"Daddy likes it that way"

[rumput_duri]

My dad likes long hair on his daughters, because he thinks it looks feminine. But there's not really pressure on us to *keep* it that way...maybe because none of us have ever "pushed the limits". I had to beg for several months to be allowed to henna my hair, though. They said "Why would you want to change the colour of the hair God gave you? You should be satisfied with what you have."

Also, for a long time, my sisters & I were not allowed to pierce our ears. My mum doesn't have hers done (she's not a "girly girl", doesn't wear make-up, etc.) and she didn't understand why we would want to have things dangling from our earlobes. But we convinced them to give us permission last January.

And for awhile, my parents didn't want us to pluck our eyebrows (either to fix the unibrow, or general shaping). But I did it anyways, and I think they don't mind anymore -- many restrictions like that have mellowed as we grew older.

My mum began shaving her legs when she was thirteen, and has regretted it ever since. So she tried to keep us girls from doing it, saying it would make our leg hair thick & dark...incidentally, it *was* thick & dark *before* shaving, on me. I was embarrassed to let my legs be seen.

This touches on a lot more than hair length...sorry!

[JesusFightClub]

My dad is a long hair on daughters person too and occasionally Has Words with me about "keeping yourself a bit more nicely". I'm very fond of my dad but dread this conversation.

I once went clothes shopping with him and he brought me a long dark skirt and said "This'll be lovely on you". It was marked "Tall" and was a UK size 20. I am petite and at the time I was a UK 4/6. I could have used the bloody thing as a tent.

[annalena]

I had no idea that all the girls perm their hair. That's a lot of chemicals and processing!

Anyway, thanks for the clip. It sounds like the perms were the girls' preference, and Jim Bob just liked the long hair. I assumed that it's partially religious, since some fundies believe that women are required to have long hair.

So, how is getting perms different from dying your hair? Which no one does, so I assume it's forbidden. Also remember Erin Bates about the blue haired guy.

[annalena]

My dad likes long hair on his daughters, because he thinks it looks feminine. But there's not really pressure on us to *keep* it that way...maybe because none of us have ever "pushed the limits". I had to beg for several months to be allowed to henna my hair, though. They said "Why would you want to change the colour of the hair God gave you? You should be satisfied with what you have."

Also, for a long time, my sisters & I were not allowed to pierce our ears. My mum doesn't have hers done (she's not a "girly girl", doesn't wear make-up, etc.) and she didn't understand why we would want to have things dangling from our earlobes. But we convinced them to give us permission last January.

And for awhile, my parents didn't want us to pluck our eyebrows (either to fix the unibrow, or general shaping). But I did it anyways, and I think they don't mind anymore -- many restrictions like that have mellowed as we grew older.

My mum began shaving her legs when she was thirteen, and has regretted it ever since. So she tried to keep us girls from doing it, saying it would make our leg hair thick & dark...incidentally, it *was* thick & dark *before* shaving, on me. I was embarrassed to let my legs be seen.

This touches on a lot more than hair length...sorry!

How old are you? :shock: Sounds very simliar to my parents. Wasn't even allowed to pierce my ears in forever. Mother wanted me to keep from shaving my legs, too. She wanted me to stay a little girl. This is somehow sick.

[muffynbear]

I pierced my ears when I was 19 and my mom had a FIT over it. She acted like I had just tattooed my forehead or something.

[Patsy]

Anecdote time?

:roll: When my sister mentions her plan to get an industrial piercing, my father signs 'stupid' and screws up his face. He is always so subtle with his disapproval.

He was once talking about exercise and diet, and said to me, 'Well, your mother needs to lose weight... you... you're okay.' :roll: Thanks, Dad. I was dying to know whether I met your standards.

[rumput_duri]

How old are you? :shock: Sounds very simliar to my parents. Wasn't even allowed to pierce my ears in forever. Mother wanted me to keep from shaving my legs, too. She wanted me to stay a little girl. This is somehow sick.

Well, I'd rather not specify my exact age, but I'm around college age now. During my younger teen years, I was never one to experiment with my appearance much -- took me several months to work up the courage to change the part in my hair from center to side :P (not because of anything my parents might have thought/said; just my own super-self-conscious introverted-ness) I think -- hope! -- I've gained in self-esteem & self-expression since then...

