Bontragers/Bowers/Helferichs 12

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, AverageGiraffe said:

You're right. She is desperately, desperately bored. I've always wondered if the reason a lot of fundie girls who come from families where they've had hard work deeply instilled in them are desperate to get married just to have something to DO. They know marriage and kids and managing a home is work, and they want to work. 

Both of her older sisters blogged constantly until they got engaged. Then they finally had something to do. They had a wedding to plan. Then they had a home to make. Then they had pregnancies. Then they had babies to take care of. There’s a reason why we rarely hear from Chelsy. She’s never bored anymore. 

[anjulibai]

You'd think more of them would try to pursue small businesses in fundie approved areas like sewing or craft making or something. I mean, that's what a lot of women in the past did when they had extra time on their hands - the term cottage industry came from women making items in their homes and selling them at market. But very few fundie maidens seem to do that. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

15 minutes ago, anjulibai said:

You'd think more of them would try to pursue small businesses in fundie approved areas like sewing or craft making or something. I mean, that's what a lot of women in the past did when they had extra time on their hands - the term cottage industry came from women making items in their homes and selling them at market. But very few fundie maidens seem to do that. 

Liz does sell sour dough loaves around holidays. But that’s it. I think they probably know there’s not much money in it. That’s the typical reason people give when it comes to that sort of thing. Fast fashion means people expect very cheap clothing. You won’t make money making clothing because no one will pay for what it’s worth. And I would guess selling bread is similar. Since most people can just get cheap bread for a local bakery or another Amish woman selling hers for cheaper. Michael Bates says she doesn’t sell her baby blankets for the money. And I believe it. I doubt she makes much. And I’m guessing Liz doesn’t make much from her bread. She probably just enjoys baking a bunch of bread for the holidays. 

[anjulibai]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Liz does sell sour dough loaves around holidays. But that’s it. I think they probably know there’s not much money in it. That’s the typical reason people give when it comes to that sort of thing. Fast fashion means people expect very cheap clothing. You won’t make money making clothing because no one will pay for what it’s worth. And I would guess selling bread is similar. Since most people can just get cheap bread for a local bakery or another Amish woman selling hers for cheaper. Michael Bates says she doesn’t sell her baby blankets for the money. And I believe it. I doubt she makes much. And I’m guessing Liz doesn’t make much from her bread. She probably just enjoys baking a bunch of bread for the holidays. 

But it would at least give them something to do, as so many clearly want. They could create. jobs for themselves rather sitting around moping.

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 minute ago, anjulibai said:

But it would at least give them something to do, as so many clearly want. They could create. jobs for themselves rather sitting around moping.

I honestly think they do MLM and blogging because there’s a social aspect. Baking and sewing aren’t that social. But at least they can private message people when trying to sell MLMs and blog. They would probably like working in person and socializing that way. But that doesn’t seem to be allowed. 

[HereticHick]

In an Instagram reel today she reminds everyone that "God is in change of your singleness." She continues to radiate desperation to get married.  Liz, please go get a volunteer position somewhere. Or take an online class. Improve your Spanish. Get a CPR certification.  Embroider tea towels for your hope chest.

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, HereticHick said:

In an Instagram reel today she reminds everyone that "God is in change of your singleness." She continues to radiate desperation to get married.  Liz, please go get a volunteer position somewhere. Or take an online class. Improve your Spanish. Get a CPR certification.  Embroider tea towels for your hope chest.

I wish she would get a job at a coffee shop. She seems so social like her older sisters. I could see her loving all the social interaction she gets from working at a coffee shop. I know they have some around Kalona. But she can’t work a regular job because her parents expect her to drop everything and tour for 6-12 weeks at a time. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

At least Liz, Rebs, and Hudson will be able to socialize this week since it’s family camp time:

[BigSandy]

FYI, Allison has some baloney on her Instagram today about being your husband's "happy girlfriend." It is just pure ughhh, in my opinoin!

[Angelface]

It’s all so sad. Such a waste of potential. 

[postscript]

13 hours ago, BigSandy said:

FYI, Allison has some baloney on her Instagram today about being your husband's "happy girlfriend." It is just pure ughhh, in my opinoin!

Whenever I see her post something like that, I feel like she’s trying to get some reaction out of her husband that obviously isn’t coming. It’s hard to tell since he doesn’t have his own social media presence, but he always seems so emotionally detached.  Alison, on the other hand, appears to be cosplaying the role of 50s housewife, begging for attention and deluding herself she’s in a happy marriage until the day she discovers Valium. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

8 minutes ago, postscript said:

Whenever I see her post something like that, I feel like she’s trying to get some reaction out of her husband that obviously isn’t coming. It’s hard to tell since he doesn’t have his own social media presence, but he always seems so emotionally detached.  Alison, on the other hand, appears to be cosplaying the role of 50s housewife, begging for attention and deluding herself she’s in a happy marriage until the day she discovers Valium. 

I have a friend who is married to an emotionally stunted man. And it frustrates her to no end. Because she is totally in touch with her emotions and can express them well and communicate them well. But he can’t. It’s this ongoing problem in their marriage. I’m sure that if they ever divorce in the future, that will be the major reason. 

[LurkerOverThePond]

22 hours ago, Angelface said:

It’s all so sad. Such a waste of potential. 

