Meta-Commentary and Question - Attractive Men

[darkplumaged]

You know, one reason a lot of women date "bad boys" or otherwise "not-nice guys" is that those bad boys actually approach them and show interest.

If you met me and my husband, you'd be surprised at the boyfriends I had before I met him. They were not "nice," wholesome guys. I'd wanted a nice, wholesome, clean-cut, sensitive guy since I was in my early teens, but you know what? Those guys were never interested in me, and if they were, they certainly didn't show it. (I did date a typical "nice guy" in high school, but that was more of a good friendship than a romance, and it wasn't so nice when he lost interest and dumped me.)

Point is, "nice guys," even genuinely nice guys, who are better called good men, have their foibles. (So do women! I would probably have been better off dating no one than getting involved with my first serious boyfriend. I was incredibly foolish in those days.)

ETA: oscar, exactly. Alan and Hugh are memes for this board. Not everyone thinks they're heartthrobs!

[Guest Anonymous]

Not all Nice Guys are fake.

There's a difference between a Nice Guy and a nice guy. The former is quite a bad thing, the latter is just fine.

Relevent to the conversation and a damned fabulous piece of writing - Heartless Bitches International on why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS. I'm posting a sample, but the entire thing is very worth reading.

You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless Bitch for dumping him."

I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

And the moral of the story is!

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/ ... guys.shtml

[Antigone]

I have a long standing love of Alan Rickman, long before he was known as Snape. Not many people have ever understood my love for him so when he started being raved about here I felt a great kinship because, finally, someone understood!

Brad Pitt cheated on his wife. He shacked up with someone while still married but also lied about it, claiming for over a year that they weren't together, then that they only got together after he left his wife, then she popped the cork and admitted they hooked up while he was still in his marriage.

Tom Cruise is an ignorant crazy man. He isn't an example of great parenting either. He isn't an example of anything, really.

I agree with Terrie. I'm leery of men who identify themselves as the 'nice guy'. The ones I know, personally, who believe that (or at least say that) about themselves are actually pretty narcissistic. "I'm such a nice guy and she is being such a bitch to me. It's all her fault because she doesn't recognize what a nice guy I am".

I've had similar experiences myself with self proclaimed "nice guys". The ones I knew turned out to be narcissistic, creeps, abusive, or just plain doormats. My hubby is, I suppose, a "nice guy" with a slight streak of "bad boy" in him. I'd call him a Remus Lupin/Dr. Wilson wrapped in a Snape/House candy shell. You just need to crunch hard enough to reach the yummy center.

As for Rickman, I've been a fan of his long before Snape as well, so it's not only about Snape/House with me. I like broader horizons (Depp, Daniel Craig, Christopher Meloni, Liam Neeson, Jason Isaacs, Apolo Ohno to name a few). On MASH I totally adored Hawkeye for his maudlin humor, but really crushed on Father Mulcahy. Got my first taste of Frank N Furter at 17 and loved it! I do prefer Riff Raff though (the handsex with Columbia makes me think of Josh and Anna's handsex!) and am currently trying to get the hubby to watch it with me (he's NEVER seen it before). Plus I can crush on the ladies, even if I'm straight- I've always liked Emma Watson, Helena Bonham Carter, Rachel Weisz, to name a few.

SO after my mini thread hijack, my point is: The ladies here have a wide, wide variety of tastes in men/women/whatever, and FWIW I think Alan Rickman and Hugh Laurie are just, idk, figureheads of FJ (pardon my french but what the hell is a meme anyway, before i use that term to apply to these two men?) and someone upthread mentioned that both men have been with their partners for A LONG TIME which can be a wonderful example to others. Plus, I hardly see any media coverage (tabloids!) about these two men and it shows that they can keep their private lives.... well, PRIVATE (unintentional rickman reference, haha).

This may sound lame but I always think that it's about personality and how you "click" with someone. YES, appearance does have a bit to do with it but that part is natural. IF the nice guy is actually a genuine nice guy, the right chick will come along, just give it time. I think "nice guy" is just trying too hard. Sure, eharmony can work, but the best things happen when you do not expect it. My life is proof.

[FaustianSlip]

I like AR in Galaxy Quest (yeah, despite the prosthetics) and An Awfully Big Adventure (his entrance made me slide off the sofa).

Galaxy Quest is one of my all-time favorite movies. It is pure genius from beginning to end.

