Meta-Commentary and Question - Attractive Men

[demgirl]

Fair enough. Thank you for answering. What scenes from what films do you find Alan Rickman sexiest in? Snape scenes, or other films, and if so, which?

Oh, Alan. Well, I do find him sexy as Snape, in a way that I would fantasize about but not actually date, if that makes any sense? The dark, brooding and damaged aspects are quite sexy in a movie. Not so much in real life usually. But the movie I find him absolutely sexiest in is Sense and Sensability, wherein he is the anti-Snape.

[bananacat]

Or maybe he's not nearly as egalitarian as he thinks he is. I know plenty of men who simply have NO IDEA how much work actually goes into running a household. So they cook a few dinners and change a few diapers and think they've contributed their fair share. Men also tend to overestimate how much work they actually do. And lets not forget the men who do a half-assed job (either intentionally or unintentionally) and make things harder for the woman. Or the men who just pretend to have low cleanliness standards to get out of cleaning so they can just say the woman is too picky and if she really wants a clean house then she can do it herself. And even if a woman were willing to live in squalor, we do actually live in a biases society and she'll be harshly judged for a messy place more than a man will be.

He sounds like an entitled dood who is probably average-looking and willing to do about 35% of the housework, and he expects the universe to reward him for semi-decent behavior by sending a hawt babe right to his door to fuck him and have his kids. I have absolutely no sympathy for Nice Guys, because they see all this normal decent behavior as only a means to an end, as a bargaining tool to get women to have sex with them. They don't do housework because it's the decent thing to do; it's only to look better than they are. If he were just a nice human being he wouldn't even have to bring this stuff up because it would seem unremarkable to him. He thinks he's special and deserves a cookie for doing things that he should already do.

[darkplumaged]

I think that the Alan Rickman pics are at least as much a simple in-joke here as they are an expression of the kind of men many FJians find sexy. If I may blaspheme for a moment, I don't think AR is particularly handsome or sexy (voice aside). I am very rarely attracted to much older men, and he wouldn't be my type even if I were close to his age or he to mine.

My celeb "crushes" are generally on pretty men (think Matt Bomer in "White Collar"); IRL, I'm most attracted to boyish intellectuals (my husband being a prime example). Point is, Alan Rickman and Hugh Laurie are not the only sorts of men women find attractive--and I don't think this board is a representative sampling of women, anyway (we're generally more liberal and more feminist than average, for the U.S., anyway).

If this nice guy is truly a good person and a good potential partner, and he's attracted to the kind of women who are likely to be into him, he will eventually find a woman he's compatible with. I can't stress the italicized part enough; people have to be realistic about who is going to want them back.

[valsa]

I love you! :banana-rainbow: (Sorry, couldn't find a heart)

Speaking of drag queens, I just saw the Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time and I'm in love with Tim Curry. Even now, older and pudgy, he's still hot.

[1004srs]

Hugh Laurie has a wonderful accent and is pretty attractive. The character House - not at all attractive.

Brad Pitt lost it for me with the cheating stuff.

Tom Cruise is CRAZY.

I am a nice girl. Guys like this don't want a truly nice girl with a couple of extra pounds. THey want a smokin' hot Barbie. It works both ways.

[DamnPrecious]

I have two different sets of needs that cannot be filled by the same man. Sexually I'm attracted to raw, dirty, mean and wild man. Emotionally I need someone sensitive and caring. I can only find those type of men in movies.

I did marry a nice caring sensitive beta man, but rose petals and candles aren't the way to my glory hole.

Also who/what is Snape? I find this Alan guy ugly.

[ThisOlGirl]

[autumnchild]

Add me to the list of Rickman in S&S fans. As much as I enjoy the character of Snape I can't get past the greasy hair.

I <3 Timothy McGee from NCIS. He defrauds me and I think I like it. ;)

[emeraldskull]

I am SOO defrauded by the actor in Thor, even though I would probably never ever be attracted to him IRL. But as eye candy and super sweet guy in a movie? Oh, yes... :-D :-D

[DamnPrecious]

THIS is my definition of defrauded. I love his character Damon Salvatore.

[teddybear]

:lol: I love drag queens!! They don't get me all hot and bothered, but they're fun.

My all time favorite drag queen!!!

