"I have 5 problem children and 3 normal children"

[Witsec1]

Soooo, Natalie Klejwa has a new post up which talks about an idea she tried out for getting her 8 year old to do her chores. Apparently the girl has some developmental issues and getting her to clean her "jurisdiction" (is that a Maxwell term?) is a huge hairy deal. She made a book with photo illustrations that tells the story of how she cleans up the playroom.

I have no problem with the concept that everyone needs to chip in on household chores, and I think the storybook is a great idea. In fact, it seems very progressive for a parent who thinks that offering a child the choice of which shirt to wear undermines parental authority: see http://www.freejinger.org/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=2906 .

Klejwa introduces the post like this:

You can line our family up from oldest to youngest, and we’ll stand there and look sweet on the outside. But don’t let that fool you. We are Wemmicks, after all. I do not want anyone to mistakenly think that we’ve got it all together. My husband and I are both selfish, strong willed, and stubborn. We have had our share of marriage heart aches…and are working through issues all the time. Our children all have their own unique besetting sins as well. Put all of us together, and it isn’t always a lovely thing to behold, although God’s grace is at work in our lives.

Our oldest is a genius…with a touch of Asperger’s Syndrome. It’s mild…and really, no one can tell anymore, but when he was younger it caused a lot of emotional hair-pulling on my end…and wondering how it would all turn out. Our second and fourth have Tourette’s Syndrome. (If you want to see a wonderful family film on this subject, I highly recommend Front of the Class, a Hallmark Hall of Fame Classic. You’ll laugh, cry, and everything in between. Our boys do not, thankfully, have major vocal tics as the young man in the movie did.)

Our sixth child has a horrific stuttering problem. We’ve tried speech therapy…and it failed. We’re simply hoping God will bring healing to this part of her life and enable her to communicate effectively as she grows older.

We do have three children that, so far, seem to be your average, run of the mill children, for which we are certainly thankful. : )

Our fifth child is a mystery. She has a few symptoms of autism, a few of RAD, ADD, and some others. But she doesn’t really fit the mold for any one of those things exactly. She has been the source of much prayer, heart ache, crying in the middle of the night, fear, and frustration since she was one. She just turned 8 yesterday. She is the subject of this post.

I don't know. This seems very cold to me. "3 of my children, are normal, thank God, but 5 of them are freaks". She's not using a pseudonym so everyone knows who those kids are. What do does the hive vagina think?

Also, she doesn't really speculate in the article as to why the girl might be pitching a fit at chore time. I know that some kids have a real rough time with transitions. Her authoritarian parenting philosophy probably prevents her from offering the child a choice about when to do chores, which could be making things worse. Has anyone faced a similar problem? What did you try?

ETA linky: visionarywomanhood.com/helping-a-challenging-child-do-chores/

[MamaJunebug]

Without looking at the website, this cell of the h.v. thinks Natalie is going to have some pretty sparse attendance at Thanksgivings and Christmases, a decade or two down the road.

ETA: Having looked at the website, I think the book is a fine idea, I love that she uses it when they "cuddle up" and I'm encouraged that the child is allowed to wear jeans and to stand on the dresser for a photo.

But back to my original: Mother isn't doing anybody any favors by calling names. Doesn't she know that words hurt?

[Kelya]

oh my god, they're simply waiting out their child's stutter?

Unless they were advised to wait until the child was older to see if they naturally outgrew it, they are horrible horrible parents.

[margiebargie]

I think she should stop treating her kids like they're some trial from God. They're kids. If they have problems that you can't fix, get help.** That's what parents do - and they might have to do it for years. Don't call your kids out on your blog.

**I love how she just gave up on the stuttering problem. WTH?

Another thing - I suspect a lot of these "problems" are in her head. I think her parenting sucks, her kids aren't turning out perfect like she thinks they're supposed to be, so she's looking for excuses.

[emmiedahl]

How is a child with a stuttering issue a problem child?

According to her reckoning, I have had four problem children (with the immune system trifecta of allergies, asthma and atopic dermatitis) and one normal child. And here I thought I was pretty damn lucky.

One of my stepchildren had speech issues that required years of speech therapy. I mean, probably a decade. It's not a big deal at all; he is a young adult and speaks normally. In our case, he was moved from a private to a public school so he could get daily services. Except for an occasional IEP meeting, it was all good.

