Bro Gary Hawkins 13: What's the other one, Becky?

[thoughtful]

Gary was live, and, above the video, he posted "everybody has a past."

I'll spoil this now - he doesn't tell us anything about his past sins, or those of his host, in case you were wondering. I don't think these people ever admit to the sins that were also crimes - Jesus forgives, why bother with pesky things like prison or fines?

He begins "Good evening from Texas," then gets annoyed with himself,

Spoiler

explains that they've just been talking about Texas, and says "Good evening from Georgia."

They're havin' a good time watchin' goats, and a donkey, and some dawgs, and a red barn.

Ever'body has a past. "Bad passstsss, wicked passstsss, evil passstsss, I mean, just all kindsss of people, got a path - path - past.

"We have to get past that past path . . . in order to move forward."

He says the pastor there has a restorative ministry. "If you don't believe in restorin' people, you definitely don't believe in the King James Bible."

"Everybody should have a chanch, if they are interested in gittin' a- gitting, gittin' past their path."

We get a few more pasts and paths and past paths and getting past your past and past your paths. He sprinkles them in throughout the entire video, with all kinds of mispronounced variations.

"You can like it, lump it or dump it, it don't make no difference to me."

If you need help, Gary is sure that somebody who loves God and people, and isn't in it for the money, will be willing to help you.

I notice you're not volunteering, Gary. Maybe he realizes he doesn't fit the description.

Last year somebody up North (he's not naming the town or the state, but up North) asked him about getting rid of her drinking problem. Gary told her she had to get saved first, because "ya can't clean the fish until after ya caught it amen."

"Dressin' right, actin' right, smellin' right, spittin' right, talkin' right, that does not put you into Heaven amen. You must be borned agin."

Spitting right?

He told this woman up North that she had to "plead the blood against the Devil and his angels."

If you come up to the altar, don't walk away and take your sin or problem with you - "ya leave it at the crosssss.

"If you was a drunk before you got saved, I would not recommend you to go hang around with the drunk people or go to the bar or go down the aisle 'n' timpt yourself. Amen."

"Crucify your flesh daily."

Gary's trying to talk about feeding your Godly side rather than your fleshly side - he says you nurse a baby, then give it milk, then give it baby food, then it starts eating "fried chicken 'n' this kinda food and that kinda food, the other kind of food."

"Ya gotta grow, 'n' ya gotta get growin' ya gotta start -  listen, ya gotta - let's be obese when it comes to this spiritual rim,* let's obese it, let's over do it, for God. Feed the spirit."

*realm, in case Gary's pronunciation lost you.

Gary recommends fasting, even though it makes Baptists nervous.

Gary says we should fill our brains and our minds and our heads, by reading the Bible, so it goes from our mouths through our brains, through our minds, down into our hearts (with hand motions!).

That brings him to the spiritual dish rag image again, digging around in the air in front of his belly with his hands.

Gary says he hasn't been on Facebook in a couple of days - Gary, you were on the day before yesterday.

Among lots of repetition of his usual schtick, Gary tells us about Joyce Meyers again, and how she claimed she was saved the day she was born out of her mother's womb. This time he adds this lovely description: "she will scream throughout Hell."

Gary never gets into shouting mode this time - I don't know if he's trying to act like a kind advisor, too tired from watching Becky and Jacob work, or just afraid he'll mess up saying "get past your past" again.

Gary, shut up and show us the goats.

Oh, and try these:

http://www.tongue-twister.net/en.htm

 

 

Edited May 29, 2020 by thoughtful
clarity, adding link, riffle

[wallysmommy]

Do you think Gary is more incoherent than before?  Like perhaps he had an undiagnosed TIA?

[grandmadugger]

1 minute ago, wallysmommy said:

Do you think Gary is more incoherent than before?  Like perhaps he had an undiagnosed TIA?

Either he’s getting more incoherent or I have lost a lot of brain cells. 

