Bontragers/Bowers/Helferichs 12

[Coconut Flan]

Continued from here:

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Lord. Huge eyeroll. I’m a feminist SAHM and my husband helps me a ton with our kids. But guess what! I just did all the weed whacking in the yard. I take out the trash. I shovel snow. I do plenty of hard physical work. It’s not man’s work. It’s work. Anyone can do it. And if your cycle is affecting you that much, I recommend birth control. I have the Mirena and I don’t even have a period anymore! Maybe talk to a doctor instead of using overpriced essential oils to “cure” you. 

[SassyPants]

17 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Lord. Huge eyeroll. I’m a feminist SAHM and my husband helps me a ton with our kids. But guess what! I just did all the weed whacking in the yard. I take out the trash. I shovel snow. I do plenty of hard physical work. It’s not man’s work. It’s work. Anyone can do it. And if your cycle is affecting you that much, I recommend birth control. I have the Mirena and I don’t even have a period anymore! Maybe talk to a doctor instead of using overpriced essential oils to “cure” you. 

YES! Working in/out of the home, it’s all work and tasks that need to get done. Just.get.it.done. 

[Queen Of Hearts]

The way she worded this (regarding buying a smaller size for when she isn't pregnant), I am wondering if Mrs. Allison Helferich is pregnant?

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 minutes ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

The way she worded this (regarding buying a smaller size for when she isn't pregnant), I am wondering if Mrs. Allison Helferich is pregnant?

I’m sure she’s expecting to be pregnant soon enough. She’s completely embracing constant babies. 

[anjulibai]

I'm sorry, but what? A SAHM with toddlers at homedoesn't work the same amount of hours each day? How is that possible? Please, Allison.

And I work out of the home the same hours each day while on my period and do just fine. Hell, I'm on my period now and I worked an 8 hour day to day at my job! 

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

34 minutes ago, anjulibai said:

I'm sorry, but what? A SAHM with toddlers at homedoesn't work the same amount of hours each day? How is that possible? Please, Allison.

And I work out of the home the same hours each day while on my period and do just fine. Hell, I'm on my period now and I worked an 8 hour day to day at my job! 

 

It makes me feel sorry for fundies with horrible cycles. I had horrible cycles so I went to the dr and got on BC to help it. And it has helped. But all Allison has is overpriced MLM oils and praying. 

[ifosterkittens]

Why does Allison have to emphasize she needs her husband's help with the children? It is called parenting. He's the father; he should be an active parent. He doesn't get bonus points for doing what he's supposed to do. 

If Allison's cycle affects her that greatly each month, she needs to see her OBGYN and determine why it is taking such a toll on her. I understand she is likely opposed to birth control, but there might be other things that could help. Shocker her essential oils aren't curing her period problems. 

I think people in healthy partnerships are able to count on their partner for emotional support. I also think that when a partnership is going well, and the couple feels connected it is easier to thrive then during those difficult times when you are just trying to survive. I don't think these qualities of partnership are unique to them. 

As far as needing his spiritual leadership she probably genuinely believes as a woman she isn't as capable of being a spiritual leader given the atmosphere for which she was raised. I don't see that changing. 

@JermajestyDuggarbeat me to it! 

Edited July 20, 2023 by ifosterkittens

[Smash!]

I‘m not a mom myself but several of my girlfriends told me that their days at work are easier because they get to sit down and drink a coffee, talk with adults about adult stuff and leave in the evening. Whereas parenting little children/babies is a 24hr job. So Allison is probably doing way more than her husband.

Oh and the sick feeling/pain during the period? That‘s NOT normal. For example Endometriosis is to this day not taken seriously enough by a lot of OB/GYNs.

[anachronistic]

I’m 39. I was just diagnosed with endometriosis. I was sitting with the doctor and he is going over all of the symptoms and I was astonished to find out other people do not suffer like I do. I am very excited to get the surgery this fall or winter. The mirena has worked wonders but I am still in pain, which I attributed to just my weird fibromyalgia body, turns out I have textbook endometriosis. And since it’s 2023, not 1823, the doctor will be able to go in through my belly button with a camera (which absolutely astonishes me) and hopefully get rid of the pain.

People who embrace the woo and ignore the science really do not understand how much suffering they have set themselves up for. If I had used essential oils and avoided my dr. 22 months ago, I would have been paralyzed for the rest of my life. As it is, I will be dealing with the fall out from the cauda equina syndrome forever, but I am not peeing in a bag and I am not dead, and I consider that a remarkable outcome due entirely to modern medicine.