[Crackedeggs]

Snape ( AKA Mr. Rickman) does absolute 0 for me, but the pics are funny, especially the one where he's jumping around like a giddy schoolgirl. Tom Crusie used to do it for me, now I think he's just a jerk. House is plain EW, sorry. Now... a little Kai from Lexx? Swooon. (Michael McManus) I also have a strange fetish for the young Richard Thomas. I like Benjamin Bratt, Christian Slater, Johnny Depp, Lou Diamond Phillips, even John Cusak. I tend to be attracted by the bad boys, with the exception of John Boy Walton ( I know, I know!)

[aelar]

I've been too lazy to post pics, but my current celebrity crush is Jamie Bamber, who is not only ripped and hot (and my age, late thirties), and not only very snarky and British, and not only seemingly very smart and trilingual, but also, is a family man who seems really devoted and loyal.

Some of us women want it all.

As far as women preferring assholes to 'Nice guys', this argument generally boils down to jerks and misogynists having confidence. And nothing is more attractive than confidence. It's not that we want to be dominated, it's that being actively desired is flattering and arousing, and not having to worry about our man's ego or emotionally coddling him is a relief. A man who takes care of his own needs, knows what he wants, and isn't afraid to ask for it, means we don't have to spend time and energy trying to guess how to keep him happy or figure out whether he's getting what he needs, or spend lots of time 'talking about the relationship' which can be code for being emotionally battered into being more like whatever the guy wants.

Classic 'Nice' guys tend to be emotionally needy, passive aggressive, and manipulative. They're afraid of rejection, and of their needs not being met if they are honestly expressed, so they use all these back doors to getting their needs met instead. Like trying to be perfect and sensitive and feminist, but only because then they expect their object of desire to be guilted or mesmerized into meeting the guy's needs, not because they truly feel moved to be egalitarian, and are confident enough in their masculinity to be both sensitive and decisive.

I married a man who is truly egalitarian, truly feminist, truly sensitive, and still truly sexy and confident and masculine. He plays bad guys in our RPGs (we're gamer geeks) but in real life he's caring and giving. The bad boy thing is an outlet, a chance to blow off steam and explore things he'd never want to do in real life. Similarly, I'm a very controlling, driven, type-A woman, so sometimes we have a little kink in our love lives that lets me give up that control for a little while. But this doesn't mean I secretly need to be submissive, just that I don't always want to be in control.

TLDR: Powerful, confident, feminist women find powerful, confident guys attractive, because we can trust them to stand up for themselves, and take care of themselves, and sometimes take care of us. So called Nice Guys are often a lot more work, and who needs that?

[aerynoctober]

Or maybe he's not nearly as egalitarian as he thinks he is. I know plenty of men who simply have NO IDEA how much work actually goes into running a household. So they cook a few dinners and change a few diapers and think they've contributed their fair share. Men also tend to overestimate how much work they actually do. And lets not forget the men who do a half-assed job (either intentionally or unintentionally) and make things harder for the woman. Or the men who just pretend to have low cleanliness standards to get out of cleaning so they can just say the woman is too picky and if she really wants a clean house then she can do it herself. And even if a woman were willing to live in squalor, we do actually live in a biases society and she'll be harshly judged for a messy place more than a man will be.

He sounds like an entitled dood who is probably average-looking and willing to do about 35% of the housework, and he expects the universe to reward him for semi-decent behavior by sending a hawt babe right to his door to fuck him and have his kids. I have absolutely no sympathy for Nice Guys, because they see all this normal decent behavior as only a means to an end, as a bargaining tool to get women to have sex with them. They don't do housework because it's the decent thing to do; it's only to look better than they are. If he were just a nice human being he wouldn't even have to bring this stuff up because it would seem unremarkable to him. He thinks he's special and deserves a cookie for doing things that he should already do.

WOW. You can tell all this because he lamented his lack of luck finding someone to settle down with. Those are some amazing character-judging skills you've got there.

When a woman laments her lack of luck, do you assume she weighs 400 pounds? Or that she's an amoral slut using sex to try to trap a guy into marrying her? Or is it only men whose motives are so transparently Machiavellian?

[Boogalou]

I think people post pictures of, well, people based almost solely on their looks. I don't really think it has anything to do with their IRL personalities, or even the characters they play, especially for people (like AR) who are known for more than one role. Looks and personality are two very different things and in pictures looks win out.

I also think Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise would be terrible dating/marriage material. Like others have Tom Cruise is kind of crazy and I am not convinced that Brad Pitt did not cheat on Jennifer Aniston (who I love). I am also not convinced that Brad Pitt is some perfectly excellent dad like many people seem to drool all over him for*.