[thoughtful]

I don't think his level of incoherence has changed (not saying you've lost brain cells, @grandmadugger!). Although, I admit I've only been listening to his Facebook videos for a few months. I missed a lot of the early From the Recliner, Showing Us His Socks days.

So, what are y'all doing to get obese spirits?

[Xan]

I'm pretty bummed out that I can't just be "spittin' right" to get into Heaven.  I didn't realize that wouldn't work on its own.  Also, I didn't know you need to "crucify your flesh" every day.  That's going to be tricky.  I figure I could do it for one day but the next day, it's already crucified, isn't it?  How would you do it again?  And I'm not sure how to feed my spirit to "obese it for God".  I didn't even know that Gary thinks "obese" is a verb.  There are so many words now that I could just use as verbs.  Mind:  blown.

I watched just enough of this for me to understand that Gary loved the idea of talking about "getting past your past".  He says it over and over.  I'm sure he threw out his arm from patting himself on the back for that bit of wordplay.

Poor old Gary.  He sees those "view" numbers and thinks he's gotten an online congregation when it's mostly just us tuning in to see how he butchers the English language.

[thoughtful]

42 minutes ago, Xan said:

I'm pretty bummed out that I can't just be "spittin' right" to get into Heaven.  I didn't realize that wouldn't work on its own.

Have you been practicing too? I can hit the spittoon from 10 feet away, amen!

And now to find out we've wasted all of that time and energy.

 

[grandmadugger]

You are too kind @thoughtful but I am pretty sure Gary is killing all of our brain cells 

[thoughtful]

I'm sure that, if you asked Rodney or Gary what they think of prosperity gospel, they'd be disdainful. But praying for money (and vehicles, and truck repairs, and gigs, etc.), like a magic incantation, is just fine with them.

[thoughtful]

Gary's color combination is aesthetically pleasing to me today. Maybe it's because I had a dress in the 1960s that was solid green with patterned black and white (mine was plaid, not buffalo check),  and I remember it fondly.

Gary does remember that he is in Georgia this time, glad to be "helpin', takin' care of things, doin' somethin' for the Lord."

He gives us lots of musing, between loud tooth-sucks, about whether is it morning or afternoon, and how it will soon be June,  "we are almost gittin' very close to halfway through the year, it's fastly movin' along, movin' along pretty fast, 'n' ever'thing."

1 Kings 20 - Gary actually says "verses one and two." Well, he used the plural correctly, for once, but then he goes on to read verses 1-3.

We all know the story, Gary says - Hezekiah got right with God, and God give him a few more years. Gary has "no idear" if God will do that for us. In case you haven't heard this before, ? the Lord is soon coming, and nobody knows the day. The rest of this video is all about how we could die and/or the Rapture could come any time, reiterated and repeated and said over and over . . .

While trying to parse whether what is happening now fits the descriptions of End Times, Gary says the persecution is not as bad as it could be. Sounds unusually open-minded, for him, but I think it's just an excuse to list a bunch of gruesome tortures: "we haven't been hanged to a stake, we haven't been burnt,  we haven't been stabbed, we haven't had our head chopped off, we haven't been martyred in any way, shape nor form like that."

Gary refers back to the question he posted on Facebook. He can't remember exactly how he put it, but he says the "jest" of it was "are you satisfied, or would God be OK, with the way you conducted with your church during these pandemic days?"

No, Gary - you didn't mention God at all, but thanks for the insight into what you were really thinking.

He reminds us that he didn't post that to make an argument. He don't wanna argue - he's not in the arguin' business. "The 1611 King James Bible (he holds it up)

Spoiler

has the answers, and is right." Followed, of course, by a fine example of the "just sayin'" face:

Spoiler

"If you think that you done what God would have you to do during these days, guess what? Then guess what?  That'll be - it'll be OK with me, 'cause it's gonna be OK with God. 'Cause our ways ain't God's ways and our thoughts ain't God's thoughts."

All of this is delivered in a tone of voice from which I infer that Gary has a strong opinion about what God thinks, and He thinks you should have been in church. I could be wrong - maybe it's the green shirt.

