His mom would also bring alternatives for him in case anything we had didn't end up being something he could eat.

[pomology]

I think that there are some foods that do have a 'love-or-hate' taste or texture. Definitely agree that asparagus is one, tho' personally I love it. Mushrooms squick some people out, and so does fish. And as I said, upthread, rices pudding - aka instant nausea. Oh and gooseberries. Used to call them boiled eyeballs when I was a kid because of the horrible, horrible texture.

Both of these are very true for me, to my parents' chagrin. But they have never forced me to eat either if I didn't want to.

[Little Miss Alien]

For example, she would eat broccoli if you called them "little green trees" but NOT if you called it broccoli. LOL

I did exactly the same with my kiddo, lol! Now broccoli is his favourite. Once he learnt about vitamins and how they were good for you, I started telling him which foods had vitamins and would help him grow. He would pretend that he could see the vitamins and needed to chase them on the plate and get them into his mouth before they ran away. He completely invented that game himself, but I've never seen him eat peas faster so I let him play it, haha!

[QAF_Rocks]

You have my support Jen! It's not about the oatmeal... Choices can be good - but too many choices too soon can make us think more highly of our selves than we ought... and that is really what sin is. Way to send the "momma's in charge and you are not" message. It's tough, but keep your goal in mind - a young man who is able to submit himself to God's authority over his own ambitions..

Ugh, this is the root of the whole sickening problem right here. It's all about obedience and submission to their deity. If the parents train them in the "right" way, then (they hope) obedience and submission will come so naturally that the children will never even question whether they should actually be in charge of their own lives. They won't question their god, or even dare to ask if their god is real, because they have been so thoroughly trained to submit to authority.

[Spartan89]

Ugh, it never crosses these people's minds that their child could have a good reason for being "picky". I will eat almost anything, but I have never been able to tolerate large amounts of carbs. I couldn't articulate it when I was a child, but I was just averse to things like toast and pastries. Especially in the morning, I just could not force myself to eat them. I recently found out I have celiac disease. Thankfully, I had parents who didn't force me to eat anything, so by the time I was diagnosed I had already been eating a diet relatively low in gluten for years just by following my body's natural preferences. I can't imagine how much damage my intestines would have suffered if my parents had decided that this was a sin issue that needed correction. These people are ignorant, especially because diseases like celiac are so common these days.

[Cannelle]

The younger one still has foods she does not like but I feel like she's at the age now that she probably genuinely does not like them

My only problem with your post was the above. What you're saying is that young kids genuinely cannot dislike this, and that's just false. While my palate has expanded a lot since I left my mom's house (mostly because there's so much that my mom didn't cook because she didn't like, so I got to try a whole lot of new stuff once I was out on my own), there are still foods that I didn't like as a young child that I can't stand even now. Celery in any form. Water chestnuts. Raw peppers (cooked is fine). Liver.

I'm pretty lucky with my son. He's a very easygoing kid. We've always had a rule of, "You have to try a bite and chew it for a few seconds, but if you genuinely don't like it, you can spit it out, and you don't have to eat it." It's worked well for us. I always told him, "When you try new things, you find new things to like." He'll eat sushi, Indian food, Ethiopian food, spicy-ish stuff, etc. We're able to take him pretty much anywhere. Still working on getting him to like salad, though, lol. He'll eat raw spinach, but he won't eat dressing, any kind (other things he won't eat: mustard, ketchup, any kind of dip...Isn't that weird?).

Spartan, I have a weird stomach thing with too much protein. I can't just sit down and eat a hunk of meat; my stomach just kind of clenches up and I feel sick. I can't imagine being forced to eat something that made me feel sick like that.

[ItISjustme]

This story reminds me of a friend of mine. When we were at junior school, the teachers had a policy of making sure we ate everything we were given at lunchtime (it was a long time ago; some of those teachers had been through WW2). One day, when we were about six years old, my friend didn't want to so this particular teacher made her sit at the table for TWO hours (missing some of the afternoon lessons) until my friend finally gave in and ate it. She then turned to get out of her seat and vomited all over the teacher. Instant karma

Both my kids were faddy eaters and when the first was small I admit that it freaked me out. My son, for instance went through a phase when he would only eat sausages and a particular type of biscuit (cookie). It got quite tense with me convinced he would die of malnutrition but then the health visitor gently pointed out that it didn't seem to be doing him any harm so why didn't I just let him eat what he wanted. From then on I did and he was fine. My daughter was much worse. She would only eat food of a certain colour, wouldn't eat anything if there was sauce of any kind on it and never if the various foods on her plate were touching each other. If I had made this out to be a power play, she would be one messed up girl today but by then I was older and wiser so I chose not to and just rolled with it.

Fundies who want to control children like this seem to lose sight of the fact that what they are doing is beating (sometimes literally, the bastards) the character out of them and producing instead cowed little automatons who live in fear of ever doing anything wrong. Jesus must be weeping.

