Bro Gary Hawkins 13: What's the other one, Becky?

[forgetmenow]

I often find myself wishing for a "Shock, Flash of Anger, Deep Sigh, Head Shake" emoji when I read this thread.  A cycle otherwise known as The Four Stages of Brother Gary, I suppose.

Edited June 5, 2020 by forgetmenow

[Ozlsn]

17 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He says the last time anything was done to his tires, it was near the end of February, in Independence, MO, by professionals. So it doesn't seem like it was the fault of his shoddy workmanship, or some other amateur he roped into doing work for free.

But who knows?

It could just have been picked up on the road. When we were coming back from my husband's aunt's 80th in January we had something metal get in the tyre and ended up having to call a tow truck (and a taxi, because too many of us to go in the truck) to get everyone home. 

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

While completely ignoring that amazingly gorgeous sea and sky, Gary reminds us again how he has to be careful where he points the camera, because there's "too many people out here, nekkid."

That view is gorgeous, and that beach? Not full. I wish Becky and Jacob could just go swimming, without having the constant litany of "Sin! Sin!!" coming from Gary. 

[AmazonGrace]

If he makes such a fuss about nekkid people I'm going to assume that he had a good time lusting after them.

[thoughtful]

5 hours ago, Alisamer said:

Good preaching', thoughtful!

Thank you, and HAYMAYUN!

 

3 hours ago, forgetmenow said:

I often find myself wishing for a "Shock, Flash of Anger, Deep Sigh, Head Shake" emoji when I read this thread.  A cycle otherwise known as The Four Stages of Brother Gary, I suppose.

An animated reaction emoji - we need a few of those.

 

3 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

That view is gorgeous, and that beach? Not full

I don't know if you watched the video, but there were more people there than I showed in my screenshots. I just thought it was so funny that the first time he said it was crowded, he was focused on a huge empty swath.

But full, packed, all over one another? No. Gary is, as you already know, full of shit.

[thoughtful]

3 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

It could just have been picked up on the road.

I guess so. I was just going by what Gary was saying (what was I thinking?). He said it came out from inside the tire, but it could have gone in first.

Seems rather large for that, though.

[wallysmommy]

My nephew sent me a YouTube of a woman telling people not to say "unthaw."  That's typical Gary talk.  You take something out of the freezer to unthaw it.  

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

I don't know if you watched the video, but there were more people there than I showed in my screenshots. I just thought it was so funny that the first time he said it was crowded, he was focused on a huge empty swath.

But full, packed, all over one another? No. Gary is, as you already know, full of shit.

My mental image of "packed" is:

So yeah, I was thinking "looks great - not too many people, lovely beach, awesome!"

[larrysmom]

On 6/2/2020 at 10:00 PM, thoughtful said:

Sundown Towns, also by Loewen, is another book that chronicles how different life has been for people in the US, based on race. It's about the efforts of places to stay all-white, some even having signs telling black people " (expletive), don't let the sun set on you in _____," and the more insidious versions of that crap still going on.

I recommend this book as well. Loewen also has a website about Sundown Towns.

[thoughtful]

The latest grift:

http://onychabaptistchurch.com/

Quote

Meet the Pastor

Tom Johnston is the pastor of Onycha Baptist Church. He has a Bachelor of Science degree in business from Bradley University and a Bachelor of Divinity from Pensacola Bible Institute. He was saved at Bradley University through a gospel tract that he received. Pastor Johnston has pastored in southern Alabama for the past 15 years. He has a heart for souls and encourages everyone to share the gospel. In April 2007, God led him to Onycha Baptist Church where he has been a blessing and encouragement in the restart of the church.

See, see? They do work! 

[Four is Enough]

14 hours ago, thoughtful said:

See, see? They do work! 

Uh huh... ?

On 6/5/2020 at 9:13 PM, wallysmommy said:

My nephew sent me a YouTube of a woman telling people not to say "unthaw."  That's typical Gary talk.  You take something out of the freezer to unthaw it.  

Actually, wouldn't you put it IN the freezer to "un-thaw" it? Because if it's not frozen, it's already thawed..

[thoughtful]

Gary, as usual sounding resentful and defensive:

And I got yet another grocery order in which the shopper substituted a non-kosher brand (Ball Park this time) for my mom's hot dogs.