Spoiler

Back to Ezekiel getting his house in order. Gary tells us that, one of these days, the flesh he's in is gonna drop, but the inward man is going to "fly outta here like Superman."

When he's talking about the fact that he could drop dead, despite not being old yet, Gary says "Ah'm only 47 years old - ah'm middle-class. Ah think."

I think you meant middle-aged, Gar.

"Are you ready? You don't know the hour, you don't know the day. But you kin know the seasons. What's the seasons? As it was in the days of No-ee, Noah, No-ee."

One of the sins in the times of No-ee and Lot was "tellin' people not to go to church."

So much for that being between people and God and Gary having no opinion.

"We used to play hiding-go-seek, 'n' they would - we would, uhhhh, count to whatever - 10, 12, 20, and the saying would be ready or not, here we come. Well, it's not a game, but ready or not, He's comin'."

He repeats his theory that God will come on a Wednesday evening, and adds " twiddlin' their thumbs" to the things he thinks people will be doing, in addition to "playin' Facebook" and watching I Love Lucy (yes, he mentions I Love Lucy again).

Signs of the times include family members being against one another, including "daughter in laws and son in laws and all the rest of the laws 'n' the diff'rent ones."

He tells us about a relative's serious health problems, and hopes he's saved.

He returns to his beloved story of the rich man who begged Lazarus for water, with a new twist: "The rich man went from drinking alllll the beer he could git his hands on, to burning - like sausage."

I apologize on Gary's behalf if you are now craving hot dogs and beer.

"The seasons are provin' itself." Gary claims that weather patterns have to do with the Lord comin.'

Oooooh, he mentions that he's in Cochran, Georgia. Dave the philanderer, possible rapist, possible child-killer won't like that, Gary.

"If I go to Hell, it'd be because Jesus is goin' to Hell with me."

Gary says he ain't perfect, but he ain't what he used to be (well, now I have "The Old Gray Mare" in my head), but "it ain't because of God."

Wait, what?

He says AA never helped him. I don't think Gary has ever alluded to a problem with liquor before, and can't tell if he is doing so now. It's always hard to tell, with Gary.

"People need you, as people of God that are saved, need you to act right, spit white, shine your light."

Spit white? That's even weirder than "spit right."

Gary goes on and on about how God chose him, even though he's not worthy. He keeps saying he's not worthy, and men of God chosen in the past knew they weren't worthy, so you know where my brain went:

Spoiler

 

And he still hasn't shown us the goats.

Gary inspired me to one thing today - I'm taking that "set your house in order" literally, not figuratively. I've been slacking off on the project of getting old papers stored electronically and put in the recycling - gotta get back to it!

I'm eliminatin' plastic file boxes - HAYMAYUN!

 

Edited May 29, 2020 by thoughtful
riffles!

[Ozlsn]

On 5/29/2020 at 12:30 PM, thoughtful said:

So, what are y'all doing to get obese spirits?

Actual quote from me this week:

"Yeah having the covid lockdown over Easter was a really bad idea for me... "

8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

One of the sins in the times of No-ee and Lot was "tellin' people not to go to church."

I really need a citation for that one Gary.

8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He repeats his theory that God will come on a Wednesday evening

If he could make it 1st July so I don't have to run a meeting I'd be fine with that.

[Black Aliss]

On 5/26/2020 at 11:50 AM, smittykins said:

Darrell Dow of the Stuff Fundies Like blog mentions that he was told not to drink root beer from brown bottles(such as IBC) because people would think it was real beer.  

I vaguely remember something about drinking from brown bottles, but our root beer was strictly a seasonal treat, purchased in a waxed cardboard "growler" from the A&W, which was open only from Memorial weekend through Labor Day.

In my fundy family of origin we were not permitted to read any paperback books. For some reason paperbacks=smut. Arguing with my parents that even the Bible was available in paperback got me nowhere.

[Four is Enough]

"A&W Root beer's got that frosty mug taste..."