[Guest Anonymous]

I did exactly the same with my kiddo, lol! Now broccoli is his favourite. Once he learnt about vitamins and how they were good for you, I started telling him which foods had vitamins and would help him grow. He would pretend that he could see the vitamins and needed to chase them on the plate and get them into his mouth before they ran away. He completely invented that game himself, but I've never seen him eat peas faster so I let him play it, haha!

I discovered early on that you need not only to teach kids to be polite about what is served to them, but also not to be rude about other peoples' food choices.

My niece (the one whose chocolate I like to steal), was a vain little cat from an early age, so when I babysat I used to teach her about nutrition in terms of which foods helped to build healthy bodies, clear skin, pretty nails and teeth etc. In particular she was proud to understand that leafy green veg contains "Aunty Oxidents" to give beautiful skin. One time in Safeways veg aisle, she announced very loudly that she wanted curly kale, new potatoes and chicken nuggets for tea (2 out of 3 ain't bad :mrgreen: ) and a passing older lady exclaimed in shock "Eew, little girls aren't supposed to like eating greens". Four-year old Vain Cat looked her straight in the eye and said "Well I do like them, and if you tried some yourself you might not have such a horrible wrinkly face".... :oops: :oops: :oops: Oh, the shame - it still burns. :lol:

[Dark Matters]

As with others here, my mother expected us to at least try a spoonful of whatever she was serving. She was not one to make us sit there until we finished our meals either. Except for one time...she made bread pudding, two big pans worth. And my sister (who is six years younger than me) and I didn't even want to try it. We thought it looked gross. She gave us each a little dish full of the pudding and told us we could not leave the table until we had finished it. Meanwhile, she took a pan of pudding to the neighbor next door. When she returned a few minutes later, we were still at the table and the pudding was still there too, with a few additives like ketchup, salt, pepper, sugar - you get the picture. She sort of gave up in disgust. I guess she felt this was one battle not worth fighting.

[Koala]

He'll eat raw spinach, but he won't eat dressing, any kind (other things he won't eat: mustard, ketchup, any kind of dip...Isn't that weird?).

My son is just like that. He loves lettuce, but he will not eat it with dressing of any kind. He tried ranch w/ his carrots again the other day (his choice), but he said he just didn't care for it. Like your son, he doesn't like ketchup, mayo, mustard, or any other kind of dip. It doesn't bother me, but I've always thought it was funny.

My daughter will put ketchup on anything! :lol:

[browngrl]

Is there no area of a child's life that fundies don't want to control? I don't have children but I simply can not see why anyone would need to break a child's spirit in order to feed them. Surely there is a middle path between "my way or the highway".

[Little Miss Alien]

My son is just like that. He loves lettuce, but he will not eat it with dressing of any kind. He tried ranch w/ his carrots again the other day (his choice), but he said he just didn't care for it. Like your son, he doesn't like ketchup, mayo, mustard, or any other kind of dip. It doesn't bother me, but I've always thought it was funny.

My daughter will put ketchup on anything! :lol:

My son has got better with things like casserole, bolognaise, gravy etc. but will still not have ketchup. By his age I had discovered the joys of Thousand Island Dressing, Marie Rose Sauce and Vinagrette! But he will happily eat vegetables, raw or cooked without sauce or dip. His Dad took him to McDonalds and he turned his nose up at his burger because it had ketchup in it (absent Daddy doesn't know these things and insisted he was just being fussy until I told him better). It's a common texture issue I understand.

This story reminds me of a friend of mine. When we were at junior school, the teachers had a policy of making sure we ate everything we were given at lunchtime (it was a long time ago; some of those teachers had been through WW2). One day, when we were about six years old, my friend didn't want to so this particular teacher made her sit at the table for TWO hours (missing some of the afternoon lessons) until my friend finally gave in and ate it. She then turned to get out of her seat and vomited all over the teacher. Instant karma.

Argh, a teacher did that to me in Reception class (she too had taught through WW2) with the horrid, warm milk they used to give at break time. I was forced to sit in the corner all morning feeling sick and nursing a carton of room temperature milk. I went home and told my Mum I never wanted milk again. She sent me in with a note saying not to give me milk ever again. She knew I always felt slightly funny after milk and as a newborn I was given soy formula on prescription, but the doctors never told my parents why. 20 years later I was diagnosed as lactose intolerant. I'd never drank milk since that day in the classroom because it always just tasted 'wrong' to me. My son loves his school milk - they keep it in the fridge now, so he gets nice cold milk and thankfully hasn't inherited my problem, although I kept him on goats milk from weaning until he started school.

One time in Safeways veg aisle, she announced very loudly that she wanted curly kale, new potatoes and chicken nuggets for tea (2 out of 3 ain't bad :mrgreen: ) and a passing older lady exclaimed in shock "Eew, little girls aren't supposed to like eating greens". Four-year old Vain Cat looked her straight in the eye and said "Well I do like them, and if you tried some yourself you might not have such a horrible wrinkly face".... :oops: :oops: :oops: Oh, the shame - it still burns. :lol:

Haha, talk about out of the mouths of babes! What a stupid old woman, such an undermining thing to say! Why do people insist on saying such stupid things when we're trying to increase awareness of healthy eating and reduce childhood obesity (through Change for Life and the NCMP)!