[Austin]

Stuttering can be treated! One of our sons stuttered, but we got him help for it. There are artifacts of it still, such as he will still stutter slightly if he's very emotional or very tired), but this represents a vast improvement. The solutions, however, do not work overnight. I don't get how one just gives up on it for their child. :roll:

[Kitty]

My god, I guess I must be a "problem child" for having ADHD, undiagnosed Tourette Syndrome, asthma, a pollen allergy, a fear of thunderstorms...

And I was so much better behaved than my younger sister, whose only problem is an allergy to cats.

It bothers me that kids with minor problems are "problem children." They are not problem children. They just don't fit easily into the very rigid mold their parents have set for them. Unless the Asperger's, Tourettes, and ADHD are very severe, there's no reason to call them problem children. She's said that her Tourettes kids don't have the "major vocal tics." Um yeah, dumb cow, it's often quite difficult to tell when someone has Tourettes since the tics aren't "major." It's usually small things, like sniffing, twitching, grunting, etc.

No child is a "trial from God." That's a horrible way to think of ANYONE, especially the child you've been "blessed" with. They simply develop differently from "normal" kids. Yes, kids with Asperger's and ADHD do have challenges and often make things challenging for others (at worst, kids with TS might be annoying and a bit embarrassed about their tics, but it's really not that big a deal unless it's severe and there's coprolalia involved). There is no reason to treat them like a freakshow like this.

Stupid cows. I hate fundiemoms.

[alphaeta08]

Sounds like my mom: I'm a problem child because I'm not skinny or "happy" enough, and my on and off depression is just too high maintenance. :lol: Not the perfect child she expected, even though she didn't really put forth the corresponding effort in raising me. Sometimes I wonder what she'd be like if I had real problems. Last time I checked, I wasn't pregnant, an alcoholic, on drugs, getting anything less than A's, etc. :roll: So, I bottle up my rage while trying to make her happy so she won't gossip about me to my sister, friends, etc. That's the situation this bitch will be looking at down the road, so... oh well.

Just remembered: my mom fixed my lisp practically by intimidation alone! I don't lisp now, but her off-brand speech therapy was kind of scary at the time. I'm sure she'd have tried the same with a stutter. :lol:

[emmiedahl]

This sounds like fundie self diagnosis. How does she know her child has RAD and all these other very serious psychiatric problems? Like, did she read that list that the crazy woman with the adopted children put up and decide it fits? Or see a wide range of therapists and doctors who came to that conclusion?

Maybe she is just a shitty parent with unreasonable expectations.

OK, I read the article and she is expecting way too much of that little girl. I have a nine year old and you can't just be like "Clean this messy room little slave!" You have to say, "Can you put the toys where they go, straighten the table tops and vacuum?" Or maybe give her another jurisdiction; it sounds like there are a lot of children using that room and maybe the girl gets pissed about cleaning up other people's messes. My 9 yo daughter has those moments.

[docmom]

At least (and it is the very least she could do) she aknowledges that there are syndromes such as Asperger's, Tourettes and ADD. Many fundies (Smockity Frocks for example) believe the behaviours attached to these syndromes are the result of poor parenting and can be beaten out of the child.

[nuri]

At least (and it is the very least she could do) she aknowledges that there are syndromes such as Asperger's, Tourettes and ADD. Many fundies (Smockity Frocks for example) believe the behaviours attached to these syndromes are the result of poor parenting and can be beaten out of the child.

Not only that -- but the making a book/social story/step by step instruction is a very good and common special ed technique.

Referring to her kids the way she does is a hairpoint trigger for me, but I also know from experience that one way parents of kids with special needs deal with it is with a sort of twisted sense of humor. (Also the same way that special ed teachers/aides deal with it too). So for the kids sake, I hope it's humor and not how she actually thinks of her kids.

[kb2]

This is slightly different, but I knew a guy with a speech impediment (couldn't say R's--was unfortunately named with a name starting with R) who didn't get rid of it until mid-high school.

There are a couple of people in my life right now who have all-or-nothing thinking when it comes to biological/medical things, and it's really annoying me. Just because your one round of speech therapy didn't fix everything doesn't mean it "failed," it means it wasn't the magic beans you were expecting.

But it's also possible she was told to wait it out a bit.