Oh, I remember going to the A&W place, getting a root beer float, then watching my dad shoot a bucket of balls at the golf place across the street..

 

[thoughtful]

Spoiler

Spoiler

Gary is so excited to be eating at restaurants, he not only posted about it, he changed his cover photo to celebrate this miracle.

Now, there are many serious, important life habits in which I differ from Gary. I admit this is a small one. But I have not eaten in a restaurant in so long that I've lost track of how long it has been - definitely more than four years, and only a few times a year before that.

I like being home, I have a home, I can fend for myself without being waited on, and I like to be frugal because I work for my money. I do the shopping and cooking for family gatherings here, because my mother is not comfortable going out.

Hmmm, maybe it's not such a small difference.

No offense meant to anyone here who also likes to eat in restaurants - I'm sure you are not grifting from others to do it.

 

[AmazonGrace]

Do you think he tips?

[Walking Cat Bed]

2 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

Do you think he tips?

I don't think he even leaves a tract as a tip. He probably "preaches" at the server.

[thoughtful]

Gary wants to be a help to all the GOD allows.

I may have had a sign from the GOD, and, if so, I interpret it as approval of my Gary-mockery. Hey, if Gary and the rest of his deluded quasi-Baptists can do it, why can't I?

Since I have been staying away from contact with the outside world, I've been using Instacart to get groceries. The most recent order had some errors, including substituting Nathan's hotdogs for the kosher ones my Mom had requested. Nathan's are not kosher, so she won't eat them.

I haven't bought hot dogs for a very long time (too tempting, too bad for me), but, since they're in the house, and Mom won't eat them, I guess I must make the sacrifice. Instacart refunded our money for the errors,* so I got  . . .

FREE WEENS! 

Just like Bro Gary!

 
* In case anyone is troubled about my complaining to Instacart:

Spoiler

 

I always choose an alternative item, if there is one, and write a note to just leave the item off of the order, if neither is available. I communicate from my computer to let shoppers know I'm available if they have any questions, and  several have taken advantage of that to check with me.

This shopper went to the store earlier than the delivery window, so I hadn't even looked at the Instacart site to see if my order was in the works until she was in the car and on the way. She never contacted me, and got five items wrong. Instacart does not dock shoppers' pay for errors, so my refund came out of their coffers.

Being a shopper is a crappy job at any time, and especially so now. I try to make it as easy as I can for them, and usually tip lavishly. I'm also patient about the errors -  I wasn't angry, just disappointed that Mom needs to wait for the next order to get her weens.

Between being raised by a mother who keeps kosher, living with lactose-intolerant and/or vegetarian/vegan housemates all my life, and hosting many fussy eaters, I am well-trained in "don't assume, get the exact thing they asked for, or at least call to check." But not everybody is, and it takes a while to develop that.

I didn't want anyone to think I'm a fussy bitch sitting back on my throne abusing people who are desperately trying to make a living. I did still tip her, just not as lavishly as I usually do.

I also wrote a note to Instacart, saying that they should be making sure that shoppers know that any request for something kosher, halal, dairy-free, vegetarian, vegan, etc. usually means that the wrong item will be totally useless to the customer.

 

 

[thoughtful]

I just had a Bro Gary mystery solved. No, not why Becky married him, or why people let him speak in church, or give him trucks.

In several sermons over the past few months, Gary, when exhorting the need to get saved, and reminding us that the sinner's prayer, baptism, works, Mama, Papa, the Pope, etc. won't get you to heaven, has made the "joke" that he's been baptized so many times that the tadpoles (and, in one reiteration, sharks  and fish) knew his social security number.

The congregation seemed as puzzled as I was at this non-joke.

I've been re-reading old Bro Gary threads, and found this, in #10, from a recap by @PumaLover:

Quote

Bro was baptized so many times the tadpoles knew his sunscreen number (OK that's kind of hilarious.).

Now, that's an actual joke. We theorized that he'd stolen it from someone funnier.

Somehow, in true Bro Gary fashion, it has morphed into social security number instead of sunscreen number, and I had completely forgotten the original.