So, yet again, I have been "blessed" with free weens. If this is God's way of telling me I should try making weenie gravy and biscuits, I am going to be a reptobate - no way, Dude.

Besides, I don't have White Lily flour.

And my mother has no weens. I did regale her with Bro Gary's JerUSAlem, driving, HAYMAYUNing, and "nekkid people" stories last night, though. She alternated between amused and disgusted, as one does when hearing about Bro Gary.

 

[keepercjr]

On 6/5/2020 at 2:32 PM, AmazonGrace said:

If he makes such a fuss about nekkid people I'm going to assume that he had a good time lusting after them.

Just like Caleb tweeting at non fundie women on Twitter and then saying what he saw on the beach disgusted him.  Yeah right.  Probably felt a lot of shame for liking what he saw.  

[thoughtful]

Have  I mentioned that, whenever Gary does "a live," I think of this:

 

The Onycha Baptist congregation sings Never Alone and There Is Power in the Blood. The pastor is very soft-spoken, asking prayers and making announcements. We can hear Gary tooth-sucking, since he's still near his phone.

Becky asks them to pray for her mother-in-law, since she had to start dialysis this past week.

There is a piano solo during the collection, then a special of Isn't the Love of Jesus Something Wonderful. Despite the singer announcing it as a "special," it sounds like Gary, Jacob and Becky sing along on the chorus. Becky stops after the first one, but the male Hawkinses don't seem to notice that nobody else is doing so, and do it again.

All sing We'll Work Till Jesus Comes (yes, that's the way it's spelled) - yet another "this world stinks, I can't wait to get to heaven" song.

Gary's stylin' today, in a beige sports jacket with dark pants - how casual! He takes a big chance, starting with "Well, amen, it's good to be in Alabama." Whew, he got it right.

Spoiler

Take note of those pony walls - they really limit Gary's usual running around later on - he can only go sideways and a little bit back. They're handy for draping the jacket over when he gets overheated and pulls it off, though.

He fusses with recording equipment, bible, water bottle, etc. while he babbles a bit. He announces the bible reading, then goes off into Garybabble for awhile - having both a cup and bottle of water, the guy in Maine with a migraine.

On to 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, with some substituted and mispronounced words, of course. Preaching is same old, same old, about the second coming, and we get a "reptobate," but some unique things are listed below.

In his usual rant about thinking the Lord is coming on a Wednesday night, he says people will "fiddle with their phones and play with the television" - maybe it finally sank in that I Love Lucy is not exactly a current reference.

During this pandemic, Gary has learned that "preachers can get meaner than a per- than a uhuhuh human being - I mean, far as a normal person."

As ever, right after he complains about people "throwin' rocks," he talks about how he was raised in the "old ways," lists the preachers of old, and makes it clear that he's mostly upset about preachers he felt were throwing rocks at him. He does get nasty about people not going to church because the government told them not to, later in the sermon.

He asks them to turn to Matthew 25, and jokes about how he needs to hurry up. He's trying to make his usual crack not delaying lunch, but all he says is "I know what happens to Baptists after twelve o'clock," which makes it sound like:

Spoiler

 

Reading Matthew 25:10, he has trouble pronouncing bridegroom, starting with "when they went to buy the brindgroom" twice. Yes, I left out the comma on purpose, because he does read it as if they were going (to Walmarts, no doubt) to buy the bridegroom.

He uses the hide-and-seek analogy for Jesus coming whether we are ready or not, and, this time says "you'd count up to so many high numbers, and then you'd skip a few numbers so you could hurry up and go seek that person."

I didn't skip any numbers, Gary - you might be surprised to learn that not everybody cheats when they play a game.

He tells us that, in 2 Corinthians 13:5, when Paul "said 'examine yourself,' ah believe what he meant we better examine ourself."

Now, who says KJV-only preachers never interpret Scripture?

"Mama was a little bit down fahndin' out she had to go on dialis" but Daddy read up on it and they say you can live as long as 20 years.

BTW, unlike Becky, who actually asked for prayers for Gary's mother, he only includes this as part of his we-could-all-die-any-second crap. He also tells us about "some 20-some-year-old girl" who got "one of those diseases that barely anybody gets, but whenever they get it - that's the one that takes ya - ya die."

He asks them to turn to Acts 16:31, and he even manages a misread in this very short verse, saying "And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thou house."

