Promoting To Train Up A Child

[snarkbillie]

How would you suggest disciplining a child?

To discipline someone means to teach them something. I would discipline by teaching. Actually, that's exactly how I discipline. I used to teach preschool, we weren't allowed to hit the kids even if we wanted to. I had to learn how to teach them without resorting to the easy path of smacking the shit out of them randomly. Luckily it wasn't too hard to figure it out. Kids are people. People can communicate. I can communicate with kids. Fun times. My kids are very thankful that I don't smack them. They are also mostly well behaved. While they do have bad days and rebel sometimes for the most part they are good little people who try to respect others and for that I'm glad.

[emmiedahl]

It was created ages ago.... If you break rules, then society will crumble. You need to obey the rules of nature.

What do you, a young white male, know about the laws of nature or the way to parent?

There are many cultures that do not hit children, and even more that do not hit very young children. There is nothing about spanking that is natural, either. I suggest you pull your head out of your ass, because this is not the minor leagues.

[Renting with Raggles]

It was created ages ago.... If you break rules, then society will crumble. You need to obey the rules of nature.

It's always so adorable when a kid confuses natural law with culturally based prescriptions/ proscriptions imposed by various societies.

Unless swifty meant a situation like that episode of the Simpsons when the kids are taken out of school and start acting up.

Homer: The perpetual motion machine she made today is a joke. It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa, get in here. In this house, young lady, we obey the laws of thermodynamics.

[julie paradox]

What pisses me off is this:

I see it as the flip side of the child training coin

Well, pardon me for being all tree-hugging liberal, but I thought that guiding and teaching my children stuff was the main part of my job. Dealing with behaviour I don't like is incidental to that.

(Full disclosure: I have smacked hands but I was never happy about it. Stopped eventually because it wasn't having desired results and I wanted to state that No Hitting was a rule in our house, and started using the naughty step. Was taken aback to discover some parents think the Naughty Step is a terrable thing.)

[kb2]

Word picture? She makes it sound like the Pearls are the first people to ever use a metaphor.

[debrand]

Word picture? She makes it sound like the Pearls are the first people to ever use a metaphor.

To Train Up A Child supporters often sound like they worship the Pearls.

[treemom]

Now I know why you started that thread about what people find the most irritating in others. You were taking notes, in order to become as irritating as possible.

And this is why we have the new rule.

[2xx1xy1JD]

How would you?

By role modelling the type of behavior that I would like to see from them. I don't want them hitting anyone with plumbing line, so why would I do it to them?

By building a strong relationship with my children.

By using repetition and routines with very young children.

By being consistent.

By not giving in to tantrums.

By moving in quickly to end undesirable behavior instead of making endless empty threats.

By thinking proactively about how to avoid confrontations.

By reducing common triggers by making sure that my kids don't get to the point of being overtired or hungry.

By listening to my children the first time that they say something, and not forcing them to repeat themselves and scream.

By keeping the house quiet enough so that I can speak to my kids in a normal voice without yelling all the time.

By reserving the word "no" for when it is truly needed and warranted.

By not hesitating to end an outing if a child is acting up, and heading home and straight to bed.

By not hesitating to remove a toy or unplug a TV if it is the cause of a dispute.

By encouraging an upset child to calm down and tell me in a slow, calm voice exactly what is bothering them.

By having consistent rules.

By teaching my kids a morality that goes beyond mere obedience to me.

By allowing my kids to trust that I am acting out of a concern for their best interests.

By giving a child time to cool off alone instead of prolonging a confrontation.

By treating my kids with respect.

By having a sense of humour.

By paying attention to my kids before things get out of control.

By not turning things which are really developmental stages into discipline issues.

By having calm, quiet cuddle time with my kids.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I would also be horrified if a child of mine ALWAYS displayed unquestioning first-time obedience. If I am wrong, I want them to point it out - respectfully. If another adult ever wanted them to do something inappropriate, I would want them to stand up.

If everyone has unquestioned obedience to authority, you get totalitarianism. Nazis excelled in obedience, but it just allowed evil to spread faster and unchecked.

[mirele]

For me, this is the deal:

If you did to an adult what the Pearls say to do to your children--it would be assault and battery under the law. And yes, you can go to jail for that.

But we allow parents in this country to beat the snot out of their kids (as long as they don't leave marks, hence the plumbing line) and it's not until their kidneys break down from the beating that it becomes clear the kid is dying (Lydia Schatz).

If you're not allowed to hit your coworkers or employees, then why on earth would you want to hit your kids?

--signed, Got Beaten With a Metal Mesh Flyswatter, All That Did Was Make Me a Better Liar to My Mom

ETA: a recent article about child abuse arising out of TTUAC:

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/l ... na28m.html

Lydia, 7, was adopted from Liberia. Her transgression? Mispronouncing the word "pulled" from a children's book. She said "pull-ed," according to Ramsey, and the hitting began.

Yeah, that's the ticket. Oh yeah, Lydia's dead.

[swiftjoan]

What do you, a young white male, know about the laws of nature or the way to parent?

There are many cultures that do not hit children, and even more that do not hit very young children. There is nothing about spanking that is natural, either. I suggest you pull your head out of your ass, because this is not the minor leagues.

