"Daddy likes it that way"

[AnnoDomini]

People here have remarked that the Duggar girls say their father likes their hair permed and long. My mother, who LOVES the Duggars and seems to think they can do no wrong, maintains adamantly that the girls never said any such thing, that they have their hair like that because they themselves like it that way.

She has also said that they don't get paid for the show, at least that was my understanding of what she said. I'm sure she's misunderstanding THAT at any rate. No way are they not getting paid. Maybe they're not getting paid any more than the SAG minimum but since they're not actors I'm not sure if SAG applies to them.

[PBrooke]

I covered this in another thread (I wish we'd make a sticky about these common phrases/urban legends, like a Snopes of FJ). Anyway, the exact phrase "daddy likes it," is not used, but it's close - something more along the lines of "our dad likes long hair." It's found in the episode from the first season, which I believe is called Cheaper by the Duggars, in the segment where they talk about perming their hair. It's easily found on YouTube, but as I'm posting on an iPad I'm not going to find it again at the moment.

[snarkykitty]

People here have remarked that the Duggar girls say their father likes their hair permed and long. My mother, who LOVES the Duggars and seems to think they can do no wrong, maintains adamantly that the girls never said any such thing, that they have their hair like that because they themselves like it that way.

She has also said that they don't get paid for the show, at least that was my understanding of what she said. I'm sure she's misunderstanding THAT at any rate. No way are they not getting paid. Maybe they're not getting paid any more than the SAG minimum but since they're not actors I'm not sure if SAG applies to them.

Reality shows are not SAG productions. Not by a long shot. SAG productions are strictly regulated, and employ actors. The Screen Actors Guild is a UNION.

These reality shows are cheaply-made, unregulated programs.

[annalena]

As a person who was told to not dye her hair cause daddy like it this way, not to get piercings when I was well over 18 cause daddy would freak out, not to wear too short skirts cause daddy didn't approve, I can tell you this from the bottom of my heart:

it's sick, it's wrong, it's controlling, it's abusive and incestous and the sentence alone makes me want to throw up.

Btw, I have dyed my hair for 13 years and have 2 piercings. :twisted:

[StarrieEyedKat]

Here you go - around the 4:50 mark

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And I think it's pretty damn sure that they're paid. All of TLC's other reality show families have been paid, why wouldn't the Duggars be?

[Paisy]

I don't know, I guess I just read into it very differently (the hair thing). My dad is a plastic surgeon (retired now) and growing up I stayed out of the sun because my dad freaked out if I came home with a sun burn, I never considered getting a tattoo because I knew it would freak my dad out and I guess there were a lot of things I did or didn't do because I didn't want to displease my parents. I never felt like they were controlling or abusive, in fact I don't think I could have asked for better parents and to this day they are two of the most supportive people in my life. Perhaps it is our own backgrounds that leads us to interpret these things differently.

[Hane]

Yeah, but, Patsy, your father was a health professional with a legitimate interest in your physical well-being. Daddy playing fundie fashion police is another thing altogether.

[SunnyAndrsn]

I think your dad has a unique perspective because of his education/career. As a physician, he knows how damaging sunburn is, at a different level than the rest of the population. Don't you think?

I think most of us have things we do in a specific way because of our parental influence.

There is a difference between a teenager not being allowed to wear makeup, certain clothes, etc. and a handful of teenage girls saying they have long hair because their dad likes long hair.

I couldn't care one bit if my dad like my hairstyle or not when I was a teen. I wore my hair the way I wanted to, period.

I don't know, I guess I just read into it very differently (the hair thing). My dad is a plastic surgeon (retired now) and growing up I stayed out of the sun because my dad freaked out if I came home with a sun burn, I never considered getting a tattoo because I knew it would freak my dad out and I guess there were a lot of things I did or didn't do because I didn't want to displease my parents. I never felt like they were controlling or abusive, in fact I don't think I could have asked for better parents and to this day they are two of the most supportive people in my life. Perhaps it is our own backgrounds that leads us to interpret these things differently.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I had no idea that all the girls perm their hair. That's a lot of chemicals and processing!

Anyway, thanks for the clip. It sounds like the perms were the girls' preference, and Jim Bob just liked the long hair. I assumed that it's partially religious, since some fundies believe that women are required to have long hair.

[Kitten]

If I recall, there are also clips of Michelle talking about the hairstyles in the very early shows, and saying they keep it long because a woman's hair is supposed to bring your eyes to her face, or some such nonsense like that. It's all part of that VF/ATI schtick about "countenances."

Of course, if your hair is supposed to bring a boy's eyes to your FACE, it might be better to have it chin or shoulder length, instead of hanging down directly over the goodies, if you know what I mean. Hey, maybe that's why they always keep it tucked behind them!

And if they're going to go all Bliblical, they shouldn't be braiding it or wearing headbands - you know, all that "broided hair" prohibition and all - but we all know the Duggars are "pickers and choosers" when it comes to Biblical fidelity.

[Wolfie]

Paisy, there is a big difference between a parent being concerned because of health or even some societal norms and "Daddy doesn't think hats are attractive on females so we can't wear them.". I ran into that on a message board once and just thought WTF? I don't dress to arouse my dad, ewww.

I don't think it happens in the Duggar household, but I suspect in some of them they are beaten for choosing their own look.

[Kitten]

One other thought - if you've never had short hair, how do you know if you (not Daddy) like it or not? Obviously, that's a rhetorical question, because you put others first, and if Dad likes long hair, well, then by golly, you like long hair, too, because Dad is your leader, so he must be right in all things, and... :angry-screaming:

Sorry, I can't continue. The flames shot out of my head and singed off all my hair, so I'm going to look for one of those headbands with the fake pigtails...