"Ah have never seen a 900-foot Jesus."

Believe it or not, that is a reference to something (thank you, google!)!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oral_Roberts

Quote

In 1977, Roberts claimed to have had a vision from a 900-foot-tall Jesus who told him to build City of Faith Medical and Research Center, and the hospital would be a success

Becky, please remind him that the joke about the tadpoles doesn't work if he says "social security number" - he needs to go back to "sunscreen number."

Gary's name is written in the Lamb's book of life, and not with one of them new inkpens that can be erased.

Gary's not gonna sing that song about only wantin' a cabin on the other side, because he wants his mansion.

He says something about God making sure he got his income tax on time - I think he means his refund.

Gary says he and his wife were working and making decent money before God told him he had to go out and be an evangelist.

People who work make decent money, indeed, Gary, unlike what you live off of now. And I'm not referring to the amount.

 

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

People who work make decent money, indeed, Gary, unlike what you live off of now. And I'm not referring to the amount.

The problem is that in Gary's mind he is working. From his perspective he (yeah, right)  and Becky (sort of, but probably more than Gary) gave up good jobs to do The Lord's Work. All the "get a job" rhetoric isn't going to make an impact on him because as far as he's concerned he has one that he is fairly good at, and he has been Called to do it.

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

Ah have never seen a 900-foot Jesus."

Gary would probably die of fright if he did.

[thoughtful]

40 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

All the "get a job" rhetoric isn't going to make an impact on him because as far as he's concerned he has one that he is fairly good at, and he has been Called to do it.

Oh, I know - if he's sincere, he thinks he's doing something nobler than mere work; bringing the greatest gift he knows to the multitudes.

I just say it to get it off of my chest.

[ignorantobserver]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

I didn't skip any numbers, Gary - you might be surprised to learn that not everybody cheats when they play a game.

Cut him some slack, the poor man probably didn't intend to cheat but was overwhelmed by "so many high numbers" and forgot a few. Jesus never said you need to know how to count in order to get saved !

Edited June 7, 2020 by ignorantobserver

[Alisamer]

18 hours ago, thoughtful said:

All sing We'll Work Till Jesus Comes (yes, that's the way it's spelled) - yet another "this world stinks, I can't wait to get to heaven" song

We'll Work Till Jesus Comes? I wonder if whoever chooses the music was taking a little jab at Gary there.

Quote

He asks them to turn to Matthew 25, and jokes about how he needs to hurry up. He's trying to make his usual crack not delaying lunch, but all he says is "I know what happens to Baptists after twelve o'clock," 

For the non-Baptists out there, this is a very old and very common joke - sometimes phrased along the lines of "beating the Methodists and Lutherans (insert names of the other denominations in town here) to the cafeteria/KFC/whatever local restaurant is popular on Sundays for lunch. You will find most Baptist preachers wear a watch or even have a clock on the back wall of the church. Baptists are associated with food - either having big potluck spreads as a church or getting out to the restaurants after the Sunday service. So this is another "cheap pop" for Gary - he knows that it's the kind of stereotype the congregation owns and will laugh at, and also will make them like him a little better - I bet after noon the love offerings start getting smaller!

My pastor has actually said that he and the minister of music do their best to get us out right at noon the majority of the time, so when there's something special that takes longer people will tolerate it better.

Because they WILL get complaints. They will. Probably from that one old couple who sits in the back corner and then complains if they can't see but refuses to move to a more reasonable seat, and who makes cracks to the special musicians about wanting to be told if they're playing again so they'll know not to come.

Ahem.

Quote

Gary's name is written in the Lamb's book of life, and not with one of them new inkpens that can be erased.

Um. Gary. New? 

We had Erasermate pens back in elementary school, dude. And that was the 80's.

[wallysmommy]

If you were going to write a SNL skit about a preacher, Bro Gary could be the role model.

Down here, we get out of church by noon because -- THE SAINSTS!  Preachers know if there's a noon kickoff, the congregation better be out by then to watch the game.  The 8:00 and 9:30 services fill up during football season. We only have a few decent restaurants open on Sunday, so to get a good restaurant meal, people have to drive 20 miles to Slidell.  

 

[Caroline]

9 hours ago, Alisamer said:

We'll Work Till Jesus Comes? I wonder if whoever chooses the music was taking a little jab at Gary there.