[GeoBQn]

I was born with both of my hips dislocated, one of which required several surgeries to fix. As I grew older, I had some kind of language acquisition disorder, which made me unable to understand other people or speak so that I could be understood. This caused me to have terrible separation anxiety, because I couldn't understand my mother when she said, "I'll be back soon." I also had a speech problem, sort of the inverse of stuttering--instead of repeating the beginnings of words quickly, I'd repeat the ends of words slowly. I had to be tested to rule out autism and cognitive impairment. I had to go through years of physical, speech, and developmental therapy to deal with these issues. My parents even delayed me from entering kindergarten for a year because they weren't sure I'd be able to handle it.

My mother is a physical therapist for special needs children, and she has a masters in early childhood development, so she was able to use her connections to get me to see the best doctors and therapists. Today, no one would ever be able to tell that I had such issues. When I read blog entries like this one, it makes me wonder how I would have turned out if I had been born into a fundie family, and I fear for children with my past issues who are in that situation.

[Witsec1]

To be fair, she did not call them "problem" children - that was me paraphrasing and extrapolatiing from "We do have three children that, so far, seem to be your average, run of the mill children, for which we are certainly thankful. : )" Are they not thankful for all their blessings?

And I agree with docmom, at least she acknowledges that those syndromes exist. I just wonder how the authoritarian parenting style -to the point of thinking offering a child choices undermines parental authority - meshes with some of those symptoms. Is she setting up power struggles when she could be creating "win-win" situations?

And RAD? What does it mean when she says the 8 year old shows some RAD symptoms? Is this coming from a professional or just comparing notes with other parents (she says she has friends who have adopted from kids from difficult backgrounds). I thought RAD was caused by abuse and neglect. If a professional said "This child shows symptoms of RAD" that would be worrisome. I know that RAD was one outcome associated with the extreme form of the Ezzo method.

[persuaded]

I don't know... maybe I am a bit guilty of this same thing? This is what I wrote for my blogger profile:

I am a single mama of 5 children...some are adopted and some aren't, some have special needs and the rest are just incorrigibly normal. I am blessed to be able to be a homemaker. We homeschool:-)

I'm kinda horrified at the thought that the way I wrote about my kids might be coming off as possibly objectifying my kiddos who happen to have some type of challenge :oops:

[MaroonMandy]

I don't know... maybe I am a bit guilty of this same thing? This is what I wrote for my blogger profile:

I am a single mama of 5 children...some are adopted and some aren't, some have special needs and the rest are just incorrigibly normal. I am blessed to be able to be a homemaker. We homeschool:-)

I'm kinda horrified at the thought that the way I wrote about my kids might be coming off as possibly objectifying my kiddos who happen to have some type of challenge :oops:

I don't think anyone would read it like that. I think it's a cute description of your kiddos.

[Witsec1]

I don't know... maybe I am a bit guilty of this same thing? This is what I wrote for my blogger profile:

I am a single mama of 5 children...some are adopted and some aren't, some have special needs and the rest are just incorrigibly normal. I am blessed to be able to be a homemaker. We homeschool:-)

I'm kinda horrified at the thought that the way I wrote about my kids might be coming off as possibly objectifying my kiddos who happen to have some type of challenge :oops:

The difference I see is that you are not saying that you are thankful that at least some of your children are "normal". Do you see the difference?

Also, you are not using your full name (esp. an unusual one, like Klejwa), so it's unlikely that someone googling for your kids would find stuff they don't necessarily want as part of their public image.

[VeraAnne]

To give her the benefit of the doubt, she might be saying that she is thankful that some of her children do not have extra challanges for their own sake.

My oldest has a whole host of developmental issues. I am beyond thankful for him, and I would be heartbroken if someone thought that I was less thankful for him than my other children.

That said, I am also thankful that my other children do not have developmental issues because I have seen him struggle so hard and I am glad that my other kids won't have to go through all of that pain and frustration.

Now, I could be just projecting my own feelings onto her, and she could definitely be looking at this from the "wow, I'm thankful that I don't have to deal with crap form at least 3 of my kids" point of view, but I'm not sure we can imply that just because she said that she was thankful that 3 of her kids are NT.

[Witsec1]

VeraAnne: I could be reading too much into it. She also has other posts where she advocates authoritarian parenting and mentions that she has often been told she lacks empathy. It probably colors my perception.

I just have a problem with parents who blog under their own names and over-share about their children. Not just fundies!

[VeraAnne]

On that note, what do you think about Amalah? I started following her because her son and my oldest have very similar issues and I like her writing style, but I know she is someone who has been accused of "over-sharing". Do you think that she crosses the line? Sorry to derail this a bit, but I'm kind of curious how this group views more liberal mommybloggers.

