Bro Gary Hawkins 13: What's the other one, Becky?

[AmazonGrace]

I am a little surprised that these lazybones types aren't more enthusiastic about social distancing. For once in your life there is a chance to do a good deed that requires no actual effort, just doing nothing.

Ordinarily you'd be expected to get off your ass and help somebody. Now you can sit and watch TV and tell everyone that you're helping to save lives.

it should be just up Gary's alley.

[thoughtful]

11 minutes ago, Xan said:

Gary mentions that he's 47 and that he's been preaching for almost 21 years.  I'm stunned.  I figured he was older and, as terrible as he is, I didn't have any idea that he'd been preaching that long.  

But, @Xan, he "worked a job" for most of that time. God didn't allow him to grift  serve God full-time until . . . well, it's unclear. I think I remember him repeatedly saying it's been six years. His Facebook shows this:

I think he's also mentioned that he was preaching before he was saved - sort of an "it's the family business" thing. But now he TRULY BELIEVES! AMEN!

14 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

Ordinarily you'd be expected to get off your ass and help somebody. Now you can sit and watch TV  obsessively read the KJV without understanding any of it, watch conspiracy theory videos on your phone, and make Becky prepare meal after meal of weens and gravy, and tell everyone that you're helping to save lives.

it should be just up Gary's alley.

FTFY.

Gary doesn't watch that evil TV.

[Black Aliss]

On 5/23/2020 at 11:56 PM, forgetmenow said:

Gotta give Gary a shoutout for all the reminders that liquor stores are still open.  

If Ol' Bro Gary ends up in the ER, whether as a result of COVID-19, driving while facebooking, or heart failure, he should be very grateful that the bed he needs isn't occupied by someone suffering DTs. There's a good reason the liquor stores have remained open.

[zeebaneighba]

23 hours ago, thoughtful said:

 

"Buddha and Allah (I swear he says "olive") are in Hell because they rejected Jesus Christ."

Um, Gary - Allah is not the name of a person, it's just another name for  - oh, never mind.

 

 

Not to mention the historical Buddha is supposed to have predated Jesus by some 500 years.

[Xan]

I've listened to about all the preaching I can stand today between the Rod and the Shrader threads.  Bro Gary is posting from where they stopped in Georgia for the night and I'm just going to wait for thoughtful or someone else to decipher him.  I will, however, post a still from the beginning of the video.  Gar has a lamp spouting out of the top of his head.  I've got extra pounds myself but, I swear, Gary looks like he gains weight with every new video.

 

 

[thoughtful]

Spoiler

" . . . Hello from Georgia  . . .  Happy Memorial Day. I wanna say thank God for all the min 'n' wimmin that forsake their lives for freedom  . . . and . . .  that, uh . . . uh, was . . .uh, kep' our freedom - goin', and they was kilt for it . . . give us freedom. And ah thank God for that, every man woman sacrificing their lives, and, uh, so . . . I just wanna thank God for that."

All the ellipses represent long pauses during which Gary stares, zombie-like, at the camera, with the occasional tooth suck. Gary, you really don't have to pause and stare until people sign on. They will catch up or watch later.

We hear Becky and Jacob doing what sounds like practical stuff in the background, as usual.

They're not at their destination yet, but stopping off in Augusta.

Yesterday, Gary locked them out of the car. He says it was because he broke routine, since they waited to get out of the truck during the downpour, rather than turning it off and putting the keys in his pocket right away as he got out. OK, that could happen to anyone. I just want you to know that Gary usually takes the keys right out of the "innitian," but this time (he tells us twice!) they "set there fir a few minutessss."

Thank God his insurance company has roadside assistance. Gary tells us about his conversation with the roadside assistance guy.

"I just said somethin' to the guy, 'cause I had seen on the news on my phone,  some young lady got saved - I don't know, let me rephrase that - some young lady got shot. (it sounds more like "shocked"). "And he told me, he said I wanna let you know that yestiday, 'n' this was Sundy, yesterday, three people . . . no, no no no - twelve people was shot on Black Bike Week. Gangs . . . of Black. . .  Bike  . . . Week."

He goes on about this for a while, with lots of "just sayin'" faces and over-enunciation. He wonders how many of the twelve were saved, of course, and that every one of them knows where they're at now, of course, and that gets him into the usual, "people are dyin' all day, do you know that you're saved?" for five minutes, including telling us how he's gonna lay his head down on this pilla, and, if he "was to die between now and in the morning," his flesh would still be there, but he would be in Heaven.

I haven't heard Becky and Jacob for a while, so I hope Jacob was out of the room (not that he doesn't hear a lot of that shit all the time).

