Maxwell 49: Recipes from Those Who Can't Cook

[fundiefan]

They sacrifice the individual identities of their children on the altar of their own emotional needs,

Emotionally needy parents manipulate their grown children into remaining loyal to the unit. Thirty-year-old daughters sit at home acting as surrogate mothers, watching their prospects to ever be a mother dwindle.

Wow. I never thought there would be a time I agreed with Michael Pearl on anything. But, it almost seems like Michael Pearl is Steve's therapist and is right inside his head. 

Yeah, if you're being called out by Michael Pearl you may want to consider WTF you are doing, Stevie-boy. 

Edited August 27, 2021 by fundiefan

[Dominionatrix]

This is the one sane thing I’ve ever seen from Michael Pearl, and it’s a spot-on assessment of many fundies we follow here. However, this dynamic is also a completely predictable result of the Pearls’ own methods. Of course a child who has been beaten into submission from infancy is likely to struggle with independence, and of course parents who have come to expect unwavering obedience from their underage children are likely to struggle to break that dynamic once the kids come of age. Now that I think about it, Michael Pearl criticizing others for what he personally did to them is completely in character, as it is one of the hallmarks of an abuser. 

[ElizaB]

4 hours ago, FluffySnowball said:

I wish the three women would leave the Maxwell cult so that they can live more fulfilling lives, with partners they choose (should they truly wish to get married and/or have kids), an actual job that sustains them and lots and lots of freedom.

But unfortunately, I’m not holding my breath… I somehow see it more likely that one of the Anderson (daughters of ZZ and the PP) girls will one day escape than someone from Maxhell. 

A few years ago I read a lot about those who escaped the Westboro Baptist Church. One thing that really struck me is how those who escaped said again and again that what we have to understand as outsiders is that as kids they were truly loved. They were well taken care of. There wasn't any abuse or neglect going on. They really did have a happy childhood. 

I see a lot of parallels in the Maxwells. So while they are "trapped" and not afforded outside opportunities- they are loved and secure.  This is a much harder situation to leave then one where they are mistreated, unwanted, and unloved. 

ZZ kids breaking free is easier because they aren't treated the same. While, we have no idea what really is happening there, there has always been talk about the neglect the kids experience and the questioning of ZZ love. I don't think we have ever brought up neglect in terms of the Maxwells and we don't really question that those kids are all loved.  

If you don't agree with your parents teaching and you don't a lot of love from them it is easier to leave then if you don't agree but there is a lot of love. 

Edited August 27, 2021 by ElizaB
grammar

[JermajestyDuggar]

6 hours ago, ElizaB said:

A few years ago I read a lot about those who escaped the Westboro Baptist Church. One thing that really struck me is how those who escaped said again and again that what we have to understand as outsiders is that as kids they were truly loved. They were well taken care of. There wasn't any abuse or neglect going on. They really did have a happy childhood. 

I see a lot of parallels in the Maxwells. So while they are "trapped" and not afforded outside opportunities- they are loved and secure.  This is a much harder situation to leave then one where they are mistreated, unwanted, and unloved. 

ZZ kids breaking free is easier because they aren't treated the same. While, we have no idea what really is happening there, there has always been talk about the neglect the kids experience and the questioning of ZZ love. I don't think we have ever brought up neglect in terms of the Maxwells and we don't really question that those kids are all loved.  

If you don't agree with your parents teaching and you don't a lot of love from them it is easier to leave then if you don't agree but there is a lot of love. 

I will add that some fundie families convince you that you are loved but don’t actually show it much. Someone like JillRod comes to mind. She constantly talks about how much she loves her children but how often does she actually show it in her actions? I believe she convinces her kids that she loves them with all her heart so they ignore all the actions that show Jill for the selfish insensitive shitty parent that she truly is. And they have so little inexperience with the outside world that they don’t know what a good loving parent looks like. 

[FloraDoraDolly]

14 hours ago, ElizaB said:

A few years ago I read a lot about those who escaped the Westboro Baptist Church. One thing that really struck me is how those who escaped said again and again that what we have to understand as outsiders is that as kids they were truly loved. They were well taken care of. There wasn't any abuse or neglect going on. They really did have a happy childhood. 

I see a lot of parallels in the Maxwells. So while they are "trapped" and not afforded outside opportunities- they are loved and secure.  This is a much harder situation to leave then one where they are mistreated, unwanted, and unloved. 

