Alyssa & John 6: She's Raising Sister Moms

[CaptainFunderpants]

18 hours ago, OrchidBlossom said:

No judgment on anyone's sex life (there is a very wide range of timing in healthy relationships!) but I don't think the only difference between a best friend and an SO is sex. Asexual people still have romantic relationships, for example. Of course for many people sex is an important piece of a loving relationship but I don't think it's the only distinguishing factor.

I noted a-sexual variability in my original post. 99% of the time we act like brother and sister or just general life partners. The vast majority of what we do is hangout together while I'm sitting on my laptop and he's playing video games.

I would probably honestly be happier in a relationship with a woman, but... What can I say? Right now I'm digging the D.

[OrchidBlossom]

8 minutes ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

I noted a-sexual variability in my original post. 99% of the time we act like brother and sister or just general life partners. The vast majority of what we do is hangout together while I'm sitting on my laptop and he's playing video games.

I would probably honestly be happier in a relationship with a woman, but... What can I say? Right now I'm digging the D.

You said for non a-sexual people the difference between a friend and a SO is only sex. I'm using asexuality as an example to demonstrate that romantic attraction is about more than sex, but this is also true for sexual people. I don't feel the same way for my fiance that I do for my best friend, even removing sex from the equation. 

Also "I'd probably be happier in a relationship with a woman" is the biggest #justbisexualproblems mood ever. Can't tell you how many times I've heard this one lol

Edited October 7, 2020 by OrchidBlossom

[Melissa1977]

6 hours ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

I noted a-sexual variability in my original post. 99% of the time we act like brother and sister or just general life partners. The vast majority of what we do is hangout together while I'm sitting on my laptop and he's playing video games.

I would probably honestly be happier in a relationship with a woman, but... What can I say? Right now I'm digging the D.

I don't think your situation is exceptional. Some couples are like that and they are fine. Others don't have sex, or have little, but share a lot of activities and interests, or are very affectionate with each other (I tell you, after working, cleaning, cooking and dealing with kids, usually people prefer a foot rub than sex haha). Different people, different lives.

My only "problem" with your post is that you think sex is what makes 2 people a couple, when it is not. I don't think it's even necessary to feel extraromantic. Both sex and romanticism use to decrease as time goes by, but as long as love and commintment stay, the relationship can work well.

[ophelia]

15 hours ago, fundiebabez said:

Kelton wrote their “love story” on their wedding website, which you can read here: https://www.theknot.com/us/josie-bates-and-kelton-balka-oct-2018

Thank you!! I re-read it and damn it is really creepy and Kelton seems like such an asshole. Although I have to admit that appears to be less douchy since they got married.

[mstee]

10 hours ago, ophelia said:

Thank you!! I re-read it and damn it is really creepy and Kelton seems like such an asshole. Although I have to admit that appears to be less douchy since they got married.

I re-read it again too and it seemed so pushy. Do we know why the stopped talking for that year? Was it the age gap? It’s been a while and I have forgotten. 

[marmalade]

11 hours ago, mstee said:

I re-read it again too and it seemed so pushy. Do we know why the stopped talking for that year? Was it the age gap? It’s been a while and I have forgotten. 

Yes. Josie was just 15 when they first met. Gil told Kelton to cool his jets for a couple of years.

[Johannah]

It’s even crazier that he’s proud enough of this story to put it on their wedding website. And that he’s likely painting it in the best light possible and he still sounds like a creep

[SassyPants]

Remember when he grabbed her ass at the reception? However, I do agree with the comment about him seeming better since the wedding. Also, as parents, they seem light years more mature and grounded vs Evan and Carlin.

[Kelsey]

6 hours ago, Johannah said:

It’s even crazier that he’s proud enough of this story to put it on their wedding website.

He probably doesn't see it as creepy. He probably thinks they have some romantic Disney-esque love story.