But let me go back to the story of the shootings for a moment. Gary, as you point out, lots of people died last week. Why the focus on the twelve that you think were shot by gangs from "Black  . . . Bike . . . Week?"

There were shootings in Myrtle Beach, and reports say they were gang-related, but nobody had died when you spoke to the insurance man, and there doesn't seem to be a connection to Black Bike Week (which has been postponed to Labor Day Weekend). I'm sure you or the roadside assistance guy just innocently mis-heard because one of the incidents happened near 12th Avenue, and neither of you are even one teeny little bit racist. 

Gary gets into the need for evangelism. "How can they HEAR  . . . without a preacher? How can they HEAR  . . . without a door-knocker? How can they HEAR  . . . without somebody setting down and takin' time and showin' 'em through the word o' God what the word o' God says about salvation?

Billy Kelly swinging over Hell on a rotten cornstalk again, and lots of other old routines for another ten minutes (Gary, you need new material), including many mentions of the Old Rugged Cross, and "reptobate."

Gary gets a comment, which breaks his stride, while he freezes, stares and reads:

Spoiler

Gary says "some, not a whole lot," and says a lot of things you've all heard before. 

Jerald and Gary agree that America will never be what America ever was.

Gary really is too tired to talk. Like a wind-up toy running down, he says  "I will say on November the 4th ever'thin' will lighten up if the Democrats lose, but if the Tru- if the Republicans win, no, nah, no lettin' up. Between hatin' Trump, and the 'lection, and our uh uh uh rights that our forefathers died for, of havin' religious rights (tooth suck), nah, don't think so. "

I bet Gary's siblings could always fool him with the "heads I win, tails you lose" trick.

One final burst of energy, for an exhortation to get saved, because Jesus is soon comin'.

Edited May 26, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[Dana723]

19 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary gets visions. His Daddy was a church planner, and Gary knows all about church-plannin'. With God, nothing is "unpossible."

 

 

 

[grandmadugger]

How does he expect to save anyone if he can’t form a complete thought? 

[forgetmenow]

23 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary's way of saying that each person is an individual is to say that, if the women got together and talked about how to cook a dish, they'd each have a different way of doing it, and each of the men would "mechanic" different from one another.

I guess this explains why they always need new vehicles.

[smittykins]

On 5/24/2020 at 6:22 PM, thoughtful said:

“Buddha and Allah (I swear he says "olive") are in Hell because they rejected Jesus Christ."

Um, Gary - Allah is not the name of a person, it's just another name for  - oh, never mind.

I wonder if he means Muhammad(although I have seen claims that Allah is not the same as the Christian God).

[FeministShrew]

Oh god, Gary sounds exactly like my old Free Will Baptist preacher (don't call him a pastor, he's a preacher, and don't you forget it!). Same form & same content. Surprisingly, videos from his new nondenominational church show he's mellowed a bit. Still spews hate, just quieter, wearing jeans & untucked shirts, and sporting beard stubble. I guess he saw his son pulling in big numbers at his own church with the hipster Jesus approach & decided money was more important than his old "ironclad" standards.

"Conway needs Bible-believing churches?" That whole area is full of little fundamentalist churches of all the Baptist varieties - Southern, Independent, and Free Will. The story I heard in both my Free Will and Independent Baptist days is that part of the state has no many churches because there were so many church splits over stupid issues. Someone would get mad at the pastor or another faction in a church, & their little clique would start their own church. Free Will Baptists are notorious for this all over SC, but Independents do it more in the Low Country.  
I'm not sure why, but church people are more judge-y and nit-picky down there, too. Maybe it's their push back, living so close to sinful Myrtle Beach?

A couple of my old pastors told stories about visiting Horry County churches for revivals or missions conferences and being told it was a sin to drink soda from a can or read glossy magazines, apparently because it gave the appearance of drinking beer & reading porn magazines. One said a member of a church he preached a revival sermon at refused to shake his hand & said, "I saw you at the store yesterday buying Coke in a can. If I'd known you were the one preaching here I wouldn't have come." Another pastor was told his hair was too long, one was told he couldn't preach until he shaved his sideburns.  Their were also rules about only wearing white or blue dress shirts with their suits, and solid color dark ties. No pastels or patterns!

The pastor's wives hated visiting churches in that area, too. They were sure to be told that their hair & skirts were too short, their heels were too high, and their makeup was too heavy.

I might have to back off from Bro Gary. Even the recaps are giving me too many flashbacks!

[thoughtful]

59 minutes ago, smittykins said:

I wonder if he means Muhammad

I thought of that, too. I imagine that Gary prides himself on dismissing any name he's ever heard that isn't in the KJV as "them reptobates from them false religions - they're all the same to me."