I'm sorry you have a problem with me. I am not suggesting that you spank children. I just wanted to know how you would do it.

[swiftjoan]

By role modelling the type of behavior that I would like to see from them. I don't want them hitting anyone with plumbing line, so why would I do it to them?

By building a strong relationship with my children.

By using repetition and routines with very young children.

By being consistent.

By not giving in to tantrums.

By moving in quickly to end undesirable behavior instead of making endless empty threats.

By thinking proactively about how to avoid confrontations.

By reducing common triggers by making sure that my kids don't get to the point of being overtired or hungry.

By listening to my children the first time that they say something, and not forcing them to repeat themselves and scream.

By keeping the house quiet enough so that I can speak to my kids in a normal voice without yelling all the time.

By reserving the word "no" for when it is truly needed and warranted.

By not hesitating to end an outing if a child is acting up, and heading home and straight to bed.

By not hesitating to remove a toy or unplug a TV if it is the cause of a dispute.

By encouraging an upset child to calm down and tell me in a slow, calm voice exactly what is bothering them.

By having consistent rules.

By teaching my kids a morality that goes beyond mere obedience to me.

By allowing my kids to trust that I am acting out of a concern for their best interests.

By giving a child time to cool off alone instead of prolonging a confrontation.

By treating my kids with respect.

By having a sense of humour.

By paying attention to my kids before things get out of control.

By not turning things which are really developmental stages into discipline issues.

By having calm, quiet cuddle time with my kids.

Thanks, this was the most intelligent post so far. You actually seem to know what you're talking about!

[swiftjoan]

Now I know why you started that thread about what people find the most irritating in others. You were taking notes, in order to become as irritating as possible.

Are you irritated that I asked how someone would actually discipline a child? I never said you should spank for the record.

[debrand]

I'm sorry you have a problem with me. I am not suggesting that you spank children. I just wanted to know how you would do it.

You never answered if you could come up with a problem that only spanking would fix. Lots of people have answered how they disipline without spanking.

If you were brought up by parents who spank, this might be a new concept for you. It was for me.

[swiftjoan]

I'm sorry you have a problem with me. I am not suggesting that you spank children. I just wanted to know how you would do it.

[LuLu Bear]

If you were brought up by parents who spank, this might be a new concept for you. It was for me.

This. I was brought up being spanked, and received spankings until I was probably 13 years old. While I don't feel abused because of that, it is difficult to grasp the reasoning behind spanking. For years I thought that the argument for spanking made sense, and maybe if you only think about it for a few seconds, it does. I think that being consistent with discipline, and taking away privileges is more effective than spanking, and doesn't build up as much resentment against the parents, yet still gets the point across.

[debrand]

It is odd that you asked how someone could discipline without using spanking if you believe in disciplining without using spanking.

Several people, myself included, have answered you politely. Hopefully, you got the answers that you needed.

edited to try and fix quotes.

[Avalondaughter]

By role modelling the type of behavior that I would like to see from them. I don't want them hitting anyone with plumbing line, so why would I do it to them?

By building a strong relationship with my children.

By using repetition and routines with very young children.

By being consistent.

By not giving in to tantrums.

By moving in quickly to end undesirable behavior instead of making endless empty threats.

By thinking proactively about how to avoid confrontations.

By reducing common triggers by making sure that my kids don't get to the point of being overtired or hungry.

By listening to my children the first time that they say something, and not forcing them to repeat themselves and scream.

By keeping the house quiet enough so that I can speak to my kids in a normal voice without yelling all the time.

By reserving the word "no" for when it is truly needed and warranted.

By not hesitating to end an outing if a child is acting up, and heading home and straight to bed.

By not hesitating to remove a toy or unplug a TV if it is the cause of a dispute.

By encouraging an upset child to calm down and tell me in a slow, calm voice exactly what is bothering them.

By having consistent rules.

By teaching my kids a morality that goes beyond mere obedience to me.

By allowing my kids to trust that I am acting out of a concern for their best interests.

By giving a child time to cool off alone instead of prolonging a confrontation.

By treating my kids with respect.

By having a sense of humour.

By paying attention to my kids before things get out of control.

By not turning things which are really developmental stages into discipline issues.

By having calm, quiet cuddle time with my kids.

Will you be my mother?

[gustava]

I'm not quite sure what I started when I responded to the OP's original question, but I was being sarcastic when I said plumbing line + cookie baking = good mental health.

And if there's a rule about not responding to a question with a question, I apologize.

[debrand]

I'm not quite sure what I started when I responded to the OP's original question, but I was being sarcastic when I said plumbing line + cookie baking = good mental health.

And if there's a rule about not responding to a question with a question, I apologize.

I liked your answer. Snark is welcome on this board. :lol:

[treemom]

I'm not quite sure what I started when I responded to the OP's original question, but I was being sarcastic when I said plumbing line + cookie baking = good mental health.

And if there's a rule about not responding to a question with a question, I apologize.

It is a made up rule on how the annoying poster want things to go. You may respond in any way that does not violate the TOU, which is mostly about threatening and illegal shit.

You can legally respond to a question with a question.