[Melissa1977]

17 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Remember when he grabbed her ass at the reception? However, I do agree with the comment about him seeming better since the wedding. Also, as parents, they seem light years more mature and grounded vs Evan and Carlin.

He looked very worried and emotional at Willow's birth. His father was very supportive in the birth, too, which was nice to see. I know for both men births are scaring, considering their sad background, but the fact Kelton was allowed to show "weakness" and his father was very affectionate is a good signal. Maybe in a sea of jerkness, Kelton will be able to be a loving father and husband. I had no hope for him, but he has improved since the wedding.

[formergothardite]

On 10/6/2020 at 1:15 AM, Melissa1977 said:

Exactly. Alyssa was lucky to develop a genuine love for John, because once he approached Gil, she had nothing to say about it. I'm not saying Gil would have forced Alyssa to marry, but he's manipulative and I'm sure he said her it was God's will, etc. 

Considering how many poor fundies there are, isn't it curious that ALL the sons-in-law come from well-off families or families in high positions in the cult? 

Alyssa is very lucky that this worked out well for her. We have seen enough fundie marriages to know that it doesn't always end up that way. 

Gil seems to steer his daughters towards more well off, highly connected fundies. Probably because likes connections to wealthier people and he wants to make sure they  never ask him for financial support. Gil and Kelly are grifters, they don't want a bunch of son in laws who might ask them for money. 

On 10/5/2020 at 4:33 PM, nokidsmom said:

Oh, I suspect Gil thought he hit the suitor jackpot when John Webster came to him expressing interest.   Having links to a prominent conservative politician, no way was he going to pass that up.  

Gil was probably thrilled out of his mind. A prominent fundie politician who has political power and was already a cult member? This was the son in law jackpot! I also think Gil and Kelly were well aware that Alyssa was miserable, that tossing her into clown college wouldn't making her any happier and that she had the potential to bolt. Of all the older daughters I think she was the one most likely to say "fuck this, I'm leaving" if she had stayed trapped in that house for a couple years as an adult. Best to get her involved in a fundie relationship the day she turned 18, married as a teenager and having babies to make it harder for her to leave and become her own person. 

Gil and Kelly got political connections, got to make sure she stayed in the fold and Alyssa got out of the house and got a new headship that let her wear different clothing. I'm not sure Alyssa is actually happy as a stay at home mother/homeschooling mother to several children, but she is probably happier than she was growing up. 

[FluffySnowball]

On 10/4/2020 at 11:00 AM, indianabones said:

 

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I find Alyssa‘s answer regarding when she met and fell in love with John interesting for multiple reasons.

First of all, I had assumed that one of her radons to date John was that he was from Florida and would “take” her far away from her family. So in my mind, the early marriage and move to another state was a way to escape the crowded Bates house and the rules, e.g. about fashion and style. 

Secondly, I remember either John or Alyssa starting at some point that during the beginning of their relationship, they had considered skipping the courtship period in order to just get engaged immediately and to get married as soon as possible. But assuming that statement was true (I have no reason to believe it wasn’t) doesn’t that mean Alyssa was ready to marry someone she liked but wasn’t in love with? The question then is, why? To escape her parent’s house? I mean, I sympathize with such a sentiment, but it’s still surprising... 

1 hour ago, formergothardite said:

I'm not sure Alyssa is actually happy as a stay at home mother/homeschooling mother to several children, but she is probably happier than she was growing up. 

That’s such a sad, sad statement... but I’m afraid you’re right, @formergothardite. 

[SassyPants]

I always thought that it was both love at first and a way to quickly escape  loud, messy Chez Bates. I do think they are very well suited. She is organized and intense and he is happy-go-lucky and laid back. I think she loves that he got her out of  TN a and he loves having a hot wife.

[nokidsmom]

4 hours ago, formergothardite said:

I also think Gil and Kelly were well aware that Alyssa was miserable, that tossing her into clown college wouldn't making her any happier and that she had the potential to bolt. Of all the older daughters I think she was the one most likely to say "fuck this, I'm leaving" if she had stayed trapped in that house for a couple years as an adult. Best to get her involved in a fundie relationship the day she turned 18, married as a teenager and having babies to make it harder for her to leave and become her own person. 