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, anachronistic said:

I’m 39. I was just diagnosed with endometriosis. I was sitting with the doctor and he is going over all of the symptoms and I was astonished to find out other people do not suffer like I do. I am very excited to get the surgery this fall or winter. The mirena has worked wonders but I am still in pain, which I attributed to just my weird fibromyalgia body, turns out I have textbook endometriosis. And since it’s 2023, not 1823, the doctor will be able to go in through my belly button with a camera (which absolutely astonishes me) and hopefully get rid of the pain.

People who embrace the woo and ignore the science really do not understand how much suffering they have set themselves up for. If I had used essential oils and avoided my dr. 22 months ago, I would have been paralyzed for the rest of my life. As it is, I will be dealing with the fall out from the cauda equina syndrome forever, but I am not peeing in a bag and I am not dead, and I consider that a remarkable outcome due entirely to modern medicine.

I think fundie women are taught that smiling through pain is godly. That it shows strength and trust in god. That it builds character. I wouldn’t be surprised if many fundie women ignore pain and other symptoms for years until they just can’t stand it anymore. 

[AverageGiraffe]

Normally I would take someone saying "depending on where I'm at in my cycle" to mean the whole month long cycle, which has some merit. I've been spending time the last year or so really trying to pay attention to what's likely going on with my hormones and how that affects my day to day life, in part to help me work on regulating my anxiety and moods. I'm not on hormonal birth control so while my period is pretty regular, it doesn't always come on the same day and usually comes a day or two earlier each month, so learning exactly how my body and mind react during PMS has been really helpful in pinpointing an approximate day it'll show up, but it's also helped me feel more centered and attached in my body throughout the month (and helps me understand my moods at lot more, which is good for my self-talk). I also have a lot of sleep issues including very intense upsetting vivid half-lucid dreams, which can often be explained by my hormones and it helps me get through a couple rough nights if I know it'll be over soon. 

Unfortunately, with how long we've seen Allison post about regulating hormones and trying to balance them, it seems much more likely that she is experiencing particularly rough periods or just hormone cycles throughout the month. I understand the impulse to want to "fix" it yourself rather than go to a doctor, but I agree that if it's true she's in a lot of pain, having difficult long periods, or intense hormone induced mood swings, she really should go. I have a feeling she's concerned that if she goes to a doctor, they'll encourage birth control or some sort of hormone supplement that could potentially affect her fertility, and she doesn't want to be pressured. I can honestly empathize with that-- I stopped talking to people about my sleep issues because everyone, including medical professionals, won't stop talking to me about melatonin. Melatonin has a side effect of causing more vivid dreams, which is exactly the OPPOSITE of what I want to be happening. It's just kind of exhausting to keep saying "no I don't want that". I *should* keep talking to different doctors until someone can help me but I don't, so I can understand any hesitation on her part to not want to have to keep arguing with different doctors. 

[HereticHick]

16 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I’m sure she’s expecting to be pregnant soon enough. She’s completely embracing constant babies. 

Exactly--I think her daughter was born in November, so she's 8 months old now--if Alison isn't pregnant now, she probably expects to be in the next few months.

[Jana814]

4 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I think fundie women are taught that smiling through pain is godly. That it shows strength and trust in god. That it builds character. I wouldn’t be surprised if many fundie women ignore pain and other symptoms for years until they just can’t stand it anymore. 

I’m sure that is the case.  I think they are also taught their feelings, wants & needs aren’t important. 

[postscript]

On 7/19/2023 at 5:59 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

Lord. Huge eyeroll. I’m a feminist SAHM and my husband helps me a ton with our kids. But guess what! I just did all the weed whacking in the yard. I take out the trash. I shovel snow. I do plenty of hard physical work. It’s not man’s work. It’s work. Anyone can do it. And if your cycle is affecting you that much, I recommend birth control. I have the Mirena and I don’t even have a period anymore! Maybe talk to a doctor instead of using overpriced essential oils to “cure” you. 

She sounds like one of the women from the post-WWII generation who couldn’t wait for their men to come home so they could vanish into domesticity, only to find that being home with a bunch of small children all day wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. She protests too hard about how much she loves this life. It’s interesting to compare her with Chelsy, who seems to have a solid marriage with John and genuinely enjoy looking after three small kids and hosting backyard parties. If Allison has any chemistry with Jeremiah, we haven’t seen it in what she chooses to share, and, after all that time posting about how much she loved her season of singleness she now seems to be trying to persuade herself she’s happy being a stay-at-home wife and mother. I sometimes wish I could tuck a copy of The Feminine Mystique inside her Bible. 