ZZ kids breaking free is easier because they aren't treated the same. While, we have no idea what really is happening there, there has always been talk about the neglect the kids experience and the questioning of ZZ love. I don't think we have ever brought up neglect in terms of the Maxwells and we don't really question that those kids are all loved.  

If you don't agree with your parents teaching and you don't a lot of love from them it is easier to leave then if you don't agree but there is a lot of love. 

The Westboro kids went to public school, college, and even law school. They weren't allowed to make any friends. But still, they were out in the real world with normal people. They had some sense of what to do with themselves once they left. And now there's a whole network of formers who can help the more recent escapees. By contrast, where would the Maxwell daughters go?

[smittykins]

I was surprised that the Westboro kids attended public schools,  I would have thought there would be a private school on the compound.

[JermajestyDuggar]

7 minutes ago, smittykins said:

I was surprised that the Westboro kids attended public schools,  I would have thought there would be a private school on the compound.

They all become lawyers. It was probably easier to put them in public school if all the girls and boys were expected to become lawyers. They basically forced their kids to be outcasts at school.

[Cults-r-us]

Back to the onions cooked to smoosh in the stir fry recipe (wherever that was in this thread. Perhaps Steve could tecoil in horror having his tastebuds defrauded by that onion pie Cynthia (Midford series used to make on holidays: a custardy affair, flakey crust, filled with cream, butter and onions.

[Bethy]

9 minutes ago, Cults-r-us said:

Back to the onions cooked to smoosh in the stir fry recipe (wherever that was in this thread. Perhaps Steve could tecoil in horror having his tastebuds defrauded by that onion pie Cynthia (Midford series used to make on holidays: a custardy affair, flakey crust, filled with cream, butter and onions.

Ah yes, but Cynthia also had some curves which Father Tim took notice of as soon as she moved in, which means she didn't dress modestly in a sack. Steve would be so scandalized by her appearance that her food would be tainted by association...

[browngrl]

2 hours ago, Cults-r-us said:

Cynthia (Midford series used to make on holidays: a custardy affair, flakey crust, filled with cream, butter and onions.

This sounds like something I would like to make. I googled it but no luck. Do you have a link or better yet the recipe? thanks in advance if you do but no worries if you don't - I'm already thinking about how I will make this (Barefoot contessa pie crust, caramelized onions, perhaps some left over roast beef perhaps some gruyere  with some creme fraiche on the side?)

[Coconut Flan]

Lots of onion pie recipes out there.  Most of them use Vidalia onions.

[allyisyourpally5]

I remember watching the Louis Theroux documentary on Westbrook and it was the one and only thing I think I could actually give Shirley (?}  points for was when she was asked about schooling. She said homeschooling, she couldn’t do it justice (so she obviously saw importance in education) and she also said that they have to be out in the world to preach their message blah blah blah.

Now giving Westboro credit for anything makes me feel sick but at least they put themselves and their kids out there and if the kids want an out, they aren’t stopped. The kids aren’t deprived of an education or indeed further education, which is a pretty vital tool for being self sufficient.

Contrast that to the Maxwells view on education and college. They don’t want to mix with any bad influence. And bad influence equates to anyone not exactly like them. 
 

I question Teri’s love to some extent. I think she loves her children and grandchildren. I don’t think she truly loved them as children, by which I mean I don’t think she loves what makes children children. I think Teri would have been much happier if children were born into sensible obeying adults and didn’t enjoy having to train her children into what she wanted. I think being a grandma in some respect suits her more, because she can dip in and out and “give them back”.

I also question the love for their daughters in all honesty based on what they’ve done to them. Have they honestly held them back, over protected and sheltered them out of love or is it all for the brand and fear for their own reputation or what they think God might do to them? I think both Steve and Teri have totally prioritised themselves when it comes to the girls.

 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

3 hours ago, allyisyourpally5 said:

I remember watching the Louis Theroux documentary on Westbrook and it was the one and only thing I think I could actually give Shirley (?}  points for was when she was asked about schooling. She said homeschooling, she couldn’t do it justice (so she obviously saw importance in education) and she also said that they have to be out in the world to preach their message blah blah blah.

Now giving Westboro credit for anything makes me feel sick but at least they put themselves and their kids out there and if the kids want an out, they aren’t stopped. The kids aren’t deprived of an education or indeed further education, which is a pretty vital tool for being self sufficient.

Contrast that to the Maxwells view on education and college. They don’t want to mix with any bad influence. And bad influence equates to anyone not exactly like them. 
 