And in the semi-Trek vein, I must confess that one of my first, full-blown crushes was on none other than Doctor Julian Bashir, on Star Trek: Deep Space 9. Another nice guy who kept right on getting the shaft. Well, a nice guy after the first couple of cringe-inducing seasons, anyway (though I think he was mostly socially awkward as opposed to an asshole). I still find Alexander Siddig quite hot, actually- I think it's something about tall, dark guys with accents.

Even in movies and TV, though, if you're just a douche, it doesn't really matter how hot you are; I probably won't find you very attractive if the douchebag/hot bod combo are all you have to offer. I mean, I like House because he's smart, snarky as hell and happens to be good-looking, but that's in spite of his... less endearing qualities, not because of them. I'm a huge Beatles fan, but always found John Lennon a bit hard to take precisely because he had a tendency toward rampant assholery and even cruelty (and went through quite a phase of treating women like shit, as I recall). I agree that the reason Hugh Laurie and Alan Rickman keep coming up has more to do with an inside joke than it does with a perfect storm of a forum where everyone desperately wants to jump their bones.

[GolightlyGrrl]

Anderson Cooper is totally my gay baby daddy. Our kids would have the bluest eyes ever!!! He's a talented journalist, very funny and self-deprecating and a Vanderbilt. Oh, and those gorgeous blue eyes.

And I've been crushing on Mark Ruffalo ever since I saw him in "The Kids are All Right." He's a talented actor, a devoted family man, a fellow cheesehead and just seems like a cool, low-key type of guy.

[tabitha2]

Second Nathan Fillion...He has not aged that well but he is still a fine looking man.Yes,in his big shows Castle and Firefly he is the rogue with the HOG that does not really exist save for in romance novels and woman's minds.

[Shirley MacLaine]

And I've been crushing on Mark Ruffalo ever since I saw him in "The Kids are All Right." He's a talented actor, a devoted family man, a fellow cheesehead and just seems like a cool, low-key type of guy.

Is it just me or does Mark Ruffalo look like Peter Dinklage in this picture?

[FlorenceHamilton]

My all time favorite drag queen!!!

Divine!

[Marchpane]

Has anyone seen the lovely Mr Rickman in "Truly, Madly, Deeply" ? It is a British film made in 1990 and directed by Anthony Minghella. A romantic weepy and very nicely done.

[debrand]

Is it just me or does Mark Ruffalo look like Peter Dinklage in this picture?

Peter Dinklage is very nice looking. He's also a very good actor.

[daharyn]

I still find Alexander Siddig quite hot, actually- I think it's something about tall, dark guys with accents.

Oh, oh, oh, did you see him in Cairo Time, romancing Patricia Clarkson? Not a perfect movie but so sultry and sweet...

[lalapendragon]

Nice guys do not finish last. My bf is awesomely nice and puts up with me and my adventures in crazy town and retains a bad boy edge that I find smoking hot. In terms of sexy actors I pick Alexander Skarsgard and Brad Pitt in the Legends of the Fall. I am crazy for long hair on men. Sexiness is all in manner and attitude to me rather than hot body - I prefer IRL a rapier wit and smolder rather than any particular look.

Young Tom Cruise was adorable but way too clean cut for me. Alan Rickman in Love, Actually ruined it for me by almost cheating on Emma Thompson.

[Guest Anonymous]

I'd do just about anything to meet a genuine Nice Guy right now, but actually dating in order to find one is way far off my priority list (as a single mom to a 2 and 3 year old, and a full-time university student). I was a very good girl who went with a total badass punk rocker, and boy do I regret it. I ended up marrying him, having kids, buying a house, and then finding out he was a regular hard drug user and chronic liar. We split two years ago, right before our youngest (of two) was born, tried again to work it out for a bit, then split for good about 7 or 8 months ago. Now at 25 and so much wiser (lol) my dream guy is George from Grey's Anatomy (T.R. Knight is cute, but his character, George? *swoon*). And really, do they get any better than that? (Throwing himself in front of a bus to save someone TOTALLY overrides a one-night affari, IMO!) :)

My point? Bad boys are totally overrated. The sex was terrible because it was all about him - isn't that standard bad boy ideology, anyway? I never found Alan Rickman appealing, but I'm of the Harry Potter generation so I've only ever known him as a creepy evil headmaster; also, he's a Slytherin - totally not hot. :naughty:

[ElphabaGalinda]

Im not into guys, but i always go for the nice girl type. Even in celebrities, I like the ones who play characters who are nice and innocent and too good hearted to be real. Of course, being hot is important too:) I've never understood the appeal of the bad boy/girl. I want someone who seems like they'll treat me well because that's how they treat everyone else. Currently, since I've been watching lots of True Blood lately, I've become totally in love with Anna Paquin. Well, really, Sookie Stackhouse because it's the character I like. But at first it was definately the fact that she's gorgeous.