This. I don't follow her anymore other than reading about her here at FJ - her life depresses me.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Allison always said the exact same thing. And guess what happened when her BFF Chelsy got married and moved out of state? Allison was totally depressed like Chelsy had just died. The same thing seemed to happen with some of the other fundie BFF sisters that were enmeshed. And then Allison acted like her brother boyfriend dumped her. Because he stopped sending her flowers and taking her on dates when he found a real girlfriend. Using your siblings as surrogate mates and BFFs the way these people do it screams enmeshed. It’s not healthy. It’s forced on you by your parents when you are stuck at home lonely and bored and have no other choice. And I would love to talk to Liz about my friends. I’m 41. All of my close friends are the same fucking friends I had at Liz’s age. And I know this is true of a lot of people. Some of my mom’s friends have been in her life for 40 years now. It’s weird that The Bontrager parents don’t have any of the same friends at 50. Maybe their friends got tired of Marlin’s being a constant judgmental bloviating asshole all the time.

[Brittany15]

Also, isn’t it weird that she says you’ll still see your siblings at family reunions? Like is that the only time you’ll see them? It seems like a weird example

[HermioneSparrow]

On 9/11/2023 at 5:39 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

Allison always said the exact same thing. And guess what happened when her BFF Chelsy got married and moved out of state? Allison was totally depressed like Chelsy had just died. The same thing seemed to happen with some of the other fundie BFF sisters that were enmeshed. And then Allison acted like her brother boyfriend dumped her. Because he stopped sending her flowers and taking her on dates when he found a real girlfriend. Using your siblings as surrogate mates and BFFs the way these people do it screams enmeshed. It’s not healthy. It’s forced on you by your parents when you are stuck at home lonely and bored and have no other choice. And I would love to talk to Liz about my friends. I’m 41. All of my close friends are the same fucking friends I had at Liz’s age. And I know this is true of a lot of people. Some of my mom’s friends have been in her life for 40 years now. It’s weird that The Bontrager parents don’t have any of the same friends at 50. Maybe their friends got tired of Marlin’s being a constant judgmental bloviating asshole all the time.

Devil's advocate but I kinda agree with her. At least what she says it's true for me, not everyone has the same friends all their lives. I'm an immigrant, I've had depression and anxiety, bullied at high school and lots of other situations throughout my life that made me lost friends but one constant in my life is my sister. My husband did not had the same situations but he did outgrew lots of his friends. It happens and that doesn't mean we are bad people.

[JermajestyDuggar]

5 minutes ago, HermioneSparrow said:

Devil's advocate but I kinda agree with her. At least what she says it's true for me, not everyone has the same friends all their lives. I'm an immigrant, I've had depression and anxiety, bullied at high school and lots of other situations throughout my life that made me lost friends but one constant in my life is my sister. My husband did not had the same situations but he did outgrew lots of his friends. It happens and that doesn't mean we are bad people.

I definitely think friends can come and go. I don’t actually think that’s a totally bad thing either. I let a friend go because I no longer wanted the drama. However I can’t help but think of all the people who don’t get along with some of their siblings as adults. Basically there are no guarantees. Even though Becky and Marlin seem to think so. 

[Jana814]

I agree that friends come & go. Also some friendships change if you are in different stages in your life ie friends have kids & you don’t or someone moves away. I have also known of friendships that have changed if someone becomes more religious. 

[HereticHick]

5 minutes ago, Jana814 said:

I agree that friends come & go. Also some friendships change if you are in different stages in your life ie friends have kids & you don’t or someone moves away. I have also known of friendships that have changed if someone becomes more religious. 

Becky & Marlin Bontrager changed religious denominations--they both grew up Anabaptists-- so its not surprising that they lost a number of their childhood friends as a result.

[JermajestyDuggar]

Just now, HereticHick said:

Becky & Marlin Bontrager changed religious denominations--they both grew up Anabaptists-- so its not surprising that they lost a number of their childhood friends as a result.

What’s weird is that I think a lot of their siblings don’t look anabaptist anymore. Whatever they were raised in really didn’t stick for a lot of them.

[browngrl]

Friends come and go but relationships with siblings also wax and wane and sometimes end altogether. The Bonts don't want their children to take one step out of fundamentalism and grow in a different direction than their siblings but in real life people and their priorities change. What works for "one season of life" might not in another. 

Personally, I've both rekindled a relationship or let it go with both friends and family. Usually this is not for a negative reason - just life taking us in different directions.

[JermajestyDuggar]

What if her husband decided that he likes her in skin tight jeans and a tube top? Sorry but I don’t dress for my husband and he doesn’t dress for me. I dress for myself and my own comfort. And my husband dresses for his own comfort. If I had to dress for my husband I might become miserable. I stay at home so I wear what is most comfortable. Which is often an old t shirt and shorts. If I dress up for a special occasion, I may wear something I think he likes. He might ask my opinion if he has to dress up for a wedding or something. Here’s a thought Allison would hate: 

It’s your body, your choice. 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

Good god, no, not all the time.

[Mrs Ms]

I ask him for his opinion in two cases. 

1: it is something of his that I am the +1 for.

2: I am uncertain if a certain item of clothing/outfit suits me and want an outside opinion. 
 

Otherwise I am perfectly capable of thinking for myself and having an opinion 🙄

[Ozlsn]

34 minutes ago, Mrs Ms said:

: I am uncertain if a certain item of clothing/outfit suits me and want an outside opinion. 

This. Was buying a dress for a wedding yesterday and couldn't decide between three options. Texted photos to get his opinion, also talked to the sales lady.

I mean yeah, there are times I dress for my husband but it's not for reasons I'd put on social media, and if that's what she's trying to imply I kind of want to know how modesty is supposed to be fitting in here.

Alison comes across as desperately moulding herself to try and please or get a response from her husband - I don't think this is going to work because either he's just not that into her and in this relationship due to lack of alternatives, or he doesn't have the ability and doesn't appear to be willing to learn how to show his emotions in a way that gives positive feedback to her. I don't think either of them would be in this relationship with a wider pool and choice of options.