[FireIsCatching89]

Paisy, there is a big difference between a parent being concerned because of health or even some societal norms and "Daddy doesn't think hats are attractive on females so we can't wear them.". I ran into that on a message board once and just thought WTF? I don't dress to arouse my dad, ewww.

THIS THIS THIS! The only time my dad has EVER ordered me to do anything concerning my appearance it was related to my health: put on lots of sunscreen/wear a hat when you go to camp. Remember your retainer because if your teeth shift, you're in line for jaw problems. Wear a heavier coat, you don't want to catch a chill. That's normal fatherly concern. It's when he tells you to wear certain things because he likes it that way that I get squicked out. Normal dads realize that their daughters' appearances are their own. JB is not a normal dad.

[browngrl]

A little while back I decided to cut my long long hair and donate it. My father was aghast. He tried very hard to change my mind about cutting my hair. In a fit of irritation I said "if you love long hair so much why don't you grow your own". Sadly he did just that. So picture this: a rotund, short brown old man with wild grey,grizzly adams hair and beard. A definite Glamour don't (also he favours pants pulled up to his arm pits and socks and sandals). We have since tried to convince him to cut his hair (or even just trim it) but he declines. *sigh*

[urban teacher]

That's my main problem with the 7 sisters. They dress and cover their hair because Daddy decided they should. They have a post about it.

[doggie]

Remember daddy likes it that way because gothard likes it that way.

[lilah]

Yeah remember that Daddy is always right.

Whether the Duggar children get money for their appearances is a subject of much debate, I think the current theory is that TLC pays the families paid per household so above 18 year old Duggars don't see a cent of it, except Josh who lives separately.

[Kitchen Princess]

I don't know, I guess I just read into it very differently (the hair thing). My dad is a plastic surgeon (retired now) and growing up I stayed out of the sun because my dad freaked out if I came home with a sun burn, I never considered getting a tattoo because I knew it would freak my dad out and I guess there were a lot of things I did or didn't do because I didn't want to displease my parents. I never felt like they were controlling or abusive, in fact I don't think I could have asked for better parents and to this day they are two of the most supportive people in my life. Perhaps it is our own backgrounds that leads us to interpret these things differently.

My daddy was a 45-year-old man and still hiding his beer when his Mama came around, because Mama didn't like him drinking.

It's just that you don't want to face the consequences, or let someone down that you dearly love. My daddy did not want to disappoint his mama. It goes both ways. My dad liked me to wear long hair when I was a teenager, but he wasn't even remotely fundie (even though is mama was).

[Elle]

My dad liked my hair long and its natural blondish color, but when I wanted to shop it to my shoulders and dye it black, I didn't feel any pressure to do what he liked. I knew I wouldn't be a disappointment, and he knew I had the right to express myself in a way that wasn't harmful and was a way that could be undone (versus a tattoo on my cheek or something). The Duggar girls don't have that. They were raised to seek daddy-approval, then husband-approval.

[Kitty]

My daddy was a 45-year-old man and still hiding his beer when his Mama came around, because Mama didn't like him drinking.

It's just that you don't want to face the consequences, or let someone down that you dearly love. My daddy did not want to disappoint his mama. It goes both ways. My dad liked me to wear long hair when I was a teenager, but he wasn't even remotely fundie (even though is mama was).

My half-sister was a 38 year old woman who, when her mother stayed at her house for a visit, would go behind the shed to smoke. Our dad told her she could smoke and drink to her heart's content, because it was her house, but she wasn't willing to put up with her mother's bitching. Though Dad would kill me if he found out I took up smoking. He's pretty much of the opinion that if you're an adult, you do what the hell you want, provided it's not illegal and doesn't hurt anyone else, but Older Sister had probably been smoking for years at that point and had been living on her own for about 20 years (and two years after this incident, I'm still yet to turn 20 :P ). Of course, my mom would react the same way. I think it's a mom thing, honestly, plus smoking is pretty bad for you.

Though Older Sister's mom is pretty crazy, and it's never fun when she and my dad are together, ESPECIALLY when my mom is there too :?

[NurseNell]

My half-sister was a 38 year old woman who, when her mother stayed at her house for a visit, would go behind the shed to smoke. Our dad told her she could smoke and drink to her heart's content, because it was her house, but she wasn't willing to put up with her mother's bitching.

My cousin Linnea's aunt by marriage lived across the street. Aunt Marion was quite the interferer in other people's lives. She hated smoking so Linnea had to hide her ashtrays and cigarettes when Aunt Marion came over. And she couldn't smoke outside because Aunt Marion would see her. It was quite funny but no one wanted to get on her bad list.

[Guest Anonymous]

my dad doesn't even notice, unless I specifically tell him and he always goes "oh! very pretty, pretty, pretty" he's cute :)

[duplessis3]

My mom always wanted my hair short. Ugh. I think I look horrible with it short but she still talks about it. I'd have a pixie cut if it was up to her. My father always thought I was beautiful. My mom would go on and on about what I was wearing, and my makeup. My dad would just say "She looks beautiful!"

[SunnyAndrsn]

When I hear the daughters saying "that's what my mom/dad likes" in regards to appearance, I always want to ask them

BUT WHAT DO YOU LIKE?

It seems to me that this would be a rather flabbergasting question to ask.

[ADoyle90815]

My mom always wanted my hair short. Ugh. I think I look horrible with it short but she still talks about it. I'd have a pixie cut if it was up to her. My father always thought I was beautiful. My mom would go on and on about what I was wearing, and my makeup. My dad would just say "She looks beautiful!"

That was true in my case as well, as my mom had always had short hair, as did both aunts and a cousin who have short hair cuts. Eventually, she realized that I was going to do what I want, and that chin length is the shortest I can go without being called "sir" by people. Ironically, she's now growing her hair out longer than it was, after all those years of keeping a short cut.