For the non-Baptists out there, this is a very old and very common joke - sometimes phrased along the lines of "beating the Methodists and Lutherans (insert names of the other denominations in town here) to the cafeteria/KFC/whatever local restaurant is popular on Sundays for lunch. You will find most Baptist preachers wear a watch or even have a clock on the back wall of the church. Baptists are associated with food - either having big potluck spreads as a church or getting out to the restaurants after the Sunday service. So this is another "cheap pop" for Gary - he knows that it's the kind of stereotype the congregation owns and will laugh at, and also will make them like him a little better - I bet after noon the love offerings start getting smaller!

My pastor has actually said that he and the minister of music do their best to get us out right at noon the majority of the time, so when there's something special that takes longer people will tolerate it better.

Because they WILL get complaints. They will. Probably from that one old couple who sits in the back corner and then complains if they can't see but refuses to move to a more reasonable seat, and who makes cracks to the special musicians about wanting to be told if they're playing again so they'll know not to come.

Ahem.

Um. Gary. New? 

We had Erasermate pens back in elementary school, dude. And that was the 80's.

Back when we went to church (Catholic) we did a version of this, except it was about breakfast because we didn't eat before Communion.  We went to the earliest mass to get to our favorite breakfast place before a long line formed.  We were always out of church before every other denomination.   That was my favorite part about going to church.  

[thoughtful]

10 hours ago, Alisamer said:

"beating the Methodists and Lutherans (insert names of the other denominations in town here) to the cafeteria/KFC/whatever local restaurant is popular on Sundays for lunch.

Yep - Gary has used this specific line, as well.

Between his ancient Baptist jokes, I Love Lucy references, and thinking erasable pens are a new idea, I think Gary can't discern the difference between using things he heard from the old-time preachers that actually have anything to do with God, and just repeating whatever they said.

[thoughtful]

There was no video last night  - I don't know if there was a service. Gary was live, preaching at a service, tonight. Monday night church? Maybe they're considering it an indoor revival.

Hymns are Wonderful Peace and Down at the Cross. The pastor asks for prayers, including (I think - it's hard to hear) for a man who refuses to believe he might have Covid-19 and won't go to the doctor for a test.

Most of the church business is too quiet for me to hear. After another hymn, the Hawkinses sing I Can't Quit When There's a Fire Burning in Me. They sing with lots of enthusiasm, and somewhat better pitch than usual, and it sounds like Gary may actually be singing all of the words (wow).

Gary gets up to preach, and thanks the people who fed them today (wow).

"It's good to be in church - no better place than to be in church. I'm glad we can have church (inaudible). Well, we better injoy it 'cause there's really gonna be a day when we can't have church."

Aw, Gary - you were doing so well.

Romans 7:15-25. I usually just post a link, but I want everyone to see this text, and think about Gary reading it. Try reading it aloud yourself:

Quote

15 For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.

16 If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.

17 Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.

19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.

20 Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

21 I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.

22 For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:

23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.

24 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?

25 I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.

I dislike Gary, but even I was thinking "Bro, no! Don't try it! You'll end up in a heap on the ground, your tongue in a knot!" Gershwin's Do, Do, Do was running through my head, along with scenes from The Court Jester.

And, damned if he didn't get through it! It wasn't too expressive, but he mostly read the words in the right order (wow).

In verse 23 he turned "warred" into "warned" and, in verse 24, he turned "the mind" into "thee mind," and a few words got left out here and there. But, in general, it was like watching someone succeed at a high wire act.

And then . . . it all fell apart into Garybabble.

Most of the sermon was his "who you feedin'" routine, about fattening up the spirit while denying the flesh. Some new things came up, though (no, not my dinner).

Gary says it's wrong to pick a fight with his wife, but then jokes about how it's fun to pick a fight because he likes making up, and says " try it some tahm - you might lahk it amen."

TMI, Gar.

He admits he was feeding the flesh at supper right before the service.

A local rooster crowed in the middle of the afternoon, and Gary wonders if he ever got his clock set right. Gary, you like to come off as so down-home, but even this city girl knows that roosters don't only crow in the morning.

Gary says people ask him why he doesn't settle down in one place and pastor a church, and he says "Ah'm raht where ah'm s'pposed to be. Ah'm doin' zactly what God wants me to do."