I question Teri’s love to some extent. I think she loves her children and grandchildren. I don’t think she truly loved them as children, by which I mean I don’t think she loves what makes children children. I think Teri would have been much happier if children were born into sensible obeying adults and didn’t enjoy having to train her children into what she wanted. I think being a grandma in some respect suits her more, because she can dip in and out and “give them back”.

I also question the love for their daughters in all honesty based on what they’ve done to them. Have they honestly held them back, over protected and sheltered them out of love or is it all for the brand and fear for their own reputation or what they think God might do to them? I think both Steve and Teri have totally prioritised themselves when it comes to the girls.

 

I agree with you about Teri. 

I think a lot of fundies are better at giving the illusion of freedom, especially for their daughters. The Bates girls come to mind. Most people seem to think they have it better than the Maxwell girls. They seem to have more fun and express their personalities better. At the end of the day though, they all have to get married young and have lots of babies and they don't get a chance to question their upbringing as adults. Kelly would never have suceeded at keeping her girls at home like Steve, because some of them would run away before twenty-five (although Michael was 25 when she married). It's much easier to keep her girls in the cult by marrying them off. Alyssa and Josie were probably the most likely to leave so they got married the youngest.

[fundiefan]

4 hours ago, allyisyourpally5 said:

I remember watching the Louis Theroux documentary on Westbrook and it was the one and only thing I think I could actually give Shirley (?}  points for was when she was asked about schooling. She said homeschooling, she couldn’t do it justice (so she obviously saw importance in education) and she also said that they have to be out in the world to preach their message blah blah blah.

Now giving Westboro credit for anything makes me feel sick but at least they put themselves and their kids out there and if the kids want an out, they aren’t stopped. The kids aren’t deprived of an education or indeed further education, which is a pretty vital tool for being self sufficient.

Contrast that to the Maxwells view on education and college. They don’t want to mix with any bad influence. And bad influence equates to anyone not exactly like them. 
 

I question Teri’s love to some extent. I think she loves her children and grandchildren. I don’t think she truly loved them as children, by which I mean I don’t think she loves what makes children children. I think Teri would have been much happier if children were born into sensible obeying adults and didn’t enjoy having to train her children into what she wanted. I think being a grandma in some respect suits her more, because she can dip in and out and “give them back”.

I also question the love for their daughters in all honesty based on what they’ve done to them. Have they honestly held them back, over protected and sheltered them out of love or is it all for the brand and fear for their own reputation or what they think God might do to them? I think both Steve and Teri have totally prioritised themselves when it comes to the girls.

 

This. I'm not sure they truly understand what love is, how it feels or what it means. They've twisted it up with their religion so much the knots will never come out. 

If you ask any of them, they will of course say they love each other. But, the girls are actually conditioned to give a specific answer. They are conditioned to behave a certain way. They are conditioned to have only some expectation's for the future and to sit and rot ass they wait for them, or realize they will never reach even their most basic goal. 

Love is a confusing, complex emotion and Christians like to say it's a choice not an emotion - they are incapable, apparently, of knowing the two are not mutually exclusive - you can show love by your choices, and you can feel love with your emotions. All at exactly the same time. 

Not everyone defines it or understands it as the same thing. And I don't think the Maxwell offspring ever knew unconditional, pure, unadulterated, I would die before seeing you in any kind of pain kind of love. Sadly a lot of kids don't grow up with that. Humans have the capacity to learn & compensate & adjust. Most humans, anyway; those allowed to live life as individual, autonomous adults without rules set upon them by their parents or a religion or fear. 

Whenever the question of love comes up in connection to fundies - I always remember that the Turpin children believed their parents loved them. 

You only know what you know and if you're told that what you know is "love" then who can argue your feeling /acting with what you know?

[Cults-r-us]

8 hours ago, Cults-r-us said:

Back to the onions cooked to smoosh in the stir fry recipe (wherever that was in this thread. Perhaps Steve could tecoil in horror having his tastebuds defrauded by that onion pie Cynthia (Midford series used to make on holidays: a custardy affair, flakey crust, filled with cream, butter and onions.

I remember reading Cynthia popped the pie into the oven one xmas eve, but the recipe isn't in the Midford Cookbook. However, google Paula Deen's Vidalia Onion Pie. It looks good and with butter and bacon, would certainly defraud Steve's taste buds!

[SPHASH]

2 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

 It's much easier to keep her girls in the cult by marrying them off. Alyssa and Josie were probably the most likely to leave so they got married the youngest.