 

[smittykins]

2 hours ago, FeministShrew said:

A couple of my old pastors told stories about visiting Horry County churches for revivals or missions conferences and being told it was a sin to drink soda from a can or read glossy magazines, apparently because it gave the appearance of drinking beer & reading porn magazines.

Darrell Dow of the Stuff Fundies Like blog mentions that he was told not to drink root beer from brown bottles(such as IBC)because people would think it was real beer.  

[Alisamer]

On 5/18/2020 at 2:34 AM, thoughtful said:

"I've never set in jail and ah thank God for it and ah hope that ah don't never do...

Um. Wait... didn't we see an arrest record for him somewhere? 

Assuming that really was him, I guess he got bailed out, and the sentence was probation, so maybe that's technically true. Maybe.

On 5/20/2020 at 1:45 PM, Xan said:

He's managed to do this since 2012.  People have fed and housed him and given him enough money to travel around, eat in restaurants, and not do any real work.  It's no surprise that he's more irritable lately.  If things don't pick up, Gar might have to find a job -- or find one for Becky, most likely.  He preaches against social distancing because it's killed off his income stream.

Becky's already at least trying, with the MLM stuff. Give him another year or two and he'll be shoving a lawn mower in with the tent and expecting the kid to go mow lawns for money everywhere they travel.

On 5/24/2020 at 6:22 PM, thoughtful said:

He zooms through mentioning that the place they were just staying provided 'lectricity and a few groceries, and that he thanks God for all that stuff. But he hopes that they aren't now thinking that Gary was a "bum" who "didn't wanna do nothin'." Because he was willing to go door-knockin' but they couldn't because of Corona. "You say why? 'Cause we'da had the law called on us amen."

But didn't he just say previously that he'd keep standing up for Jesus and probably end up arrested? (Or something amounting to that, anyway.) Coronavirus is a good excuse for laziness, I guess. And anyone who thinks he's a bum is right.

43 minutes ago, smittykins said:

Darrell Dow of the Stuff Fundies Like blog mentions that he was told not to drink root beer from brown bottles(such as IBC)because people would think it was real beer.  

Stuff Fundies Like is how I got here originally. I loved hearing all the ridiculous rules and requirements churches managed to come up with, even though they're kind of sad as well.

[thoughtful]

Becky posted:

Yeah, there's a reason for that, if you don't believe that God somehow came down and directed the 1611 translators.

Quote

In the years since 1611, many older manuscripts have been discovered and carefully evaluated by scholars. Their conclusion is that the older manuscripts are more reliable. This has given modern translators unprecedented access to manuscripts much closer in time to the original documents. Therefore, translations such as the NIV actually reflect better Bible scholarship than was available in 1611 when the KJV was published.

The verses or phrases that appeared in the KJV, but have been “omitted” in most trusted translations today, are not found in the oldest and most reliable manuscripts. Modern translators include or reference them in footnotes. These footnotes are intended to help the reader understand that certain perceived differences in the text are due to improved biblical scholarship. The treatment of these verses has not changed recently and reflects a consensus among the majority of Bible scholars.

It is important and comforting to note that no doctrines of the Christian faith are affected by differences between the KJV and translations such as the NIV that follow more reliable sources.

https://www.biblica.com/resources/bible-faqs/why-does-the-niv-bible-omit-or-have-missing-verses/

 

 

[Ozlsn]

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

I thought of that, too. I imagine that Gary prides himself on dismissing any name he's ever heard that isn't in the KJV as "them reptobates from them false religions - they're all the same to me."

 

"Gary" is a KJV Biblical name?! 

[thoughtful]

46 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

I thought of that, too. I imagine that Gary prides himself on dismissing any name he's ever heard that isn't in the KJV as "them reptobates from them false religions - they're all the same to me."

 

"Gary" is a KJV Biblical name?! 

OK, in case you are not just kidding (or someone else is confused by my wording); I should have been clearer. Any proper noun that has anything to do with other faiths is likely to be dismissed as one o' them non-believers who's burning in Hell.

For all I know, he thinks Torah, Mecca and  Vishnu were people.

And that Valhalla guy - we know he's in Hell.

?

 

[smittykins]

3 hours ago, Alisamer said:

Stuff Fundies Like is how I got here originally. I loved hearing all the ridiculous rules and requirements churches managed to come up with, even though they're kind of sad as well.

I still have SFL in an open tab in my browser.(Incidentally, it’s where I learned that “Avoid the appearance of evil” means “avoid evil when it appears,” not “don’t do certain things because people might think you’re sinning even though you’re not.”)