He's talked to some guys who don't want to go back to work after "this time." Gary says "Ya gotta make a choice to go back to work or live in socialism - I'd rather  I'd rather work amen."

"I have had people to tell me that they was jallous of me. I ain't figured out what they was jealous of, amen?"

Gary gossips about a church in Myrtle Beach that he used to recommend but doesn't any more, because it's gone down. But, of course, he won't name names. ?  He says the pasture where he was preaching told him he wouldn't be surprised if God has written over the door (Gary gestures grandly, writing over an imaginary door) "Inkabob."

He means Ichabod - the idea that Ichabod is written above the door of a church figuratively means God has forsaken it.

We should walk and talk with God - Gary was talkin' with God the other day when they were in Georgia, helpin' out, but he wasn't walkin' - he was riding "on one them things that turn on a dahm."

Becky does not call out "he means a lawn mower." Darn.

He has a new pronunciation for "eschew." Now it's "ex-chew."

"If you're feeding the flesh, you're gonna sow to the flesh. If you're reapin' to the spirit, then you can sow to the spirit."

There's a lot of wantin' God all over himself in this one, and many unfinished sentences and disconnected thoughts.

 

Edited June 9, 2020 by thoughtful
removing riffles and redundancy

[grandmadugger]

So I always scroll down to see what threads have recent posts. Just before those are ads for related links, not bitching I use a similar app on my website. However this is going to give me nightmares. I am thinking we should file a grievance with one of the admin. ?
 

Spoiler

 

[Ozlsn]

3 hours ago, grandmadugger said:

So I always scroll down to see what threads have recent posts. Just before those are ads for related links, not bitching I use a similar app on my website. However this is going to give me nightmares. I am thinking we should file a grievance with one of the admin. ?
 

  Hide contents

 

I have had some seriously weird picture/thread title ad combinations but that one is fantastic. 

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He's talked to some guys who don't want to go back to work after "this time." Gary says "Ya gotta make a choice to go back to work or live in socialism - I'd rather  I'd rather work amen."

Gary you have no idea what "living in socialism means". Honestly, it's not what you think.

[thoughtful]

If y'all can.

Sorry, Gary, I'm not doing any canning at the moment - see my location, on the left.

 

[thoughtful]

Gary was invited to preach again tonight at Onycha.

They sing Safe in the Arms of Jesus and Since I Have Been Redeemed. The pastor asks for prayers, then Gary chats while the pastor prays (including praying for Gary's mother and evangelism).

A special of I Just Want to Thank You, Lord. Gary mumbles along on the chorus (Gar - I've never been to a Baptist church, and even I have figured out that "special" is code for "please just listen"), and yells Amen. They all sing Saved, Saved.

The Hawkinses groan and stumble through the incredibly offensive I'll Stick With the Old Stuff. In case you've forgotten that since the last time we heard it:

Quote

So many religions everywhere say send me your money
And you'll have wealth beyond compare
Others say that a prayer cloth, that's all that you need
Well you can have all that
I'll just take Jesus, He's sufficient for me

Chorus - I'll stick with the Old Stuff
It works everytime
From Genesis to Revelation
It's Power Divine
I was filled with the Spirit
When He saved my soul
So I'll stick with the Old Stuff all the way
'Til I get Home

So what makes the difference between the Buddhist and me
Is that their God was born of sinful man
Mine was Holy Ghost conceived
But, brother, let me tell you what settles it all
Is if you go to the grave Ol' Buddha still lays
Christ lives forever more

CHORUS

Gary preaches - "brother Tony cooked tonight, so it was a little bit lighter of a meal."

Luke 1:26-35 - the Annuciation.

"Mary is exspoused" and "she's expectin' with child." Gary says he wouldn't have been as nice as Joseph if he'd found out Becky was "expectin' with child," and it wasn't his, when they were engaged.

Think Gary is going for a theme of being chosen, belief, forgiveness, trust, expectations, or anything related to Jesus? Nope, Gary's theme is "Is the Rumor True?"

He jumps to other scripture throughout, but none of it relates much to what he says afterward. My apologies for not listing them all. He also starts numbering the sections of his sermon at some point, but there doesn't seem to be any reason for it.

"People are going to talk about you 'til the day you're dead."