I am partial to Reid (with his new haircut) from Criminal Minds and Zack from Bones (the characters, not the actors). This does not mean I want to marry them or date them, I just think they are good looking and freakishly smart. And if I knew how to do pictures I would totally do that. But alas, computers have always been quite elusive to me. The best I can do are links. Zack Reid

*I am basing this on very little evidence and it is really not my place to start judging celebreties. But I also don't think it is up to other people to judge the posters here based on who they think is attractive.

[duplessis3]

I would say that it may just be that women that have the hots for Rickman as Snape or Laurie as House are more likely to post about it. I am sure not every woman here has posted about her "crushes." Perhaps it is self selection he is seeing rather than anything real. For example: Matt Damon is sexy to me now because he is a good daddy who loves his children and seems to believe that women have brains! Gasp. I love John Barrowman as Capt. Jack, but I wouldn't want to marry or do anything other than toy with that character. (I'm not even sure I'd want to have dinner with him.) My weirdest crush right now is Ben Bernanke. However, I am not going to start a thread over how dreamy the head of the federal reserve is.

[dcmhejbl62]

I thought I posted but I guess it didn't go through -- when your friend is in the "locker room" (or other male equivalent of internet forum) with other guys, what kinds of girls do they talk about? When he fantasizes about women, are they average looking, slightly overweight, good moms to their kids, good workers for their companies? Does he look at a ditzy 19 year old in a bikini and say, "Please, I prefer a more mature woman, with a little meat on her bones and brains in her head"?

Sounds like a bit of a double standard to me. And I don't even know who Alan Rickman is.

[Guest Anonymous]

Dude needs to loosen up and get a sense of humour. I'm sure he's not fantasizing or even joking over photos of me changing diapers or taking out trash.

[FaustianSlip]

So, a conversation with a male friend led me to ponder something.

He was lamenting that he, a nice guy who would be perfectly happy to be a 50/50 partner in housework, cooking, cleaning, and childcare, is never going to find a smart woman to settle down and marry him. He gave this board, which I started him lurking on, as a piece of evidence.

I haven't read the whole thread yet, because I wanted to say that this friend sounds like my kind of guy, so he doesn't need to lose all hope just yet (not that I'd necessarily be considered a "catch" or whatever, but I'm definitely female, and he sounds like the kind of guy I'm interested in).

As far as the Alan Rickman/Hugh Laurie thing, while I do find the both of them pleasant enough to look at, and I love House's snarkiness, I wouldn't want to be married to the guy. There's a difference between fantasizing and reality. And if we're talking about celebrities, you know who really flips my switch? Hugh Jackman, who aside from being smokin' hot, is a devoted father to his kids, has been married to the same, seemingly average woman for years and, by all the accounts I've read (and based on briefly meeting the man once), seems to be a genuinely nice guy. Helps that he's also a bit of a dork who doesn't seem to take himself too seriously. Personally, I find it a huge turn-on when a guy is really devoted to his wife and family, treats women as equals and wants someone as smart as he is for his spouse. Sure, the bad-boy thing is nice enough to fantasize about, but that ain't what I'm looking to settle down with.

And really, just... damn. :shock:

[Austin]

And I don't even know who Alan Rickman is.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one.

I know Hugh Laurie is only because I've seen House advertisements on Bravo or whatever channel they run that on sometimes. I've never seen a whole episode. But then again, when I pick up a People magazine at the salon, I couldn't tell you who three-quarters of the people they feature even are anymore.

I am not very visually affected by men and their looks, and I'm not sure what that means about me, but all I know is that my head is not turned by a guy's conventionally good looks at all. This has been a little embarrassing a couple of times when I've been out with girlfriends and the waiter takes our order and leaves my friends will say, "OMG, did you see how cute that guy was?" I'm the one sitting there saying, "Who?" and they all laugh at me (all in good fun).

Through sheer luck on my part, I married a truly good guy, a nice guy. He never felt the need to announce those facts to me, however, but has simply lived those character traits to the best of his ability, which is more than I could have ever hoped for. I believe he is handsome, but he probably wouldn't turn a lot of heads (although some of my friends admire that he still has his hair - lol). I personally feel if a guy has to tell a woman that he is "a nice guy" or "a good guy", he probably isn't.

[FaustianSlip]

Does Nathan Fillion play jerks? I only know him from Firefly where he played more of a Jerk With A Heart of Gold.

I was going to say the same thing. I've also watched him on Castle, and he doesn't seem like a jerk there, either. Nathan Fillion, incidentally, is a geeky dreamboat.