[thoughtful]

For a while there, I was wondering if David Hyles told Gary he wasn't allowed to do lives from the Somewhere in Georgia Hidden Valley Ranch for Rapists and Other Fallen Dudes. It's only two hours from Augusta, after all, so it's not like they were driving all day.

But Gary finally came through. It looks like he's on the porch of the main house, "givin' 'em a coupla minutes to sahn ohn." He has to ask Becky whether he should say good afternoon or good evening.

Spoiler

I can hear the goats in the background, and trickling water. He promises to show us the place, but never does. He tells us what a nice place it is - they have a king-size bed. "The Lord's blessed us here."

He tells us what a good ministry they have there, and explains again why they are "helpin'."

Gary says he knows he's not a good preacher. He's not in competition with anybody. "I am what I am 'n' that's what I am."

Spoiler

 

Gary, have you been watching scandalous cartoons on the sly? 'Fess up, boy.

He just wants to be a help - it's even on his BROchure. He sits in that gorgeous setting and tells us that he just wants to be a help. ? He really wants to make sure we know he is OK with house-sitting and feeding animals, because he's so humble.

He's never met "this guy" before, except on Facebook, but God connected them.

Someone comments to ask where they are, and Gary says he can't remember the name of the town, but it's in the middle of nowhere. Becky feeds him some stats - 1500 people in the whole county, 85 Baptist churches, and every year they read the entire Bible, over the course of a week, on the courthouse steps - including people from the "politician world."

"They pray in the public schools 'roun' here amen."

He doesn't know exactly where he is, but "Maco, Georgia is about a hour away."

ETA - he seems to have confused Macon with that place where they do mechanic-ing.

He really doesn't know  - he's in the middle of nowhere.

We get it, Gary - you drove there, but you have no idea where you are. You also didn't mention Hyles by name this time. Is this your usual spaciness, or did Hyles read you the riot act?

He  touches on Memorial Day again, and honoring anyone in the military or "law enforcementsss." He tells us about a ministry for p'lice officers and the tracts they pass along from them.

"Today's Tuesday - uh, Friday'll be here tomorrow night, it's Wednesday night."

Gary may have to have his own service tomorrow night - he says nobody in Georgia is havin' Wednesday church. With 85 Baptist churches in that county alone?!

Someone from India comments. Gary asks for Becky's help to say his name, neither of them are sure. I'm sure that's because it's such a foreign, non KJV name (spoiler in case you want to guess):

Spoiler

Elisha.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Kings+2&version=KJV

They had taco soup for dinner - Becky had a ham sandwich (she corrects him - turkey) and cucumbers, because she's allergic to tomatoes.

"You know what would be good right now, BabyDoll? If you would cut us up a cantaloupe."

Becky reminds her loving husband, who was just talking about her food sensitivities, that she can't, and says "Maybe Jacob would."

Gary, are you not allowed to handle knives? Cut up your own friggin' cantaloupe.

We better be prayin' for these farmers - too much rain. Luckily, Gary's had his fill of strawberries for this year.

Gary didn't realize how late it was, because he's "still on the five o'clock time when it gits dark." He just noticed, with Becky's help, that it's starting to get dark later and later. Gary, that process started on December 22. It's actually getting close to reversing at this point. You've lived through this 46 times - haven't you ever noticed? I'm sure they taught it in school, but who knows where your mind was.

Spoiler

 

Edited May 27, 2020 by thoughtful

[jjmennonite]

11 hours ago, smittykins said:

I wonder if he means Muhammad(although I have seen claims that Allah is not the same as the Christian God).

There are a lot of Christian Arabs. I'm pretty sure Allah is Arabic for God, so all the Arabic bibles talk a lot about him. Maybe some are even translated from KJV 16.

[thoughtful]

So have a question. Not looking in argue.

Spoiler

Spoiler

 

ETA - Gary's "driven in" made me picture this:

Spoiler

 

Edited May 27, 2020 by thoughtful

[griffin]

Pasture Tommy McMurty commented on Bro Gary's feed. Wow, small world

[thoughtful]

Becky posted:

 

So, Becky, do you know anyone who is having problems with addiction to screens, social media, and the like?

Edited May 28, 2020 by thoughtful

[AmazonGrace]

Children learn more from just about any phone game than from listening to Gary.

[thoughtful]

Gary got some more answers to his post asking whether people felt they did the right thing:

Pastor Bray, I think Gary knows what you did, since he was there.

And, look, Gary - Lucinda's pastor hates gay people and booze, just like you do. But he kept his church closed - maybe he was trying to protect people's health.