"But tonight I wanna say hey, when it comes to the part of the rumor bein' true, it ought to be true amen. Whenahama listen, hey, If it's a lie, make it to be true a lie amen? If it's the truth, make it to be a -  truth."

That's what he said, folks - your guess is as good as mine.

Gary says when he dies - well, actually, he says "If ah ever die" twice - he's got so many enemies, people are going to come from hundreds of miles away just to make sure he's dead. And, if he ever gets the money to do it, he has plans to "scare a lot of people." He's gonna make sure his casket's movin' and he's movin' - "ah want people to think it's a joke."

I think he may have been expecting a laugh. He didn't get one.

"If you're gonna serve God, and you're gonna stand for what we call bible believing beliefs*, you're gonna be talked about bad."

*

Spoiler

I think both the idea of the possible scandal of Mary being pregnant, and things Gary imagines people will say about him when he dies, are supposed to tie in to the theme of rumors. But, of course, Gary keeps distracting himself, so it doesn't work very well.

During a rant about how some churches ain't doin' raht and the media is deceivin' us, Gary seems to be leading up to telling us that he lost an opportunity to preach because the "pasture" looked him up. "Ah'm a tell ya somethin' - I do got skeletons that are in the clawset, but ah'm a tell ya somethin' my sins have been washed in the blood of the lamb, it's all been covered" etc.

Nope - they liked what they saw, ?‍♀️  and invited him to preach, but told him they were not King James only. Gary proudly tells us that he still went and preached there, because everybody deserves to hear the gospel.

I'm sure he had lots of offers for that week - it's not like he'd go just for free food and lodging and the chance to be a self-rightous big shot.

Becky was raised in a "liberal" church, and "she didn't even know what the Bible was." Really, Gary?

He's gonna use the King James until he dies, "because that's the only INspired, INfallible word o' God."

"The rumor's true when it comes to Gary Hawkins believin' in the King James bible."

Again with the tadpoles knowing his SSN.

Gary tells the story of when he was saved, and God told him it was that day or never. Lots of bellowing and screaming, and starting to talk trash about some relative (he never finished that thought, but he "doesn't give a flip" what they think).

Gary actually surprises me. He says there are probably saved people in all religions. "There's prob'ly people in the Catholic Church who's saved. But the reason they're still (unintelligible) is because nobody ever took 'em over - under their wings and taught 'em any better, amen?"

The times Gary got baptized before he was saved, "nothin' changed, except ah went down a wet sinner and came up a wet sinner."

I think the first part of that is supposed to be "a dry sinner," Gar.

"Buddha, listen, accordin' to his testimony, he's in hell, fryin'. And it wasn't because he was some awful bleeder or whatever, more 'n likely he prob'ly was, it's because he never accepted Christ. Buddha, and whoever the other ones are, my God ain't (unintelligible)." 

When Gary gets to bellowing about how everyone needs to go to church (the whole "if it's not about the building, then burn it down" bit), there is a buzzer of some sort going off. It may not have been as loud there as it was to me - it may have been something Gary's phone was doing. But that was one loud combination. He gets quiet again, then suddenly bellows "CHURCH!"

OK, Gary.

He's not spittin' on anyone, not throwin' rocks (you know what's comin'), but everybody should be in church and not stay home because they're scared of a disease.

Peter was not the first Pope. Gary would love to talk to the Pope, because the Pope needs to hear about the real Jesus. And he does the Pope/dope/no hope thing, asks if he said it right, then says it in reverse.

Sin will ruin your looks and health.

He rambles about a cousin of his who has been ruined by her sin, and how she was thrown from a car once, and how some guys got him to smoke "what we called weed" when he was young.

"I haven't drinked a soda since last year in September." God forgive him, he drank a Coke the other day, and he lit'r'lly thought he was going to die.

He brings up those "new cigarettes with liquid." He's heard how "they blow up and explode" (see sign under spoiler, above) in people's hands.

Gary's bellowing and cooing about how some Baptist churches are worshipping God wrong, having snow come out of their roof for winter, and how the Navajos in New Mexico were clearly being sincere, even though he couldn't understand their singing,  and how the old-time preachers said it was OK to let the spirit take hold and embarrass yourself, as long as "when you come back on your feet, you're still speaking English, " when the recording cuts off.

Whew.

Edited June 10, 2020 by thoughtful
Buddha sent a deep-fried riffle up from Hell!