@formergotharditeyou make a good point about Gil and Kelly being aware of the potential for Alyssa to bolt.  She was clearly not happy in the family home though her parents making her the family cook for years might have had something to do with it ?. 

Steering her into courtship and marriage early on would be a way to ensure she stays in the fold but also allowing her the "freedom" she craved even if it would be in the short term, meaning before she finds herself with a bunch of kids to raise and homeschool.  

I tended to think that Alyssa knew what she was doing by getting married as young as she did (and perhaps that's true) plus she had the good fortune of having a suitor that her father was not going to say "no" to.  No doubt there was parental influence but I typically thought it would be all about John being a Congressman's son (and the advantages it would mean) and not so much about keeping Alyssa in the fundie fold.   But it completely makes sense that Gil and Kelly would be worried about her staying. 

Gil and Kelly can talk all they want about their married children making their own choices after marriage, but it's pretty clear they do all they can to influence those later choices in how they steer their kids into courtships / marriages and with whom.  It's clear they were not happy with Zach choosing Whitney no matter how much they try to whitewash that.  

Honestly if Alyssa, or any of the kids for that matter, did what Jill Duggar is doing with her life now, Gil and Kelly's heads would explode.   

Edited October 10, 2020 by nokidsmom
Clarification

[just_ordinary]

3 hours ago, FluffySnowball said:

[...]

Secondly, I remember either John or Alyssa starting at some point that during the beginning of their relationship, they had considered skipping the courtship period in order to just get engaged immediately and to get married as soon as possible. But assuming that statement was true (I have no reason to believe it wasn’t) doesn’t that mean Alyssa was ready to marry someone she liked but wasn’t in love with? The question then is, why? To escape her parent’s house? I mean, I sympathize with such a sentiment, but it’s still surprising... 

That’s such a sad, sad statement... but I’m afraid you’re right, @formergothardite. 

I think she fell in love in the „get to know“/„talking“ phase or whatever they call it. She just said she didn’t fell for him the second he showed interest. Which is seems surprisingly normal for me. It was then that they considered skipping an official courtship term- which in many cases is just pro forms to keep up appearances. Also there is a whole lot of range between love at first sight and marrying with just some friendly affection. I find it refreshing to see them admit that love can develop by getting to know each other instead of knowing this is the person they are going to marry in the second they laid eyes on one another. 
Fundies also play a lot with words, so you get totally contradicting storylines that seem to be completely agreeable to them. For example the very close family friends for 20 years but the children just meet- when in reality they are probably not that close and the children know of each other, have talked to each other but just now have spend time together to learn about the personality and opinions. 

[FluffySnowball]

33 minutes ago, just_ordinary said:

I think she fell in love in the „get to know“/„talking“ phase or whatever they call it. She just said she didn’t fell for him the second he showed interest. Which is seems surprisingly normal for me. It was then that they considered skipping an official courtship term- which in many cases is just pro forms to keep up appearances. Also there is a whole lot of range between love at first sight and marrying with just some friendly affection. I find it refreshing to see them admit that love can develop by getting to know each other instead of knowing this is the person they are going to marry in the second they laid eyes on one another. 
Fundies also play a lot with words, so you get totally contradicting storylines that seem to be completely agreeable to them. For example the very close family friends for 20 years but the children just meet- when in reality they are probably not that close and the children know of each other, have talked to each other but just now have spend time together to learn about the personality and opinions. 

I’d agree with you but Alyssa explicitly wrote on Instagram that she dated John for “quite a few months” before falling in love with him. So speeding the courtship up doesn’t really make much sense under such circumstances. My guess would be that she really wanted to get out ASAP and found John agreeable enough. 