Gary is one of the few people who can play "telephone"  without any other participants.

[Lillymuffin]

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary wants to be a help to all the GOD allows.

I may have had a sign from the GOD, and, if so, I interpret it as approval of my Gary-mockery. Hey, if Gary and the rest of his deluded quasi-Baptists can do it, why can't I?

Since I have been staying away from contact with the outside world, I've been using Instacart to get groceries. The most recent order had some errors, including substituting Nathan's hotdogs for the kosher ones my Mom had requested. Nathan's are not kosher, so she won't eat them.

I haven't bought hot dogs for a very long time (too tempting, too bad for me), but, since they're in the house, and Mom won't eat them, I guess I must make the sacrifice. Instacart refunded our money for the errors,* so I got  . . .

FREE WEENS! 

Just like Bro Gary!

 
* In case anyone is troubled about my complaining to Instacart:

  Reveal hidden contents

 

I always choose an alternative item, if there is one, and write a note to just leave the item off of the order, if neither is available. I communicate from my computer to let shoppers know I'm available if they have any questions, and  several have taken advantage of that to check with me.

This shopper went to the store earlier than the delivery window, so I hadn't even looked at the Instacart site to see if my order was in the works until she was in the car and on the way. She never contacted me, and got five items wrong. Instacart does not dock shoppers' pay for errors, so my refund came out of their coffers.

Being a shopper is a crappy job at any time, and especially so now. I try to make it as easy as I can for them, and usually tip lavishly. I'm also patient about the errors -  I wasn't angry, just disappointed that Mom needs to wait for the next order to get her weens.

Between being raised by a mother who keeps kosher, living with lactose-intolerant and/or vegetarian/vegan housemates all my life, and hosting many fussy eaters, I am well-trained in "don't assume, get the exact thing they asked for, or at least call to check." But not everybody is, and it takes a while to develop that.

I didn't want anyone to think I'm a fussy bitch sitting back on my throne abusing people who are desperately trying to make a living. I did still tip her, just not as lavishly as I usually do.

I also wrote a note to Instacart, saying that they should be making sure that shoppers know that any request for something kosher, halal, dairy-free, vegetarian, vegan, etc. usually means that the wrong item will be totally useless to the customer.

 

 

I’m totally not discounting how aggravating it is to get the wrong thing when the substitute is something that doesn’t work for you. I have food allergies, and as a kid Hebrew Nat’l were the only hotdogs I could eat, as they didn’t have my allergens in them.  
Funnily enough, though, there was just a whole long thread on reddit the other day about hotdogs, and people were saying Nathan’s were kosher, too. I wonder if your shopper reads there? 

[Xan]

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary wants to be a help to all the GOD allows.

I may have had a sign from the GOD, and, if so, I interpret it as approval of my Gary-mockery. Hey, if Gary and the rest of his deluded quasi-Baptists can do it, why can't I?

Since I have been staying away from contact with the outside world, I've been using Instacart to get groceries. The most recent order had some errors, including substituting Nathan's hotdogs for the kosher ones my Mom had requested. Nathan's are not kosher, so she won't eat them.

I haven't bought hot dogs for a very long time (too tempting, too bad for me), but, since they're in the house, and Mom won't eat them, I guess I must make the sacrifice. Instacart refunded our money for the errors,* so I got  . . .

FREE WEENS! 

Just like Bro Gary!

 
* In case anyone is troubled about my complaining to Instacart:

  Hide contents

 

I always choose an alternative item, if there is one, and write a note to just leave the item off of the order, if neither is available. I communicate from my computer to let shoppers know I'm available if they have any questions, and  several have taken advantage of that to check with me.

This shopper went to the store earlier than the delivery window, so I hadn't even looked at the Instacart site to see if my order was in the works until she was in the car and on the way. She never contacted me, and got five items wrong. Instacart does not dock shoppers' pay for errors, so my refund came out of their coffers.