[goldennotebook]

My mum began shaving her legs when she was thirteen, and has regretted it ever since. So she tried to keep us girls from doing it, saying it would make our leg hair thick & dark...incidentally, it *was* thick & dark *before* shaving, on me. I was embarrassed to let my legs be seen.

Just FYI, the whole "shaving makes your hair thicker and darker" thing is an old wive's tale. It may change the direction of regrowth initially, which would make the hair "appear" thicker, but it doesn't actually change the consistency of your hair.

This whole thread makes me grateful I had liberal laissez-faire parents who pretty much let me do whatever I wanted appearance-wise and didn't frame it about "how they liked it." Somehow, I turned out all right, LOL.

[JuJuBee]

My dad would occasionally get annoyed by the way we dressed if it was too revealing. He also liked long hair, but my mother preferred to wear hers shorter. My hair length tended to vary. I think many dads have preferences, and there is nothing wrong with this really.

I think what makes the Duggar's case more unnerving is that every girl in the household does it without question. In a normal household, maybe one girl would do it to make him happy while another rebelled a little bit and cut it short. Or maybe they'd wear it permed for a little while then change styles when they were bored. A whole household filled with girls with long permed hair and long skirts just comes off as a little weird and you can kind of feel that patriarchial vibe.

[annalena]

Well, I'd rather not specify my exact age, but I'm around college age now. During my younger teen years, I was never one to experiment with my appearance much -- took me several months to work up the courage to change the part in my hair from center to side :P (not because of anything my parents might have thought/said; just my own super-self-conscious introverted-ness) I think -- hope! -- I've gained in self-esteem & self-expression since then...

Ok I see no worries ;) but then I assume you are over 18, why in the world are you waiting for your parents to give you approval to get your ears pierced?

[mirele]

My dad thinks that long hair on a woman is unprofessional and has said so on numerous occasions. He's not thrilled about my waist-length hair but he does like the fact that I braid it and keep it out of the way.

[rumput_duri]

Ok I see no worries ;) but then I assume you are over 18, why in the world are you waiting for your parents to give you approval to get your ears pierced?

I'm not sure -- maybe 'cause we grew up with the mindset that piercing was something we needed parental permission for? And there's the whole "when your under our roof, you set a good example to your younger siblings" angle as well.

[AnnoDomini]

Oh ugh--forgive the tangent, but that whole 'set a good example' thing is tricky. Too easy for the parent to set rules against doing this or that under the guise of 'setting a good example' when it's just something they personally don't like.

I want to wear things that my mother considers 'immodest' (low-cut necklines, shorter skirts, etc) but she pressures me to toe the modesty line. Not of course to tell her adult child what to wear of course (of course), but so I'll 'set a good example for the little girls'. I have three. Oh and to keep my brothers comfortable. They can't see their sister wearing anything with a hint of cleavage, or a shirt that shows a sliver of skin when I stretch my arms over my head. Yet my mother lets my little sisters wear things that she wouldn't want me wearing, and she doesn't say a word when my older sister wears her black lace shirt with a red bra underneath, highly visible. I'm being held to a higher standard than those she wants the example set for. She told me once that she let my older sister wear those things that I can't wear because she's 'less likely to attract a man'. (A bit of context: All the women in my immediate family are fat, including me. I am, however, smaller than my sister, and I have proportionally bigger breasts.)

[Vex]

I guess the difference between a normal parent who doesn't like, for example, piercings and a controlling parent is something like this:

If a teenage girl who wasn't allowed to get her ears pierced decided to get her bellybutton pierced (since that could be hidden) and her parents later found out, normal parents might freak out but eventually get over it whereas controlling parents would MAKE you take it out.

I used that example because I did that myself. My mother loathes body modification of any kind and she freaked out and insisted I remove it. I refused, since I was 15 and it was was my body (I feel so obnoxious now) and she just let it be. Incidentally, my body rejected the piercing so my mother got her way in the end.

I do think that strict control backfires. I got my bellybutton pierced specifically because I wasn't allowed to get my ears done until I was 18. All my friends had earrings (and 10 years ago, none of the other girls had bellybutton piercings), and I didn't want to be left out.

After I turned 18, I didn't just get my ears pierced once - I had them done three times. Then, I got my nose stud. When it grew out (my body has a real issue accepting piercings), I got a tattoo. I wouldn't have done any of those things (except maybe my nose) if I'd just been allowed to have pierced ears in the first place.