[Melissa1977]

5 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Gil and Kelly got political connections, got to make sure she stayed in the fold and Alyssa got out of the house and got a new headship that let her wear different clothing. I'm not sure Alyssa is actually happy as a stay at home mother/homeschooling mother to several children, but she is probably happier than she was growing up

I have the feeling that Websters ignore Bates. They are never pictured together, even when they attend the same birthday party or event. I would like to be a fly on the wall when Websters talk about Gil and Kelly. Also Taliban Dan may be a jerk, but as a congressman and businessman, he must be smart enough to stay far from professional grifters like Gil.

Re. Alyssa, I think she loves her life and her girls very much, but she would be double happy if the kids went to a real school. She probably could have enjoyed motherhood more if she had spent several years in Florida just living and working, and have had children later. 

Edited October 10, 2020 by Melissa1977
Spelling

[nokidsmom]

10 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

I have the feeling that Websters ignore Bates. They are never pictured together, even when they attend the same birthday party or event. I would like to be a fly on the wall when Websters talk about Gil and Kelly. Also Taliban Dan may be a jerk, but as a congressman and businessman, he must be smart enough to stay far from professional grifters like Gil.

I have noticed this as well, that they are not shown pictured together.  Outside of being IBLP, the Websters are in a whole different class than Gil and Kelly. And Taliban Dan has likely dealt with his own share of grifters/hangers-on/people who just want to be around him because of who he is.  He likely had Gil pegged as someone to keep at arm's length though the family seems to like Alyssa just fine.     

 

 

[indianabones]

40 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

Re. Alyssa, I think she loves her life and her girls very much, but she would be double happy if the kids went to a real school. She probably could have enjoyed motherhood more if she had spent several years in Florida just living and working, and have had children later. 

I remember watching the ABC special about her wedding, and how when the host asked Alyssa if she was going to get a job in Florida now that she was married she said no, because they would probably start having kids soon. She seemed so blasé about it- not excited, but like it was something that was inevitable and unpreventable. It was almost disappointing to watch even going in with knowledge about the quiverful movement.

[nokidsmom]

44 minutes ago, indianabones said:

I remember watching the ABC special about her wedding, and how when the host asked Alyssa if she was going to get a job in Florida now that she was married she said no, because they would probably start having kids soon. She seemed so blasé about it- not excited, but like it was something that was inevitable and unpreventable

What is sad is that so many fundie young women have it drummed into their heads from day one what their limited life options are and that's what they are going to do no matter how they feel about it.   Even with her newfound "freedom" Alyssa was still resigned to certain things happening in her life even if she was not totally keen on it.

[kmachete14]

Can someone recap the political video Alyssa is referring to on her Instagram? I’m afraid to watch it 

[UnicornHunter]

8 hours ago, kmachete14 said:

Can someone recap the political video Alyssa is referring to on her Instagram? I’m afraid to watch it 

Vote Trump because God.

 

I didn’t watch the video, I just haven’t seen any Baptist churches support anyone but that asshole.

[formergothardite]

9 hours ago, kmachete14 said:

Can someone recap the political video Alyssa is referring to on her Instagram? I’m afraid to watch it 

I skimmed through it while on hold with a doctor's office. I'm sure I missed some things because I did just skim through it. 

We need to have a revival in America to go back to the days when people didn't lock their doors. If everyone just obeyed God there wouldn't be prisons. The pastor pulls out the "if you have a problem with what I say, you really have a problem with what God says" line, which is the quick way to shut down anyone who might disagree. 

It is going to be a four week study.

Week 1: Preparing the next generation.

Week 2: The sanctity of life

Week 3: Morality in America

Week 4: Our personal responsibility

The pastor talks about how people are trying to remove "under God" from the pledge of allegiance and to remain a nation under God Christians can't allow that to happen. 

He whines about all those churches that are no longer standing on the Bible and don't care about pleasing the Lord. 

It is rather scary, but he says he is going to go down in a fight to keep this a Christian nation. This sounds rather ominous. 