Allison. feminism isn’t against women being stay at home wives and mothers, it’s about women having the choice to do what they want - married, single, working, SAHM, working mother, childless. It’s about spouses being equal partners and dividing the labor in a way which makes sense, not according to some patriarchal construct. It’s about women getting credit for the many roles they play. 

[Smash!]

On 7/20/2023 at 2:37 PM, anachronistic said:

I’m 39. I was just diagnosed with endometriosis. I was sitting with the doctor and he is going over all of the symptoms and I was astonished to find out other people do not suffer like I do. I am very excited to get the surgery this fall or winter. The mirena has worked wonders but I am still in pain, which I attributed to just my weird fibromyalgia body, turns out I have textbook endometriosis. And since it’s 2023, not 1823, the doctor will be able to go in through my belly button with a camera (which absolutely astonishes me) and hopefully get rid of the pain.

I feel you! ❤️ Good luck with your laparoscopy!

I thought period pain was normal and mine certainly not a big deal. Ibuprofen for the win! Until I developed pain no one had an answer for. Went to an endometriosis specialist who connected the dots. He put me on Dienogest which stops your periods. I realized how good life was without the monthly bleeding and how severe the pain every month was. To the point where I happily keep taking hormones everyday. 

[usmcmom]

Regarding Allison’s photo in the previous thread; I really like whimsical photos. So, if I wanted to hide the babies’ faces I might have done something like this and captioned it…”So many cousins, so many toes,” or something equally sappy. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Liz’s posts are just pathetic. I hope one day she looks back on these with regret. She sounds so young and clueless. She’s never thought about this for herself. She just repeats what her parents and older siblings say. And yes, you are being legalistic Liz. And you are shaming yourself into asking your dad for his opinion. It’s not your job to keep men from stumbling. That’s where the shame comes in. And btw Liz, many many cultures over the past 2000+ years had men wearing skirts and dresses. Including Jesus. 

Edited July 23, 2023 by JermajestyDuggar

[marmalade]

I wonder what she thinks about Chelsy wearing pants? 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

Good lord.  I always dated with the intent of finding a life partner, but the difference is I didn't settle just because I was dating someone.  I imagine Liz has never dated someone, so I welcome her wealth of experience.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I definitely dated for fun. But it was after I was completely heartbroken because my long term boyfriend and I broke up. We had been together for years and I intended on marrying him at one point. And then we broke up. It sucked so bad. I basically then did the opposite and dated for fun. Because dating seriously towards marriage fucked me up. 

[postscript]

Liz, you don’t have to worry about dating because your father will arrange your marriage. Marlin will tell you to pray about someone and six months later, the two of you will be married in a ceremony featuring lengthy legalistic rants from both fathers. 

[ifosterkittens]

@JermajestyDuggarposted Liz's instagram posts above. I took a few of Liz's thoughts and put them in quotes and italics. 

“When I walk down the street, can people see from a distance that I am a women?” When getting dressed it has never occurred to me to worry can someone look at me and identify I’m a woman. However, I’ve certainly thought wow I really should have showered before leaving the house, let me swipe on some extra deodorant and throw on a baseball cap or toss in some dry shampoo in my hair.

“Do they (clothing) attract to certain places of my body that I don’t want someone attracted to?” I imagine it is tough to be a girl/woman in their purity culture with a larger breasts or larger bottom acting as if somehow her genetics are problematic. People should wear what suits them. The idea that clothing is the issue astounds me. Josh Duggar was raised with all kinds of modest clothing and still SAed his sisters. The problem wasn’t the sisters’ clothing the problem was Josh Duggar.

“Am I causing my brother to stumble?” Thankfully this has never been a concern of mine. I wish someone would tell her right this second that is on the brother not her. F#CK that noise. Once again I cite Josh Duggar. 

“But do we eventually want it to be ok for men to wear skirts and dresses?” I’m totally cool with it being ok for men to wear skirts and dresses. I don’t see how that is something I need to get worked up about or is problematic.

1 minute ago, postscript said:

Liz, you don’t have to worry about dating because your father will arrange your marriage. Marlin will tell you to pray about someone and six months later, the two of you will be married in a ceremony featuring lengthy legalistic rants from both fathers. 

This makes me so sad because you're 100% correct. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

10 minutes ago, postscript said:

Liz, you don’t have to worry about dating because your father will arrange your marriage. Marlin will tell you to pray about someone and six months later, the two of you will be married in a ceremony featuring lengthy legalistic rants from both fathers. 

I’m betting it will be a Bowers, Helferich, or Duggar. 

[HereticHick]

Liz should spend more time embracing spellcheck.