I felt the same way about Joy Anna and Justin Duggar.  Both were teens when they married their spouses and were much younger than Jill, John David, Jinger, Jessa, Joe, and Jed they were all at least 22 when they got married. Josiah was in a courtship in his teens that didn't work out then got married at 21. Then there is the Pervert who got married before he was old enough to drink because JB and Michelle thought marriage would cure him of his pervertedness.

[JermajestyDuggar]

16 minutes ago, SPHASH said:

I felt the same way about Joy Anna and Justin Duggar.  Both were teens when they married their spouses and were much younger than Jill, John David, Jinger, Jessa, Joe, and Jed they were all at least 22 when they got married. Josiah was in a courtship in his teens that didn't work out then got married at 21. Then there is the Pervert who got married before he was old enough to drink because JB and Michelle thought marriage would cure him of his pervertedness.

It’s so sad to lock them into something so young and tell them they are never allowed to divorce. Unless they want to go to hell. 

[ElizaB]

1 hour ago, SPHASH said:

I felt the same way about Joy Anna and Justin Duggar.  Both were teens when they married their spouses and were much younger than Jill, John David, Jinger, Jessa, Joe, and Jed they were all at least 22 when they got married. Josiah was in a courtship in his teens that didn't work out then got married at 21. Then there is the Pervert who got married before he was old enough to drink because JB and Michelle thought marriage would cure him of his pervertedness.

In Carolyn Jessop's book "Escape" about the FLDS church (I believe this is where I read this) she said quoted the belief, "If a girl is rebellious, Marry her young. If she is still rebellious, get her pregnant". 

 

[kpmom]

The Pearls and the Maxwells were friends years ago.  They even guest wrote a couple of Mom and Dad's Corners for the Maxwells way back in the late 1990's.

They don't seem to have been friends for decades now.  I wonder if either what Michael wrote broke up the friendship, or if he wrote it after the friendship ended.  Either way, the Maxwells certainly seem to be at least one of the families Pearl is referring to.

[Maggie Mae]

On 8/17/2021 at 6:20 AM, smittykins said:

I actually still have a couple of Corelle plates in that green floral pattern.

Me too. When I moved in with my partner, I was tickled that he also had a few of those plates. We both got them from our parents. 

I have also seen them on a couple of different TV shows/movies. 

[FloraDoraDolly]

I hope the Maxwells are okay. They haven't updated their blog since Mary's birthday.

[fundiefan]

7 hours ago, FloraDoraDolly said:

I hope the Maxwells are okay. They haven't updated their blog since Mary's birthday.

They're fine. They just have nothing worth saying. They haven't posted regularly in a couple of years and have been dropping off significantly this year. This isn't actually unusual. 

Steve is still writing his "Seriously" drivel weekly, it's only blogging that isn't done and Sarah is bored & Teri can't fit it into her schedule. They just don't care anymore & have nothing of interest to anyone to say.

Edited August 30, 2021 by fundiefan

[anjulibai]

I think there are definitely topics they could cover, they just don't want to. They asked for topics in the past to cover, and there were a lot of requests that they never ended up doing. A lot of it was related to the realities of finances and banking when you are debt free, and having unmarried adults at home. They don't want to talk more about these things, despite years of insisting debt-free and stay-at-home-until-married was the only way to be. They don't want to talk about those things honestly. 

[fundiefan]

14 minutes ago, anjulibai said:

I think there are definitely topics they could cover, they just don't want to. They asked for topics in the past to cover, and there were a lot of requests that they never ended up doing. A lot of it was related to the realities of finances and banking when you are debt free, and having unmarried adults at home. They don't want to talk more about these things, despite years of insisting debt-free and stay-at-home-until-married was the only way to be. They don't want to talk about those things honestly. 

That's the key. They do not want to have honest, open discussions. They cannot control the narrative if they put too much information out there for others; even those they expect to pay money to buy their wares. 

If they had an honest discussion, they'd be asked further questions and Steve doesn't ask questions. No one is allowed to question Steve. 

If they discussed finances of having unmarried adults at home, that would naturally turn into the adult FEMALES at home, with no training, no skills, no spouse, no family of their own; only contact within the Maxwell family, including their "jobs" for their brothers. 

Way too many questions someone could, and would, ask if they had any kind of honest conversation about anything that might actually offer insight. 

 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

Yes it's normal for them to post irregularly, but this is a long time even by their standards. It's over a week since the last post. The last time I complained they weren't posting anything baby Madeline was born prematurely and is still in the NICU, so it's possible something is wrong. 

Hopefully there will be a new mundane post soon. Chelsy's latest post on her blog made it sound like Madeline was doing well.