[DamnPrecious]

Im not into guys, but i always go for the nice girl type. Even in celebrities, I like the ones who play characters who are nice and innocent and too good hearted to be real. Of course, being hot is important too:) I've never understood the appeal of the bad boy/girl. I want someone who seems like they'll treat me well because that's how they treat everyone else. Currently, since I've been watching lots of True Blood lately, I've become totally in love with Anna Paquin. Well, really, Sookie Stackhouse because it's the character I like. But at first it was definately the fact that she's gorgeous.

Pam's more mine.

[FaustianSlip]

Oh, oh, oh, did you see him in Cairo Time, romancing Patricia Clarkson? Not a perfect movie but so sultry and sweet...

Not yet, but it's on my Netflix queue right now! I've heard good things about it. He was cute as a button as Bashir- it always frosted me that Dax took up with Worf, of all people, whose entire character was based on the premise of being a humorless ass, instead of the good doctor. Bah. Woman didn't know what she was missing, I say.

[ElphabaGalinda]

Pam's more mine.

You can have her :) I was never attracted to the vampires, because blood and biting kinda grosses me out. Although when there are no fangs, or blood or biting I find Queen Sophie-Anne pretty hot. I love your avatar by the way. I just starting watching it last week, and I've just finished season 2,so I've become obsessed pretty quickly.

[daharyn]

Not yet, but it's on my Netflix queue right now! I've heard good things about it. He was cute as a button as Bashir- it always frosted me that Dax took up with Worf, of all people, whose entire character was based on the premise of being a humorless ass, instead of the good doctor. Bah. Woman didn't know what she was missing, I say.

I saw it in the cinema and was totally transported by it. I feel like Cairo itself is a character in the movie. And both the leads were plenty sexy! I hope you enjoy it when you get around to it. (I don't know about you but my Netflix queue is 100+ long right now...)

Dax was my other crush on that show! I remember deciding (I was younger then) that her taking up with Worf just left Bashir all for meeee. 8-)

[sacrilicious]

One other factor in what may make Hugh Laurie and Alan Rickman attractive is that they are both damn fine actors, and, to me at least, excelling at what you do is a turn-on. Nice guys don't have to advertise it, and I think most women respond to genuine niceness and confidence.

Anyway, someone like this is much more to my fantasy taste:

http://www.teilani.de/odb-wetlook.jpg

[1004srs]

Prince William seems like a nice guy. He was hot when he was a few years younger, but now he's grown into nice.

Prince Harry is the hot, bad boy. Yummy, but I wouldn't settle down with him. It would be all about him. Only red headed man I've ever thought was attractive.

If course, they are both waaaayyyyy to young for me to even look at.

[Alecto]

I'm struggling with the whole dating thing. I met a guy recently, had wicked chemistry, and then nothing.

It's depressing.

[1004srs]

I am a single Mom, too, with a 5 and 8 year old. Been divorced for 4 years. I am not dating right now. I tried, but even the nice guys don't seem to understand that I don't need a father for my kids (they have one), I don't need a provider, and I really don't need someone who's clingy. I have absolutely no "me" time - I have my kids 100% of the time. The last thing I want to do when I get time to myself is share it.

I have resigned myself to admiring men from a distance for the moment.

[daharyn]

I'm struggling with the whole dating thing. I met a guy recently, had wicked chemistry, and then nothing.

It's depressing.

Awww, that stinks. Dating's tough. Hugs for you and everyone else in your same boat.

[Guest Anonymous]

I am a single Mom, too, with a 5 and 8 year old. Been divorced for 4 years. I am not dating right now. I tried, but even the nice guys don't seem to understand that I don't need a father for my kids (they have one), I don't need a provider, and I really don't need someone who's clingy. I have absolutely no "me" time - I have my kids 100% of the time. The last thing I want to do when I get time to myself is share it.

I have resigned myself to admiring men from a distance for the moment.

I hear ya. Right now I'm really enjoying being a "free agent" - I was with the Ex from the age of 17 to 24, I need some 'alone time'! I like not having obligations to anyone else (aside from the kiddo's, of course).

The next 5-7 years of my life are quite full enough for my liking, with a B.A. to complete and perhaps an M.A. as well if all goes as planned, so I'm going to be up to my eyeballs in books and papers... and reruns of Grey's :)