[LilBit0318]

*LOL* Ok...I'm back 'cause this thread suddenly reminded me of a story of probably the one time my mom tricked me into eating something she knew I didn't like! I was in high school, & one evening I came in from school & marching band practice to find her in the kitchen finishing up making dinner. And on the counter, there was a casserole dish of something I didn't remember her ever making before. It was white & kind of lumpy looking & I think I remember there being some paprika or a similar looking spice sprinkled on top. I couldn't tell what exactly it was, so I asked her. It should've been a giant red flag when she threw the question back at me & said, "Well, what do you think it is?" But I fell for it. I looked at the dish again & said, "I dunno. Potatoes?" Hehehe! And she just smiled & said, "Ok."

So a little bit later we sat down to eat & she served me some of the mystery casserole. And the minute I took a bite, I knew exactly what it was! It was mashed up & I'm sure mixed with some other stuff, but the main ingredient there was cauliflower! :P I don't remember if I actually managed to choke that one bite down or not, but I definitely didn't eat any more! Still makes me laugh looking back on it! :lol:

But see, that's kinda the point I guess. I can laugh at that story because food was never a battle at my house. I was never force fed, & Mom generally was pretty accommodating of my food aversions, but she always tried to get me to eat a good variety of healthy food, & I can tell you there were never any special meals made for me. It's all about balance, not asserting complete control & breaking a child's will!

[loveandwar]

My son is just like that. He loves lettuce, but he will not eat it with dressing of any kind. He tried ranch w/ his carrots again the other day (his choice), but he said he just didn't care for it. Like your son, he doesn't like ketchup, mayo, mustard, or any other kind of dip. It doesn't bother me, but I've always thought it was funny.

I was the same way when I was a kid!! I would happily eat raw spinach/lettuce/cucumbers/carrots/etc., but I hated dressing. I also hated ketchup. I got over the ketchup thing when I was about 8, but the "no salad dressing" phase continued through high school. Even today, I don't like a lot of dressing on my salads. I still have no idea why!

[Deleted03]

I was the same way when I was a kid!! I would happily eat raw spinach/lettuce/cucumbers/carrots/etc., but I hated dressing. I also hated ketchup. I got over the ketchup thing when I was about 8, but the "no salad dressing" phase continued through high school. Even today, I don't like a lot of dressing on my salads. I still have no idea why!

I ws like that, I've grown to appreciate more dressings, but never when it's drowning the good veggies. At home I only make basic vinaigrette oil+vinegar+ mustard. I'd rather eat my carrots without dips, just like fries. I don't like ketchup except on (veggie) burgers, and I'd rather just put pasta sauce TBH. I don't really appreciate mayo either...

When I was young the woman who was taking care of me between 4-7 yo forced me to eat camembert (until I was 6 then I had "medical" reasons to stop - homeopathic doctor) Till this day the smell makes me want to puke. When they bring the cheese plate at family dinners, I usually try to put it away from me.

[snarkbillie]

My only problem with your post was the above. What you're saying is that young kids genuinely cannot dislike this, and that's just false..

I know little kids can genuinely dislike things. I also know a lot of times my kid (not all kids, just mine) would turn things down randomly just because they were new, or whatever and that offering them again later garners a different response. I offered the same foods a few times prepared differently and for the most part she eventually liked them. Some foods (squash) she does not like at all. When I said "genuinely dislikes" I meant that she really actually dislikes it rather than she is turning it down because it's "green" or because her friend doesn't like it or because she just wants to eat chicken and no veggies.

[Elle]

Fundies who want to control children like this seem to lose sight of the fact that what they are doing is beating (sometimes literally, the bastards) the character out of them and producing instead cowed little automatons who live in fear of ever doing anything wrong. Jesus must be weeping.

I think fundies do this BECAUSE it's a form of control. They aren't doing it to try to force healthy foods into their kids. It's control. Do what you're told when you're told and shut up about it.

[Aurora]

One time in Safeways veg aisle, she announced very loudly that she wanted curly kale, new potatoes and chicken nuggets for tea (2 out of 3 ain't bad :mrgreen: ) and a passing older lady exclaimed in shock "Eew, little girls aren't supposed to like eating greens". Four-year old Vain Cat looked her straight in the eye and said "Well I do like them, and if you tried some yourself you might not have such a horrible wrinkly face".... :oops: :oops: :oops: Oh, the shame - it still burns. :lol:

Haha, talk about out of the mouths of babes! What a stupid old woman, such an undermining thing to say! Why do people insist on saying such stupid things when we're trying to increase awareness of healthy eating and reduce childhood obesity (through Change for Life and the NCMP)!