Being a shopper is a crappy job at any time, and especially so now. I try to make it as easy as I can for them, and usually tip lavishly. I'm also patient about the errors -  I wasn't angry, just disappointed that Mom needs to wait for the next order to get her weens.

Between being raised by a mother who keeps kosher, living with lactose-intolerant and/or vegetarian/vegan housemates all my life, and hosting many fussy eaters, I am well-trained in "don't assume, get the exact thing they asked for, or at least call to check." But not everybody is, and it takes a while to develop that.

I didn't want anyone to think I'm a fussy bitch sitting back on my throne abusing people who are desperately trying to make a living. I did still tip her, just not as lavishly as I usually do.

I also wrote a note to Instacart, saying that they should be making sure that shoppers know that any request for something kosher, halal, dairy-free, vegetarian, vegan, etc. usually means that the wrong item will be totally useless to the customer.

 

 

Actually, this just happened to me today, too.  I'm always available to okay any substitutions, suggest substitutions, and will allow them to just refund the money if the item isn't available.  I tip really well since I am so grateful that someone else is willing to go to the grocery store for me.  All that being said, I got 6 items today that the shopper substituted with unsuitable items without asking at all.  Then he charged me for the regular items!  I got in touch with Instacart and they refunded for the substitutions -- which I can't use and hope to be able to mostly donate to the food pantry.  I suppose the foods that he charged me for were in his own trunk for his own use.  Who knows?  It was very disappointing.  Usually Instacart has been great.

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, Lillymuffin said:

Funnily enough, though, there was just a whole long thread on reddit the other day about hotdogs, and people were saying Nathan’s were kosher, too. I wonder if your shopper reads there? 

That's interesting - maybe she does. I read the label when they came, and just now, wondering if I'd missed something, but nope - they are not kosher.

I wonder if people (the shopper, and the people on reddit) somehow mistake "having no pork," "being a New York thing" and/or "having a name like Nathan" for kosher.

OK, I'm mostly kidding with those last two, but, during two decades teaching in New England, I had a few co-workers who asked me before every vacation, for years, if I was going to New York to visit family.

Nobody in my family has ever lived in New York. I don't have anything remotely resembling a New York accent. I had never mentioned New York in their presence. I'm pretty sure it was just that, in their minds, all Jews came from New York.

Edited June 1, 2020 by thoughtful
missing word

[smittykins]

16 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Since I have been staying away from contact with the outside world, I've been using Instacart to get groceries. The most recent order had some errors, including substituting Nathan's hotdogs for the kosher ones my Mom had requested. Nathan's are not kosher, so she won't eat them.

I love Nathan’s.  If I were closer, I would have taken them.

Edited June 1, 2020 by smittykins

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, smittykins said:

I love Nathan’s.  If I were closer, I would have taken them.

I have eaten two, and they were quite delicious. They won't go to waste.

Weens are good, all the time. All the time, weens are good.

Of course, if I was Gary, I would claim that GOD sent them to me, not coincidence.

[wallysmommy]

Best weens ever were at New York New  York in Las Vegas (that New York, not the real one ?).  My bff and I did a hot dog tasting across Las Vegas.  NYNY beat out Pinks. 

[PumaLover]

19 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary is one of the few people who can play "telephone"  without any other participants.

Cracking up about this ?

OK folks, I'm a few pages behind due to having a job and working so I can buy food (and occasionally eat out). For my new job, we are finding resources in North Carolina to help those who have been affected by COVID-19 (food pantries, financial assistance, etc). In searching for one particular resource, I came across a church's Facebook page with some very old posts on it. The writing style reminds me of a certain preacher. I was curious so I did a little research and Germanton is only about 45 minutes away from Thomasville where this church is located.

The "Hey guys" may have been an early form of "OK folks." Including some of the posts under a spoiler. What do y'all think?

Spoiler

Hey guys.

 

[PumaLover]

Upon further research, recent pictures show women in shorts and pants (!!!) and their website does not say anything about KJV only. Also I find it hard to believe that Gary would volunteer to help anyone get food besides himself.