Promoting To Train Up A Child

[debrand]

Tying heart strings is a Pearl phrase for including your child in your life. In other words, the type of activities that most of us just consider good parenting. Yes, the Pearls try to take credit for inventing the positive activities that most parents already do with their kids.

yestheyareallours.com/2011/02/tying-heart-strings.html

I first heard of the concept of tying heart strings from Michael and Debi Pearl back in the early 90's. I probably read about it first in their no-nonsense book on child training, To Train Up a Child. Basically, tying heart strings is a word picture for building lasting bonds of love, admiration and affection between a parent and child. I see it as the flip side of the child training coin -- it takes both in balance to raise healthy, happy, well-adjusted children.

To be honest, I can't imagine not being disgusted by Michael and Debbi Pearl. But if you read enough fundie blogs, you will come across someone-like this writer- who tries to present them in the most positive light.

We might have discussed this family. I don't remember.

[gustava]

Beat the hell out of the child with plumbing pipe one minute and then bake cookies together the next. Oh yeah...good mental health.

[Dinaberries]

Beat the hell out of the child with plumbing pipe one minute and then bake cookies together the next. Oh yeah...good mental health.

Oh God. That sound like my childhood.

[debrand]

Imagine what this does to a child. Sometimes the parent is wonderful, kind and caring. Other times, the parent is beating their child with until their spirit bre

That's it exactly. If the child subverts their entire will to the parent, they might be rewarded with love and kindness. If they step out of line, they will be beaten until their spirit breaks.

[debrand]

Oh God. That sound like my childhood.

I'm sorry. :(

[Third]

Not knowing when they will snap. Then getting in trouble when you instinctively jump when they try to touch you when you so desperately need a hug. Head games at it's finest.

[meow139]

The Pearls should be tortured with their own tactics, see how they like it.

[Maude]

The Pearls should be tortured with their own tactics, see how they like it.

I agree. CPS everywhere needs to get familiar with this book, if they're not already.

[swiftjoan]

Beat the hell out of the child with plumbing pipe one minute and then bake cookies together the next. Oh yeah...good mental health.

How would you suggest disciplining a child?

[emmiedahl]

How would you suggest disciplining a child?

By talking to them like human beings. Because they are.

By teaching them right from wrong.

Why would beating them with plumbing pipe teach them anything except that their parents are assholes?

[Maude]

By talking to them like human beings. Because they are.

By teaching them right from wrong.

Why would beating them with plumbing pipe teach them anything except that their parents are assholes?

Bingo. Warnings and removal of privileges mirrors the consequences of the adult world. Hitting someone is assault.

[gustava]

How would you suggest disciplining a child?

How would you?

[flojo]

Bingo. Warnings and removal of privileges mirrors the consequences of the adult world. Hitting someone is assault.

:clap: :clap: :clap:

By not beating them as to "break their will". Contrary to how it is presented in the Pearl's book, not beating children doesn't mean the children run wild.

[celestial]

How would you suggest disciplining a child?

Umm, not beating the shit out of them for a start.

[swiftjoan]

How would you?

You're not allowed to answer a question with a question.. :P

[debrand]

How would you suggest disciplining a child?

Do you think that hitting children is the only way to discipline them?

When my kids were little, I tried spanking. Because I had been taught that spanking is the way that good, loving people discipline thier kids, it took me a long, long time to realize that it didn't work with my kids. Yeah, I am ashamed of that.

One thing that made me understand that spanking doesn't work was actually meeting and observing kids whose parents did not spank them. Yes, some kids were wild but so are some kids who are spanked. Most of the kids were well behaved though.

It sounds cliche to say that consistency is the key but it really is.

[debrand]

You're not allowed to answer a question with a question.. :P

I am about to go to bed, but give us an example of a discipline problem that only spanking can solve. Chances are, you will get good advice on what to do without resorting to spanking.

[DarkAnts]

You're not allowed to answer a question with a question.. :P

Who made up that rule? Since frothy has deemed me to be immoral :twisted: , I have no problem breaking rules and questioning authority.

[Whydoyouask]

Violence is NOT the answer.

Those kids who have been 'trained up' will be spending many many years in the offices of therapists and counselors. I'm going on 7 myself and I was only 'partially trained' back in the 70's and 80's

[celestial]

You're not allowed to answer a question with a question.. :P

Really? I must have missed that line in the TOU. :roll:

[swiftjoan]

Who made up that rule? Since frothy has deemed me to be immoral :twisted: , I have no problem breaking rules and questioning authority.

It was created ages ago.... If you break rules, then society will crumble. You need to obey the rules of nature.

[DarkAnts]

It was created ages ago.... If you break rules, then society will crumble. You need to obey the rules of nature.

The only rules I obey are the rules of physics. I am a rebel without a cause or headship to try and dominate me. :auto-dirtbike:

[celestial]

It was created ages ago.... If you break rules, then society will crumble. You need to obey the rules of nature.

Now I know why you started that thread about what people find the most irritating in others. You were taking notes, in order to become as irritating as possible.

[artmama]

By talking to them like human beings. Because they are.

By teaching them right from wrong.

Why would beating them with plumbing pipe teach them anything except that their parents are assholes?

A THOUSAND FUCKING TIMES THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are so many ways to discipline a child, one never needs to resort to hitting them to teach them right from wrong.

[Dinaberries]

It was created ages ago.... If you break rules, then society will crumble. You need to obey the rules of nature.

You sound like a fucking idiot.

I would suggest disciplining a child by using your words, and finding the style of discipline (with abuse NEVER being the answer) that works for your kids, while modeling the virtues you want to teach your child, using patience and love. I want my son to be a kind and compassionate person, with the confidence of someone who knows he is loved unconditionally. I want him to be kind because he wants to be, not because he's afraid of being beaten. And I don't want to stifle him while he explores the world around him. I expect him to misbehave at times, because that's what kids do.

If I taught him that it is wrong to hit people, and wrong to bully others, or to use your strength to dominate those who are smaller and more vulnerable than you, it would be incredibly hypocritical of me to do that while I was abusing him. It is my belief that any type of corporal punishment inflicted upon children is child abuse. A parent who spanks is using his/her power and greater size to subjugate a child. The thought of intentionally inflicting pain upon a small, vulnerable person who loves me and depends on me makes me physically ill. And I'm speaking as somebody who was a kid who was smacked around by my religious mom and step-father. They claimed repeatedly that they were doing what God wanted, and doing it because it was the best thing for me. It wasn't. I'm 25 and I still bear the emotional scars of being abused by people who claimed to love me. There's no way in hell that I'm letting that happen to my child.