As far as feminist lust objects go, when I was a kid and watched M*A*S*H reruns, I had a total crush on Hawkeye Pierce/Alan Alda. In the show? Treated women like disposable playthings and was mostly a guy's guy, but when I found out that Alda was an avowed feminist and a major supporter of the ERA, I gained a huge amount of respect for him. He's another one who's been married to the same woman practically forever and has been extremely outspoken in his support for feminism and his feelings that women are absolutely entitled to equality with men. Clearly, he's a bit, uh, out of my age range at present, but I love the guy, anyway.

The fact that a woman drools over a picture of some guy who's an asshole in real life doesn't mean that that's what she wants in a spouse any more than some guy lusting after XYZ actress with fake boobs means that that's who he wants to be the mother of his children. You can think someone's good looking and acknowledge that their personality sucks (hell, look at pre-crazytown Mel Gibson).

I also agree that if a guy has to start telling me how "nice" he is, I'm going to wonder what's going on. That should usually speak for itself, IMHO. Also, I will say that desperation is a huge turn-off. If your friend projects an, "Oh my G-d, I need a girlfriend now! Right now!" vibe, that's probably not going to attract the kind of independently-minded, smart woman he says he wants. I want a boyfriend, sure, but I also want room to have my own life, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way.

[antifundie]

I LOVE Alan Alda!!!!! He did a book signing at my school, and I was a total fangirl. He is amazing as a person, and a very good speaker. I don't know how old you are Faust, but I'm 30, so, he's totally too old for me, but oh so hot. And charming in the best sense of the word.

And even Hawkeye had a soul, you know? He was a guy's guy and a womanizer, but everybody knew it--he didn't hide that. And he was loyal to his friends.

Come to think of it, my husband could have similar hair if he'd give it a deeper part...and he has that sexy/distinguished salt and pepper thing going on. :)

[FaustianSlip]

I'm 28, so we're in the same age range. And that's nice to hear that he's actually as good a guy in real life as he seems to be when you read about him. We actually had a guy during a training class I took last year who sounded exactly like Alan Alda. It was hilarious.

And I shouldn't have put up that Hugh Jackman picture. It's thoroughly distracting. Heh.

[IrishRose]

I love John Barrowman as Capt. Jack, but I wouldn't want to marry or do anything other than toy with that character. (I'm not even sure I'd want to have dinner with him.)

Ok crushes it is...I LOVE Alan Rickman and have since he was the Sheriff in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (and I was only 16 at the time...I've always had a thing for older men...my hubby is 11 years older than me).

LOVE John Barrowman! I would love to have dinner with him! Counting the days until Torchwood starts again. :)

I also love Robert Downey Jr. and Johnny Depp btw!

My husband is a very nice guy, but he also kind of has that brooding quality. We met online on an email list for the tv show Beauty and the Beast. He was going through a messy divorce and I had basically given up on finding "the one" at the age of 26! 10 years later and we are happily married. :) And he puts up with my love of John Barrowman! Actually he said awhile back that I clearly am attracted to gay men...of course he also said that one of the men I'm attracted to is my former boss (former not because anything bad happened...I was just bumped...my boss and I had nothing to do with it). After I stopped laughing I thought about it and kind of see his point. But I'm hopelessly in love with my hubby. :)

[PennySycamore]

Snape ( AKA Mr. Rickman) does absolute 0 for me, but the pics are funny, especially the one where he's jumping around like a giddy schoolgirl. Tom Crusie used to do it for me, now I think he's just a jerk. House is plain EW, sorry. Now... a little Kai from Lexx? Swooon. (Michael McManus) I also have a strange fetish for the young Richard Thomas. I like Benjamin Bratt, Christian Slater, Johnny Depp, Lou Diamond Phillips, even John Cusak. I tend to be attracted by the bad boys, with the exception of John Boy Walton ( I know, I know!)

Have you ever seen the film Last Summer? It came out a year or so before The Waltons. Richard Thomas starts out as a nice guy who is led astray by psychopath Barbara Hershey. He and Bruce Davidson (also a pretty nice guy) end up doing something not at all nice to Catherine Burns under the influence of bad girl Barbara. It's a terrific movie with great performances by the young cast. Cathy Burns was nominated for Best Supporting Actress Oscar.

I love Alan Rickman as Colonel Brandon in Sense and Sensibility.

(edited because of Molly Trolley's post with the correct name downthread)