[persuaded]

The difference I see is that you are not saying that you are thankful that at least some of your children are "normal". Do you see the difference?

Also, you are not using your full name (esp. an unusual one, like Klejwa), so it's unlikely that someone googling for your kids would find stuff they don't necessarily want as part of their public image.

Okay... phew. In my own defense, I try really hard to not post anything negative about my kids, or anything that might prove embarrassing for them should they or an acquaintance stumble upon it sometime in the future. Even though I may have control over their stories at the moment it's important to remember that.. in the final analysis, it's their story. Not mine. Does that make sense?

[Witsec1]

On that note, what do you think about Amalah? I started following her because her son and my oldest have very similar issues and I like her writing style, but I know she is someone who has been accused of "over-sharing". Do you think that she crosses the line? Sorry to derail this a bit, but I'm kind of curious how this group views more liberal mommybloggers.

I'm not familiar with amalah - I skimmed over some recent things and I didn't see anything that was obviously over-sharing. A lot of day-to-day stuff and OMG! household crisis! Also it just seems different when people are using pseudonyms. Maybe it's not all that hard to figure out who they really are, but at least you her kids won't face the prospect of details about their toilet training coming up on a google search of their name.

I don't read a lot of mommyblogs, more craft and gardening blogs so I'm probably just not familiar with how much the envelope has been pushed with regard to privacy. I know when I (briefly) had a blog my daughter wanted prior approval of anything posted about her. She was around 9 or 10 at the time. I bet that Ms. Klejwa does not give her kids any kind of editorial control over what gets posted about them.

[ems]

Soooo, Natalie Klejwa has a new post up which talks about an idea she tried out for getting her 8 year old to do her chores. Apparently the girl has some developmental issues and getting her to clean her "jurisdiction" (is that a Maxwell term?) is a huge hairy deal. She made a book with photo illustrations that tells the story of how she cleans up the playroom.

I have no problem with the concept that everyone needs to chip in on household chores, and I think the storybook is a great idea. In fact, it seems very progressive for a parent who thinks that offering a child the choice of which shirt to wear undermines parental authority: see viewtopic.php?f=8&t=2906 .

Klejwa introduces the post like this:

I don't know. This seems very cold to me. "3 of my children, are normal, thank God, but 5 of them are freaks". She's not using a pseudonym so everyone knows who those kids are. What do does the hive vagina think?

Also, she doesn't really speculate in the article as to why the girl might be pitching a fit at chore time. I know that some kids have a real rough time with transitions. Her authoritarian parenting philosophy probably prevents her from offering the child a choice about when to do chores, which could be making things worse. Has anyone faced a similar problem? What did you try?

ETA linky: visionarywomanhood.com/helping-a-challenging-child-do-chores/

Is she implying that "special needs"/mental or developmental problems = "unique besetting sins"??

[SheWoreLemon]

In the comments, some of parents of kids with with neurological problems ask her questions and she talks about "gifted professionals" out there that can offer a lot of help. I think she also talks about them being a source of worry and prayer and tears in that any parent of a kid with disabilities (whether physical or biochemical) worries that their kid is going to have a hard time making it in the world. The gifted professional comment gives me hope that she has seen specialists about the stutter and other challenges her kids have had.

That being said--I too cringe that she uses real names (first and last). But I also think that she's writing to a fundy Christian audience, giving them an idea about helping a kid that has a hard time with tasks. I have some sort of undiagnosed neurological disorder (working on that)--and I think that sort of variant of that idea would help me too. (I can't figure out how to start things--I get too overwhelmed).

I would have never known about the Wayback Machine if it weren't for you guys. So I do doubt that any of these mostly unsophisticated fundy mommy bloggers know that their posts are accessible for forever.

[Feberin]

I took it that she was thankful that three of her kids don't have additional problems not that she was only thankful for those three. I like that she did the whole book thing to assist her daughter with her chores. Much better then the Pearls' approach to children not following directions. I'm not sure how I feel about the sharing of her children's disabilities. To some degree it's something that the kids are going tbe aware of and probably their friends will know as well. I think a mommy blogger sharing that you have ADD or something sure beats sharing something personal and private like bed wetting. I mean most kids know which classmates have ADD because they go get their meds everyday from the school nurse or at least that was the case when I was younger. However I think any blogger should avoid using first and last names on their blog unless it's like a famous actress' blog or something who the whole point of reading it is because it belongs to so and so. I also hope that her children are getting help.