He says that the world has had the opportunity to make decisions for American and lead America. By "the world" he is clearly meaning anyone who isn't super conservative. 

He complains about people not giving money to church like they should.

We have now gotten the to the Christians are being persecuted part of this sermon. 

He claims when the Bible says to nurture children it means to discipline them. The riots are because children weren't disciplined. 

Back to scarily talking about reestablishing America as a Christian nation. 

He claims that a huge amount of children in public school don't know Jesus. I would have to see the actual statistics to believe that. Christian public school teachers are heroes because they have to teach such awful things and face all these children who are atheist. Public schools start teaching children from the beginning that there is no God. It is good to keep your children out of public school. Rants about evolution and shows he doesn't understand evolution. 

The world tells children they are alone and has to fend for themselves. 

He doesn't care about being politically correct especially when it comes to Jesus. This gets bunches of Amens. 

Children hear all religions are the same. Life is going to get so bad because children are told there is no God, evolution is real, and that people besides Christians will make it to heaven. 

They have a biblical responsibility to fight to keep One Nation Under God from being removed. Vote "one nation under God" vote according to the Bible. 

So it is basically saying vote republican without him coming out and saying it. And to be willing to fight if liberals win. Alyssa may wear cute clothing but she believes some real scary and dangerous things. 

 

Edited October 12, 2020 by formergothardite

[artdecades]

On 10/9/2020 at 5:19 AM, Johannah said:

It’s even crazier that he’s proud enough of this story to put it on their wedding website. And that he’s likely painting it in the best light possible and he still sounds like a creep

this is my first time reading this and I am getting serious Joe from You vibes

[GracieLou Free Duggar]

6 hours ago, formergothardite said:

I skimmed through it while on hold with a doctor's office. I'm sure I missed some things because I did just skim through it. 

We need to have a revival in America to go back to the days when people didn't lock their doors. If everyone just obeyed God there wouldn't be prisons. The pastor pulls out the "if you have a problem with what I say, you really have a problem with what God says" line, which is the quick way to shut down anyone who might disagree. 

It is going to be a four week study.

Week 1: Preparing the next generation.

Week 2: The sanctity of life

Week 3: Morality in America

Week 4: Our personal responsibility

The pastor talks about how people are trying to remove "under God" from the pledge of allegiance and to remain a nation under God Christians can't allow that to happen. 

He whines about all those churches that are no longer standing on the Bible and don't care about pleasing the Lord. 

It is rather scary, but he says he is going to go down in a fight to keep this a Christian nation. This sounds rather ominous. 

He says that the world has had the opportunity to make decisions for American and lead America. By "the world" he is clearly meaning anyone who isn't super conservative. 

He complains about people not giving money to church like they should.

We have now gotten the to the Christians are being persecuted part of this sermon. 

He claims when the Bible says to nurture children it means to discipline them. The riots are because children weren't disciplined. 

Back to scarily talking about reestablishing America as a Christian nation. 

He claims that a huge amount of children in public school don't know Jesus. I would have to see the actual statistics to believe that. Christian public school teachers are heroes because they have to teach such awful things and face all these children who are atheist. Public schools start teaching children from the beginning that there is no God. It is good to keep your children out of public school. Rants about evolution and shows he doesn't understand evolution. 

The world tells children they are alone and has to fend for themselves. 

He doesn't care about being politically correct especially when it comes to Jesus. This gets bunches of Amens. 

Children hear all religions are the same. Life is going to get so bad because children are told there is no God, evolution is real, and that people besides Christians will make it to heaven. 

They have a biblical responsibility to fight to keep One Nation Under God from being removed. Vote "one nation under God" vote according to the Bible. 

So it is basically saying vote republican without him coming out and saying it. And to be willing to fight if liberals win. Alyssa may wear cute clothing but she believes some real scary and dangerous things. 

 

Under God wasn't added until 1954.
Created until 1892, it was good for 62 years before it was added.
We've had it in for 66 years...

Hmmmm